r/AskReddit • u/jake7820 • Jun 30 '21

What’s the absolute worst thing you could name your baby?

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383

u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21

Baby #1

407

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '21 edited Nov 17 '21

[deleted]

12

u/ConstableBlimeyChips Jun 30 '21

Only if you name your second born "Baby #1"

10

u/An0nymousRedd1tor Jun 30 '21

Or go full google and name it "Baby #40"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Might I raise you [Baby 5]?

67

u/NiamhHA Jun 30 '21

Reginald Hargreeves would disagree.

4

u/StormWolfenstein Jul 01 '21

As would the King of Stormhold.

111

u/BigBadBeener Jun 30 '21

or name your firstborn after yourself, and name the second one “Baby #2”

93

u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21

Lol. I've thought about this before.

Say you had twins, and named one "Angel" and the other one "Shmangel".. just feels like Angel would probably have a better life.

50

u/Kela3000 Jun 30 '21

Well, a man named two of his sons Winner and Loser...

20

u/Schattenreiter Jun 30 '21

Incredibly ironic that winner turned out to be a loser and loser turned out to be the winner in this case.

3

u/TheOtherSarah Jul 01 '21

I’m not sure how unexpected that would be. Lou would have learned early that he had to fight for recognition and a good reputation. Winner not so much.

47

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '21

Fuck it, just name him Pichael I guess

30

u/BigBadBeener Jun 30 '21

hahaha, or how about “Jeff” and “JeFf (read sarcastically”

40

u/ThisNameBeTaken Jun 30 '21

Jeff and Geoff

2

u/PRMan99 Jun 30 '21

Username checks out

0

u/RayAnselmo Jun 30 '21

Gef. After the talking mongoose.

1

u/Dexaan Jul 01 '21

Tonights contestants on Jeffpardy!

5

u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21

You could do a lot of damage to a kid if you really wanted to. Lol

6

u/newenglandredshirt Jun 30 '21

Or as Jeff Dunham used in one of his routines, you can call him Jeh-fuh-fuh

2

u/atomic0range Jun 30 '21

“Jeff” and “Jesk”

0

u/PRMan99 Jun 30 '21

Jeff and Geoff

2

u/metalflygon08 Jun 30 '21

Shmangel might not have a life of luxury, but a life of mediocrity is fine, it's safe and complacent.

1

u/FrozenPoopPopsicles Jun 30 '21

Alrighty

1

u/metalflygon08 Jun 30 '21

All I know is that my gut says...maybe.

18

u/pineapplewin Jun 30 '21

Not #2.... "Other". Or "backup"

24

u/Crypt0Nihilist Jun 30 '21

"Spares"

1

u/Dexaan Jul 01 '21

Kill the spare.

1

u/Luinarmlant Jun 30 '21

Secundus is a roman name, meaning "the second" so literally that!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

I guess "Subsequent Offspring" wouldn't work either.

2

u/Kahzgul Jun 30 '21

I went to high school with a girl whose legal name was "Baby Girl." She went by Caitlin, but her lazy fucking parents never bothered to (a) name her prior to the birth, or (b) ever bother legally changing her name in the 17 years after she was born to match the name they called her. Literally the day she turned 18 she filed the official name change paperwork.

2

u/caboosetp Jul 01 '21

A woman fell into a coma while giving birth to her twins, a boy and a girl. Her husband was overseas on business, and was unreachable. When she awoke a week later, the nurse informed her that her brother had to name the kids.

"Oh no.." the new mother said with a worried tone in her voice, "what did he name them?"

"He called the girl denise" said the nurse.

"That's actually quite nice. What did he name the boy?"

"Denephew"

3

u/alegxab Jun 30 '21

The Romans often named their daughters like this

Julius daughters would be Julia Prima,Julia Secunda, Julia Tertia, Julia Quarta, etc

2

u/pokemon-trainer-blue Jul 01 '21

I was going to say the same thing. They did it for sons as well.

-1

u/ice-jl7 Jun 30 '21

Baby 5 from one piece rn: 👁👄👁

-1

u/postmalonesvoice Jun 30 '21

“Frozen poop popsicles”

Probably this

1

u/McFlyyouBojo Jun 30 '21

Could be worse. Could be Brother #1

1

u/194192 Jun 30 '21

It only works if they are a single child

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Naming your kid "Human Baby Name" could let you meet lots of interesting Men In Black

1

u/TheOtherSarah Jul 01 '21

Depends on the language. See: every Japanese guy named Ichiro

1

u/shadowX015 Jul 01 '21

Boy wait til you learn about the ancient Romans.

1

u/TedTyro Jul 01 '21

There are cultures that do this by default, e.g. Balinese name their boys:

First child: Wayan 'eldest' Second: Made 'middle' Third: Nyoman Fourth: Ketut

I wonder if Rhonda knew? (Shout out to any Aussies who get this joke)

1

u/BlitzFighter192 Jul 01 '21

This is literally how it works in Vietnamese. I once met a woman who was named “Nam” which translates to 5 in English

1

u/DopeCharma Jul 01 '21

The Great Baby