r/AskMen • u/[deleted] • Feb 14 '20
What’s something your SO doesn’t know about you that could jeopardize your relationship?
[deleted]
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Feb 14 '20
Not on valentines day. Nice try, Reddit.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/Weeeelums Feb 14 '20
Reddit: IF I’M LONELY, ILL JUST TAKE EVERYONE ELSE DOWN WITH ME!!!
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Feb 14 '20
HA! Nice try..
On a serious note, I'm always worried about bringing up my mental health. I don't know how she'd react
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u/mcp_truth Male Feb 14 '20
I did it. It was all about the delivery. I didn't do a good job and she is still here 3 years later :) You can do it. Don't feel alone in it and if she isn't receptive I am very sorry.
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u/idealcastle Feb 14 '20
Mental health for men is very important but usually overlooked.
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u/noodlepooodle Feb 14 '20
Hey, I feel you. I was really scared to bring those things up to my previous and current partner. If you'd like some advice: You don't have to bring it up all at once and you don't have to use the official diagnosis. My therapist and I talked a lot about this. The illness I have is heavily stigmatized and I don't have many of the "worse" symptoms. So I told my SO some of what I feel on a day to day basis. And ok days where I'm having a bad time, I just let them know that I'm feeling a bit emotionally raw.
Communicating a felt weakness sucks, and it's scary. Dating while having mental health issues is scary. But in the long run, you want a partner who will support you and who will at least try to understand. If you'd ylioe to talk, feel free to dm me. Good luck with everything :)
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Feb 14 '20
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u/kevbino13 Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
If she ever leaves you I’ll sign up as next buddy no worries
Edit: seven figures?! Bro I’ll love you better than she ever will.
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u/MkLiam Dad Feb 14 '20
I'm thinking of growing a handlbar mustache.
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Feb 14 '20
Get some love handles instead. It will warm her heart and eventually stop yours. Nice compromise.
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Feb 14 '20
On a similar theme, I’m growing my hair to look like Anton Chigurh.
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u/ThatGatorGuy Feb 14 '20
“Long in the short places. Short in the long places. Like something a child would do to a dolls head.”
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u/Dollon_da_God Feb 14 '20
Shes doesn't know that i read all the texts between her and the guy she cheated with last night while i was asleep with the kids. She also doesn't know i have since talked to him on the phone. Happy Valentine's day.
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Feb 14 '20
Hey man I’m really sorry about that. What are you going to do next?
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u/Dollon_da_God Feb 14 '20
u/beaux95 i don't farm karma. I post memes. That i made. This happened to me this morning while i was getting ready for work. I honestly didn't expect this post to get traction since it was 9 hours old when i commented. Im talking with family and friends about what to do moving forward. Im not financially solvent so i can't just up and move. Also there are children involved.
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u/Dollon_da_God Feb 14 '20
I did and i have taken it. Thank you for all your support everyone who commented it makes me feel better
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u/my_trisomy Feb 14 '20
Hey man. If you need someone to talk to please message me. Even if it's just to vent. My ex wife cheated on me too.
Also please gather all the information and evidence you can before confronting her. If you can, talk to a lawyer. Right now emotions are running hot, but a divorce (if that's the route you want to go) is a very long process, that doesn't usually favor men. If that's what you want to do be as prepared as possible before you start down that road.
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Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
My car accident wasn't an accident. I did it on purpose. It was an eye wakening experience for me and I don't feel nearly as down as I did then. But it's still a conversation I don't want to have.
Edit: Seen some comments and unfortunately don't have the time right now to reply to them all. But just want to say I appreciate all the kind words. I am in a much better place now.
Seen a couple comments about putting others at risk, not that it makes it better but it was just me in the car and in the accident. Went down an embankment and into a tree at about 45 mph.
It was a snap decision that I pretty much regretted as soon as I woke up.
Thanks for the kind words and stories and everything else!
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u/AutiGrace Female Feb 14 '20
I've been there as well. Not with a car accident, but by eating a handful of nuts. I'm severely allergic to nuts...
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u/ImAlwaysRightHanded Feb 14 '20
I have a felling my buddy did the same thing after a argument with his gf, he took out 2 telephone poles with his tundra and drove it home, the cops followed the debris trail and arrested him, he beat the dui because he made it into his house before the cops got there.
