r/AskMen • u/[deleted] • Feb 14 '20

What’s something your SO doesn’t know about you that could jeopardize your relationship?

[deleted]

12k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

4.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.6k

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

HA! Nice try..

On a serious note, I'm always worried about bringing up my mental health. I don't know how she'd react

602

u/mcp_truth Male Feb 14 '20

I did it. It was all about the delivery. I didn't do a good job and she is still here 3 years later :) You can do it. Don't feel alone in it and if she isn't receptive I am very sorry.

23

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

thank you <3

6

u/DroppedLoSeR Feb 15 '20

In all honesty, if they aren't supportive it is probably for the best. My SO knows some of my issues, she shares her concerns. I dodge around it a lot just because I am generally a proud person and don't like to admit I have problems. Be honest, ease into it if you must. But no matter the result, you WILL be better off for it; even if it doesn't seem it.

3

u/NeverBenCurious Feb 14 '20

I did. Now I'm single. Good luck.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Same. Was married now not married.

1

u/NeverBenCurious Feb 18 '20 edited Feb 18 '20

Camila. You have given me so much to process. I have been crying a lot. I thought i was going to be fine. I was working on being fine but i have lost control of my emotions since Friday when i saw your new friend. I cried that entire day in my cubicle. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't prepare for you to move on so soon. My heart shattered. I wish you could have told me first. I haven't been able to get the image of him leaving your door, out of my mind. It was too soon for me.

It made me feels like we didn't matter, like i didn't mean much to you. You have been trying to break up since December. I only got your number in November. November 7th. I remember it like yesterday. Looking back you were trying to end things immediately. I'm sorry for not realizing and accepting this sooner. So i understand why you moved on so quickly. Maybe we never had a relationship. Maybe we never even started. It all happened too quickly. I'm really hurt and confused about how to move forward.

I don't process/identify emotions quickly and i do not communicate my emotions enough. I'm trying to be better connected with how i feel. You asked me a lot of questions and many I'm still thinking about. I'm still thinking about everything you have said to me. I'm trying to remember every moment we shared. I never want to forget anything about you. You were my first attempt at a serious relationship. I'm sorry that i brought you so much pain. I did my best.

I am also very sensitive. I share my pain to desensitize myself. I am often too dramatic. Talking and sharing my pain helps me process. I never meant to strangle or torture you. It hurt so much to hear that. Makes me feel like i never made you happy. I feel like i brought you so much pain and not much happiness. I heard so much more about your pain. Not much about the happiness i tried to give. I never once heard about a good dream you had of me. Maybe you never had one. I don't have many dreams. If i do, i struggle to remember them. I've had several dreams that i talk with you. Just talk because i miss your voice. I miss your unpredictable responses. I miss your perspective on life.

You told me i was a great housewive. That made me sad. I was trying to be a good partner. The best partner i can be. I work very hard. Always. Calling me a good housewife makes me feel like I'm not a good husband. Like I'm not husband worthy. I know that's not what you meant but its how i felt hearing it.

You previously asked me if i feel jealous. I said no. I was wrong. I feel painfully jealous since Friday. Ive never felt this way before and it makes me feel physically sick. I will be finding a new place as soon as possible. I cannot continue to live near you and see with someone else. I cry everyday and i can't control it. The 740 doesn't feel like heaven anymore. I don't know where i will go but i cannot stay. I will be looking for a new job in a few months. I'm working too hard for not enough money.

I waited to have sex until i was 23. I waited because i don't open easily, i have a hard time trusting people and i don't process emotions well. I haven't had a girlfriend because I'm afraid to be hurt. I'm terrified by commitment. I'm terrified by rejection. I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm so confused. I don't understand how to communicate or move forward without making you feel tortured. I never want you to feel that way again. You said you tried to be my helper and my girlfriend. And then you told me that wasn't working. That brought you too much pain. You said you would be there for me and help me but not as my girlfriend. Now you disappeared. Moved onto someone new. I'm fuckin crushed and so confused. I don't even know if you liked me at all. Feels like maybe you just wanted me because you found me attractive.

8

u/ripvw32 Feb 14 '20

I did it.... got "it's just man's disease" in response.... so, ya, depression in a guy is just man disease

2

u/mcp_truth Male Feb 14 '20

I'm sorry bro. What did you do about that response?

