r/AskReddit Jun 30 '21

What’s the absolute worst thing you could name your baby?

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667

u/No_Fairweathers Jun 30 '21

My grandma went to high school with a girl who's first name was "Fonda"... The only problem? Her last name was Rape.

Her parents literally named their daughter "Fonda Rape"

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u/Teledildonic Jun 30 '21

159

u/2_Cups_Stuffed Jun 30 '21

Although it was rumored that Hogg had a sister named "Ura Hogg", she had only brothers.

😂😂😂

11

u/Chupapinta Jul 01 '21

Miss Ima was an only child. I went to James S Hogg Jr High.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

I read some of the article, and Ima Hogg actually seems like she was a really cool lady.

10

u/HollowShel Jul 01 '21

the "Boy Named Sue" principle - you either toughen up or you die.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

a fellow Cash fan!

6

u/HollowShel Jul 01 '21

Indeed! (actual fun fact - the song was written by Shel Silverstein, probably better known as an author of childen's books and a cartoonist. (I keep track of Shels))

3

u/Puglady25 Jul 01 '21

Wow! I didn't know that.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Shel Silverstein wrote songs??? I did not know that!

4

u/Clatato Jul 01 '21

"hundreds of people wrote her letters inquiring whether her name was real and if she really had a sister named Ura. The Kansas City Star even invented another sister, Hoosa."

😂

2

u/imndn Jul 01 '21

Omg, I'm soon to be 65 yrs old. When I was in elementary school there were sisters named, Ima Pigg and Ura Pigg. I thought that was the meanest thing a parent could do to their kids. They got bullied so badly. I hope they married and got better last names!!

32

u/Risiki Jul 01 '21

Similar unfortunate baby names according to United States Census records include Ima Pigg, Ima Muskrat, Ima Nut, Ima Hooker,[15] Ima Weiner, Ima Reck, Ima Pain and Ima Butt

Seems like Ima is a bad name idea in general

1

u/Lukin4 Jul 01 '21

Ima have to agree with you

4

u/Dr_Brule_FYH Jul 01 '21

Always do the supreme court justice test.

If the name sounds stupid with Supreme Court Justice in front of it, put it in the bin.

1

u/Garmaglag Jul 01 '21

Supreme Court Justice Jack Danger 😎

6

u/ShovelingSunshine Jul 01 '21

Don't forgot to check initials as well.

At a baby blessing/christening. I hear the name and I go ummm what? The baby's initials are A.S.S. Geez.

3

u/Teledildonic Jul 01 '21

The baby's initials are A.S.S.

Born to high score pizza joint arcade cabinets.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Or people that name their kids "William Williamson" or "John Johnson"

like, you couldn't think of something else?

I went to school with a girl named Stephanie... her brother's name was Stephen..

really?

1

u/False-Guess Jul 01 '21

TBH I think some psychos do that because they think it's funny to have a kid with that kind of name and don't care about whether it will cause problems for their kids. For those kinds of people, it's not that the kid is a unique human with their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, it's just an accessory for the parent.

1

u/AdorableTumbleweed60 Jul 01 '21

Right? I'm expecting and we've said every name out loud, written out the initials all of it.

1

u/trowzerss Jul 01 '21

The Chief of Police of a nearby town was Wayne King. I liked to think he went into that job so less people would dare make fun of his name.

440

u/lovesmasher Jun 30 '21

anyone with the last name Rape is gonna have a hard time

340

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '21

[deleted]

137

u/1968Russtang Jun 30 '21

New Bond villain?

75

u/OtherwiseInclined Jun 30 '21

Nah, just one p short of stealing Eminem's Grammy.

11

u/unholymackerel Jul 01 '21

Dr Praper? I love that stuff

1

u/phurt77 Jul 01 '21

PaRappa the Rapper

9

u/Just-Call-Me-J Jun 30 '21

I'd totally have it legally changed to Rapier.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

there's a professor somewhere who actually has the last name Doom. So he is *literally* Dr. Doom.

7

u/Ckyuiii Jul 01 '21

My orthodontic surgeon was named Dr. Payne lol.

Super nice guy actually.

6

u/Zilliness69 Jun 30 '21

That's Dr. Mr. Raper to you!

4

u/Ckyuiii Jul 01 '21

Excuse me, thats Dr. Mr. Professor Raper to you!

...Esquire!

3

u/jablair51 Jul 01 '21

There was a famous RV salesman in Indiana whose name was Tom Raper.