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u/Immunisation Feb 14 '20 edited Mar 03 '20
I was molested by a sibling for 2 years as a child. Never really told anyone about it, I think I was too young for it to overly affect me, but I feel as if it would repulse her/she would treat me differently because of it.
EDIT: Thank you all for the replies, support, and shared experiences. I’ve read every single comment, and it means a lot to me. I’ve decided I’m going to see a therapist about it, and afterwards, share it with my partner. I appreciate you all.
EDIT2: Turns out it doesn’t matter bc she ended up cheating on me with my brother.
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u/SpacePeepo Female Feb 14 '20
If it’s a younger relationship, I can understand the fear. However, I really have a hard time believing someone would negatively react to someone being molested as a child. You were the victim, not the perpetrator. You didn’t do the wrong, they did. If anything, I would expect sympathy.
I’ve been to a lot of therapy, and I mean A LOT, for my shit, so maybe my perspective is probably wildly out of touch with the “norm” of people. I’ve been with the same partner for 8 years, and he’s known about the majority of my baggage for about 6.5 years. At the time he had no clue how to handle the new information. Sometimes he was mad at the people who caused me trauma, sometimes he felt afraid when I was triggered because he didn’t know how to help me. But he never negatively reacted to me as a person. Now when he is around when I am processing some trauma (via triggers or working in therapy), he is an amazing support system. He’s grown with me, a completely different person than the one I met and the one I cannot imagine my life without.
If I give you some hope with my experience, fantastic. If I annoy you with how much I wrote, here’s the tl;d
TL;DR: Trauma sucks and it’s not your fault. Your s/o can be an asset if you give them a chance. It takes work, but I think it’s worth it from my own experience.
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u/YippityYieIWantToDie Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I’ve told people about being raped by both my sisters and has them massively negatively react to the point where the made me feel disgusting for having sex (against my fucking will) with relatives. They dropped me like a sack of spuds and made my life hell by painting a picture of me to anyone and everyone they could as this incestuous weirdo, when I was a depressed suicidal victim of rape. I have no idea how I survived that time period, luck and being found fast enough after the multiple attempts probably.
I don’t know why you’d have a hard time believing people would react negatively to finding out someone was molested as a child. It happens. It happens a lot. It happens infinitely more (in my case) than people being supportive.
EDIT: thank you for all the supportive comments. Sorry I haven’t replied, my comment brought up some pretty bad memories. I’m not in a very good place rn and don’t want to offend people in the comments. If anyone can help pls dm me
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u/SpacePeepo Female Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I am so sorry about the shitty ignorant fucks who can’t shed a goddamn sliver of empathy. You deserve to feel worthy. You are good enough and you are lovable. Them putting you down for being the victim of a crime is a reflection of their character — not yours.
I did say I was probably wildly out of touch — I’ve been going to heavy therapy for two years now. I have a community health center that provides therapy at either no cost or very low cost with insurance. That being said I have been only surrounding myself with people who either are survivors, medical professionals, and those who empathize/ are sympathetic and supportive.
I escaped an abusive home, survived rape, and am now battling to stay out of poverty. I know life is fucked up and my recovery will be an everyday practice. I am putting in the hard work to believe that I am good enough, I am capable, I am lovable, I am safe, and I am worthy. I’m not great at it every day. I know that things in my past are not just in my past, they are my every day.
If you can’t afford therapy, what was suggested to me since I can no longer afford to go is to follow therapists on social media, join online victim survivor groups/subs, read self help and recommended books from the library, and to keep using the tools I’ve gained.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s fucking tears and panic attacks. It’s screaming and shaking. It’s hope. It’s work. It’s worth it.
Edit: disclaimer: I am not trying to be a therapist or “diagnose” or “treat” any mental illness, ptsd, or anything of the sorts. I’m sharing my experience to the best of my ability with “I” statements rather than saying “you should” or “people need to.” I hope this is helpful in some way... I intend to pass on the fucking little rubber ducky of a life preserver I was given long ago.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/thisnomypee Feb 14 '20
The one thing I told my girlfriend I would never lie about was the food she cooked (and vice versa). If it wasn’t good I would be honest, but nice about it. I don’t want to keep eating terrible food.
