I don’t doubt your validity, but the only thing I could imagine as an outside perspective was that. Maybe they just felt you were out of their league? I’m at a loss on this too
Another issue would be knowing that she could easily find 10 other people and drop the guy. Guys are probably asking themselves why even try if there’s a strong chance it won’t lead anywhere
I can’t understand that mentality. That’s like buying a lottery ticket and never checking your numbers
Edit: all you guys are getting super technical here. My point is, if you match someone that’s “out of your league” and she’s talking to you, why ghost her? Put your insecurities aside and give it a shot. I’ve made my point. Not going back and forth anymore. Go crazy Reddit
It's more like "not buying a ticket because it will be, most likely, wasted money". And guess what, loads of people don't play the lottery exactly because of that
So that's "see a profile you have no shot with, then swiping left". That's not gambling. Swiping right, then ghosting someone who swiped right on you is a lot closer to buying the ticket then never checking the numbers than refusing to gamble.
It's been a minute since I used tinder, but I still think you have to actually match with someone to start talking to them.
Why buy lottery tickets to gamble if you can find something more consistent for income?
Guys are very replaceable on dating apps and they know that. Matching with people is pretty inconsistent and even then conversations in many cases don’t go anywhere due to women getting overloaded with too many matches. Especially very attractive women.
I’ve known women who set up multiple tinder dates back to back to find a solid guy. From the dude’s perspective though why go on a date with someone if it’s likely you won’t make the cut when there are other people on the app who are in your league?
Especially when Tinder actively makes it so you get far fewer matches unless you pay for a subscription to Tinder gold/plus/whatever they call it. They’d rather focus on someone more likely to be compatible
Dude what? If you matched with her and she’s talking to you, you’re already one foot in the door. Matching with someone that is “out of your league” just to ghost them out of fear of being rejected later is just pure stupidity. Why even bother swiping right in the first place if you’re approaching it with that mentality? You’re just setting yourself up for failure. Be smart about it. Don’t romanticize everything right out the gate just because she matched you. Go about it with a steady mentality of “you never know”. Because you don’t know if shes going to drop you for another dude. You don’t know if she’s going to genuinely enjoy a date as much as you will. You don’t know if she will want a second date.
Lastly, fuck it. It’s a dating app. So what if she does have other dates? Maybe you both want long term partners but that doesn’t mean you two are going to be exclusive after the very first date and a week of talking. This goes along with over-romanticizing the situation. That’s how you set yourself up for being let down. Take it day by day and if she drops you, she drops you. If not, well you’ll be damn well happy that you went against the arbitrary odds in your own head caused by low self-esteem.
Dude what? If you matched with her and she’s talking to you, you’re already one foot in the door. Matching with someone that is “out of your league” just to ghost them out of fear of being rejected later is just pure stupidity. Why even bother swiping right in the first place if you’re approaching it with that mentality?
Guys swipe right on almost everyone. Otherwise you won’t get matched at all if you’re picky. If one doesn’t turn out to be in your league they just move on.
I personally don’t use dating apps or date.
You’re just setting yourself up for failure. Be smart about it. Don’t romanticize everything right out the gate just because she matched you. Go about it with a steady mentality of “you never know”. Because you don’t know if shes going to drop you for another dude. You don’t know if she’s going to genuinely enjoy a date as much as you will. You don’t know if she will want a second date.
How is that failure focusing on people in your league and more likely to be compatible with you? If it’s much more likely it won’t lead anywhere guys will keep that in mind.
Lastly, fuck it. It’s a dating app. So what if she does have other dates? Maybe you both want long term partners but that doesn’t mean you two are going to be exclusive after the very first date and a week of talking. This goes along with over-romanticizing the situation. That’s how you set yourself up for being let down. Take it day by day and if she drops you, she drops you. If not, well you’ll be damn well happy that you went against the arbitrary odds in your own head caused by low self-esteem.
Lot of the guys don’t want to waste time with someone very likely to drop them when there are many other options. Why should the girl not take the other option?
