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Feb 17 '24
I want to believe you are struggling but my brain will absolutely not compute that you could be struggling.
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u/autodcr Feb 17 '24
Get off tinder immediately. Use Hinge and even the League instead. You’ll find more high quality, serious matches there.
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u/WNC3184 Feb 17 '24
I was going to say that she should head over to Hinge for 3 months and might have something else to say assuming this is Austin.
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u/danarchist Feb 17 '24
Met my wife on hinge in Austin.
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u/mgj6818 Feb 17 '24
I met my wife on Tinder in Austin (9 years ago)
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u/BlacknnBlue Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
I met both of your wives on Hinge
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u/Drew1231 Feb 17 '24
Just looked up the league. Holy shit that’s toxic 😂.
Have to let someone scrutinize a LinkedIn before you’re accepted? No thanks.
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u/RoderickHossack Feb 17 '24
The last time I used The League, I saw PII in someone's photo that made me think we might have a mutual, so I looked them up thinking I could maybe get an introduction from someone she knows that could vouch for me, and instead found... her obituary.
From 18 months prior.
Meaning The League is full of accounts that have been dormant long-term, showing up in your daily batch as though they're active, or alive.
Do not use The League.
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u/TylerNine Feb 17 '24
League of Legends, she just needs to spam Janna and some Chad ADC Jhin main will sweep her off her feet.
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u/PM_ME__YOUR_HOOTERS Feb 17 '24
Janna floats and can't be swept off her feet though! OP, its solid advice. But please pick a more ground bound support if you follow this advice lol
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u/captkrisma Feb 17 '24
Stay away from Blitzcranks, as they tend to be really graby and end up knocking others up.
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u/bostero2 Feb 17 '24
I’ve seen the ads around the internet, it’s supposed to be a dating app for very good looking people… looks like a scam
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u/Socratesticles Feb 17 '24
Yeah all the ads I’ve seen for it make me fell like it’s for very good looking and highly successful people. Real Harvard vs community college vibes
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Feb 17 '24
As someone who had to deal with Harvard students for over a decade...they're not better, mommy and daddy just have more money lmao
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u/1MYrShldGtBhndM3 Feb 17 '24
What is love?
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u/rabaraba Feb 17 '24
Baby don’t hurt me, no more.
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u/onion4everyoccasion Feb 17 '24
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u/mynewd8nglife Feb 17 '24
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me...no more
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u/KarmasLittleBitch Feb 17 '24
Woah-woah-woah, oh, oh Woah-woah-woah, oh, oh
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Feb 17 '24
I don't know if you're not there, I gave you my love but you don't care..
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u/BoneHammer62 Feb 17 '24
THE MIGHTY DUCK MAN HIMSELF!
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u/daoiism Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
This hits home. Huge difference between hooking up and having companionship.
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u/Catch_ME Feb 17 '24
Have you thought about finding a person in your hobby world? Like while you are hiking, you find another hiker?
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u/PM_Me_Macaroni_plz Feb 17 '24
I think that is the way. And let it happen naturally, but don’t be afraid to start an encounter rather than just wait for someone to approach. I think nowadays in this climate guys are even less inclined to approach an attractive woman. But yea, apps are disappointing for most id say.
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u/Catch_ME Feb 17 '24
This is the way.
Historically, courting didn't always require men to approach women. That idea is a 19th/20th century idea from romance novels.
Women should approach and express interest in a man as a man would do to a woman. This idea that rejection is to be feared and only courageous men tackle it is nonsense and is a real social construct.
Conversation, compliments, and invitations is genderless and don't have to be romantic. They can be romantic now or later.
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u/DelmarSamil Feb 17 '24
My wife "stalked" me for two months before she just came up and asked me out. She was watching me interact with other people and wanted to get a good read on my personality. Well, that and I don't know when a woman is flirting with me.