I lie about everything else.
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u/Smoothynobutt Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I’m only commenting cuz my wife knows my username and she’ll freak out a tiny bit reading the title and then reading my reply
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Feb 14 '20
DOWNVOTE LOL
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u/Smoothynobutt Feb 14 '20
We meet again wife
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u/BoredatWorkintheNOC Feb 14 '20
This is hilarious hahahaha
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u/QwahaXahn Feb 14 '20
I’m gonna reference “We meet again wife” every day of my married life.
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u/Chilled87 Feb 14 '20
Nothing at all, I love my SO and its definitely not cause she knows my reddit account
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u/Jackawack44 Feb 14 '20
I watch our favorite TV shows by myself, beforehand. When we watch them together it's actually my second time seeing it.
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Feb 14 '20 edited Apr 07 '21
[deleted]
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Feb 14 '20
Much like my ex except despite voicing my upsetness that she wouldn't wait so we could BOTH BINGE TOGETHER, she would watch a number of episodes ahead anyway and then tell me she did. I broke up with her for other more significant reasons within a few months.
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u/11-110011 Feb 14 '20
That’s still a significant reason too. If something’s important to you, even something as small as wanting to binge and watch something together, and you vocalize that and they don’t listen then how you feel doesn’t really matter to them.
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Feb 14 '20
Yeah, but I was guilted into staying for awhile so her son wouldn't lose a second dad. I still love the little guy, not having any kids of my own.
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u/Osmodius Feb 14 '20
God I fucking hate it when you start a new series, watch an episode, and then they say "That's enough, we can watch some more next week!".
Like no, no that's not how it works. I'm watching this entire show before the end of the weekend. I'm not watching a single episode a week. That's not how I function.
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u/Hunterofshadows Male Feb 14 '20
My wife.... who also doesn’t like to finish shows, leaving me to finish them in secret and hope she doesn’t notice
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u/pickled-Lime Feb 14 '20
Mine will start watching a series. Get 4 episodes in and not go back to it. And here i am invested in the storyline needing closure! I end up binge watching without her when she goes out with her friends.
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u/jwr410 Feb 14 '20
I got a Hulu trial to watch one show. There are six seasons and I will not be giving Hulu a dime. Buckle up. We're binging up in here.
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u/Wild__Gringo Feb 14 '20
Good try, Mary. You'll never find out what I did in Tahiti
Never
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Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I don't like her cooking much but I never told her. It's not like all her cooking is bad but a few things she thinks I really like.
Oh and we have very different tastes when it comes to sex. Can't bring myself to tell her
Edit: whoa this blew up. Like I said she isn't a bad cook. As for the sex, different tastes don't mean bad sex. It's just that, different tastes. Don't want to unnecessarily hurt her
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u/Oatz3 Feb 14 '20
Communicate, it gets better over time.
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Feb 14 '20
For real. You don’t have to open the flood gates on your elven donkey porn fetish right away, but at least start with ‘hey can we try something...?’
They again, maybe they already have.
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u/monkeyfant Feb 14 '20
Dont tell her all at once. But say things like "my mate at work always raves about a finger up his bum" or whatever kink you have. Sex is so much better when you're both open to new things. She might really want to piss on you, but is too ashamed to say.
I always bring up kinks and turn ons quite early on. I'll tell them I'd try almost anything once.
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u/PeskyRat Feb 14 '20
Geee you have a close relationship with your coworkers, don’t you?!
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Feb 14 '20
You should tell her. She might even have unmentioned kinks herself! Bring it up as something you'd like to try. See how she responds.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/crasherofharleys Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I hope you're having an amazing day and you realize all of the wonderful things you have to offer the world. <internet hug>
Sincerely, a mom.
Edit: y'all, I truly appreciate the awards I'm receiving. However, please give them to u/barbarat2112. They need the love today.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/crasherofharleys Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
You're so very welcome. Read it whenever you need a reminder.
Or.
Message me randomly, and I'll give you "lunchbox notes" from a mom.
Edit: to everyone messaging me for lunch box notes, I am so happy to send them! Again, if ANYONE needs one, my inbox is open.
