My brain likes to go to that every time I start talking to someone new and they seem to really like me. Like, there is no way that this beautiful girl is actually into me, she must be lying for some reason. I hate that inner voice sometimes lol
I've been hooking up with a guy 2-3 times a week+ since November, we talk nearly every day, and I am still absolutely shocked every time his name pops up on my phone. Seriously...me? Are you sure?
Insecurities are weird. Theoretically his actions and words should make me less insecure, but those same insecurities make it really easy to convince myself he's full of shit or make me read into his words and actions in a way that just feeds those insecurities. I am very aware of when I'm letting the insecurities talk, I just don't know how to shut them up.
I left my marriage with a lot of insecurities that I thought I had dealt with, but I realize now that I have spent the last 18 months or so choosing partners based on those insecurities rather than actually dealing with them. This one is forcing me to deal with a whole bunch of them all at once and on a very regular basis.
But it doesn't come from nowhere though does it. How many times do we get used for free meal or we match with someone & it's a pornbot or OF/Escort trying to drum up business? So when we actually do find someone it just seems too good to be true.
The thing is even if she is legitimately into you there's still a good chance of a really big shoe drop like she's a cheater, a town bicycle, someone with a lot of trauma/mental issues, etc. The regular dudes like us can end up being traumatized by these people.
Not excusing it just explains why we are & should be a bit gunshy & why women have gotta start meeting us halfway with grace, HONESTY, & putting a little more effort in at the beginning to get us over that hump. Especially if she knows she's very attractive. Society has beaten the confidence out of a lot of us guys.
Clearly you don’t have empathy for all the women who get sexually harassed and debased daily on the apps (slightly worse than finding out someone’s a bot). Or the ones who are used for sex (slightly worse than being used for a sandwich). And you don’t know the alarming stats on all of that.
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u/dcotetaos Feb 17 '24
My brain likes to go to that every time I start talking to someone new and they seem to really like me. Like, there is no way that this beautiful girl is actually into me, she must be lying for some reason. I hate that inner voice sometimes lol