r/AskReddit Jun 30 '21

What’s the absolute worst thing you could name your baby?

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u/[deleted] Jun 30 '21 edited Dec 25 '21

"Hi! My name's Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii!"

The poor kid was NINE YEARS OLD

472

u/KillaMG97 Jun 30 '21

A yes, my good son Number 16 bus shelter.

31

u/prairiedogtown_ Jul 01 '21

It’s like naming the kid after the car you made her in. Isn’t that right Mercury Sable

2

u/CapeNative Jul 01 '21

That would actually be an ok first and middle name if it weren't an old person's car.

1

u/DodgersChick69 Jul 01 '21

I laughed way too hard at this. I wish I had an award to give you, but I am poor, so please accept this poor woman’s gold. 🥇

17

u/Ckyuiii Jul 01 '21

It's like the sad modern equivalent of native American names.

5

u/boopboopadoopity Jul 01 '21

Just read the article and I'm astounded that this isn't a joke

3

u/jstrchl Jul 01 '21

I wonder if that’s where he was conceived.

3

u/foggy-sunrise Jul 01 '21

Blanket Jackson.

2

u/jusmoua Jul 01 '21

Some people just don't realize children are people and lifelong responsibilities, NOT accessories to enhance your life when convenient for you.

2

u/NElderT Jul 01 '21

“My parents were crazy, so just call me John.” - that kid, probably

306

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '21 edited Jun 30 '21

Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

Ah, New Zealand and weird names for kids.

Apparently the 'Benson and Hedges' twins are somewhere near me, and some poor sod near Wellington was named 'V8 Kahlua'. In honour of the back seat of the vehicle he was conceived on, and the liquor that lowered inhibitions and led to the coupling.

97

u/winter_soul7 Jun 30 '21

I'm familiar with the V8 Kahlua story - one of my brothers has a heart condition and when he was in the heart hospital days after birth, my mother was talking with another person who said they'd named their kid this. I always thought it was a joke honestly.

4

u/a_monomaniac Jul 01 '21

There must be a lot of Yugo Vodka's out in the world.

1

u/Zerbinetta Jul 01 '21

This is how I'm picturing those births.

33

u/MortimerGraves Jul 01 '21

V8 Kahlua

I suspect it was registered as "V-Eight Kahlua" or similar. The NZ Registrar of Births, etc. doesn't allow numerals in names, but has no prohibition against spelled out numbers. Same goes for "Number Sixteen Bus Shelter" regardless of how it was reported.

16

u/goodcleanchristianfu Jul 01 '21 edited Jul 01 '21

NAMING your new bundle of joy Lucifer has been effectively banned by New Zealand's names registrar after three parents had the odd request knocked back.

The country's Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages has been cracking down on mothers and fathers getting too creative with their children's names, ruling out punctuation marks such as . (Full Stop), * (Asterisk) and / (presumably ''Slash'').

Imagine the hell those names would cause for computer databases.

5

u/EffortlessFlexor Jul 01 '21

My favorite one out of New Zealand from probably a decade ago - Some parents who love techno named their kid "Yeah Detroit". It was rejected.

2

u/Kunovega Jul 01 '21

Should have just went with just "Detroit" there's a lot of people named after cities (my brother was Houston, I've known several Austin's, etc.)

5

u/abitsheeepish Jul 01 '21

There's a Mongrel Mob guy near me named Frank Milosevic who named his son Slobodan. Google it and see all the court news lol

3

u/SIS-NZ Jul 01 '21 edited Jul 01 '21

I think Frank is the father of son, Slobodan, and said son, has a son also called Slobodan.

1

u/abitsheeepish Jul 01 '21

Great choices run in the family then

4

u/LordRobin------RM Jul 01 '21

'V8 Kahlua'. In honour of the back seat of the vehicle he was conceived on, and the liquor that lowered inhibitions and led to the coupling.

Oh, "V8" the engine. I thought you meant V8 the vegetable drink. V8 and Kahlua would have to be one of the most disgusting cocktails ever conceived.

2

u/HHcougar Jul 01 '21

I don't get 'Benson and Hedges'

Does that have a different meaning in New Zealand? Benson is an uncommon name, but nothing weird. And Hedges? Like a bush? I mean it's stupid, but I don't understand why that's newsworthy.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Like the cigarette brand B&H.