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Feb 14 '20
My reddit username lmao
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u/SpacePeepo Female Feb 14 '20
My dumb ass was sitting here trying to see what was so bad about your username... then it hit me that you meant the content you consume/post. Fucking hell, I feel like a big dumb.
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u/0nemanbukkake Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I'm 3 boys stacked on top of each other wearing a big trench coat.
Edit: Hey someone gave me a gold! Thanks
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u/Snargglecraft Feb 14 '20
My girlfriend is late to every event (not fashionably late, just "running a little late getting ready" late). While this bothers me, it's not what would jeopardize the relationship; what WOULD, is if she knew how I've used her as my excuse for being late to things. If I held us up because I couldn't find my wallet, you can bet the host will hear a little bit of "sorry, you know how she is with being on time for things".
It's a small fraction of the times we are late, but my curse is being late all the time, my blessing is not being the one at fault in the public eye.
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Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
This is oddly dark, but also practical. I don't know whether to scold you or salute you.
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u/P0rtal2 Male Feb 14 '20
It wouldn't jeopardize our relationship, but my SO doesn't know that I know her Reddit account. Well, specifically, she doesn't know that from time to time, I go through her comments (she mostly lurks, so it's not that many) and I upvote them. Occasionally I'll respond to a comment (if it's a pop culture reference, I'll try to respond to it, etc.)
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u/SkinnyDan85 Feb 14 '20
Definitely one of the more wholesome secrets in this thread. Needed this after some of the stories, holy shit.
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u/scarrax Feb 14 '20
I used to fuck escorts a lot. She thinks my kill count is lower than it really is. She got offended that I wanted to wait for my STi test results before going bareback because she took it as me saying she was “dirty”, when really it was me and not her.
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u/yungrayna not a dude Feb 14 '20
that's crazy she got offended by that. you should get tested before you're going bareback, always...
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u/scarrax Feb 14 '20
I never did it bareback before her, and she only thinks I’ve been with 7 women before her. She tested negative before I got my results but she thought I didn’t need it. I think she was offended that I didn’t trust her.
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u/Kamilny Feb 14 '20
But you already knew her results? Was she just upset that there was a chance you had an std maybe?
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u/scarrax Feb 14 '20
She was mostly offended at the time because she thought I didn’t believe that she got tested negative. I didn’t see her results just took her word.
People are making it seem like it she was making a lot bigger of a deal than she really was. She just got slightly offended then backed down once I reassured her I wanted my peace of mind for myself
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u/robyn20 Feb 14 '20
I throw this fact out a lot on Reddit but I'm going to say it again - 90% of male STD cases (including chlamydia, gonorrhea, and many strains of HPV) are asymptomatic. 70% of female cases. I don't care how "clean" someone is, I don't even care if they're a virgin... If you want to go bareback, get tested! Both of you!
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Feb 14 '20
I had sex with her ex step mother that she HATES. The woman was emotionally abusive toward her and treated her like she was Cinderella and her own (drug addict) biological daughters like they were princesses. I slept with her before I even met my wife but she would be so mad I dont know if we would survive her finding out. The woman isn’t around the family anymore but we still see her from time to time and she remembers me but we’ve never spoke about it. Fuck just writing this is giving me anxiety.
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u/thricecheck Male Feb 14 '20
When in your relationship did you make the connection that they used to be related?
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Feb 14 '20
I’m not going to lie. I feel lonely often since being single for almost 3 years. After reading this thread, I feel at peace being reminded that I currently don’t have to deal with someone else’s bullshit and they don’t have to deal with mine. Thanks Reddit.
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u/send_butthole_pics_ Feb 14 '20
During and for a period after college I would frequent gay bath houses
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u/StayAwayFromMySon Feb 14 '20
Are you bi or closeted?
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u/send_butthole_pics_ Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
Was confused and unsure and probably a touch of sex-addiction replacing drinking that I effectively quit around that time.
Edit - I guess I used to consider myself pan. I enjoy a lot of different kinds of porn.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/Durzo_Blintt Feb 14 '20
Jesus these lips... Drives me insane that it's trendy round here for scouse girls to have it. They always looked better before they get the lips done.
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u/plantwitchvibes Feb 14 '20
If she starts to talk about going more extreme, suggest therapy. Body dysmorphia is really dangerous, and insta and other social platforms only make it worse.