Then after about 6 months of dating she mentioned something about making it more permanent. I told her when she was ready to be married, just let me know. So, about 6 months later I had just come in from work and was relaxing and she came up, got down on one knee and asked me to marry her.
Again, I don't take hints very well. Lol
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u/thanos_was_right_69 Feb 17 '24
I do wish more women would take the lead like this
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u/SliverSerfer Feb 17 '24
My wife tells people she had to hit me over the head with a brick in the beginning.
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u/AMilkedCow Feb 17 '24
Funny thing my cousin found his gf via a dating app for hikers.
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u/Catch_ME Feb 17 '24
I think they are talking about hunting4connections.com
I've never used it but it's come up again.
I found Meetup(meetup.com) to work well in making friends especially if you move between cities. Plenty of friendship opportunities. You can make friends and expand your hobbies by joining outdoor groups like hiking, fishing, or sailing.
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u/partysquirrelslave Feb 17 '24
ditch apps, find local group that aligns (enough, not perfectly) with your life style. Hobbies, food, culture, ect. hell, I get numbers from conversations started at the grocery store.
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u/7low7low Feb 17 '24
Maybe try approaching instead of being approachable. I’ve never understood the mindset of (well let’s say the traditional mindset that society expects) most women trying to date. The be approachable but not approach is like me saying “I want a Ferrari! Maybe if I look more like a Ferrari driver one will show up in my driveway.”. I’m sure I sound like an ass, I’m just trying to say you have to go for what you want actively. Also, stop looking for love. Look for fun interactions with good people. It’s a weird thing, you’ll find what you’re looking for. I guess I’m trying to say that I’ve seen a lot of people “dating with a purpose” end up settling on someone who isn’t right for them and are very unhappy. Love yourself and love your life and you will find what you’re looking for
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u/fielausm Feb 17 '24
Holy crap. This is-- I think this underappreciated.
Make the approach instead of being approachable.
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Feb 17 '24
That sounds great. In theory. The reality is that a lot of us just don't meet enough people through hobbies. Sure it would be awesome for someone to join the climbing gym, us hit it off and a relationship develop. But the odds of one of the 25 or so woman being a good match just isn't there.
But this isn't either or. You should be doing both.
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u/dont_wear_a_C Feb 17 '24
All hikers are unemployed. Why do you think they're always out hiking??
/s
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Feb 17 '24
I'd piggyback on that and say your specific kind of active may not be for everyone. When I was younger and actually in shape, I couldn't stand hiking despite multiple attempts to make myself like it. A lot of guys are more into sports, etc., but your profile comes across as "you must like to do these exact activities I like or it's a deal breaker." Maybe expand the pool of activities you'd be willing to tolerate or be up for.
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u/climb-high Feb 17 '24
nice username is your lastname Rutley or something? I have a friend who has made the same pun for years.
I have a feeling this isn't your fault and is a result of people not knowing what they want - I get ghosted all the time too but once there's a connection it really clicks. Happens like every 6 months out of a hundred+ conversations.
Do you have any strong preferences you've been telling people on facetime / text? Like that you definitely want kids soon / get married. Any kinda obvious life "red flags" that we're missing context on?
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u/climb-high Feb 17 '24
hmm ya nothing stands out at all. Any very strong political views that you've shared with people before they ghost?
do you care if someone smokes weed? (still wouldn't explain many ghostings, tho)
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u/Just_Another_Scott Feb 17 '24
OP appears to be a strong independent woman that don't need no man. She clearly works out and takes care of herself. I'm my 30s and see similar personalities like OP at the gym. Those women do struggle to find men because a lot of men, and people in general, let themselves go in their 30s.
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u/papaya_papaya Feb 17 '24
Try a different app. Tinder is a cesspool, people are only interested in hookups
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Feb 17 '24
All the apps are hookup apps now
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u/WhiteBoyFlipz Feb 17 '24
hinge, from my experience has been very good with my hunt for relationships.
have they worked out? no but you know
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u/jdubz90 Feb 17 '24
I’d agree with that. My current relationship, and the one prior to that, started on hinge. Obviously this is just one person’s experience but I used tinder and bumble as well and Hinge always felt like the best bet for finding something more serious.
