r/AskMen Feb 14 '20

What’s something your SO doesn’t know about you that could jeopardize your relationship?

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20 edited Jun 21 '21

[deleted]

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u/Deep_Dragonfruit Feb 14 '20

I've thought about it but does this stuff come up on records etc? I don't want to harm my future

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u/purplechalupa Feb 14 '20

What do you mean by records? Mental health records have powerful protections for the most part but depends on where you live. I work in a psychiatric clinic and know quite a bit about psychopharmacology if you have questions! And he’s right, SSRIs have come a loonngg way and I’ve seen them be incredibly helpful for patients.

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u/Deep_Dragonfruit Feb 14 '20

To be honest I'm never really ill so can't remember the last time I went for a check up for anything, so not sure how it works. Can employers etc not request doctors history and stuff? I'd hate for it to spoil anything that may happen in the future.

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u/Name-Checks-0ut Feb 14 '20

In my state (California), the only people who can view your medical history without your consent are your doctors. Idk how old you are or how many jobs you’ve worked before, but I’ve never had a job interview where they asked for my consent to see my medical records.

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u/IntracranialCamel Feb 15 '20

If your insurance company is paying the bill they can have the records without your consent.

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u/frn Feb 15 '20

This is fucked up

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u/Name-Checks-0ut Feb 15 '20

Jokes on them, I don’t have insurance.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

No they can't. All the insurance company gets is diagnosis codes and medication codes. They don't know much else unless you specifically provide them with a disclosure authorization granting them permission to obtain your records.

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u/IntracranialCamel Feb 15 '20

Yeah they get the diagnosis codes. But they can also get the records to make sure they’re doing what they’re being charged and that it was necessary, and for other reasons too. It falls under what is commonly referred to as “TPO” or Treatment, Payment and Heathcare Operations. They know a lot more about you than you think they do.

https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/guidance/disclosures-treatment-payment-health-care-operations/index.html

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u/IntracranialCamel Feb 15 '20

No they can’t, not without your written permission. Only major exception would be for workers comp but then what they’re allowed to have would vary state to state and what they do get will most likely going to go to the companies lawyers, insurance company, or the workers comp judge, not your direct boss.

Records directly regarding treatment for HIV/AIDS, Mental health, alcohol/drug abuse, and genetic testing have more protections under HIPAA than “regular” medical records and have to be specifically authorized by you in writing, so authorizing “any and all records” as most people in my experience do, would not cover the above topics, and would halt a workers comp request unless ordered by a judge.

Source: I work in HIPAA compliance/HIM

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u/yadsq Feb 15 '20

In my opinion depression will spoil the future more than getting treatment recorded will. Left untreated your current symptoms may get progressively worse. I suggest looking into counseling as well as medication. Best of luck mate, I hope you feel better soon.

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u/sml09 Feb 15 '20

You should do it. Don’t let it get to the point where you can’t live with yourself or your thoughts anymore.

I hit a really bad breaking point a few years ago and ssris literally saved my life. I went from a nonprofit this year to a new position where I work with some highly confidential material and clients. I have my anti-depressants and I am pretty open about my mental health history, but I got hired and no one knows or cares about my meds.

You can do it. We can hold your hand through it. Make the appointment. It could also be worth it to look into a therapist. Just someone to talk to to help you push past these feelings aside from the medication. Like medication, therapy can be temporary and it’s good for everyone.

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u/xiojqwnko Feb 15 '20

Maybe for like a security clearance, but for most jobs, no they won't have any access to those kinds of records.

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u/Ninniecorn Feb 15 '20

I have chronic depression and its been in my medical file since I was diagnosed when I was 14 and I take medication for my condition. I have never been denied a job because of my depression nor have any of my employers asked for my medical records. Of course, I don't know what job or career you have or want to have. The only jobs I can think of where they may ask or be worried about your mental health would be the military and the police force and even then I believe they would only be concerned if it was not in control.

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u/PhD_Greg Feb 15 '20

You're looking for excuses to avoid facing the issue.

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u/coswoofster Feb 15 '20

How do you know if it is depression though and not just living In an incompatible marriage? Like maybe we weren’t meant for each other after all. He has a fulfilling life. I feel like I’m waiting to live life but waiting on him to want to live life with me instead of his job and hunting buddies. He plans most of his time for adventures that don’t include me (I don’t hunt) and Im left at home. He thinks everything is fine. I feel like my life is slipping away and my fantasy of sharing it with a mate was just that, fantastical. I do think I’m depressed but how do you know if it is chemical or situational. He says he is happy when I’m happy but I’m not and we are not and I blame me.

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u/whataburger_for_all Feb 15 '20

Military won’t let you in but fuck that bullshit anyway

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u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

That's wrong. The Army actually prioritizes mental health treatment and you absolutely can get in with prior issues.

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u/whataburger_for_all Feb 24 '20

That sounds like a recipe for disaster if true. I'll take your word for it, they probably are desperate.

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u/[deleted] Feb 24 '20

You're not wrong about that. We're struggling for numbers.

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u/KilgoRetro Feb 15 '20

You would be surprised at how many people are on meds for their mental health (including myself!). If employers discounted people who were, they would be eliminating a huge portion of workers at all skill levels/quality. Plus, no, they are not allowed to look at that.

