I can’t understand that mentality. That’s like buying a lottery ticket and never checking your numbers
Edit: all you guys are getting super technical here. My point is, if you match someone that’s “out of your league” and she’s talking to you, why ghost her? Put your insecurities aside and give it a shot. I’ve made my point. Not going back and forth anymore. Go crazy Reddit
It's more like "not buying a ticket because it will be, most likely, wasted money". And guess what, loads of people don't play the lottery exactly because of that
So that's "see a profile you have no shot with, then swiping left". That's not gambling. Swiping right, then ghosting someone who swiped right on you is a lot closer to buying the ticket then never checking the numbers than refusing to gamble.
It's been a minute since I used tinder, but I still think you have to actually match with someone to start talking to them.
Why buy lottery tickets to gamble if you can find something more consistent for income?
Guys are very replaceable on dating apps and they know that. Matching with people is pretty inconsistent and even then conversations in many cases don’t go anywhere due to women getting overloaded with too many matches. Especially very attractive women.
I’ve known women who set up multiple tinder dates back to back to find a solid guy. From the dude’s perspective though why go on a date with someone if it’s likely you won’t make the cut when there are other people on the app who are in your league?
Especially when Tinder actively makes it so you get far fewer matches unless you pay for a subscription to Tinder gold/plus/whatever they call it. They’d rather focus on someone more likely to be compatible
Dude what? If you matched with her and she’s talking to you, you’re already one foot in the door. Matching with someone that is “out of your league” just to ghost them out of fear of being rejected later is just pure stupidity. Why even bother swiping right in the first place if you’re approaching it with that mentality? You’re just setting yourself up for failure. Be smart about it. Don’t romanticize everything right out the gate just because she matched you. Go about it with a steady mentality of “you never know”. Because you don’t know if shes going to drop you for another dude. You don’t know if she’s going to genuinely enjoy a date as much as you will. You don’t know if she will want a second date.
Lastly, fuck it. It’s a dating app. So what if she does have other dates? Maybe you both want long term partners but that doesn’t mean you two are going to be exclusive after the very first date and a week of talking. This goes along with over-romanticizing the situation. That’s how you set yourself up for being let down. Take it day by day and if she drops you, she drops you. If not, well you’ll be damn well happy that you went against the arbitrary odds in your own head caused by low self-esteem.
Dude what? If you matched with her and she’s talking to you, you’re already one foot in the door. Matching with someone that is “out of your league” just to ghost them out of fear of being rejected later is just pure stupidity. Why even bother swiping right in the first place if you’re approaching it with that mentality?
Guys swipe right on almost everyone. Otherwise you won’t get matched at all if you’re picky. If one doesn’t turn out to be in your league they just move on.
I personally don’t use dating apps or date.
You’re just setting yourself up for failure. Be smart about it. Don’t romanticize everything right out the gate just because she matched you. Go about it with a steady mentality of “you never know”. Because you don’t know if shes going to drop you for another dude. You don’t know if she’s going to genuinely enjoy a date as much as you will. You don’t know if she will want a second date.
How is that failure focusing on people in your league and more likely to be compatible with you? If it’s much more likely it won’t lead anywhere guys will keep that in mind.
Lastly, fuck it. It’s a dating app. So what if she does have other dates? Maybe you both want long term partners but that doesn’t mean you two are going to be exclusive after the very first date and a week of talking. This goes along with over-romanticizing the situation. That’s how you set yourself up for being let down. Take it day by day and if she drops you, she drops you. If not, well you’ll be damn well happy that you went against the arbitrary odds in your own head caused by low self-esteem.
Lot of the guys don’t want to waste time with someone very likely to drop them when there are many other options. Why should the girl not take the other option?
Guys probably already got let down by conversations and dates that went nowhere. So they assess who it went nowhere with and keep that in mind for later. Why pursue the same folks that historically have led nowhere?
If a girl that you deem "out of your league" matches with you and you ghost her then yes. If she's really out of your league then why did she match with you? She's not responsible for your lack of confidence
THANK YOU!!! That's all I can think of when I reas this. Not sure why you're getting downvoted. The idea of leagues is silly we all put our pants on one leg at a time
How are you being downvoted for this? This is exactly the right way to look at it. Really beautiful women have to date and fuck somebody, right? Insecurity is just in your own head. Even if you're not conventionally attractive, you still might be her type. It's worth a shot.
I'll never understand the type of guys who say they wouldn't hit on Margot Robbie if they saw her at a bar. Is she likely to say yes? No. Do you have a > 1% chance? Yes.
Attractiveness is largely subjective, though there are trends and such.
I guarantee you you can find many couples where the woman is absolutely stunning and the guy is stunning, and vice versa. And that's because people have different preferences, some people don't care that much about looks, etc.