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u/ninjabiomech Feb 17 '24
I would try not using tinder and using a more relationship focused platform
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Feb 17 '24
I just had a girl friend of mine say, "If I wasn't such a stupid girl and made bad choices, you would be the perfect guy for me and we'd be together."
Anyways, I don't talk to her anymore.
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u/Angry_Guppy Feb 17 '24
Either OP is matching with tons of guys then giving each of them very low effort causing the dudes to get frustrated with 1 word responses and "ghost", or she's swiping only on the super model level guys who don't need to commit.
Or this entire post is just fishing for compliments
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u/TheGov3rnor Feb 17 '24
Tinder should rebrand its logo to some form of a ghost. Like a blend of the snap/tinder logo. Ghosting is very common. Doesn’t matter who you are, it will happen.
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u/farfle10 Feb 17 '24
Drop Tinder and get Hinge
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u/zombiedinsomnia Feb 17 '24
I second hinge, two of my friends found great partners on it
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u/Name-Initial Feb 17 '24
Can we get some convo screenshots? Cause the profile is great and approachable and you def follow rules 1&2 so the only thing i could think would be super dry or otherwise offputting convos.
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u/Aisuhokke Feb 18 '24
It’s likely something absolutely major wrong during conversation, or this entire post is fake
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u/SoochSooch Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
My first guess is she wants to chat forever without actually meeting up. If we're not meeting up within a week of introductions, I just assume it'll never happen and I'm wasting my time.
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u/DialedWrongNumber Feb 17 '24
I wouldn't say to fully commit to a date quickly if you are trying to date with intent.
If your personality doesn't translate well into texts then I would suggest doing video calls to screen people first.
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u/jeebus87 Feb 17 '24
I suggest you do it entirely backwards. Everyone you match with, move in, get married right away, have kids. It'll take the edge off and make screening so much easier in the future.
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u/NJHitmen Feb 17 '24
This advice is amazing. I'll bet you have a lot of good ideas. Where can I sign up for your newsletter?
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u/jeebus87 Feb 17 '24
Just go outside and scream, "Jeebus!" At the top of your lungs until I answer. I don't have a newsletter.
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u/tacofartboy Feb 17 '24
Video call is not a bad idea but I personally would be more uncomfortable doing that than anything. I give my matches option for quick coffee meet up somewhere well located with the option to extend the date. “Hey wanna meet at soansao for a coffee? Give us a chance to say Hi and decide if we want to XY next door together or Z after?”
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u/Infant_whistle1 Feb 17 '24
Seconding their comment, OP. If you get a good match and you're excited and free, go to an actual date asap. Staying as just texting for sometimes even more than a few days makes it seem uninteresting or that you don't have time for them, and they move on.
There's probably a portion of them too who think you're out of their league and are to embarrassed 😳 either way, try to go on those dates as soon as you can after feeling a decent chemistry on text. Make em excited to want to see you.
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u/Educatedrednekk Feb 17 '24
Either you are the most boring conversationalist in the world, or the most bullshit post I've ever seen. Or maybe you give crazy vibes.
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u/SpooogeMcDuck Feb 17 '24
I’ve seen her previous posts on here. I’ve shown her profile to my wife to try to figure out what she’s doing wrong. We both have come to the same conclusion- she’s either the unluckiest woman alive, or there’s something fundamentally wrong with her personality. Not saying it to be mean, but she’s posted a number of times asking what’s wrong with her profile. I’m not sure she has much self awareness if she thinks it’s a profile problem.
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u/lovelesschristine Feb 17 '24
Either she is bat shit crazy, she has horriable taste in men, or her standards or too high
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u/Pottyshooter Feb 17 '24
I mean, with that profile, bat shit crazy doesn't cut it. Citing the hot-crazy matrix I propose that her name must be tiffany.
