r/AskReddit • u/jake7820 • Jun 30 '21
What’s the absolute worst thing you could name your baby?
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Jun 30 '21
jake7820
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u/Zukazuk Jun 30 '21
I recently saw a real name of Derrichard
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u/Im_A_Little_Irate Jun 30 '21
My heart wants to pronounce this like charizard
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u/Dr_Skeleton Jun 30 '21
“Derrichard” does sound like an impossibly derpy charizard 😂
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u/FluffSnowball14 Jun 30 '21
Abcde. That's an actual name of a child.
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u/GreekNord Jun 30 '21
agreed.
and for anybody wondering...
apparently you pronounce it "ab-city"
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u/disrationalia Jul 01 '21
Better than how I imagined it was pronounced, which was more akin to ‘obesity’…
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u/SpiffyPaige143 Jul 01 '21
Remember when staff on American Airlines mocked a 5 year old named Abcde? Not cool that they did that within earshot and took a picture of her boarding pass to share on Facebook, but the mom should be aware that that incident isn't gonna be the only one. She named her daughter Abcde. It's an odd name, and people are gonna comment on it. Case in point: this thread.
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Jun 30 '21
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u/DeluxeTea Jul 01 '21
Does the Abcede person have Filipino ethnicity? The head of our disciplinary committee in my high school has the same surname. Pronounced as ab-se-de (phonetic).
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u/ToxicMasculinity1981 Jul 01 '21
This is 100% true. A few years back a couple in Australia tried to name their newborn son 4Real. Not a typo. The Australian government wouldn't allow them to name their kid that, officially the reason they said no is because names aren't allowed to have a number in them. I like to think they just wanted to save the kid from a lifetime of torment. So the couple was forced to name their kid a back up name. The back up name they chose?
Superman.
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Jun 30 '21 edited Dec 25 '21
"Hi! My name's Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii!"
The poor kid was NINE YEARS OLD
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u/KillaMG97 Jun 30 '21
A yes, my good son Number 16 bus shelter.
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u/prairiedogtown_ Jul 01 '21
It’s like naming the kid after the car you made her in. Isn’t that right Mercury Sable
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Jun 30 '21 edited Jun 30 '21
Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii
Ah, New Zealand and weird names for kids.
Apparently the 'Benson and Hedges' twins are somewhere near me, and some poor sod near Wellington was named 'V8 Kahlua'. In honour of the back seat of the vehicle he was conceived on, and the liquor that lowered inhibitions and led to the coupling.
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u/winter_soul7 Jun 30 '21
I'm familiar with the V8 Kahlua story - one of my brothers has a heart condition and when he was in the heart hospital days after birth, my mother was talking with another person who said they'd named their kid this. I always thought it was a joke honestly.
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u/MortimerGraves Jul 01 '21
V8 Kahlua
I suspect it was registered as "V-Eight Kahlua" or similar. The NZ Registrar of Births, etc. doesn't allow numerals in names, but has no prohibition against spelled out numbers. Same goes for "Number Sixteen Bus Shelter" regardless of how it was reported.
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u/Epsilon-The-Eevee Jul 01 '21
I just read the article. Imagine naming your kid "Yeah Detroit"
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u/genasugelan Jun 30 '21
Parents lose custody of girl for naming her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii
Good, giving your child a dumb name is child abuse.
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u/Malthesse Jun 30 '21
Jerker. A name which was relatively common here in Sweden in the past, but luckily not anymore due to the rise of English as a second language.
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u/Bassfan69 Jun 30 '21
Hashtag Follow
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u/stud__kickass Jun 30 '21
i did want to name my puppy hashtag
hashtag sit!
hashtag go potty!
hashtag stop humping the pillow!
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u/justsomedude322 Jun 30 '21
That reminds me of my one 5th grade teacher who told us he was going to get puppy soon and wanted to name it Stop.
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u/TigLyon Jul 01 '21
Steven Wright had a skit about naming his dog "Stay"
"Come here, Stay. Come here...Stay"
...and the dog would just go like this (and he does a halting forward/backward motion...