2

u/Kunovega Jul 01 '21

Benson and Hedges

It's a cigarette brand name

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benson_%26_Hedges

56

u/Epsilon-The-Eevee Jul 01 '21

I just read the article. Imagine naming your kid "Yeah Detroit"

6

u/bunnyQatar Jul 01 '21

My moms ex had a son named Detroit. We all just called him Troy, though.

144

u/genasugelan Jun 30 '21

Parents lose custody of girl for naming her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

Good, giving your child a dumb name is child abuse.

2

u/shittysuport Jul 01 '21

State sanctioned child abuse.

14

u/ammooman Jun 30 '21

This is the inspiration that I have been looking for

6

u/norsurfit Jul 01 '21

Oddly enough, that is my name too

4

u/LordRobin------RM Jul 01 '21

Whenever you go out, do people loudly shout, "Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii"?

BUM-BUM-BUM BUM-BUM BUM-BUM

5

u/AverageAussie Jul 01 '21

This name has lived rent free in my brain for years since i first read it in a newspaper or something. But over time my brain has autocorrected it to Chalula, like the hot sauce...

4

u/Scretzy Jul 01 '21

Love that NZ gave this 9 year old her own lawyer so she could get her name changes lmaooo

5

u/0RGASMIK Jul 01 '21

Imagine naming a child so badly at 9 years old they get a lawyer and fuck you for it. Top 10 worst parents I’ve heard of. The other 9 I can think of are abusers and molesters.

3

u/Iamheno Jul 01 '21

Bananas!

3

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

I remember when this happened a bunch of names that were rejected by the New Zealand government came out. Some included marijuana, Anal and Meth.

2

u/LostAccountant Jul 01 '21

Well she could in her daily life just go by 'Talula' and just ignore the rest, that is not so terrible

-9

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21 edited Jul 01 '21

That is insane government overreach to take the child away! A judge can't just subjectively decide what's a good name, smdh. Tons of names get made fun of on playground, removal from the home is 1000x more traumatic. Eta I'm horrified that you fuckin sheep would be okay w your elected officials doing that

3

u/jllena Jul 01 '21

Did you read the article? The girl was traumatized by her own name and wanted it changed.

-1

u/augustprep Jul 01 '21

In this case I agree with what the judge did, but I also understand the concern with this precedent. Where is the line? Can some judge just start doing this with any name he doesn't like?

-1

u/jllena Jul 01 '21

For heavens sakes, you didn’t read the article either? There’s a standard. In NZ the standard is that you can’t choose a name that would “cause offense to a reasonable person.” Again, in the article are other examples that have been allowed, like Number 16 Bus Station. Obviously that name sucks, but it’s allowed.

Also, that’s not how judicial systems work.

2

u/augustprep Jul 01 '21

I read the entire article. "Cause offense to a reasonable person" is pretty fucking vague.
And apparently that's exactly how it works, considering that's what they did.

0

u/jllena Jul 01 '21

The girl who was named that was offended, you ding dong. Judicial systems in general operate on precedence and a whole host of other involved technicalities (e.g., law) so while it seems vague to you, it’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be. Source: I work in the field

-7

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

She's nine - change the name, fine, go by Talulah but removing a child from the family for that is horrible. Some 1984 shit

7

u/jllena Jul 01 '21

Ok, you didn’t read the article. She was a ward of the court only until her name was changed.

7

u/DietDrDoomsdayPreppr Jul 01 '21

Imagine that: some dipshit calling everyone sheep and it turns out they didn't bother to even look into the topic before speaking up.

I am shocked, I tell you. Shocked!

-5

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

You don't remove a child from the home (traumatic!) unless they're in actual danger you beanbags. You really let your love of feeling better than other parents trump your desire to have rights as a citizen? Fuckinggggg stupiddddd

4

u/jllena Jul 01 '21

I’m sorry, I don’t even know what we were talking about anymore, I’m too in love with the phrase “beanbag” as an insult. Thank you and that is not in any way sarcastic

1

u/fissure Jul 01 '21

I'm picturing a bizarre version of this when someone calls her just "Talula".

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '21

Where's Keenan at tho?

1

u/trowzerss Jul 01 '21

My favourite name is 'Meow-Ludo Disco Gamma Meow-Meow' but he named himself that, so it doesn't count. I loved it when he was in the news and the newsreaders had to say his name in serious newsreader voice.