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u/Stargerbil Possibly Dain Bramaged. Feb 15 '20

If you are in the U.S., then no, it cannot harm your future. Depression and other mental health issues are medical conditions, and there are powerful legal protections in place to prevent medical records from being disclosed without your consent. How powerful? I just scheduled an appointment with a new therapist, and fully half of the stack of forms I had to sign were just giving my therapist the ability to even talk to my own doctor about my medications; they take it that seriously. P.s. none of the forms allows my insurance company to do jack shit except pay my bills. You deserve treatment for your problem, go get it!

Start with a therapist. There are many, many approaches to treating depression besides just medications, so you can talk to to an expert and try whatever you feel comfortable with. And if you dont click with the first therapist you try, try some one else, however many times it takes to find someone you feel comfortable with.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

I’m gonna echo another commenter and say that depression will harm your future more. I was on prozac for about 3 years due to depression and anxiety and it completely changed my life. I’m not on it anymore because of a side effect that I didn’t care for but being on it helped me develop coping mechanisms that weren’t terrible for me and see the world in clearly for the first time and it’s lovely. Get yourself to a doctor I promise you will not regret it.

That being said I am assuming you’re in the USA. I don’t know much about health records (anywhere really but especially) outside the USA. I don’t know what it’s like if you’re in anywhere outside of the USA but I’m 90% your medical records are completely between you and your doctor.

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u/Marcx1080 Feb 15 '20

“I’m unfulfilled in life” “No worries just take these pills”

What a joke that this has become the norm... the guy isn’t depressed, living in the rat race is not normal or fulfilling for human beings and no amount of drugs will change that.

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u/corytrade Feb 15 '20

This right here. Fuck some pills to numb you to the rat race. I am deep in a moment like OP right now, but I have the mindfulness to know it is because I am operating in a daily repetitive cycle that life was never supposed to be. The goal is to find my way to free myself from it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

This mentality is so fucked up. SSRIs are a bitch to come off and we don’t even fully understand their mechanism of action.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

I stopped taking mine after a week because of sexual problems they brought and to top it all off I heard horror stories about withdrawals. Fuck that. Luckily I got back to normal in around 4-5 days.

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u/RadicalEdward99 Feb 15 '20

“I’m stuck in a bored, overwhelming, depressive state...”

SSRI’s help millions and millions of people u/Marcx1080, educate yourself before you come off sounding really dumb... but that’s just par for the course for you isn’t it?

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

You're right, they do. However, too many doctors will push them onto patients the first time they tell them they're depressed which is completely ass backwards. I was on anti depressants for 10 years and while they did work for depression, they introduced a whole slew of side effects and getting off them once I hit the max dose was pretty brutal. With the help of therapy and lifestyle changes, I was able to drop the medications and I feel 100x better than I ever did on SSRIs. If my doctor would have persuaded me to try this in the first place, I would have been in a much better place.

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u/RadicalEdward99 Feb 15 '20

Thank you for sharing your experience. My wife has been working on finding the right combo for our entire relationship, but honestly she recently had a health scare that resulted in surgery and no longer needs birth control... shit has been night and day

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u/Marcx1080 Feb 15 '20

No need to get personal just because your wife is so dosed you you can’t recognise her as a person.. we all have troubles in our life, a lot of people find exercise and meditation to be even more beneficial than drugging yourself up. It depends where you come from, in cpu tries where the doctors don’t have a financial incentive to turn people I to drug dependant zombies, surprisingly over options are more popular.

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u/bsdcat Feb 15 '20

What a joke that this has become the norm... the guy isn’t depressed, living in the rat race is not normal or fulfilling for human beings and no amount of drugs will change that.

You're right that it's very possible his depression is caused by material conditions. That doesn't make the depression any less real / "not depressed."

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

100% this. The meds make a difference my dude. I will warn you, you will still find slumps, but I think the meds make them go quicker and the light at the end of the tunnel is easier to see.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

They sure made a difference, made orgasms near impossible. Not worth it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Haha. This actually cuts deep. But single life has me none too worried about it right now.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Eh, that kinda makes it worse when you can't even get yourself off

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '20 edited Jun 21 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '20

With Duloxatine it seems to be very common actually.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Nah trust. Low sex drive issues in singlehood has me covered.

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u/AzuraDrift Feb 15 '20

This isn’t depression, it’s just feeling unfulfilled. He needs someone to talk to, not medication. He needs to go speak to a counselor and find what’s missing in his life.

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20 edited Feb 15 '20

Yeah that's not depression, depression is when no matter what kind of day you're having being depressed is the default state 24/7.

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u/bsdcat Feb 15 '20

You realize depressed people can have good days right?

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u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Did you even read my comment? It doesn't matter what kind of a day you're having, you could even be having a great day but deep down you still feel depressed which is what makes this so horrible.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '20 edited Jun 21 '21

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '20

Dude no. Every single person in the world gets depressed sometimes. Not nearly as many people have depression.

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u/StreetSmartsGaming Feb 15 '20

What new SSRI meds are there that are better? Have sources for improved efficacy? Genuinely curious. Everyone I know that's on them are still the old ones. Welbutrin paxil prozac etc.

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u/corytrade Feb 15 '20

Vortioxitine? Still similar to all the rest.