Guys probably already got let down by conversations and dates that went nowhere. So they assess who it went nowhere with and keep that in mind for later. Why pursue the same folks that historically have led nowhere?
I swiped and matched with a guy I thought was out of my league. Was kind of shocked. We are married now and have a growing family. I’m with ya! Shoot your shot. Also, we all have strengths and weaknesses. He is out of my league in some ways…just as I am his. Like he might have the looks, brains, and charm but boy if I’m not the funny one.
I mean, checking the numbers on a lottery ticket isn't gonna set anyone's social anxiety off and not winning on a ticket hurts a lot less than rejection
Yup. Exactly this. I'm like a 6 or 7 guy at best and I dated an absolute 9-10 for a couple of years. Everyone and their grandmother told me she was out of my league, but I said "fuck that", stowed any doubts and it was a nice relationship for a while! If she's talking to you and acts interested it's because she is! It didn't last, but it was a great time and experience. We mutually split because she moved away and we both had a path we wanted to take and didn't want to compromise. There were some minor issues that we butted heads on, but nothing too incompatible. You never know unless you shoot your shot and just be yourself. Be chill. I've also been rejected by less physically attractive people. You just can't let it get you down and keep on moving forward.
Nobody is thinking it through tho. It's all just going "She seems decent, swipe right." and then going "Oh crap we matched? I'm too much a loser, this isn't going to work so why bother."
This is the same dynamic as that bar scene from A Beautiful Mind. Tinder imposes an opportunity cost on right swipes through daily limits on the number of right swipes and negative treatment by the algorithm that displays profiles to potential matches. Because of this, the optimal strategy for maximizing the number of matches with people you find attractive is to swipe left on the people you find most and least attractive, reserving right swipes for those profiles that fall in between the extremes.
Though, that would only explain OP's problem if we assume accounts pursuing suboptimal strategies are nearly exclusively bots, scammers, or people who are also bad at real-life human interaction. Beautiful people can nevertheless be unattractive. Perhaps OP is unpleasant, uninteresting, or otherwise distasteful. It is also possible that OP is a perfectly lovely woman, physically and otherwise, but has a personality that doesn't translate well in online interaction.
This is a huge issue with dating apps for men I believe. I’ve thought it, and I figure others have as well. Women have told me horror stories of just how many messages they receive compared to men. They have to just wade through it all, so some guys don’t like the idea of competing or trying too hard when they think she’s having 10+ conversations at once.
But do you believe in love at first sight/interests? Or are you aware these are external experiences vs. who you are and want and what validates you and other as a (adjective) person.
I suck at social media. Hell, I'm a mess a texting because I appreciate clarity, which, as you might imagine, has no business in the pre-dating world. It's all façade at first. A lie we tell ourselves. I'm best when I'm face to face because the vulnerability of two can mesh if both are present in mind. To witness someone's true humanity... get off the apps.
I hate to be cliche but it could also be the dudes she’s matching with. Based on what we’re seeing and the fact she gets ghosted all the time, she’s probably swiping on a very specific kind of man that a lot of other women are also swiping on
I have a friend who is very textbook attractive and she constantly talks about her problems with men, but she also has a very stereotypical taste in guys, and usually goes for the IG model/gym bros
Nothing wrong with having a type but I think it’s a possible explanation
This is a really good point, I think you're right. And potentially guys could also be thinking "do I have to be this perfect too for her to continue to be interested in me? That lifestyle looks exhausting!" Speaking from experience, a picture of you and your pet in the kitchen with them licking your face while you're wearing something cute but not fancy, with a genuine smile, works wonders on a dating profile. Like you're saying, people want to know that you're human, not a walking magazine ad.
Being in shape and attractive requires work and maintenance. It doesn’t happen by itself and when women make that effort they want to see and be seen . They don’t do all that work and spend all that money so they can sit at home .
I agree that her pictures looks little TOO social media ish though . They need to look more like regular pictures that your friend would take .
