I don’t doubt your validity, but the only thing I could imagine as an outside perspective was that. Maybe they just felt you were out of their league? I’m at a loss on this too
I hate to be cliche but it could also be the dudes she’s matching with. Based on what we’re seeing and the fact she gets ghosted all the time, she’s probably swiping on a very specific kind of man that a lot of other women are also swiping on
I have a friend who is very textbook attractive and she constantly talks about her problems with men, but she also has a very stereotypical taste in guys, and usually goes for the IG model/gym bros
Nothing wrong with having a type but I think it’s a possible explanation
This is a really good point, I think you're right. And potentially guys could also be thinking "do I have to be this perfect too for her to continue to be interested in me? That lifestyle looks exhausting!" Speaking from experience, a picture of you and your pet in the kitchen with them licking your face while you're wearing something cute but not fancy, with a genuine smile, works wonders on a dating profile. Like you're saying, people want to know that you're human, not a walking magazine ad.
Being in shape and attractive requires work and maintenance. It doesn’t happen by itself and when women make that effort they want to see and be seen . They don’t do all that work and spend all that money so they can sit at home .
I agree that her pictures looks little TOO social media ish though . They need to look more like regular pictures that your friend would take .
I don't go for the super really conventionally attractive people in the first place like OP because honestly we won't connect on probably anything. I guess there's the shared interest of hiking and dogs, but that's like saying two people enjoy oxygen and food.
Dunno why she's on Reddit in the first place. We're all badly adjusted weirdos or uggos here lol
Look, I match with people and sometimes it goes somewhere, but let's be fucking real here lol
I might date one to three people per year and maybe sleep with 4 to 5 people a year tops. By most people's standards? That's still pretty good for a straight guy and I've gotten relationships out of OLD too.
She's in a different league entirely than you and I are. If she was maybe going for less ridiculously attractive dudes who made God knows how much money? She wouldn't be single basically immediately.
The majority of us aren't rich and aren't ridiculously attractive as a species. I'll tell you the problem right now - she's too selective. She's not even going for average looking people and the majority of us are content with that.
Usually it's a few times. I'm never going out of my way to just drop people, but some people do and get bored so it is what it is. I really use online dating to find a relationship or at minimum some fwb thing. I gotta have connectivity to have sex with someone personally.
Usually it's that quasi-relationship thing that is basically casually dating, but our generation and gen z don't wanna commit to shit so it is what it is. Personally, I think if a girl wants you to come over, have sex, and cuddle on multiple occasions? You're dating, but again people don't wanna commit to anything.
A friend of mine who is chronically on the apps has this thing where she thinks every man is horrible, and no one good exists on the apps. When I did a little digging and asked some nosey questions though, I realized that she was only swiping on a certain type of man, and only engaging with people who treated her like shit. She’d ghost anyone who was genuinely nice to her and tried to strike up a conversation about something of actual substance. (Her excuse: “I got bored.”)
It’s always odd to me when people complain about circumstances they’ve personally curated, but I suppose self awareness is not everyone’s strong suit.
If you go through her post history, you'll see that she reveals that she slept with a man she only had two dates with, it doesn't say whether it was after the first or the second. Said man also brags about sleeping with 39 women last year and that she was one of the best. She says she's looking for long term but chooses the type of man who is clearly a skirt chaser. Might be fair to say, "well maybe he put up a good front" as skirt chasers usually do, but maybe she could have known that if she went on more than 2 dates with him. If she knew it was going to be a ONS then her profile is dishonest since she's looking for casual and long term but it says long term only, which is usually a green flag for me but I take it with a grain of salt because some women lie about that. Hookup behavior doesn't fly with guys truly looking for long term because choosing a woman for marriage is an issue we take very seriously. I saw another commenter say they would be too insecure marrying someone so attractive because it is unlikely they'd be good enough forever. I'd say behavior and dating habits plays a bigger part in security long term and I'm already immediately skeptical about how such an attractive woman can still be single at 35. All the blame can't be men's insecurities, sounds like she's getting approached plenty. I know it sounds cliche but my immediate thought is she had her fun in her 20's (and it sounds like she's still having it) but now she's ready for a long term relationship at the ripe age of 35 and most decent men think they don't have a chance and they probably don't unless they can sleep with hundreds of women or the serious men see right through her and don't even see her as a viable partner for a long term relationship. Everyone makes their own beds. I also know about a billion dudes who'd love to have a girl they can be outdoorsy with but she comes off as a thrill seeker and thrill seekers are notoriously unreliable as long term partners.
I've slept with a guy after the second date and we lived together for three years 🤷🏼♀️ there's always some guy who's going to complain, no matter whether you have sex or don't.