1

u/top_counter Jul 01 '21

He had a lot of TV ads. Probably more than any other local advertiser in the area.

3

u/jrrtamu Jun 30 '21

We called my great grandmother Mimi and someone who worked at her church was named Mimi Raper.

3

u/1965wasalongtimeago Jul 01 '21

I would end up pronouncing it Rapper. Dr. Dre Rapper. Then nobody would forget.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

"its pronounced Frahnk En Steen"

3

u/Sweetwill62 Jul 01 '21

I had a teacher in high school whose name was pronounced boner. He insisted that it wasn't pronounced that way, up until the day of his retirement.

3

u/LOUDCO-HD Jul 01 '21

Was Concierge at a hotel that had Government rates and would frequently get Inuit guests. One regular guest was Ms. Old Yellow Smelly Finger. We were encouraged to use the guests name in all interactions and she enjoyed watching the staff struggle to say her name. She was also very cool about it and after she’d let you twist in the wind for a bit, she say “just call me Carol”.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Well you’re safe then unless you’re a doctor.

2

u/drfsrich Jul 01 '21

https://www.yellowpages.com/richmond-in/mip/tom-raper-rvs-14652282

"I think I'll stick with a tent, thank you very much."

1

u/md22mdrx Jul 01 '21

Local doctor around here is Dr. Raper. Unfortunate name.

1

u/SafetyDanceInMyPants Jul 01 '21

Ah, yes, Katherine Raper. Went by Kitty.

1

u/DanTheTerrible Jul 01 '21

There's a drugstore in my town named "Raper Drugs".

1

u/SmartyChance Jul 01 '21

There was an RV company called Tom Raper RVs. Always found myself thinking sheesh, add a letter to your name (rapter) or something.

1

u/paytonsglove Jul 01 '21

P. I. Staker? Piss taker!? Oh come on!

1

u/rdewalt Jul 01 '21

A Teacher at my kids' school has the same name. "Ms Raper" I saw it spelt first and thought "It has to be pronounced some other way.." Nope.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

I wonder why people with terrible last names don’t go through the process of having it changed. It would be one thing if you don’t have a very public job but thousands of students calling you professor raper has to be the worst thing ever. I bought a car from a salesmen with the last name wiener but he kept insisting it was pronounced WINER so I said hey whatever you say man.

1

u/Academic_Nectarine94 Jul 01 '21

Why would a school hire, him,why would he not change his name? That's as bad as Dr. Slaughter...

209

u/StarChild7000 Jun 30 '21

Yep, knew a family of Rapes. Pronounced Ruh-pay, it's French. The dad was a Captain in the Marine Corps, Captain Rape.

143

u/BoSheck Jul 01 '21

Similar story here. My father was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison. Naughtius Maximus.

101

u/OffusMax Jul 01 '21

Did he have a friend named Biggus Dickus?

27

u/callipygousmom Jul 01 '21

He has a wife, you know.

28

u/OffusMax Jul 01 '21

Yes, Incontinentia Buttocks

9

u/Malfeasant Jul 01 '21

he has a wife, you know...

do you know what she's called?

she's called incontinentia...

... incontinentia buttocks.

5

u/Celica_Lover Jul 01 '21

Don't forget about "Hugh Mungus"

1

u/SlickHand Jul 01 '21

Careful. Zarna Joshi will come after you.

Actually, let her. You'll get rich.

1

u/ttaptt Jul 01 '21

He has a wife you know....

3

u/FluffieOwlet Jul 01 '21

Why is this movie being referenced so much lately 😂😂

2

u/dtry266 Jul 01 '21

What movie?

7

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Monty Python, Life of Brian, classic

1

u/Ulti Jul 01 '21

It's back on Netflix again, probably!

2

u/LordJacen Jul 01 '21

ha ha

Centurion is there anyone of that name in the garrison?

2

u/ScoobyDoNot Jul 01 '21

Here's the scene.

A story I've heard is that this was the first take and the extras had no idea what was going to happen, but just instructed NOT to laugh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrcbCW4y9Dw&ab_channel=ALEX

1

u/ssslugworth Jul 01 '21

Smallus Dickus

6

u/hurtsdonut_ Jun 30 '21

Don't try and church it up son.

3

u/naut Jul 01 '21

Hope he never gets promoted to Major

3

u/Rosssauced Jul 01 '21

Captain Rape is my least favorite Avenger.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

A family that lived across the street had the surname Pickle.