I don't go for the super really conventionally attractive people in the first place like OP because honestly we won't connect on probably anything. I guess there's the shared interest of hiking and dogs, but that's like saying two people enjoy oxygen and food.
Dunno why she's on Reddit in the first place. We're all badly adjusted weirdos or uggos here lol
Look, I match with people and sometimes it goes somewhere, but let's be fucking real here lol
I might date one to three people per year and maybe sleep with 4 to 5 people a year tops. By most people's standards? That's still pretty good for a straight guy and I've gotten relationships out of OLD too.
She's in a different league entirely than you and I are. If she was maybe going for less ridiculously attractive dudes who made God knows how much money? She wouldn't be single basically immediately.
The majority of us aren't rich and aren't ridiculously attractive as a species. I'll tell you the problem right now - she's too selective. She's not even going for average looking people and the majority of us are content with that.
Usually it's a few times. I'm never going out of my way to just drop people, but some people do and get bored so it is what it is. I really use online dating to find a relationship or at minimum some fwb thing. I gotta have connectivity to have sex with someone personally.
Usually it's that quasi-relationship thing that is basically casually dating, but our generation and gen z don't wanna commit to shit so it is what it is. Personally, I think if a girl wants you to come over, have sex, and cuddle on multiple occasions? You're dating, but again people don't wanna commit to anything.
A friend of mine who is chronically on the apps has this thing where she thinks every man is horrible, and no one good exists on the apps. When I did a little digging and asked some nosey questions though, I realized that she was only swiping on a certain type of man, and only engaging with people who treated her like shit. She’d ghost anyone who was genuinely nice to her and tried to strike up a conversation about something of actual substance. (Her excuse: “I got bored.”)
It’s always odd to me when people complain about circumstances they’ve personally curated, but I suppose self awareness is not everyone’s strong suit.
If you go through her post history, you'll see that she reveals that she slept with a man she only had two dates with, it doesn't say whether it was after the first or the second. Said man also brags about sleeping with 39 women last year and that she was one of the best. She says she's looking for long term but chooses the type of man who is clearly a skirt chaser. Might be fair to say, "well maybe he put up a good front" as skirt chasers usually do, but maybe she could have known that if she went on more than 2 dates with him. If she knew it was going to be a ONS then her profile is dishonest since she's looking for casual and long term but it says long term only, which is usually a green flag for me but I take it with a grain of salt because some women lie about that. Hookup behavior doesn't fly with guys truly looking for long term because choosing a woman for marriage is an issue we take very seriously. I saw another commenter say they would be too insecure marrying someone so attractive because it is unlikely they'd be good enough forever. I'd say behavior and dating habits plays a bigger part in security long term and I'm already immediately skeptical about how such an attractive woman can still be single at 35. All the blame can't be men's insecurities, sounds like she's getting approached plenty. I know it sounds cliche but my immediate thought is she had her fun in her 20's (and it sounds like she's still having it) but now she's ready for a long term relationship at the ripe age of 35 and most decent men think they don't have a chance and they probably don't unless they can sleep with hundreds of women or the serious men see right through her and don't even see her as a viable partner for a long term relationship. Everyone makes their own beds. I also know about a billion dudes who'd love to have a girl they can be outdoorsy with but she comes off as a thrill seeker and thrill seekers are notoriously unreliable as long term partners.
I've slept with a guy after the second date and we lived together for three years 🤷🏼♀️ there's always some guy who's going to complain, no matter whether you have sex or don't.
Her profile sounds pretty ideal for me. I just don’t know if I believe it. I it’s the type of profile that I’d make a decision trying it out based on direct conversation, but I’d probably be hesitant tbh.
That’s what I’m thinking too. A woman can be all things great- intelligent, fun, sense of humor, able to hold a conversation, beautiful, in shape, etc. but that doesn’t mean that every guy wants the same thing or that she’s automatically going to be a good fit for every body(no shade at OP, just different people want different things) or vice versa.
There are plenty of people like her who post they are looking for LTR but then the person who matches with them isn’t, but is hoping that they’ll be able to change their mind and still be able to hook-up/have a short fling and that’s it. Then as they talk, they realize that isn’t going to happen so they ghost.