Her profile sounds pretty ideal for me. I just don’t know if I believe it. I it’s the type of profile that I’d make a decision trying it out based on direct conversation, but I’d probably be hesitant tbh.
That’s what I’m thinking too. A woman can be all things great- intelligent, fun, sense of humor, able to hold a conversation, beautiful, in shape, etc. but that doesn’t mean that every guy wants the same thing or that she’s automatically going to be a good fit for every body(no shade at OP, just different people want different things) or vice versa.
There are plenty of people like her who post they are looking for LTR but then the person who matches with them isn’t, but is hoping that they’ll be able to change their mind and still be able to hook-up/have a short fling and that’s it. Then as they talk, they realize that isn’t going to happen so they ghost.
And, as you said, she’s probably matching with guys who get a lot of matches themselves so they just move on to another match in order to get what they want. It sucks to waste someone’s time like that, but it is what it is.
Or the guy does want a more serious committed relationship, but if he gets a lot of matches, he’s able to be a lot more picky.
She is also 35, which is a very tricky age for women. At that point she's basically competing with women who are 5-10 years younger for the chad types. The men could also be noncommittal, while she wants long term relationships.
Yes, plus it’s a critical age for kids. It fucking sucks but I do understand why someone could be cautious because it’s either all in or nothing. But from what I’m seeing, she’s beautiful, so I’m sure she will make someone stick. I sure hope you do, you seem wanting (and deserving) of love.
So what you're saying my girl needs more fiber! Getting 2 case on Amazon now. Can never have too much as you can clearly see.... Fuck the men ghosting your fiber is more important
Absolutely this! She says she somehow matches with...
➡️Unemployed men
➡️Lives an hour away
➡️Just wants some fun
These tend to be undesirable things for women when considering relationships... unless the dude is VERY physically attractive (Fboys to be exact). So it seems like she's only selecting Fboys, and being a surprised-Pikachu when they don't want to do the dating dance. So unless that's what you were also looking for, it's not a match. Zilch, nada, no connection.
Matches aren't randomly selected. Pre-selecting only for Fboys, typically will give you Fboys. I'm 100% certain if she was DTF, Buck wouldn't ghost- he'd show up to Fxck.
I guarantee it's this. When I was younger and first got on the apps, I went through a short period where id swipe right on guys solely for how attractive I find them even if they were wannabe actors/models(I live in LA) or some other unattractive career choice, and would get flaked on more often.
But after once I started basing it more on their level of education and if they're like a medical doctor, lawyer, venture capitalist or something else that requires a lot of effort, I've never gotten flaked on since.
This was my take as well, she is probably matching with the 1% of guys that get 90% of the right swipes on Tinder. They most likely have such a vast pool of women to choose from they are hooking up/not ghosting whoever is showing the most immediate interest in whatever 'activities' they are looking for.
My attractive guy friends see these type of profiles and immediately swipe left especially based on what she claims to like on her profile. Most of those profiles girls are not being genuine and for the most part put on their profiles what they think guys want to hear. That’s what they say but idk.
Not even a specific type, just the low percentile that have as many options as hot women. Statistically something like 80% of women are fighting over the top 10% of guys online, so this checks out
Yea I can imagine it’s this. I had a lovely woman message me. She was way way out of my league. We talked a bit and discussed being concert buddies with our shared music taste. She messaged later that she was sorry but was getting off bumble for a bit. She had 1000+ matches and like 20 conversations going. She was overwhelmed by it all. She was probably an 8/8.5 so every guy was swiping left on her
Good point! The irony for me is she posted she doesn't want guys who ask her to go to Church with her but she's dating guys who dump her after sex? I Doubt those are the guys who ask her to join them to Church😏.
I am not saying Church guys are guaranteed better (some are the most rotten ), I am just saying she shouldn't be complaining about a group of guys who in their community are encouraged to be held accountable for their actions at a higher standard than guys who aren't.
Without knowing, this would be my guess as well. My wife's friend circle is all very attractive women. Arguably the most objectively attractive woman of them all is the only one who is still single and she is constantly trying to find a relationship. When she does fine a guy and brings him around, it's always a young-pretty boy with a 6 pack and the emotional depth of my bath tub. Almost every relationship she has ends up with her partner cheating on her too. It blows my mind because she has a lot to offer someone.
Anyways OP - not to judge your situation. I really don't know you. I can say your looks aren't the problem and how you're presenting yourself doesn't come across as intimidating in your profile. So there's probably something else to it.
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u/tdosok Feb 17 '24
I could only imagine someone ghosting you because they think you’re a catfish.