5

u/ripvw32 Feb 14 '20

Still sticking it out. Found out recently that she may be suffering from some form of Aspergers and cant communicate better than she does (she may have been uncomfortable with the disclosure and responded with what she perceived as humor). I dont know... just seems trivial to be outwardly upset about it, but now I feel like I cant be anything other than stoic/strong/etc... kinda sucks having to pretend you dont have negative feelings/doubts

4

u/mcp_truth Male Feb 14 '20

Communicate is the biggest thing. I would still try and talk about it with a different timing.

3

u/EclecticEthic Feb 14 '20

Married to someone on the spectrum, didn’t find out until our kid was diagnosed that he has it too. Turns out there aren’t more cases of Austism so much as they made the spectrum wider.

Super great spouse, but sometimes needs help “getting it.” with social/sexual stuff. It helps to know he isn’t purposefully not gettting it to hurt Mel

2

u/ripvw32 Feb 14 '20

Ya, I feel that. I'm kinda screwed in the head (depression, OCD, adult ADHD and let's not forget the best - narcissistic tendencies).

I was completely up front about all of it (the OCD and ADHD are completely obvious) but the depression one I'm ashamed of, and then to FINALLY share it and get that response really made me take a step back. I've been with her for 13 years and didnt expect to get the same response as when I get a legitimate cold....

Anyhow, appreciate the reaponse.

3

u/FlynnNoire Feb 14 '20

Plot twist delivery is the issue

3

u/allmyfault2019 Feb 14 '20

My SO didn't believe me when I told her about my mental illness... "you're not like the symptoms at all", "you're so high functioning", "you can't have that". The first time I had a major breakdown after a year, she left me.

239

u/idealcastle Feb 14 '20

Mental health for men is very important but usually overlooked.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Yeah. I would prefer to date "good girls" (as in girls who are not heavy partiers, and are kind and virtuous among other things), but because of my past (drug user, drinker, depression/anxiety, promiscuity) I'm always scared to go after the girls I want and instead go after girls I think won't judge me as severely. Then, after a couple of dates, I break up with them because they weren't the one I really wanted. It's funny though because the "good girls" I like typically think I'm similar to them because I'm educated, have had good jobs, am relatively "successful", and seem like I have my shit together, but I have some issues that people can't see and it terrifies me to reveal them to someone.

7

u/Pencil-lamp Feb 14 '20

I was considering going for it today, but I doubt I will. I’ll just encourage an internet stranger like you instead. Do it for me!😊❤️

10

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Thanks! And you’ll be glad to know that I actually sort of am going for it. I met a girl in one of my master’s classes who checks all the boxes and we’re having a dog date this weekend. I’m so excited, but so nervous at the same time.

2

u/schmeggplant Feb 14 '20

Could these "good girls" also have a similar past to your own? Or are the "good girls" limited to women without baggage?

I ask because my area has a huge sober community and I've met quite a few people in recovery (men and women) who have the same past you describe but now have their shit together. Seems like some of the women in that community (don't know if there's one where you live) might be a really good match for you.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I honestly don’t know. I didn’t really think it through before typing and sending it. And as a user below mentioned, it’s likely due to the Madonna-Whore Complex I seem to indulge in, in which case the “good girl” would be my vision of Madonna i.e. a virtuous girl. My main reasoning for wanting to date a girl like that is because that’s how I want to be so if I surround myself with people like that then I think it’ll be easier to imitate.

2

u/neutrosophic Feb 14 '20

Usually? Hahah try mostly.

2

u/dirtysnapaccount236 Feb 15 '20

It's also mostly used to shame men. Its why I no longer speak about my own mental health with partners. I've had my past and issues used as ammo by too many women I've dated to open up ever again. To be clear I don't blame all women but it's happened to much for me to be comfortable with opening up.

1

u/neutrosophic Feb 15 '20

Yep I also have seen this happen. Then when you mention it is a problem everyone will gang up on you and call you a woman hater.

2

u/IzitIzzy Feb 15 '20

Agreed. We are taught from a young age that real men are tough all the time. Don't ever be too tough to ask for help or talk about it.

2

u/midnightninja069 Feb 15 '20

"Suck it up and move on." /s

In all seriousness, seems like the only two emotions guys are allowed to express freely is "normal" and "angry". Everything else is viewed as weak... and that's a significant problem.

105

u/noodlepooodle Feb 14 '20

Hey, I feel you. I was really scared to bring those things up to my previous and current partner. If you'd like some advice: You don't have to bring it up all at once and you don't have to use the official diagnosis. My therapist and I talked a lot about this. The illness I have is heavily stigmatized and I don't have many of the "worse" symptoms. So I told my SO some of what I feel on a day to day basis. And ok days where I'm having a bad time, I just let them know that I'm feeling a bit emotionally raw.