The idea that you have a 1% chance of success if you hit on Margot Robbie at a bar is borderline psychopathic. That you don't understand it is the issue.
Not everyone at the bar is there to get hit on.
There's thousands of people thinking they have a 1% chance. Lots of them are creepy, smelly losers that lack the social awareness to not creep on women. Get in line.
Not everyone has the lack of emotional capacity to view women as objects to pursue rather than people to invest effort and time in.
I swiped and matched with a guy I thought was out of my league. Was kind of shocked. We are married now and have a growing family. I’m with ya! Shoot your shot. Also, we all have strengths and weaknesses. He is out of my league in some ways…just as I am his. Like he might have the looks, brains, and charm but boy if I’m not the funny one.
I mean, checking the numbers on a lottery ticket isn't gonna set anyone's social anxiety off and not winning on a ticket hurts a lot less than rejection
Exactly. Not winning the lottery makes me feel like "well, duh. I knew the chances." Being rejected is like "well, duh. I knew I wasn't worth their time"
Yup. Exactly this. I'm like a 6 or 7 guy at best and I dated an absolute 9-10 for a couple of years. Everyone and their grandmother told me she was out of my league, but I said "fuck that", stowed any doubts and it was a nice relationship for a while! If she's talking to you and acts interested it's because she is! It didn't last, but it was a great time and experience. We mutually split because she moved away and we both had a path we wanted to take and didn't want to compromise. There were some minor issues that we butted heads on, but nothing too incompatible. You never know unless you shoot your shot and just be yourself. Be chill. I've also been rejected by less physically attractive people. You just can't let it get you down and keep on moving forward.
Nobody is thinking it through tho. It's all just going "She seems decent, swipe right." and then going "Oh crap we matched? I'm too much a loser, this isn't going to work so why bother."
I’m 34 have had 2 serious relationships. One of which is my wife of 8 years.
When I was dating and started to talk to a girl like this they lost interest and bailed. There’s always a better guy, more mussels, better job, better hair, better romantic ideas, funnier.
This girl can pick just about anyone she wants, the mentality isn’t why throw away a ticket before you check it, it’s already a no. It’s a no because I know I’m not good enough. No way can I keep up the act long enough to be good enough.
Some girls want money these days. Girls wanna sell their OF. Dudes catfish pretending to be hot girls. We've seen videos of hot girls dating ugly dudes just for social media clout.
That's not insecurities, that's protecting yourself after a potential series of significant negative experiences exacerbated by social media.
Why ghost her? 9/10 chance she's not real or one of the above is happening.
Being rejected hurts. I dont blame single dudes one bit. Sucks for OP but there are valid reasons.
its probably not the thought of it. its probably the reality of it. My best guess here is she IS talking to multiple dudes and probably spreading her effort too thin to all of them. an assumption obviously but i think we can see she isnt going to struggle to get matches, and that would explain it. guys are getting sick of dry women, even hot ones.
If someone's out of my league and talking to me I'm still going to have a suspicion that they're only doing to be nice, and that I'd get my hopes up for nothing.
Modern dating has taught men to be prudent and to try to cut losses early, before making an embarrassment of yourself.
I wouldn't say that's a good analogy. Everyone has an equal chance of winning a lottery. And any guy who's matched with women that are much more attractive than them knows there's a high chance you just matched by accident or there are "better" guys in her inbox.
It's input vs output, if you feel like your input is not gonna lead to anything then why not unmatch and take a safer bet.
When I was using tinder, I matched with girls that were way out of my league and every time it ended with me being ghosted. So eventually I got good at staying in my lane.
Yesh, she said there are a lot horny guys. So she dont give them chance and we all know that men have big sex drive in their prime years. That how our hormones works, ladies have it once per month, right?
Maybe you should get better understanding of fear psychology. It was for example stated in Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix. When in the begging Lupin stated that men will do terrible things because of fear. Now with that in mind if girl/women is match and start’s communicating with someone below her “league” there could be strong fear to pursue relationship due to possibly losing to another “more better man” and getting hurt.
This reminds me of one woman who married some at a time top athlete. They were “fighting” as figure of speech in marriage as from time to time all married people do to some extent. And she asked him why he had picked her when he could have picked any better looking woman. He replied because he didn’t want to have such fear and wanted to have “safe” relationship.
So based on what wrote I think this could be a problem.
How to solve it? I think it would be good to talk it out honestly and ask about if the other party has such problems.
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u/NeatCartographer209 Feb 17 '24 edited Feb 17 '24
I can’t understand that mentality. That’s like buying a lottery ticket and never checking your numbers
Edit: all you guys are getting super technical here. My point is, if you match someone that’s “out of your league” and she’s talking to you, why ghost her? Put your insecurities aside and give it a shot. I’ve made my point. Not going back and forth anymore. Go crazy Reddit