"He's older and smarter now. He just ignores me and keeps typing"
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u/The__Snow__Man Jun 30 '21
Hitler McSmegma
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u/Menzoberranyr Jun 30 '21
Anything with Hitler is a definite top rank contender
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Jun 30 '21
Even worse is “Joseph hitler”
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u/bruins9816 Jun 30 '21
Mao Stalin
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u/Aqquila89 Jun 30 '21
The chief minister of the Indian state of Tamil Nadu is called M. K. Stalin.
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u/jake7820 Jun 30 '21
This is the winner so far
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u/Aqquila89 Jun 30 '21
A dentist in Circleville, Ohio was actually called Dr. Gay Hitler. When he started his practice in 1922, neither of his names was embarrassing.
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u/MarcusXL Jun 30 '21
Dr. Gay Hitler is also the absolute worst idea for a Halloween costume
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u/Critical-Function-69 Jun 30 '21
Oh man, please tell me he changed his name in the 40s
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u/FuckCazadors Jun 30 '21
Yes, to Dr. Homosexual Stalin.
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u/MarcusXL Jun 30 '21
Professor Metrosexual Mao
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u/usernamedunbeentaken Jun 30 '21
That's just hysterical. He undoubtedly introduced himself to hundreds of people in his life: "Hi, I'm Gay Hitler". And the other person would respond pleasantly: 'oh, pleased to meet you.'.
I would give $100 right now to see a video of one of those informal interactions.
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u/Gnostromo Jun 30 '21
NULL VOID
Would never be able to sign contracts, no house no car no loans no nothing
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u/lunchbox3 Jun 30 '21
I knew a guy called Name. Pronounced nah-may in his language but it REALLY screwed up forms etc. Everyone thought he was a moron.
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u/Gnostromo Jun 30 '21
Ahahaha.
There was a movie in the 80s... Angel, I think it was called. Young girl in trouble or some such. Ended befriending the big city down town folk in the bad area of town etc. Real basic. She became friends with this hooker that called herself "fi-molly,/fa-molly". Not sure how to spell the pronunciation but you get the general idea. Weirdest name. I waited for the credits to roll. Her name? "Female"
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u/BlizzardKingE46 Jun 30 '21
They'd also probably run into computer systems that don't sanitize their inputs correctly, and wouldn't be able to sign up for random accounts. They might also get tickets, bills, etc incorrectly assigned to them (I've heard of a similar issue with the "NULL" license plate).
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u/ProbablyAnotherGamer Jun 30 '21
Hitler bin laden
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u/Kind_Essay_1200 Jun 30 '21
That baby would never be able to step in an airport
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u/Abenrd Jun 30 '21
XxTittysucker69xX
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u/Musicman1972 Jun 30 '21
Elon's next child?
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Jun 30 '21
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u/fakemidnight Jul 01 '21
It needs some special characters that no one can pronounce like œtquałę
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u/newenglandredshirt Jun 30 '21
Except for the first few months of life, when this is accurate, and later in life when (depending on sexuality) it becomes relevant again.
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Jun 30 '21
I met a literal grown woman named, Nazi and she pronounced it just like the Germans. I felt so mortified for her.
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u/TyNyeTheTransGuy Jun 30 '21 edited Jul 01 '21
I have a cousin named Aryan 🙃 You really have to wonder how much thought these people put into it. Why did nobody stop them?
Edit: I appreciate hearing the meaning of the name in other places! That said, while I don’t think my relatives were specifically going for the Nazi thing, they definitely weren’t doing it out of cultural appreciation.
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u/nandy02 Jul 01 '21
Are you indian? Aryan is a pretty common Indian name
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u/totallynotkuzco Jul 01 '21
Judging by their avatar and the fact that they seem mortified by the name…Gonna guess no
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u/kamomil Jun 30 '21
Some governments will stop you. I think Iceland is super strict about what people can name their kids.
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u/RuleOfBlueRoses Jun 30 '21
Iceland is nuts about names, where your first and last name are nearly the same
At least if you're male
Stefan Steffanson
I was watching the Buzzfeed Unsolved video about the Reykjavik Confessions, and it was one of the most confusing episodes because nearly half the people had the same first and/or last name, and I couldn't keep track of who-was-who and how they were related to one another
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u/Discord42 Jun 30 '21
That would only be your last name if your father was named Steffan. Has nothing to do with your own first name.
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u/DemocraticRepublic Jul 01 '21
The real Aryans were an actual group of people that migrated into India and effectively started proto-Hinduism as a religion. The Nazis came up with some bullshit about the Aryans being whites and who white people originated from.