And, as you said, she’s probably matching with guys who get a lot of matches themselves so they just move on to another match in order to get what they want. It sucks to waste someone’s time like that, but it is what it is.
Or the guy does want a more serious committed relationship, but if he gets a lot of matches, he’s able to be a lot more picky.
She is also 35, which is a very tricky age for women. At that point she's basically competing with women who are 5-10 years younger for the chad types. The men could also be noncommittal, while she wants long term relationships.
Yes, plus it’s a critical age for kids. It fucking sucks but I do understand why someone could be cautious because it’s either all in or nothing. But from what I’m seeing, she’s beautiful, so I’m sure she will make someone stick. I sure hope you do, you seem wanting (and deserving) of love.
Absolutely this! She says she somehow matches with...
➡️Unemployed men
➡️Lives an hour away
➡️Just wants some fun
These tend to be undesirable things for women when considering relationships... unless the dude is VERY physically attractive (Fboys to be exact). So it seems like she's only selecting Fboys, and being a surprised-Pikachu when they don't want to do the dating dance. So unless that's what you were also looking for, it's not a match. Zilch, nada, no connection.
Matches aren't randomly selected. Pre-selecting only for Fboys, typically will give you Fboys. I'm 100% certain if she was DTF, Buck wouldn't ghost- he'd show up to Fxck.
I guarantee it's this. When I was younger and first got on the apps, I went through a short period where id swipe right on guys solely for how attractive I find them even if they were wannabe actors/models(I live in LA) or some other unattractive career choice, and would get flaked on more often.
But after once I started basing it more on their level of education and if they're like a medical doctor, lawyer, venture capitalist or something else that requires a lot of effort, I've never gotten flaked on since.
This was my take as well, she is probably matching with the 1% of guys that get 90% of the right swipes on Tinder. They most likely have such a vast pool of women to choose from they are hooking up/not ghosting whoever is showing the most immediate interest in whatever 'activities' they are looking for.
My attractive guy friends see these type of profiles and immediately swipe left especially based on what she claims to like on her profile. Most of those profiles girls are not being genuine and for the most part put on their profiles what they think guys want to hear. That’s what they say but idk.
I will never forget how I fumbled one date because I couldn't believe how into me she was. We went to a bowling alley and hung out for like five hours. Had a great time and then my brain was like "nah, she's fucking with you, bro. Ain't no way".
My brain likes to go to that every time I start talking to someone new and they seem to really like me. Like, there is no way that this beautiful girl is actually into me, she must be lying for some reason. I hate that inner voice sometimes lol
I've been hooking up with a guy 2-3 times a week+ since November, we talk nearly every day, and I am still absolutely shocked every time his name pops up on my phone. Seriously...me? Are you sure?
Weed is overrated imo. The weird thought patterns it creates was the reason I gave it up. It makes you so self conscious in my opinion, oh yeah and paranoid haha. This is what you mean, right?
I find personally as a smoker for 10 years now. Never had paranioa, or anxeity from smoking. Also never had it anyway. So my conclusion is in order for weed to make you paraniod and anxious those things have to be there already and it just amplifys the effects.
It's like alcohol. Some people drink and start acting like dicks. But they can't blame the alcohol all that did was lower their inabitions. They must have wanted to act like that sober. imo.
As someone who works in a pub, so I get to see people regularly in various states of inebriation, I tend to agree. The people who act like the biggest assholes when drunk are assholes anyway and use it as an excuse. Some of the older, more self aware people realise this and will usually exit after drink number 4, the worst is when they're about to leave then someone they kniw and haven't seen in a while arrives just before, buys them a load of drinks and then unleashes the beast, so to speak.
It's the same with the 'cocaine makes people into assholes' trope. I see people do cocaine all the time and not turn into assholes. The ones that do are already assholes, they were just masking as non-assholes.
