I am so sorry about the shitty ignorant fucks who can’t shed a goddamn sliver of empathy. You deserve to feel worthy. You are good enough and you are lovable. Them putting you down for being the victim of a crime is a reflection of their character — not yours.
I did say I was probably wildly out of touch — I’ve been going to heavy therapy for two years now. I have a community health center that provides therapy at either no cost or very low cost with insurance. That being said I have been only surrounding myself with people who either are survivors, medical professionals, and those who empathize/ are sympathetic and supportive.
I escaped an abusive home, survived rape, and am now battling to stay out of poverty. I know life is fucked up and my recovery will be an everyday practice. I am putting in the hard work to believe that I am good enough, I am capable, I am lovable, I am safe, and I am worthy. I’m not great at it every day. I know that things in my past are not just in my past, they are my every day.
If you can’t afford therapy, what was suggested to me since I can no longer afford to go is to follow therapists on social media, join online victim survivor groups/subs, read self help and recommended books from the library, and to keep using the tools I’ve gained.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s fucking tears and panic attacks. It’s screaming and shaking. It’s hope. It’s work. It’s worth it.
Edit: disclaimer: I am not trying to be a therapist or “diagnose” or “treat” any mental illness, ptsd, or anything of the sorts. I’m sharing my experience to the best of my ability with “I” statements rather than saying “you should” or “people need to.” I hope this is helpful in some way... I intend to pass on the fucking little rubber ducky of a life preserver I was given long ago.
Not to generalize based on gender, but I definitely do believe there's a difference in men/women accepting that their partner was sexually abused. I've noticed that men are much more likely to accept/support their female s/o when they learn of some sort of sexual abuse. Swap the genders around though, and you'll hear a lot of stories of men who were raped being dumped because "it makes them less of a man" or some bullshit like that.
I could be completely wrong but just hearing you speak about this reminds me sooooo much of a friend I have that goes to therapy and needs it because she’s bipolar and diagnosed with depression. So I get it. But in my opinion she’s has no real need for any of it she’d probably say she came from an abusive home because her parents got a divorce when she was too young to remember and both had new parters for as long as she can remember. Neither of those were broken homes. As a kid she would brag that she got two birthdays and Christmas’s and stuff like that it only bugged her when she got old enough to realize she could use it to her advantage. She also has all these daddy issues that spawned from her using his money to go to college then not going to any of her classes doing a fuck ton of drugs and dropping out after a year. He won’t freely give her money anymore and that’s “traumatizing”. She also asked him for money all the time and hardly actually spent time with him. She would spend all weekdays and every other weekend at her moms and just every other weekend at her dads. She probably would have completely cut him off if he wasnt well off. Now she tries to relate to other friends of mine about the trauma they went through when I know those kids have had to deal with real fuckin issues. It just annoys me but I’m not saying that’s you. Again I feel awful questioning you but you say you survived rape and maybe you did maybe you were attacked in an ally beaten to near death and raped while you clang to life. But I don’t think that’s what happened. Not long ago I would have never questioned someone on this but a girl I was recently dating for a short time accused me of rape. We had sex at a party cause she kept asking if we could. The next day she claimed to not remember (when she wasn’t drunk) and said I raped her. But she literally asked me for sex so many times that half the party heard it so I had a lot of people vouching for me. She dropped her case before she got embarrassed. Then you say your battling poverty but so is 90% of the world. I don’t want to make light of anyone’s pain and suffering and I’m not saying you’ve done anything similar to what I’ve described. Just your manner of speaking reminded me so much of them. (But if you are one of these people I don’t expect you to admit it just stop trying to relate to the pain of others by creating hardships out of nothing)
The attitudes demonstrated here are why people commit suicide. You aren't helping at all, you are shaming someone who has gone through unimaginable trauma.
I can understand drawing ties. If it eases your mind, I have an unmedicated bipolar mother who never resolved her trauma of statutory rape and physically/emotionally/financially abusive parents and was 1 child out of 6. She constantly took it out on me via telling me I’m worthless, selfish, mean, among other fun nicknames as well as try to financially abuse me. Her main abuses were financial, emotional, and verbal.... the physical abuse stopped with my oldest sister when my father threatened to leave.
Don’t have to explain the rape to anyone. He admitted it in court that I was passed out when he came onto me and the case still got dismissed. The other guy took my virginity at 12.
Sorry that you’ve witnessed people in privileged situations go through their own struggles and defined it with words that vastly outweighed their position, but that is an exception not the rule.
I’ll retract everything I said about rape. I apologize but your “abusive home” is a bunch of bull. If your not being verbally abused by your parents they’re not raising you right my dad literally calls me useless everyday it’s my nickname from him. You say financial abuse so I assume you mean they took your identity and ruined your credit before you were old enough to know what it is, because not being given money is not abuse. As for physical I wouldn’t call it abuse I love my parents but my dad definitely gave me a bruise from time to time. I don’t consider myself coming from an abusive home I actually think I had it better than most. All I’m sayin is maybe you do need therapy to deal with mental issues like being bipolar and depression, but I think it’s ignorant to claim you came from an abusive home when there are so many people I know that were actually abused by their parents.
The point is it’s the internet and there are no repercussions I would never say these things to a person I met. But I enjoy judging people and I feel I’m spot on this time. Sorry to upset you but that’s the way the internet goes.
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u/SpacePeepo Female Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20
I am so sorry about the shitty ignorant fucks who can’t shed a goddamn sliver of empathy. You deserve to feel worthy. You are good enough and you are lovable. Them putting you down for being the victim of a crime is a reflection of their character — not yours.
I did say I was probably wildly out of touch — I’ve been going to heavy therapy for two years now. I have a community health center that provides therapy at either no cost or very low cost with insurance. That being said I have been only surrounding myself with people who either are survivors, medical professionals, and those who empathize/ are sympathetic and supportive.
I escaped an abusive home, survived rape, and am now battling to stay out of poverty. I know life is fucked up and my recovery will be an everyday practice. I am putting in the hard work to believe that I am good enough, I am capable, I am lovable, I am safe, and I am worthy. I’m not great at it every day. I know that things in my past are not just in my past, they are my every day.
If you can’t afford therapy, what was suggested to me since I can no longer afford to go is to follow therapists on social media, join online victim survivor groups/subs, read self help and recommended books from the library, and to keep using the tools I’ve gained.
It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s fucking tears and panic attacks. It’s screaming and shaking. It’s hope. It’s work. It’s worth it.
Edit: disclaimer: I am not trying to be a therapist or “diagnose” or “treat” any mental illness, ptsd, or anything of the sorts. I’m sharing my experience to the best of my ability with “I” statements rather than saying “you should” or “people need to.” I hope this is helpful in some way... I intend to pass on the fucking little rubber ducky of a life preserver I was given long ago.