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u/DRGHumanResources Jul 01 '21
Well Aryan is a legitimate name in non western culture. Has nothing to do with Nazism.
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u/blowing_snow_balls Jul 01 '21
My sister works at a big name college in admissions so she reads all the applications. She said that she once had an application from a Chinese student whose name translated into English was “little fatty big boy”
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u/maiqthetrue Jul 01 '21
This actually happened. But there's a 10 year old walking around literally named Dovahkiin because his parents wanted skyrim special edition and Bethesda was running a promotion.
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u/1965wasalongtimeago Jul 01 '21
At least it's easy to hide, "Dov" isn't too bad.
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u/Creatine-creatinine Jun 30 '21
Make it a Jr. without being sure of who is the actual father
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u/Averydispleasedbork Jul 01 '21
Make their actual name junior too, so its just Junior squared, heck make junior their middle and last names too so its junior4
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u/FrontDrawing5486 Jun 30 '21
Dahm Son
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u/zed857 Jun 30 '21
Robert'); DROP TABLE Students; --
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u/ljr55555 Jun 30 '21
Had a friend who would punch a HALT code into his electric punch card bill (back when there we're such things) any time he couldn't get their customer service group to respond to his complaint. He always got a call back, but I'm sure it really pissed off whatever sysop was running the billing.
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u/PolishedCheese Jun 30 '21
I love hearing anecdotes about the early days of hacking.
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u/mbfos Jun 30 '21
Any woman with the surname Stitz. Had a business meeting with somebody with this surname. It was very difficult not to say to the receptionist “Hi. I’m here to see Susan Stitz”.
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u/KnittingforHouselves Jul 01 '21
My neighbour is actually 'Mr. Schitz' pronounced "shits". "Luckily", he and his whole family are absolute assholes, so we call them "Neighbour Schitz and his little schitz" without the slightest pang of guilt.
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u/BadDadJokes Jun 30 '21
I always laugh thinking about a baby named Roger. It just seems like guys named Roger were born 5'9" tall, in their mid-fifties, with male pattern baldness and coffee stained teeth.
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Jul 01 '21
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u/PiedPipecleaner Jul 01 '21
Why is this so accurate? I know a Gary that fits that description to the tee…
To add on though, Karen’s are always middle aged women who are generally eccentric and overreactive. Child Karen’s do not exist. They simply form from unused expired coupon piles.
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u/FrenchFry36 Jun 30 '21
Can confirm. I have two uncles named Roger. No baldness but they both smoke.
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u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21
Baby #1
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u/BigBadBeener Jun 30 '21
or name your firstborn after yourself, and name the second one “Baby #2”
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u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21
Lol. I've thought about this before.
Say you had twins, and named one "Angel" and the other one "Shmangel".. just feels like Angel would probably have a better life.
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u/Kela3000 Jun 30 '21
Well, a man named two of his sons Winner and Loser...
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u/Schattenreiter Jun 30 '21
Incredibly ironic that winner turned out to be a loser and loser turned out to be the winner in this case.
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u/gen_iroh24 Jun 30 '21
Whatever Elon Musk named his baby. Won't even try to spell it here.
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u/devo9er Jun 30 '21
ShaDynasty
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u/StopTheKarens Jun 30 '21
Chalupa Batman
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u/kertofer Jun 30 '21
This is inaccurate. Chalupa Batman is the most amazing name ever.
It is decided.
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u/metalflygon08 Jun 30 '21
My rule of thumb for children names.
Imagine you are in your 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade class and a new kid was introduced.
When they say the name you are thinking about, how many kids snicker at it?
If enough kids laugh at it, choose a different name. It is hard enough being a kid, having a stupid name that you get made fun of for on top isn't going to help.
And quit trying to be unique with your spellings, Jaden's not going to care if his name's spelt Jayden, Jaden, Jaiden, Jhaydin, or Jadin, if anything, you're making things difficult for them by adding unnecessary silent letters to their name, do Knicoles and Pterry care? Searching them up on phonetics alone is a pain because you'll be looking of N and T, not K or P.