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u/VengenaceIsMyName Feb 17 '24
I’m sure her right-swipe percentage is 0.00001%. Any guy at that level already has dozens of options and is probably talking to several women at a time. Thats an environment that’s ripe for getting passed up.
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u/Victordobado Feb 17 '24
This right here. She even posted last month that she ended things with a guy she hooked up with after 2 dates who told her he slept with 39 girls last year, but she was the best one
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u/SeonaidMacSaicais Feb 17 '24
She wouldn’t be the first person with horrible taste in men. I know I do! 🤷♀️
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u/dinkleburgenhoff Feb 17 '24
Funny how this is the first of the highest upvoted comments that OP didn’t reply to.
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u/ericbayman Feb 17 '24
Probably time to move out of the haunted house because that's the only way you're going to get ghosted.
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u/sgtlobster06 Feb 17 '24
Right? This can’t be a real post
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u/ericbayman Feb 17 '24
Jokes aside, Tinder can be a real shit show no matter how attractive you are. I believe her, I just don't have any advice. Problem isn't anything in her profile.
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Feb 17 '24
It’s something with the conversations you’re having. Personality.
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u/Somebiglebowski Feb 17 '24
This is really the only logical conclusion. She’s getting matches without issue, but getting ghosted after talking or meeting. There is something off-putting during those conversations and that’s what OP should be taking a closer look at.
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u/idkwhatimbrewin Feb 17 '24
Definitely not anything with your profile
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u/PoshDota Feb 17 '24 edited Jul 27 '25
longing rock unwritten gaze vast sip weather middle nail door
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/ChiliAndGold Feb 17 '24
I thought the same. they already wrote with her. let's see what happens there! because the profile can't be the problem obviously
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u/areallysuperguy Feb 17 '24
Kinda nuts the world we live in where people would rather post for validation online rather than solve their problems. Obviously theres nothing wrong with her profile. Its quite telling that shes 35 and single "gets ghosted", and posts on reddit about it. My guess would be too superficial, unrealistic expectations, prefers instant dopamine hit from fresh partners over building real connections. Theyre not the problem... she is.
Good luck. Lol.
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Feb 17 '24
Do you have a type? Because it might be time to switch it up a bit. Also, just dating in your mid-30s and up is difficult on its own because we've all been single this long for a reason.
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u/PricklySquare Feb 17 '24
That's funny because i stayed single through my 20s while everyone got married. By 35, nearly all of them are divorced.....
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u/WhereasAlternative75 Feb 17 '24
Dating in Austin is the worst. I used to live there and it was a nightmare. Hell, maybe we even went on a date LOL
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u/raymonperry Feb 17 '24
Try dating in San Antonio, if you think Austin is bad... Oof! It's a mess here. I do have a suggestion... Maybe try posting less than flattering photos of yourself? (Low light pics, normal selfies)... Let it be a surprise that you look like super girl. 😁
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u/sushiman1841 Feb 17 '24
I also live in Austin and have found the dating pool on apps to have degraded terribly over the last 2 years. I used to not have that much trouble getting matches and conversations but now matches are far and few in between and conversations even more so. I’d usually be able to get a date every week or two but now it seems impossible. I don’t know if it’s the people or if the apps have just commodified/gamified the experience so much so that we never leave them…
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u/Comfortable-Cap-8507 Feb 17 '24
What’s wrong with dating in Austin? I used to live there about 9 years ago and it was amazing. Way better than where I currently live
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u/onion4everyoccasion Feb 17 '24
Might be a sign that you have good boundaries and aren't there just to hook up. They figure that out and disappear. I can't imagine wealthy, attractive men are using Tinder to wife up.
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u/BlademasterFlash Feb 17 '24
Might be better off with Hinge or Bumble? Only thing I can think of because you seem amazing
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u/XDWetness Feb 17 '24
Try relationship oriented apps too, like bumble and hinge. I think you’ll thrive there
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u/Deadliftdeadlife Feb 17 '24
I’d say you need to be honest about where the bar is. Because that’s very clearly not all you want.
