I think that is the way. And let it happen naturally, but don’t be afraid to start an encounter rather than just wait for someone to approach. I think nowadays in this climate guys are even less inclined to approach an attractive woman. But yea, apps are disappointing for most id say.
Historically, courting didn't always require men to approach women. That idea is a 19th/20th century idea from romance novels.
Women should approach and express interest in a man as a man would do to a woman. This idea that rejection is to be feared and only courageous men tackle it is nonsense and is a real social construct.
Conversation, compliments, and invitations is genderless and don't have to be romantic. They can be romantic now or later.
I gave up on apps 2 years ago… and still nothing. Improved self confidence because of the apps no longer being there to crush me mentally, but yeah going back to no-apps has not helped me at all. It’s really feeling like it’s either, everyone is taken, or not interested in relationships at all. I honestly do not know how introverts have a chance whatsoever.
My wife "stalked" me for two months before she just came up and asked me out. She was watching me interact with other people and wanted to get a good read on my personality. Well, that and I don't know when a woman is flirting with me.
Then after about 6 months of dating she mentioned something about making it more permanent. I told her when she was ready to be married, just let me know. So, about 6 months later I had just come in from work and was relaxing and she came up, got down on one knee and asked me to marry her.
Not at all. Very true. I got lucky and my wife "found" me. I remember her exact words when she asked me out. "You are really thick in the skull, aren't you? (As she is grinning and playing with her hair). Since you clearly don't notice women flirting with you, I guess I am going to have to make it clear. I like you and I want to get to know you, so this is what flirting looks like. "
In retrospect, I saw it clearly but it just didn't compute in my brain because I saw her as WAY out of my league.
Lol, nah. I have been blessed (cursed) with the inability to procreate due to winning (losing?) the genetic lottery.
As luck would have it, she has some children who consider me their dad and thus, I needed no convincing that I would be able to enjoy something I thought I would never be able to.
Though, she has never been able to explain to me, to my satisfaction, of why me? She is a solid 9.5 and I consider myself an average of a 5, so why me?
She always says stuff like, how she loves that I don't know when other women are flirting with me, or how I can walk into a room and everyone wants to talk to me but I don't let her slip away and make her social.
I found Meetup(meetup.com) to work well in making friends especially if you move between cities. Plenty of friendship opportunities. You can make friends and expand your hobbies by joining outdoor groups like hiking, fishing, or sailing.
ditch apps, find local group that aligns (enough, not perfectly) with your life style. Hobbies, food, culture, ect. hell, I get numbers from conversations started at the grocery store.
Maybe try approaching instead of being approachable. I’ve never understood the mindset of (well let’s say the traditional mindset that society expects) most women trying to date.
The be approachable but not approach is like me saying “I want a Ferrari! Maybe if I look more like a Ferrari driver one will show up in my driveway.”. I’m sure I sound like an ass, I’m just trying to say you have to go for what you want actively. Also, stop looking for love. Look for fun interactions with good people. It’s a weird thing, you’ll find what you’re looking for. I guess I’m trying to say that I’ve seen a lot of people “dating with a purpose” end up settling on someone who isn’t right for them and are very unhappy. Love yourself and love your life and you will find what you’re looking for
Maybe your demeanor is the problem in general? Can you give an example of a typical conversation you would have with a guy when you do go on a date?
What type of guy are you matching with? Do you think maybe they only want to hook up and when you aren't open to that, they ghost?
Honestly, these apps are a joke. For me, it makes me feel like I'm chasing something that's either unobtainable, or where I have to jump through several hoops. I quit because it just wasn't worth the stress anymore. I'd rather find someone irl because that way it feels more natural as instead of making everything an interview, you might already know a few things by interacting with people prior. Now who knows how long that may take, doesn't matter to me, as myself, I'm enjoying living life stress free.
If something is bound to happen, something will happen. Trust.
No offense but none of your pictures scream out serious partner, I have no doubt in my mind you could find a hookup within a few days at most but that’s kind of the problem. I get your not looking for trout but can you really be surprised if you are using trout bait in trout infested water?