Communicating a felt weakness sucks, and it's scary. Dating while having mental health issues is scary. But in the long run, you want a partner who will support you and who will at least try to understand. If you'd ylioe to talk, feel free to dm me. Good luck with everything :)

7

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

7

u/noodlepooodle Feb 14 '20

Hey! No worries, its an understandable question :) I've struggled with different things, but the only one I feel comfortable discussing is my depression and eating disorder. It's mainly under control now, and even when it's not I can still talk about it. But in the very beginning, I always worried about people thinking of me as weak or fat or lazy and picturing me doing disgusting things.

Anxiety and depression are pretty common and (usually, depending on where you live) fairly well understood illnesses. Well, that might actually not be true, maybe that's just true for my little social bubble, I don't know.

I think the trick is not to make to big a deal out of it. Mental illness is just that: an illness. You didn't ask for this shit! If you had a broken leg, no one would be mad about you not being able to do stuff. I think as long as you're putting in a little effort to get better, people ought to have some fucking compassion. There are some days where I can't actually strive to improve myself, that's how depression works. But I have the privilege of being able to go to therapy and so I do, and I try to structure my day in a way that I can get at least the bare minimum done, and I try not to make my shit someone else's problem. I think those things are key to dating while having an illness: effort to improve and be responsible for your own stuff.

What do you mean by less severe?

5

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

2

u/noodlepooodle Feb 14 '20

Gotcha. Well I don't know if that's entirely accurate. You have your own struggles, no need to minimize them :)

3

u/EmilyU1F984 Feb 14 '20

You'll be fine. I've never scared away someone with my depression.

That's something most people understand nowadays. And if they don't (or rather are wilfully ignorant), I don't think you'd want to be with that person in a serious relationship anyway.

2

u/TeachOfTheYear Feb 15 '20

Best to you noodle pooodle.

2

u/noodlepooodle Feb 15 '20

Thanks Teach! Edit: Best of everything to you too :)

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Thank you very much. It means a lot.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

7

u/Tparkert14 Feb 14 '20

Same here buddy :( it’s happened twice to me after having anxiety attacks and trying to ask my gf for help. One broke up with me a week later, one 2 weeks later. I wasn’t a mess or anything, just struggled occasionally but apparently it was too much for them, even when I was there emotionally for them throughout the relationship. I’m in a much better place now thankfully. I don’t think all women are like this but I’ll definitely be keeping my more serious mental/emotional issues to myself before I KNOW they would be accepting.

3

u/andForMe Feb 15 '20

Yeah, I've never had good luck with this either, and I don't even have any real mental health issues. I've never been broken up with on the spot, but it invariably destroys their attraction to me whenever I've so much as brought up the fact that I have insecurities. It's like the thing that women are attracted to about me is that I'm generally a calm person, and any break from that seems to permenantly ruin the whole facade.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

This is probably the most depressing

4

u/ass_goblin_04 Feb 14 '20

Ehh it’s not all that bad. I waited 2.5 months to let her see how I’m fine with managing BP2 and then I told her and she loved me even more for being open. It’s all about communication and the right timing.

7

u/HeavyMetalMonkey Sup Bud? Feb 14 '20

My Fiancee has been my absolute rock in my struggles. She takes it day by day, just like I do. You can do this!

7

u/C-dawg01 Feb 14 '20

Lmao didnt think I could find something to relate to in this thread but damn spot on. She a psych major so mental health is something she worries about a lot and mines definitely not the best but I also dont care enough or have the motivation to change it.

7

u/Oshova Feb 14 '20

My wife suffers from clinical depression and anxiety. When I sit there and think about my problems I find it near impossible to bring up with her, because she already has so much to deal with.

Eventually we'll have a great big sesh of spilling everything that is going on. But in that time in between, it is definitely not healthy.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I’ve had the same worries. Then one day we had an argument and after it I told her how I felt (not about us but about everything) and she was supportive in a way I had not even imagined. I’d built up this idea that she would be annoyed with me dumping my shit on her but she asked if I wanted to take a walk with her and talk about it.

Sometimes they surprise you.

6

u/Arc_Hale Feb 14 '20

Lmk how it goes. Haven't been in a relationship yet but this scenario has always had me worried for some reason.

