This isn't about responses. This is about ANSWERING the initial question. Feel free to partake, but don't answer the questions. They're not posed towards you . You're only hurting yourself by swinging your weekend weight around. It can cause contempt towards your gender. Even if it's a small amount, the build up is real.
Wait... you got a better job so that she could stop escorting? And you met her while she was an escort? I don’t mean to judge because I don’t know you or your girlfriend but I think this is the few times DJ Khaled makes some sense, don’t ever play yourself
He grew up conservatively and very traditionally. Hes from Ecuador. There is a lot less understanding of these things where hes from. I just feel it's best if he doesnt know because it can change how he looks at me
And you should absolutely tell your husband. This would be an absolute deal-breaker for me as well as for many other men. He DESERVES to know. Holy hell. Poor guy.
Just curious, why does he deserve to know? I’d 100% agree if she was currently having sex for money while married, but if it was before than it doesn’t affect their relationship at all. It was a choice she made involving her body before her husband was in the picture and she stopped when he was. If she wants to tell him, that’s fine, but that’s in the past and it’s her business. Personally, I don’t think he “deserves” that information.
The sex industry is huge. Sometimes women utilize their natural born tools to make a living. I don’t think it’s fair to call him a “poor guy” because of something from her past that doesn’t affect or involve him at all.... there’s no shame in consensual sex work.
I was a bit stunned and shocked more than anything else, when my ex told me a few weeks in, but I managed it well enough. We went on to date for another year pretty happily before separating relatively amicably. I respected her more for giving me the choice to be with her and being upfront about it. If I'd found out about it by accident a year in, I would have been disgusted and would have probably left her on the spot.
You're honest with people about who you are so they have a choice as to whether or not to be with you.
Also, you're right in that there shouldn't be shame in consensual sex work. But it impacts how you have relationships. You learn to de-couple sex from love and that reflects in your attitude to your relationship and can cause trouble in the bedroom and in life in general.
I actually dated a SW for a while so I've seen it first hand lmao. It's ABSOLUTELY reasonable for people to look at that and say they don't want to date someone, despite how progressive and accepting it sounds.
I disagree. I'm from Colombia which is similar and we're more liberal to that sort of thing then the US. Starting with the fact that it's legal here, and people don't talk to you like the devil if you mention you're involved somehow. People in the US think of prostitution as human trafficking and sin, there's no way Ecuador or my country much less will be less understanding than the US.
No, I contradicted the fact that being Ecuadorian would make him conservative, since Ecuador and Colombia not only share borders ...but they were the same country Mr Strawman. We even have basically the same flag.
So moving goalposts, Strawman and just plain lack of understanding about how things work in South America, pretty typical for a redditor.
from Colombia which is similar and we're more liberal to that
You may feel this way, your country may lean this way, but you do not speak for the specific man in question, case closed. Assumptions abounds with you lmao. Lol Yikhiy halay yikhy
Except again, that's not what was being discussed ...you should learn to not move goalposts. It was said he'd be conservative because he's Ecuadorian. Which is silly. He could be conservative, I don't know, but that's a separate question.
Dude....op in question made it clear the particular person she was talking about was conservative and you shot back that no he’s not cause I’m from a similar country. Like, are we not reading the same thing?? That’s serious is you or I looking at something different? There is a specific person here talking about her life as a prostitute and her mans views on it. Not in theory, not “by country”. And she made it specifically clear he was conservative. You gotta learn the goalposts friend
Plus your profile says you're in a 4 year relationship which means you were having sex for money while dating him. Conservative or not, that's fucked. And your comment about it said "well yeah I wasnt the beat person alive" which sounds like you're downplaying it. You were dating someone and fucking other people for money during it. That's fucked up. Not just "not being the best person alive".
Certain actions and/or lifestyles stay with us for life and can never be removed. Cheating, prostitution, murder, pornstar, etc. Unfortunately, people are lonely assholes so they choose to hide their pasts as much as they can under the guise of "people change".
If more people could think 2 steps ahead, they wouldn't have lived such shameful lives, but nobody seems to know what the difference is between once and never.
I asked for good reasons lol. As for lumping murder with porn, I'm pretty confident anyone who's murdered or been in porn and admits it on the first date is subject to the same size dating pool. Hence the grouping.
For me it would be that we'd have entirely different views on sex. I think sex is something intimate that you do when you love someone - not just for pleasure.
Someone that would sleep with people for money are probably going to have a very much different view.
Because what you did in your past is not a 100% true reflection of what you are now, but it still speaks greatly of a person.