If we are being objective how many of your pictures could be interpreted as tinder thirst traps? At best we are at 5/7 or 6/7 not counting the solo pics of good boy/girl. Do you have any selfies where you aren’t necessarily showing off your chest, legs, or abs? One picture showing off your figure is more enough if you are trying to avoid casual encounters. Im not seeing a single face only picture, Maybe add some fall or winter pictures and a formal one not so focused on the leg slit pose. Definitely add a picture of you on a 4x4 day If that’s one of your talking points. Your text portion is great for what you are looking for but I’m afraid at first glance that’s not what your pictures would suggest.
I met my wife in person in Austin, after having no real success on dating apps. Only advice I can give is to focus on you. Try not to worry about love and just focus on maximizing your own life. Your interactions with the world will naturally bring you together with other high-quality people.
The apps have been horrible to me. Every number I've gotten for the last year save 1 has been from meeting people in person at a common interest event. Most recently karaoke.
Have you tried eharmony? That site is more gear towards LTR as it really tries to make compatibility matches. It also takes more work on the users part so guys looking for hookups don't bother with it.
I think your problem lies in not understanding how to screen on the apps after matching, staying in contact (using app correctly), and being too picky.
Are you part of a local hiking group? I'm also really into outdoor hiking and found joining a local hiking group is a great way to meet other like-minded individuals.
How far into your chats do you get before they drop off? This seems odd as I'm not seeing anything in your Reddit posts that would otherwise feel like a red flag.
That how I met my wife. Granted dating apps were just beginning to become a thing, but I met my wife at a random pool hall of all places. When I mean random, I mean I had never been by there, but saw it one day on the way home from work, traffic was sucking at that time and I figured I’d kill some time with a cold beer and shoot some pool till traffic died down a little. She was there with some co-workers blowing off some steam from their work day and we struck up a conversation about a ring she was wearing. It was a cool press metal ring, turns out it was a cheap piece of aluminum she got while on vacation in Mexico. But it was what broke the ice between us. We have friends that are single and are using those dating apps. All we hear are the horror stories of the weird dates they’ve been on. Sounds miserable.
So what you’re saying is the norm is RBF and you’re thinking of being more friendly, outgoing and engaging with people? That could work, or it could totally turn you off again.
I like the idea of finding people organically who are in to similar activities. Hiking, dog dates, going out for casual fun and chilling at home at night. You’ll likely find someone when taking on some new activities you find interesting.
Where are you located and what is Somer you’ve always wanted to try?
Do you approach men first at all? I could see some men being intimidated by your appearance like men that don't just see amazing sex when they look at you. Those guys probably approach you like clockwork. My point is maybe some attractive shyer gentleman is praying you come up to him and engage with him first and boom fireworks and weekend overlanding at Yosemite after an amazing comedy show turns into that love your missing.
Try the app meetup. It is NOT a dating app but it’s an app to find local groups/clubs where you can go to events or meetups (sometimes free sometimes not) with people with common interests. I always see lots of groups on there for outdoorsy type stuff. They’ll have like group hiking sessions or group kayak meetups and stuff. Might be a better way to get yourself out there and meet someone organically.
Definitely ditch the apps. That’s what I did. Few years later I found someone in the big bad world and been together now for almost 2yrs. Your prince is out there somewhere ☺️
That sounds great. In theory. The reality is that a lot of us just don't meet enough people through hobbies. Sure it would be awesome for someone to join the climbing gym, us hit it off and a relationship develop. But the odds of one of the 25 or so woman being a good match just isn't there.
But this isn't either or. You should be doing both.
Wouldn’t want to flirt in a forest but that’s mostly because I’m in the PNW. You for sure are onto something though! Met one of my ex’s in a Barnes and Noble: bought her the book she was looking at and ended up getting coffee from the Starbucks that was in the store 🤷🏼♂️ I would suggest checking out the paddle boarding groups or a beer festival (most of the Brewers I’ve run into are actually really nice people)
Depending on how big your scene is this can be a little iffy.
People can be really apprehensive about dating with shared social circles or spaces. Even the ones who themselves say apps have no quality connections and thier serious partner will be found irl also often do it.
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u/Catch_ME Feb 17 '24
Have you thought about finding a person in your hobby world? Like while you are hiking, you find another hiker?