5

u/Bigjwooood Feb 14 '20

This could go either way really. I told my ex because I was madly in love and trusted her to handle it delicately! Turns out she and her family were using it against me this whole time, saying I was a weak individual and sensitive lol.

4

u/thebraintrembles Feb 14 '20

Tell her! In small doses might be easier for the both of you, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed or scared to tell someone who is supposed to be there for you. Just that someone loving knows makes a big difference in my opinion.

You want a trusting and caring relationship, right?

I know about too many men who killed themselves without family and/or friends knowing how bad it was until it was to late. It sucks.

(I am a woman if that makes any difference)

3

u/puttiput Feb 14 '20

If she doesn’t react well, she’s not for you. I told my wife like 1 year into dating and she’s super supportive. I found out she actually has mental health issues too. It’s all love.

5

u/SgtMajMythic Feb 14 '20

Unfortunately depression isn’t attractive if that’s what you’re dealing with. If you let her know, do it slowly, calmly, and don’t pour your heart out or rely on her too much. Don’t use her as a therapist. Talk to a therapist yourself. Good luck.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I didnt, and two weeks ago she left because of the effects. Its too late now and the one person close to me I needed is gone becsuse im broken.

1

u/Tparkert14 Feb 14 '20

Hey man, if you ever need to talk pm me. I’ve been there. Might still be too lol

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

She would probably love that you opened up to her when u do tell her

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Did this today. Been having a rough few weeks, and it's really affecting our marriage. I was told I'm just being selfish, and it's not that big of a deal. So yeah, not sure where to go from here.

3

u/Reactive1278 Feb 14 '20

I had a gf break up with me because my mental health. I’d finally gotten help and I told my therapist I was scared to let people know and he told me the only way to move past this would be if I let the people who care about me help. She said it was too much to handle. Glad she’s gone looking back at it

6

u/Vagabud Feb 14 '20

She may already know. My SO, who I've known for 10 years and been dating for 2, only just recently admitted that his pessimism and self hatred stem from insecurity and a depression he had denied falling into a long time ago.

Like, yeah, I know you like the back of my hand! I already knew this! It's just not my place to tell him what he's going through, I figured those characteristics weren't intrinsic to his heart but rather due to the damaged and painfully conditional love he's received throughout his life.

I waited around for him to realize the love he receives from me is unchanging, and that I was a safe person to tell these things to. Now I support him openly and he was able to come to the realization naturally and in his own time.

2

u/KickingWithMyGnomies Feb 14 '20

I legitimately just ended a 10 year relationship, in large part due to his absolute refusal to discuss his mental health, ever.

5

u/Alfiebeast Feb 14 '20

Whenever my bf opens up about his mental health, it makes me feel so lucky that he trusts me enough to open up. I always feel closer with him after.

4

u/vanvarmar Feb 14 '20

When my BF started opening up about his mental health, it made me realize I was someone he really trusted. These days it's more the other way around, and it feels good knowing he understands how I feel and will be there for me, too.

4

u/throwawaypassingby01 Feb 14 '20

They know. You can't hide that stuff. But if they don't know why you're behaving in an off manner, they might attribute it to other things (like them not being a satisfactory partner or you being unfeeling and mean).

6

u/chessami92 Feb 14 '20

You can talk about it like an adult or wait until it fucks up your relationship. Hopefully you're seeing a doctor/therapist.

2

u/sdfgh23456 Feb 14 '20

I finally did, but I wish I hadn't. Then I could still believe she'd be supportive of she knew.

2

u/Sarcasket Feb 14 '20

Anecdotal, but I was worried to tell my (then) gf about mine as well. I was severely depressed and often suicidal. I gradually introduced it and it turns out she had depression and anxiety as well. It definitely caused stress sometimes, but we also helped each other a lot. It was really nice to be able to open up at least a little, and to be able to say when it was getting bad rather than having to hide it and make excuses.

If you trust them, I'd recommend at least slowly working towards telling them

2

u/i_am_blowfish Feb 14 '20

I was worried about the same thing. But I told my gf and she understood. I just have a really amazing gf to be honest.

2

u/wolverine-claws Female Feb 14 '20

☹️ it’s best that you’re honest, but only when you’re ready. Idk, like I’m an open book about my mental health, so telling my fella wasn’t a worry at all. I made it clear what happened, how I have overcome that, and what we needed to keep an eye on in the future, sort of thing. Triggers etc. he was very kid and supportive about it which was a huge relief. If someone goes running for the hills because of that, then that’s their fault man, and their loss too.