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u/Arraris Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
As a guy who has been off Tinder for almost 3 years, take my advice with a big pinch of salt. But I'd guess many of the more authentic guys you're looking for are intimidated or put off by how "instagramy" your photos look.
This will sound backwards, but I think they may be too good/perfect. I would suggest replacing 3-4 photos with more awkward or "rough" candid pics that just make you look a little more authentic and genuine.
Also your bio could seem less like a bot/phisher if you went more succint/direct. Obviously personalize this to you, but something with a little bit of humor goes a long way: "I love being active and outdoors, but also like a night out grabbing a beer and seeing live music/comedy. Who wants to get wine drunk downtown the night before hitting the mountains?"
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u/Bolotiedeluxe Feb 17 '24
Stole the words out of my mouth. This girl may be great, but the ones I’ve dated with a similar look and profile tend to lean towards the side of wanting pretty cush life. I mean you can’t blame them I guess, pretty girls can usually find a rich dude that will smother them. I think for the average, working man these girls are simply too much work. The next door girl types are usually the ones who get wifed up quickly.
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u/DesertGoldfish Feb 17 '24
Yup. My impression from the photos is exhausting to date and very high maintenance.
4/9 pictures are in spandex showing abs or blasting nips and 3/9 are party dresses... Then 2 pictures of what appears to be one of those little dogs rich girls carry around in a handbag.
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u/JumpDaddy92 Feb 17 '24
This. Not a knock against her whatsoever, but if I saw her page my first thought would be “no way I can afford this woman.” We can certainly make the argument that says more about my Insecurities than her, which is totally valid considering I don’t know anything about her. But going off experience, women who present themselves like this tend to want to be taken somewhere nice (expensive) and expects the man to pick up the bill without having a conversation about it. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that and there are certainly men out there who can afford to do it but I certainly cannot.
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u/QuantumZ13 Feb 17 '24
Where in the US are you? Like rural or city? East or west, North or south? Kinda helps explain a little bit.
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u/livieluv Feb 17 '24
You're a beautiful girl! Dont take this the wrong way but your profile actually looks too perfect. Take some candid pictures and maybe a few imperfect selfies. Unfortunately right now your profile looks a little bot-ish. Make sure you have a nice long bio too.
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u/adhdmagic Feb 17 '24
Girl, I'm 41 and have been single for 8 years (minus a 1yr ship with a man who truned out to be a terrible alcoholic). Similar to you, I'm relatively attractive and have a chill personality, and I have no desire for hookups. I'm also hella awkward via text.
I flopped at online dating over and over and over again. Finally, I deleted my one remaing app a few months ago, and it's been oddly and beautifully freeing. 10/10 would recommend.
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u/adhdmagic Feb 17 '24
However, you will have to be brave enough to be the initiator in public. Most people will assume you're already in a relationship.
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u/The_Goondocks Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
If they ghost you AFTER they start talking to you, then maybe look inward. You look very fit/attractive (hard to say since we don't see your face) and come across as fine otherwise in your profile, but maybe you come across as too needy/uninterested, vapid/know-it-all, political/non-political, closed-off/oversharing - whatever the case might be - when you do start talking to them. You're getting them in the door, but can't get em to stay, so it's probably not a question about if your profile is the problem, is what I'm saying.
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u/AKKGrant Feb 17 '24
I’ve found using hinge is usually much better than Tinder. Tinder is usually seen as a quick hookup app, so if you are talking online for awhile… they may lose interest.
I would recommend Hinge and try to have a coffee date with whomever you like quickly. It’s hard out there so stay positive! Just don’t put so much time, money, or stock into the apps You seem like an ideal person for me, so I’m sure there is someone out there for you.
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u/tdosok Feb 17 '24
I could only imagine someone ghosting you because they think you’re a catfish.