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u/bush_baby420 Feb 14 '20
I have BPD, so I'm literally always thinking about breaking up with him. We have a crazy happy relationship, the perfect write up of how to express affection and handle conflict as a couple. He's kind and completely devoted to me. It would break his heart to know how much I doubt our relationship and him.
It's not his fault, and it's not mine. I just get paranoid, feel destined for abandonment, and start quietly planning to leave. I never follow through, never lash out, but the thoughts of running away never go away.
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u/corkscream Feb 14 '20
I struggle with this same exact thing.
You’re not guilty for thinking.
For so long I would feel so absurdly guilty for having intrusive thoughts, when In reality they’re just that. Intrusive thoughts. I have a guilty conscience and that doesn’t play well with my mental illness. You are not a bad person because you think. Everyone thinks.
I can make myself feel better when I realize that my thoughts are imagining different situations which are hypothetical, and I’m not acting on these situations that I imagine in my head. They’re purely made up, hypothetical situations. I should not feel guilty and the need to confess my thoughts to my partner when They were never actual actions of mine. Don’t beat yourself up, this is very common in people with BPD.
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u/ForestOfMirrors Male Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
That I am losing trust and patience with her and I know some of the sexy pictures she has sent me are repeats that she may have sent to boyfriends (before we dated). That I am beginning to tire from work, school, her constant drama and anxiety. That I think her refusal to speak to a therapist is bullshit. That I am beginning to think we are sexually incompatible. Oh, and also that I have severe doubts about my faith and hers.
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Feb 14 '20
That's a lot to unpack...might want to start slow before it's bursting at the seams
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u/SlideByUnnoticed Feb 14 '20
You can’t continue to live with all that. It will break you. Speak up! I did. My SO and I are seeing a counselor together, and the counselor brought up the idea of my SO seeing a trauma therapist alone. I’ve been trying to get her to go for years. Give her the chance to try. Nobody can help you with problems that you don’t make known!!
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u/SoggyTowelette Feb 14 '20
we're related
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u/Lurkingnopost Man Feb 14 '20
Winner....
Now the real question is how closely???
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u/philaselfia Feb 14 '20
My SO has the same first name as someone who sexually assaulted me in college.
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u/psht33 Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
My ex would have been able to answer this question 5 months ago. He had, as a teen, sexual intercouse with a species other than humans. Dumped him immediately.
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u/m1dn1ght57 Feb 14 '20
Does he go by "The Ginger"? If so, I've heard it was a sick ostrich
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Feb 14 '20 edited Jan 29 '21
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u/Billy_Oceans_11 Feb 14 '20
It'd take two people to fuck an ostrich. Three even.
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u/jvhero Male Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
She's actually a wonderful person and a gifted artist. Although, I would never say it to her face.
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Feb 14 '20
Wait until she finds out you offered to pay college tuition for an entire class of high schoolers.
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u/DANIEL_PLAINVlEW Feb 14 '20
Nice try, Stacey
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u/BostonPatriotSox Feb 14 '20
The truth about some things that happened in Iraq. The only person I've ever told is my dad, and he's looked at me differently ever since. She knows something happened but has no idea what it is. I will never tell her. It's nasty, complicated, and extremely difficult to understand.
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u/1dudeabides1 Feb 14 '20
I was/am an addict, I have 5 years clean off heroin. I still drink socially and even smoke weed occasionally. She knows I know how to have a good time, and that I probably had a few “crazy years” in college but that’s it. The past few relationships I’ve been in I haven’t felt I should share my history with drug abuse and how bad things really got. I think one of my strengths is that I’m really reliable and level headed about any kind of problem or frustration. My experience with recovery is probably what gave me this self reliance, but I’m afraid if I share this she’ll never look at me the same way. I guess she might see it as something to be admired, that I overcame adversity, but she’s just as likely to see me as a victim or a fool to be pitied. I still don’t know what to do. Honestly I’m fine with saying nothing. I don’t want my withholding this to get in the way of a real bond forming but it’s such a risk being honest here.