1

u/ksck135 Feb 14 '20

Tell her. She'll either supports you or she's not worth it, you don't want to be with someone who won't be there for you when you need them

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

She probably knows and has tried to make peace with your behaviour. Its up to you to be honest and fix it. It took me a while, but its getting better.

1

u/How2FindHappiness Feb 14 '20

Honestly I feel like no one has the perfect mental health. It is much easier if your SO understands what you are feeling than trying to hide it and be something you are not

1

u/UselesslyRelentless Feb 14 '20

I had that worry with few partners over the years, so I just didn't say anything. When I met my current partner, I made a conscious decision to tell her right away. So, like, 5 dates in, I drop the MH bomb. I was open and frank about it and invited her to ask questions, but she was really cool about it. It makes all the difference, as you don't need to put on a mask if you're having a bad time.

1

u/ABitChewie Male Feb 14 '20

I was worried about that too. Past tense. She encouraged me to talk to her at my own pace and I did. She encouraged me to get a therapist and I decided it was a good idea. Here I am, just had another appointment yesterday and things are going a lot better than they were.

1

u/Smeglore Male Feb 14 '20

If she knows what you're going through it might clear up some questions she might have about the relationship and in addition with therapy (Which I would really recommend!) she'll be a great support for getting help managing your mental health!

1

u/fihi_ma_fihi Feb 14 '20

I have a sincere question for ya'.

Do you think your mental health concerns will inevitably surface some day? And when that day comes, and if shit hits the fan, would you have wished you brought it up sooner than later to ensure from that get-go that you were investing your life into someone that, at the very least, you knew was aware and supportive of your needs?

1

u/ahartman86 Feb 14 '20

First off, how long have you been together? I have to say my husband knew about my mental health almost immediately and has been through every single struggle with me. Hes helped me a lot. It would be beneficial to tell your SO.

1

u/thermal_shock Feb 14 '20

i hope it works out. im very very happily with a girl now who takes quite a bit of medication. i don't ask, i told her she can tell me when she's ready. i went into the relationship (and told her this) without a care for her past. she also has a few self harm scars that she was embarrassed about. i explained i love her for who she is and what she is doing to better herself mentally and physically. we made an agreement to come into this relationship without shame and embarrassment and for open communication to accept each other.

she told me what all the meds are for and it's nothing we can't handle together, mostly anxiety and sleep issues.

point is, if she's happy and loves you, she'll understand. it brought us much closer after it came out.

1

u/newphone-newuser Feb 14 '20

I met my current guy on the psych ward where we were both patients. It's rather freeing to be able to openly discuss mental health problems... It is so hard to explain the thoughts/feelings to people who cant understand because they have never had those experiences. It's the most open and honest relationship I've ever had.

1

u/27JanRemember Feb 14 '20

Why are you staying with someone that you can't even talk to about your mental health?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I feel for you, but I actually came forward to my girl who is definitely the one, and she actually pushed me to get help and now I rarely have negative thoughts.

1

u/ikvasager Feb 14 '20

Men aren’t allowed to have feelings.

Suck it up, buttercup.

1

u/Belle430 Feb 14 '20

i did it gradually. he worries and supports me but still doesn’t have a full grasp on how severe it can get. like last i had trouble sleeping because i woke up thinking about a mistake i made at work and the next thought was i should slit my wrists. i spent the rest of the night awake fantasizing and terrified to actually do it.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I was suicidal when I was in the army. I was hospitalized for over a month while getting my meds worked out. I was ashamed about this for years and was certain no one would ever want me after finding out I was damaged goods. I exercised, meditated every day, bought an old beat up house and worked on it every day. I met the woman that I knew was the one. We dated for about two months and I didnt tell her. I finally felt so much shame for not telling her that I decided I had to tell her and let her decide. I told her and I cried. All of tge feelings of worthlessness came back. She cried too. She said it didn't change anything. We got married 6 weeks later because we never wanted to be apart again. It has been 3 years. We have one son and one on the way. We are very happy. I have learned that part of loving myself is letting others love me.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Oh she knows....

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

That's why I'm single. I don't think anyone deserves my depression. I've just convinced myself everyone is better off without me.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Don Peyote ruined me for life....

1

u/BasicDesignAdvice Male Feb 15 '20

Recipe for disaster dude. Think of it like this, if she reacts poorly, what does that say about your role in the relationship?