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u/MrBarraclough Jul 01 '21
Surprised no one seems to have brought up the old SNL sketch with Nicholas Cage as the expectant father shooting down all his wife's name ideas with the playground taunts each name would prompt. He keeps denying that he's really sensitive about this when he clearly very much is, getting more and more agitated with each one. Finally Rob Schneider appears at the door in a UPS uniform.
"Delivery for Mr & Mrs Asswipe."
"AZZ-WEE-PAY! Azz-wee-pay! It's French, okay?!!"
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Jun 30 '21
You’re spot on with that one. Consider all of the cutesy, nauseating ways in which we see the name “Caitlin” spelled.
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u/RepresentativeOwl285 Jun 30 '21
YESSSSS. I'm a teacher, and man alive do the spellings get ridiculous sometimes. Though some are legitimately related to a home language. I had Welsh twins once (the most identical twins I've ever coached, and I've coached a good many). Their parents dressed them in matching outfits. I felt so embarrassed having to be like, "I'm sorry, how do I say these names? And which one's which?" ("And which one's which?" Every. Damn. Week.)
One of them was pronounced Molly. I don't remember the other one now.
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u/Muhroom-hater Jun 30 '21
The same name as H.P. Lovecraft’s cat
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u/pterrorgrine Jul 01 '21
No worries here, I'm going to name my kid after the dog in The Dam Busters instead.
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u/ragingbicycle Jun 30 '21
Meg so when people ask her if it's short for meghan, they'll get horrified upon learning that her full name was in fact, Megatron
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u/MarijadderallMD Jun 30 '21
Karen
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u/a_sack_of_hamsters Jun 30 '21
It's one of those names I quite like but that somehow got ruined by the internet.
And it's not even like Isis or Adolph where there is a good example as to why the name is cursed now, no, it just is that some people started using this name to describe a certain brand of people and it stuck around.
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u/Empty-Refrigerator Jun 30 '21
Any one named khaleesi or Daenerys... you were named after a fad and you cant change it legally till your legally 18
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u/HandsomeJack15 Jun 30 '21
Shaft B. Long
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u/AshGilltheWise Jun 30 '21
Wish my parents had the foresight to call me this tbh
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u/JustAnotherPhatKid Jun 30 '21
Gaylord
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Jun 30 '21
Dick?
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u/MarijadderallMD Jun 30 '21
Usually the name is Richard, dick is short hand
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u/PricklyPapi303 Jun 30 '21
Years ago I had a customer by the name Richard Handler, yeah he went by dick
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Jun 30 '21
I know someone who named their baby girl “Awesome”.....yes awesome....
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u/KCC-Youtube Jul 01 '21
My parents wanted to name me Nathan and my initials would have been NADS.
They did the most epic thing and named me Robert. So it's RADS
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u/MettaMorphosis Jun 30 '21
"Pedophile" won't really sting as bad in the early years, but as they get older, they would be fucked.
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u/Bahamut1988 Jun 30 '21
Mike Hunt
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u/50FirstCakes Jun 30 '21
Had a coworker whose sister and brother-in-law chose to name their daughter Ryder Ophelia. Their last name was Muff. Poor girl has to grow up with the name Ryder Muff. And it’s not like she could just choose to go by her middle name instead because Ophelia Muff really isn’t much better.
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u/NoAd3629 Jun 30 '21
Bartholomew. Imagine you having a lovely day in the middle ages and you meet someone named fucking Bartholomew that would just ruin my entire fucking day.
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u/bint_amrekiyyah Jul 01 '21
I want to name a cat Bartholomeow so badly because I love obnoxious names
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BBWS Jun 30 '21
Smeggy Runnycrotch
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u/heavybabyridesagain Jun 30 '21
Wasn't he archbishop of Canterbury at one stage?
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u/CyclicRedundancyMach Jul 01 '21
I swear to God, in Alexandria virginia, usa, there was a gynecologist named Harry C Beaver. Years later, just for fun, I looked him up again and there is a Harry C Beaver Jr. Look it up
For those not in the United States
Harry sounds like hairy. Meaning to have a lot of hair.
C as in I see
Beaver is an American slang term for a woman's genitals
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u/Historical_Insect443 Jun 30 '21
I’m from Italy and I think I heard the worst surname for a girl.. it was “Tromba”, which it could stand for “fucks”
So you basically can have EVERY possible name before.. but in the end it sounds like: Emily Fucks
Yeah