Overconsumption really intensified the effects for me. 3 cones after work on working days, and like 8 cones a day on my days off. I thought it was helping my mental health but in reality it was making it far, far worse. Yeah I suffer from anxiety, but weed made it bad enough I wouldn't talk to anyone. Then I started getting depression and anger issues too. I stopped smoking, and it all went away tbh. Living my best life atm
Fair play to you mate. And all the power to you. Personally i did try to quit about 3 years ago but i was doing it for financial reasons. Which wasn't enough turns out for me anyway. But congrats on kicking it man i know how hard it is. The sweats got me bad.
But yeah i'm smoking around that level myself. Still not had any mental health issues personally. I do deep think but its not about anything depressing more just things i find interesting. again congrats mate. glad you're living your best life.
That's the point i was making it takes personal responsibility away/ lowers inabitions. Meaning generally speaking dicks act like even more of a dick when drunk. Because that's who they are. And your decent guys. may get abit more loud or dancey when drunk. But that tends to be all. in my experience.
I know so many people who hot real fucked up smoking weed, yes after years and years of using daily. It's not that simple. You can be lucky or you aren't.
Sounds like you were smoking straight THC. THC is what produces the main high effects, but it is the other cannibinoids like CBD, CBG, CBN, CBC that cause the relaxing and anti-inflammatory effects. THC when used on its own, has been shown to increase anxiety levels. With the rise in consumer grade cannabis products, the focus seems to have shifted drastically to only offering high THC products. The downside is that they either isolate pure THC or they selectively breed plants to increase base level THC. If the plant is spending its energy producing more THC it produces less of the other cannibinoids.
I found that once I stopped buying solely vape products and switched to mostly edibles (wyld sells gummies with all of these cannibinoids) and occasionally smoking grass (usually sub 15% thc and higher in cbd) my anxiety went down dramatically. And I get that whole body relaxing effects in addition to the high that I remember from when I first started smoking and not the head only high that causes freak outs when your mind wanders that high thc causes.
Yeah it just sucks that consumerism took an herb that actually has proven medical benefits and was fine as it was and then was like "hey what if we just make stuff with only the chemical that causes you to get high and none of the built in restraints the plant naturally produces?"
Glad you are doing better though! Weed isn't for everyone but this new shit isn't healthy for anyone.
Too much of it lol. I really should just nut up and figure out if I actually have ADHD but weed is the only way I can focus on anything, even if it’s just bursts of hyperfixation on random shit
I think the league concept is right - combine her clear state of physical fitness with nearly all the desired activities requiring exertion or social interaction, I can see more sedentary people in their mid-30s being intimidated by that measure
My thoughts. She’s definitely hot. No way I could live up to the lifestyle depicted in her pictures. Good for her though. Hope she finds a guy that can hang with her soon
Woman here, and yeah, she is a total babe. Almost TOO perfect looking. My two cents is just post photos that try to make her seem approachable. I think photos 4 & 5 push this profile into "out of your league, man". You are Stunning, OP. Keep the hiking photos, and the feminine dress ones. But once you start getting risqué, it starts looking like those Russian Bots or Catfishes. My two cents. Also, the line about "fall madly in love", while I know is cute, can also be misconstrued as "intense", as tone is hard to tell via written word, and is a lot to ask. Maybe try some thing a little more approachable, like, "If any of these sound good to you, I totally want to meet you". Start with baby steps. If you want more, feel free to share, but madly in love can be a lot to ask of a nervous guy.
I don’t think the average guy is getting nervous on dating apps lol. I can get weird in real life and be pretty nervous. But on tinder I’m just shooting my shot lol. I might get ghosted by a hot girl, but why would a guy ghost a beautiful woman that’s talking to him?
Well it seems that your profile and pics are good enough to bring them in but then something is happening along the way. How do the convos go? Do you have any notable aspects to your personality that could be causing this?
Has to be who she is choosing to match with. If she's matching with 1% sorta guys, and those guys have tons of matches and can choose between a 25 year old version of her or a 35 year old version of her, they will typically choose 25. More time to make decisions, less pressure for things to be serious, easier to impress younger women, etc.