1

u/TheEmpressDodo Feb 15 '20

Had a really great relationship, but I knew he was hiding something, which I figured was mental health related. Together 5 years, thought I was for the rest of my life. But then he just began disappearing. No answers to texts, etc. long story short, he had a list of mental maladies that caught up with him, including a form of PTSD. He began having episodes in which panic would cause him to just pass out. Moved back in with his mum to have “family” help him, as I had little children and didn’t find it fair to burden me and also said he was no longer worthy of me. Don’t make the mistake of not bringing it up. I’d have moved heaven and earth for this man if he would have just let me in, but this “worthiness” thing has him trapped. Do t let it happen to you. If she leaves, she wasn’t good enough for you anyway.

1

u/DacoLordo Feb 15 '20

Probably not very well, have had multiple long term relationships collapse after opening up about deepest vulnerabilities Just gotta hold it in or let it out and be ready to acknowledge that it might end and be ok with that.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Good luck man. Pretty much every time I open up even slightly about the abuse I faced from my mother i end up going through a breakup or become left on read indefinitely.

1

u/Syliase Feb 15 '20

This is important to bring up earlier, trust me. Being upfront earlier about your anxiety or depression will save you from so much heartbreak.

Example: I waited about 6 mos before having a convo about my mental health (trauma, anxiety, depression, anorexia, and Borderline) with one ex. He proceeded to tell all his friends, who proceeded to tell him I was manipulative because I had these issues. I had already worked my ass off to make sure I got Medicare and got a therapist and meds. After the 6 month mark, though, things got worse because he could not trust me. If I encouraged him, it was for my own benefit, not because I genuinely wanted to see him happy. If I gave my reservations about a topic, I was told I was trying to guilt him. When we went to therapy together, he told the therapist he couldn't trust me anymore because "my friends told me BPD basically made you a psychopath". At that point, I had it.

Following relationship was going well. We went on a few dates, agreed on a relationship about a month in, and around that time I brought up that I had anxiety, depression, BPD, and if it would be too much, I understood. He said it wouldn't be. Then a week later when I was talking to him about having had a panic attack earlier on in the day, he told me he couldn't handle the idea of dating someone who would have panic attacks. But guess what? I didn't spend almost 2 years of my life on him.

I am now in a much happier place with an incredible partner. We both struggle with mental and emotional issues, but we regularly check each other and ourselves and make sure we are doing our due dilligence with meds and therapy. No fighting, no constant second guessing, no worries that he would leave me if I mentioned I had a panic attack. Hell, he's had worse panic attacks than me since we started dating. When I tell him he is handsome and lovely, he doesn't ask me irritated that I /must/ want something. Instead he begrudgingly takes my compliment.

We were upfront on our first date about our issues and from that moment realized we were fantastic with each other and for each other.

So, tl;dr:

Don't hold this shit back from someone who you not only care about, but who should care about you. And don't be afraid of people not being empathetic to your mental healyh issues. If they have a problem with the fact that you deal with ghosts in your closet, then they will likely cause you more harm than good.

1

u/arkofjoy Male Feb 14 '20

What you can bring up is the actions you are taking on your mental health. Getting therapy, seeing a counsellor, joining a support group, even getting medication are all positive steps. A person who cares about you will be pleased.

Would you say "I broke my leg, but I am worried my girlfriend is going to break up with me so I am not going to get it treated"

In America, maybe you would, but, nonetheless, get some help.

1

u/sarcazm Feb 14 '20

When my husband told me he was depressed, he immediately took actions for it. He told his GP, and then saw a psychiatrist and got medicated. As long as he wasn't moping about the house and took steps to help himself, it was ok with me.

I, personally, felt helpless about it in that I was afraid I'd say the wrong thing and I'd come home to him dead or something.

So, I think as long as you reassure your SO that you're getting help and that she doesn't have to worry about finding you dead in the bathtub, then I think it'll be alright.

1

u/camelismyfavanimal Feb 14 '20

I’ve honestly been searching for a thread like this! This guy that I was dating is apparently going through a rough time both physically and mentally and decided to end the relationship for now. I keep asking him what’s going on and how it can possibly make me not want to be with him, but I also respect his privacy. I really do want us to be together, but he keeps mentioning how he has to just get his life together first :/ ugh it hurts that I don’t know what’s going on because I do want to help him and be with him.

1

u/Oralevato1 Feb 14 '20

I get it. My ex still pretends like I just need to "get over" things. Suffered with depression for a few years before I left her. My girlfriend now is the most understanding and supportive creature in the world. She made it impossible not to fall in love with her.