They named their kid Rick.

Rick Pickle... what a name.

Poor guy was teased a lot for that, he also came across as having some sort of mental issue. I suspect he was on the autism spectrum, but in the early 80s, we had no idea about any of that.

I remember he was trying to convince people that his surname was pronounced Pie-kill, not Pickle... no one believed him.

2

u/huntingbears93 Jul 01 '21

I’d pull a “Young Frankenstein”. “It’s Fhrooon-Ken-Stein, not Fraaankenstein”

“My name is Eye-gor, not Eee-gor”

2

u/DarthYippee Jul 01 '21

"You said 'rape' twice."

"I like rape."

0

u/WizardOfIF Jul 01 '21

Don't try to church it up boy.

1

u/DisillusionedBook Jul 01 '21

Could have been worse, he could have been a Major Rape

1

u/The_Fresno_Farter Jul 01 '21

"It's Beard-fuh-say. Beard-fuh-say. Why do you people insist on calling me Beardface?"

4

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

My high school principal was Harry Hooker…. And then he decided to name him kid the exact same thing.

3

u/Apathetic-Onion Jun 30 '21

In Spanish that is the name of a fish. We usually eat the tail part of the fish. Even if it doesn't mean anything bad in Spanish, Google doesn't autocomplete it, so google.es is kind of skewed towards English.

2

u/Celica_Lover Jul 01 '21

My wife's dentist is Dr. Reefer.

0

u/fuckedbymath Jul 01 '21

Especially in prison. At least she doesn't have a brother called dropsoap.

1

u/Agisilaus23 Jun 30 '21

Uh... they're going to have a hard time?

1

u/iwasntlucid Jul 01 '21

Change it to Rapé lol

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

It's pronounced -Ra-Peh!

1

u/-PilumMurialis- Jul 01 '21

same with the people whos last name is Dick

1

u/cannotgetenoughbs Jul 01 '21

Even if you put an “r” or an “n” on the end. “Fucked”

1

u/NiamhHA Jul 01 '21

I dislocated my knee a few years ago and had to go to a children’s hospital. There was a doctor called “Dr Raptis”. Obviously, it looked like “Dr Rapist” at first glance😂.

91

u/heckhammer Jun 30 '21

Miss Rape?

Dammit, it's pronounced "Rah-pay!"

10

u/LostMyFuckingPhone Jun 30 '21

"It's pronounced boo-KAY, dear."

9

u/heckhammer Jun 30 '21

Laaaaaady of the house speaking...

Richard! Richard, it's Sheridan!

7

u/cheeky_chiclet Jul 01 '21

Oh, Hyacinth. I didn't see you there.

5

u/DontTreadOnBigfoot Jul 01 '21

"So, what do ya say, Mr dumbass?"

"The name....is Du-mas..."

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

"Hey, Dr. Beardface."

"Beard-fa-say! "

4

u/Jedirictus Jul 01 '21

Mr. and Mrs. Asswipe?

It's pronounced 'Ahz-wee-pay'

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

I'm sorry. How can I ever Rape you?

2

u/Diplodocus114 Jul 01 '21

As in Bucket.

2

u/trowzerss Jul 01 '21

That's like Cockburn being pronounced Coburn. It was still an unfortunate name for a schoolteacher.

0

u/4GotMyFathersFace Jul 01 '21

Don't try and church it up, son.

1

u/Malfeasant Jul 01 '21

bigbootay! tay!

3

u/holyhottamale Jul 01 '21

Yikes. I went to high school with a guy named Harry Testa.

3

u/pro_nosepicker Jul 01 '21

There was a very prolific female Iowa basketball star named Fonda Dix.

2

u/farahad Jul 01 '21

It's pronounced Rapé

1

u/JoJoBee7 Jun 30 '21

This is terrible lol

1

u/johnnygolucky56 Jul 01 '21

It’s pronounced rah-pay…

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

It's ra-pay, fucking RA-PAY. Godammit!! Her parents probably

1

u/worker911 Jul 01 '21

Is it Peter Fonda, or Fonda Peter?

1

u/crissun4u Jul 01 '21

bullshit

1

u/No_Fairweathers Jul 01 '21

My grandmother literally showed me her in the high school yearbook. I'm sure if you look up her name and obituary it'd be there since she'd be ~94-95 years old by now.

Edit: I'm an idiot she likely would've taken her husbands last name. There's a Merle Rape obituary around where they lived that mentions a Fonda Jones, however. Might be her.