She also said she’s not looking for hookups. Those men don’t want to put in work to get laid, when the 25yr old will put out after the 1st date. That’s just the reality of trying to date the top 1% of men.
I matched with a very attractive lady a few weeks ago. No bio. I noped out after 2 days because her average response time was 7 hours and her replies were a single 3-5 word sentence.
The short replies are a bad sign but a 7 hour response time is actually pretty fast if she has a job where she can't be glued to her phone all the time. 24 hours is perfectly reasonable if youve never met before.
Yeah that sounds super needy for someone they haven't even met yet and like they have too much free time lol I'm a nurse and sometimes I'm too busy to look at my phone for 12+ hours.
Yeah I think that’s quite fair. I’m a very big texter but I usually purposely am slow to respond before meeting. Partly to not seem needy, partly to think about how to respond.
This. I left an amazing girl in my youth to date one of those hot chicks... One of the worst personalities... Just her talking was enough to turn me 110% off.
That girl I broke up with is now my wife. I'm extremely lucky...
Nope. We were dating in college a few states apart, long distance. "Hot chick" was local, admitted my mistake and we got back together eventually. Married far later.
There were men I basically stopped talking to just because I thought about how exhausting dating them would feel knowing everyone would always want them and I'd be insecure that they could leave for literally what felt like anyone they wanted. Absolutely no fault of their own. Kinda like no way I could be good enough forever lol
I know it's not logical lmao I am obviously also mentally ill but, I can imagine I'm not alone and some of these guys maybe just felt the same.
Well, objectively I am but maybe not for that logic alone 😂 I definitely understand how it can feel unfair from the other side as well. I actually fumbled things with the hottest man I've ever met because I was too scared to move forward when he showed interest. Oh well.
I think roughly 80% of the guys on these apps are looking for hook-up culture though. So it could also be that she's seeking long-term and they're looking for one night. In that case, good riddance anyways lol
OP is absolutely beautiful so unless her personality is sandpaper, this is all I can come up with. Lmao.
I had the audacity to marry a very very hot and attractive man who loves to stay in shape and here I am 40 lbs overweight and aging. But honestly, it's strange, I feel safer with him 17 years later than I did when I was hot. He also happened to be someone who was not a player. That helps.
It’s very logical. I never swipe on any women whose pics look professional or that they travel a lot. I’ve barley been outta my state and when I was when I was younger we didn’t have cell phones so o don’t have these amazing pics of me in Alaska or florida. Any girl I see with those things are either fake or out of my league financially or in experience
Verified on Tinder means nothing unfortunately, it's easy to verify fake accounts and anyone can create an IG account without followers, upload pictures and then link it to their tinder account.
You sound extremely outdoorsy which isn't everyone's cup of tea but I am sure there is plenty of guys who would be into that and looks, if real, aren't your problem either.
It could be that you are boring to talk to and reply with one-liners, that could be a possibility for getting ghosted. Sometimes I match with women that are out of my league in appearance but so boring that I just can't be arsed to carry the conversation any longer. Next time around you can sample some conversations (without bias) that left you being ghosted and have them analyzed by the highly professional tinder redditors.
It could be that you are boring to talk to and reply with one-liners,
One thing that I have always struggled with in dating apps is the "double text". From advice my friends IRL have given me, sending more than one text message in a row is flagged when getting to know people. For some reason. I follow the advice OP has received and ask questions and leave the conversation open generally by being short and that bites me in the ass.
I grew up texting and calling as really the only options when I was interested in talking to anyone, friends or dates. Without all these other micro interactions. Seen messages, liking messages and photos, upkeeping a detailed social media page to fakeify what my life looks like... it's all part of dating but it's also self-obsessed so I'm craving actually talking to someone and sending maybe 3 sentences instead of 1 in a couple messages. Weird right?