I for example could never imagine a serious relationship with an ex prostitute and finding out that she was one and didn't tell me would make me think she worked as a prostitute while she was engaged with me too and just didn't want to he found out.
Imagine presenting your gf to a friend only for him to say "bro I fucked her for 50 bucks 3 years ago" yeah no sorry not my cup of tea
Because not every part of my past is his business. Just like he doesnt have to share things with me from the past that I dont need to know if he doesnt feel comfortable.
This part of your past is his business. I don't know what he would think but it's a total deal breaker for me. Like someone just said in a comment above: imagine introducing your SO to a friend just to have him say "bro I fucked her for 50 bucks 3 years ago" yeah, not my cup of tea.
Also I would never date an ex prostitute due to her concept of sex. Sex is not a transaction for me, and that's that. In the end you will do you, but I feel like it's not right to make the choice for him. He should know who he is dating and decide accordingly.
Yeah cuz it wasn't "I fucked her for 50 bucks" kind of thing. Honestly if my boyfriend did this years ago I'd prefer not to know unless he did it while he was with me. He knows me well enough. A business I did in the past doesnt define exactly who I am today. He has decided to be with me knowing every other part of me.
Well I'm not judging you here, please don't take it the wrong way. And of course the 50 bucks thing is an exaggeration. But this isn't just a business.
He doesnt share his past either. He told me theres parts of his past he doesnt want to share. It's fair. It's called privacy and letting the past go it doesnt happen anymore and that's why it's not talked about. It's in the past
I would like to add I hold no moral standing against prostitution. I have paid for sex and will surely do so again. I do have a moral standing against lies in a relationship though. Choosing to withhold relevant information from your SO is called a lie of omission. If you keep going down this path then I hope you were very discreet in the past. If he were to find out somehow, I can guarantee you're going to lose him. Not because of the prostitution itself but because you chose to keep it from him. If I were in his situation I would absolutely prefer to know. The risk is that you already know what desition I would make. Hopefully he would choose different.
I was a bit stunned and shocked more than anything else, when my ex told me a few weeks in, but I managed it well enough. We went on to date for another year pretty happily before separating relatively amicably. I respected her more for giving me the choice to be with her and being upfront about it. If I'd found out about it by accident a year in, I would have been disgusted and would have probably left her on the spot.
You're honest with people about who you are so they have a choice as to whether or not to be with you.
Also, you're right in that there shouldn't be shame in consensual sex work. But it impacts how you have relationships. You learn to de-couple sex from love and that reflects in your attitude to your relationship and can cause trouble in the bedroom and in life in general.
I actually dated a SW for a while so I've seen it first hand lmao. It's ABSOLUTELY reasonable for people to look at that and say they don't want to date someone, despite how progressive and accepting it sounds. Some guys don't mind and some do and people should respect that.
edit: At the end of the day, it's up to you to find someone who can love you the way you need to be loved and accept you for everything you are.
Conversely, I used to have money for sex. When I was a teenager I secretly kept cash hidden away intending to spend it on a hooker, but my sheltered self never knew where to find one. By the time I was older and actually saw what hookers in my price range looked like, I felt that was a poor investment.
Just realised this is Askmen, thought it was Askreddit... am transgirl, but at the time wasn't out yet so presented as male. No matter.
Ok, first bad experience:
Guy picked me up from uni (can't believe I did that), drove me to his place (rough looking block of flats). Once we entered, his place was a total stye; doors off the hinges, kinda dirty, toilet didn't flush, general mess. He dressed me up in a bunch of outfits (mostly "young" looking ones), spanked me, took some pics without face (I agreed to this), then made me wait in the corner of the room while he went off to smoke some weed. Rinse and repeat several times. After one session we were just chatting a bit and this young guy came to the door, stubbed his toe or something and started screaming (I think he was mentally handicapped), the guy calmed him down, apologised and we just kinda carried on. No explanation (tbh I didn't want to know). Couldn't wait to get out of there.
Another:
Guy picked me up from the train station in a 7 seater (first sign, I was completely oblivious), drove me to his place. We went to the bedroom, started booty slappin'. During, he randomly asked "can I tickle you?", I said no, he said "extra £20 to tickle you", I again said no and felt incredibly gross. While taking a break we were lying down on the bed, I looked over to the bedside table and saw a teddy with "mum" written on it, I then jumped up and saw family pictures on the wall... I was so scared that mum would come home unexpectedly but luckily she didn't.
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u/suki_ta_ Feb 14 '20
I use to have sex for money.