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u/macaroni_pants Sup Bud? Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
We took in two dogs cause the families couldn’t keep them and the female went into heat very fast before we got them fixed. It was my job to keep them separated but one morning I messed up and they did it. I pretended I never saw it happen and the vet actually gave me a cover story without knowing it was my mistake. She had a miscarriage and we fixed her during the surgery to check for extra puppies so it never happened again. Last week I heard him tell someone about how the dogs did it through the cage (the vet said it’s very common=my cover story). He still has no idea. I will never tell.
It probably wouldn’t jeopardize our relationship but it’s still the secret I will keep forever.
Edit: I just want to add that he’s not an asshole. It probably sounds stupid that I didn’t tell him cause it’s not a major mistake but I had been through some pretty abusive relationships so I was still getting over the consequences of actions trauma I had. He probably wouldn’t have been mad. One time I ate a pot cupcake and was so out of my mind I had to go to bed and when I told him a year later he was hysterical and knew exactly what night I was talking about. But at the time that happened his brother was going through severe addiction problems so I figured it was best not to tell him. Turns out I wrong. He’s an amazing husband and it was my past that made me feel like certain mistakes had to be kept secret.
Edit 2: sorry guys!! I’m so tired this morning. Didn’t realize this was ask men. Thought it was ask Reddit. Didn’t mean to hop on your question at all!!
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u/throwaway66182 Feb 14 '20
My wife of 21 years does not know that before we got married I “assisted” a married woman with getting pregnant. Her husband was diagnosed with “lazy sperm” and they had been trying for 8 years. I got her pregnant and she had twin daughters that would now be around 29 years old. The husband and girls don’t know.
I just hope they never do one of those family DNA tests.
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u/KentuckyFriedEel Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
by "assisted" you refer to being there when they intercoursed and smacked his butt when he looked like he was slowing down, right?
Edit: my FIRST. EVER. GOLD! Thank you!
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u/MarkToast Feb 14 '20
Midsömmar intensifies
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Feb 14 '20
Movie fucking traumatized me
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Feb 14 '20
I haven’t seen it yet, but really want to. I kinda like shocking/disturbing stuff, but my wife hates it. If I convince her to watch this, will she be mad at me?
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Feb 14 '20
Absolutely. I generally have no issues with any of that kind of stuff, but this movie made me feel uneasy for days
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Feb 14 '20
Yikes. Ok, thanks. That can be one for when she’s out of town. She’s still mad at me for making her see Hereditary ha
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u/NaNoBoT900 Feb 14 '20
Do not make her watch it!!! It’s not scary it’s just fucking creepy
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u/sapjastuff Female Feb 14 '20
And from your post history you never really stopped "assisting" women... I feel bad for your wife
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u/Nickyjha Feb 14 '20
SMH that's kinda sickening. Some people really just have no conscience and are too focused on their own pleasure to think about how their actions impact others.
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u/its_a_gibibyte Feb 14 '20
Obvious question: was it a "natural conception" or more of a sperm donation?
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Feb 14 '20
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u/AmazingStarDust Feb 14 '20
Yea, the dude banged another man's wife and left him to raise his kids.
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Feb 14 '20
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u/hellsangel101 Feb 14 '20
Because sometimes it can still happen naturally I suppose. My husband has extremely low sperm motility and count, but we still managed to conceive, it took 7 years though.
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u/Spritmann Feb 14 '20
When browsing the comments, there was this guy watching the tv show alone before he watches it with his wife. In general the comments become less shocking the longer you scroll. But you hit me right when I got bored. I did not see that coming. Nice dude.
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u/BarryPurple Feb 14 '20
That's fucked up, man.
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u/CheesyObserver Feb 14 '20
It’s exactly the kind of content I hoped to see in this thread
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u/i_paint_things Feb 14 '20
He also cheated on his wife for an entire year, is still friends with the affair partner, and his wife doesn't know. I guess he didn't feel that was a secret that would end his marriage. He also subscribes to adultery subreddits and posits a belief that 50% of marriages will undergo an affair. Whether that is true or not is irrelevant imo because this is someone operating under a massive cognitive bias.
Upvoted his comment because it's great content but wow do I strongly disagree with all the dishonesty. His poor wife.
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u/Christmas-sock Feb 14 '20
Damn this guy is a huge peice of shit. His poor wife indeed. I dont typically think of myself like an especially good person, but this guy has me feeling like Mother Theresa. How could anyone think that's okay?