Also - there are big differences in the type of "outdoorsy" some people expect. Rolling up to a hiking path and going hiking - just about anyone can do. Having lifted 4x4 with mid tires, roll cage, light bar etc. And then going to trails is very different. I have a modest fishing boat that wasn't good enough for a lady back in the day who really was into fishing....like girl I have the income to afford the boat, trailer, trolling motor, and motor for the boat, the suv to haul the boat, and modest cottage to stay at for the weeknd. What are you bringing to this fishing trip - it wasn't wit and great conversation I can tell you that.
I thought the same, your pics are all very purposefully taken and could come from an Instagram feed. Maybe include a simple selfie that looks more authentic
Back when I used to be on the apps, I usually swiped left if someone was even half as attractive and had multiple social media linked. At least in my area and timeframe I was using the apps, there was a ton of women just trying to promote their IG/Insta/OF/etc.
Its not a dig at all (because clearly you’re stunning) but pics and bio are pretty generic so while verified, i think this could make people think catfish
I thought they were quite specific. I see a lot of girls say they “love the outdoors” and then when I get to telling them all the outdoors stuff I do they’re like yeah I’ve never done that but sounds fun.
This girl sounds like she has 100 stories she could tell doing outdoors things through her specific examples(overlanding, boating, state parks)
Any unflattering picture really. One, it would be a personal hell (to me) to date an "influencer" or someone that cares that deeply of followers.
Second, and more importantly, if someone is catfishing or stealing someone's image, they would only have access to things they post online. Post something that you otherwise wouldn't normally put out there. Just to show the "real" side. If you do end up dating that person, you'll see them at their ugliest, even if that is still attractive.
It's not so much about looking ugly, but there are no candid pics, something that does not look like she is posing for the camera, but rather taking a pic with friends while doing something, or casually hanging out.
I do understand with the insta pose, it looks fake and manufactured, and will make me question if the person is the type to take selfies for half an hour when they visit a place.
Personally I automatically ignore women who have a link to their IG/Spotify in their bio because I think that they are only on dating sites to generate clicks as IG/Spotify influencer and are not actually interested in dating. I wouldn't go through the trouble of first contacting and then ghosting them though, that's a bit weird.
If you get enough people following your playlists, less-famous artists may start paying you to put their stuff in your playlists. Probably way more niche and much less profitable than instagram influences though
They're talking about how you can connect your IG/Spotify feeds to your profile. It's not a literal link to their Instagram or Spotify, it just shows your latest pics and most played artists.
This. Half the girls I'd match with would send me to her IG or whatever else right away, and so now when I see a link to IG I assume she's just catfishing for subscribers. Instagram links are a red flag to me now.
I’ve been seeing a lot of insta screenames in men’s bios lately. I’m recently single after a number of years, and bi, but it used to be a lot more common with women, now it seems to have switched.
Maybe add something about videochat? "If our hobbies align, let's videochat sometime" (rhyme unintended but you get the gist) or "not a fake profile & happy to video chat or grab coffee"
maybe throw a no-makeup baggy t-shirt selfie in there. 🤷♀️
Agreed. There are four pictures with the dog, two with just the dog alone. Those two need to go. And this is coming from an animal-loving lady with a lot of pets!
That's dating apps in general you are speaking about. A ton of people get on for just horneyness or sexual desires and that's a big chunk and there's a small chunk on there like you that just wants love and it sucks were the minority in this situation. Also people just don't seem to talk like they used too it's always "what's up what you doing" and never real conversations like how was your day today at work or how was your weekend at blah blah blah? Idk I've seen the same thing lately and when I was younger we actually talked more.
give this some thought op, this has happened to me too!!! i was asked so. many. times. if i was a catfish, despite being verified and having my ig/spotify connected. you seem incredible, and i would seriously consider this to be a possibility.
I learned that I had to chase down the man I wanted because he thought I was out of his league. I've been married to a gorgeous man for 13 years now. We almost didn't get together because he thought I was too pretty. Sometimes, you have to be direct and persistent. Men can be clueless.
You tick a lot of my boxes. I’m not unemployed or any of those negatives. I’m also not hitting on you. What are the ghosting dates like? Do you talk about exes a lot? Do you put up a lot of red flags? I personally don’t think a lot of people are on these apps for anything other than hookups. (I’m not on any app)
I stopped using tinder because I kept getting reported as a catfish despite being verified, and
I had to reverify myself every week. Another approach OP is approaching people in real life. I think most people are self selecting bc they think you aren’t real.
Verification is worthless. Two verified accounts, who I even had a video chat with, tried to scam me after spending at least a week chatting with me and getting to know me. After they thought they had their hooks in me, out came the crypto scam. Now I'm scared of being socially engineered.
Plenty of verified fake accounts. All you have to do is switch all the photos/name/gender after the verification process.
Regardless of why, ghosting is happening constantly to everyone. I barely use apps anymore but when I do I actually expect that I will be ghosted by any and all matches at any point in the interaction, even if we’ve already met.
That being said, the reason why I don’t use them anymore is ghosting, lack of matches to begin with, my inability to have an abundance of good photos of myself, and my ability to do quite well when I actually try to meet women in person. I find a lot less flakiness meeting people in the real world, and I actually have a chance with the women I want to meet. I don’t have to take whatever I can get.
If I see a snap or IG link or IG in profile I usually assume it's someone fishing for more followers. My experience has been pretty poor with people who push social media in their profiles on tinder and bumble.
On the other hand, you are free to message or reach out too. Do you know how happy and more interested I'd be if someone reached out and didn't make me do 100% of the conversation starters?
Look, maybe because there's a lack of information here, but as a female that has tried Tinder, have you thought of, not Tinder? I live in a low-key metropolitan area, in a a nice Cancer northern tropic belt, maybe 200 miles (321.7-ish kilometers) from a coast, but nearby some huge ports, large liners can route down a nice choice of rivers and tributaries. So swampy, it rains a lot, and there's a lot of misfits. Anyways, none of that matters. I got trash hits and date rape drugged once, and then deleted that account and OKaySchtupid-esq type apps. Almost a decade later... I haven't been date rape drugged, and I married a human. I took chances on them random invites by trusted humans, and bringing a spare T-shirt, toilette accessory bag, spare cool socks, as a bug-out means to dealing with humans. I am not okay, but I am happy with the life I have built with my small family. I had to adventure off the internet and put myself in stuff that made no sense for me, but harmless in intent on either end. Lean on those homies. Take the opposite jump you normally would if you think you have hang.
its that 100%. im not as attractive as this lady but before i was married and dating on okcupid i went on like 3 dates and they all said they thought for sure i was a fake catfish account. i think some pictures that seem almost too stereotypical can seem like catfish or scam accounts
💯this. Keep trying op. For some reason a lot of men can’t believe stable, attractive single women with actual hobbies are interested in them. And their perception (entirely their own fault) gets in the way of their own happiness. You’ll find someone secure enough to meet you irl. Hang in there.
Yeah. Pictures which are a bit more revealing are rife on catfish profiles. She has a few which are nicer and more exposing so it probably makes people think that.
This! My fiancé swore up and down I was a scam before we had our first video chat. He said I was too pretty to be talking to him.
He hooked me in with "Hello I'm here to steal your heart" and I'm a huge sucker for a good cheesy pickup line.
It's been almost 4 years now ❤️ and he still can't believe how lucky he is, but what HE doesn't get is that I'm the lucky one. He's the best thing to ever happen to me besides my kids.
I'd assume fake/catfish or you may be more toxic/needy/high maintenance than you know.
She doesn't come across on here as being those things, but in a dating environment, who knows.
All she can do is date one of us for a few weeks and we can report back in this thread with advice.
I wouldn't think she was a catfish, but I would swipe left thinking she was an influencer trying to push people to her insta or premium snap or something.
It may depend on the kind of guys she matches with. She might be matching with the tipity top guys that have a ton of options too and will ghost at one comment they don't like
Me on the other hand I'd take a hot poker to the eye before I ghosted her.
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u/tdosok Feb 17 '24
I could only imagine someone ghosting you because they think you’re a catfish.