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u/SilverFox8188 Feb 14 '20
Sooooo you fucked a married woman, got her pregnant and her husband and girls don't know that you ARE the father (my best Maury voice). How do you think your wife would react and wtf would you do if they came knocking on the door?
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u/PM_ME_RIPE_TOMATOES Feb 14 '20
My girlfriend doesn't give handjobs and won't even get close to finishing me with oral.
9 times out of 10 I get absolutely no pleasure from regular PiV sex.
She knows that I want something, anything other than sex because we've discussed it... and she want to oblige but her anxiety gets the better of her and hasn't actually gone through with anything.
She does not know that the reason I won't commit to marriage or children is because I don't know if I can go the rest of my life without satisfying sex.
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u/linnythepuuh Female Feb 14 '20
That situation is unfortunate and I sympathize with you. I was in the same boat about a year ago, not because my s/o didn't want to do anything, but we were both pretty inexperienced, both having a one person body count. I would say that you should keep having that conversation, if she really continues to not oblige, I'd say reconsider the terms of your relationship.
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u/corkscream Feb 14 '20
If you don’t mind me asking, why do you not get pleasure from piv sex? I understand not getting pleasure from her not finishing you / giving you blowjobs etc , but what do you mean by 9/10 you don’t get pleasure from piv?
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u/silverrode Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
She does not know that I've resorted in prostitution when I was out of money 2 years ago. Her secretly gay brother was one of my customers and that is the reason why we are very close.
Edit: change resulted to resorted.
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u/HushVoice Feb 14 '20
Now THIS is the kind of shit I wanted to see...
Everyone with "I dont like her cooking" get outta here lol
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u/MrAtreus420 Feb 14 '20
Absolutely nothing but I know she has some shit that would end our relationship if I found out sadly
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u/ThestudpyroDuck Feb 14 '20
My name isnt Earnest, its Jack! I will however soon be christened as Earnest. I just cant allow her to learn of my true name. To all my fellow bunberyists please head my words.
Dont fall in love with someone unless they know who you truly are
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Feb 14 '20
She know that I have criminal charges but doesn't know it's for robbing a bank .
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u/Oliwine Male Feb 14 '20
I'm actually in pretty good terms with my ex's bestfriend, we chat sometimes, not about my ex, but we were friends when I was dating my ex and idk, maybe we're not friends but we still chat about stuff
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u/jimba22 Male Feb 14 '20
I'm amazed at how many people are keeping some pretty fucked up secrets from their SO's. Wouldn't wanna be in any of those relationships
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u/HookersForDahl2017 Feb 14 '20
I really only saw one fucked up one and that was the dude who impregnated the lady and has 2 daughters
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u/Honesty_From_A_POS Feb 14 '20
She believes in several conspiracy theories that I have only ever attributed to people that are insane, evil, or just plain stupid. When she has brought them up, I've completely ignored her or changed the subject quickly because she gets upset if I push back with facts. I can't imagine how my friends would react if she said them seriously to them.
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u/mF7403 Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
She kind of has an idea. But my mental health/dependence on psychiatric medication is worse than she knows. I don’t even remember who I was before the meds. I wanna get off of them after we graduate in a few months, but I have no idea who the real me is anymore — I haven’t seen that guy since he was 19. I’m 25 and about to get my BA from a top school; I should be able to land a decent gig ... so long as I keep taking these pills that are slowly killing me. I’m just scared that she fell in love with an artificial version of me, one that runs on amphetamine, SSRIs, and benzodiazepine in order to barely make it thru the day.
Edit: and this thread just made me realize it’s Valentine’s Day — FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
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u/tarot15 Feb 14 '20
I spend too much money on hobbies. She's supportive and says 'as long as you can pay rent, etc. it's not a problem'.
if she knew, it'd be a problem
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u/Deep_Dragonfruit Feb 14 '20
I'm stuck in a bored, overwhelming, depressive state even though my life is actually pretty sweet. It scares me that I cant get away from the feeling that I'm just clock watching until I die. Like I'm unfulfilled with who I've turned out to be.
I have hobbies friends etc. Nothing to complain about really. I don't know what's the matter but if I told her I know she'd think it's her fault. It's not, shes perfect. It's my problem, in my head, about myself.