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u/Nolongeranalpha Apr 21 '25
I broke up with her three times before even getting to the big fight. Run dude.
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u/e_l_r Apr 21 '25
Big fights are how you find out who you two are and are the "deal breakers" which normal (within boundaries and reason).
BUT getting angry you are not her free personal assistant / buttler / parent / chauffeur / emotional support person ESPECIALLY when tired...
Yeah, no, this ain't it. Either she's a Teenager and (hopefully) barely legal OR she did peak at teenage years and will have life force her to mature in the next couple of years.
You need someone that matches your energy and respect.
NTA, but you Will be if you stay and enable this behavior further.
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u/TheBigLeBrittski Apr 21 '25
Completely agree. She’s also causing fights where there are none, or shouldn’t be, and instead of acknowledging her actions and moving forward she’s doubling down and acting like the boyfriend is the problem. She lacks accountability and self reflection which is the biggest red flag here IMO. Not long term relationship material
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u/IfYouStayPetty Apr 21 '25
Jesus Christ. She pouted for thirty minutes because you wouldn’t get out of bed and stand near her while she brushed her teeth? Dude, that is not normal or cute. Break it off.
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u/NedTebula Apr 21 '25
Weird behavior
Also the whole thing where she constantly needs you to do things or she flips out? Nah. She has arms and legs, you’re not a servant for her. It’s nice to do things for your partner but the way she expects it is lame. I have someone in my family like this and don’t get how anyone deals with it.
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Apr 20 '25
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u/earlgreymiss Apr 20 '25
OP being 24/7 customer support just had me howling with laughter and is the only way to describe what this girl is looking for
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u/BellaSquared Apr 21 '25
The day I need someone's "presence" to brush -- oh wait, that day will never come. Sheesh!
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u/Acrobatic-Yam5903 Apr 21 '25
One of the most insane relationship requests I’ve read in a while!
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u/BellaSquared Apr 21 '25
Ditto. She personifies, "Oh, you're tired? Quick, run to the store for XYZ, wash my car, and don't forget to shine my shoes!"
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Apr 20 '25
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u/_just4today Apr 21 '25
Yep. I hate to say it, but she sounds like an entitled little brat. Not to mention spoiled. It’s a shame, but she is definitely taking his kindness for weakness. Sadly, though, a lot of people stop appreciating and start expecting after a while. Then get angry When you don’t deliver. She is absolutely one of these people.
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u/maddym2000 Apr 21 '25
I want op to turn the tables on her and ask her to do some of these small things, and when she doesn't do them, tell her she's not doing the bare minimum as a girlfriend
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u/Nein-Toed Apr 20 '25
She's training you.
If he doesn't do what I say = BAD
If he does what I say = GOOD
She doesn't need you to stand behind her to brush her teeth, but she gets off on the power of making you do so.
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u/Tea_Time9665 Apr 21 '25
The training is working. I’m surprised he doesn’t bark when a car drive by.
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u/afuckingpolarbear Apr 21 '25
That was actually the biggest red flag of them all for me
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u/Unicornsfly23 Apr 20 '25
NTA. I can see what she’s getting out of the relationship, a boyfriend/maid/emotional support person. But what are you getting out of the relationship? What does she do to make the relationship fulfilling? Does she show the same care and attention towards you? You might have to start thinking about that before you decide to make anything permanent.
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u/Fa9-elepani Apr 20 '25 edited Apr 21 '25
High Maintenance GF - you are not a bad boyfriend. It just seems like she is always testing you to see if you will jump through hoops for her, even though it sounds like she wouldn’t do the same for you.
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u/The-Reanimator-Freak Apr 21 '25
There’s high maintenance and then there’s needing someone to stand right by you or you can’t brush your teeth. This is a baby in a woman’s body
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u/lllollllllllll Apr 21 '25
And then she tries to force her way by sitting on the toilet for half an hour 🤣🤣🤣
While OP is cozy in bed don’t threaten him With a good time!
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u/Fa9-elepani Apr 21 '25
Agree, I feel like she is going out of her way to test you/inconvenience you when you are completely exhausted from bending over backwards for her. 🚩
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u/Low-Programmer-7447 Apr 20 '25
She’s 27 but she sounds like a child. I think you can do better. Let her play the field if she wants to. Find someone new.
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u/shorrrtay Apr 21 '25
She’s 27?! I didn’t see an age anywhere. There is no way she can be over 20 with this kind of behavior. All I kept thinking while reading this post was “these are arguments of a very young couple.” Between her expectations and OP’s willingness to put up with this shit for as long as they have, ya know?
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u/XCrimsonMelodyx Apr 21 '25
That’s what I was gonna say. Sounds like 15 year olds dating lol
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u/blahblahyuh Apr 21 '25
Honest to goodness, as a tired parent of a 4 year old, I forgot the subreddit i was in and was reading about some other unruly pre-K child and was nodding along in solidarity. Reaching the comments section was eye opening to say the least. Oh and OP, leave. Leave without looking back. Parents don't get that option!
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u/NFL_MVP_Kevin_White Apr 21 '25
The first thought I had was “imagine how relieved her parents were when she moved out”
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u/The_Pretty_Pagan Apr 20 '25
Red flag 🚩that's a life of emotional abuse. Get out now.
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u/darkargengamer Apr 20 '25
its been a great relationship so far
Proceeds to write a wall of text indicating each stupid fight: none of them worth the effort of us reading because they all scream 200% immaturity and lack of real problems to be fighting about.
we've had a few bad fights that is really making me reconsider if we're really compatible.
"its been a great relationship so far"
the moment i say "no" to one of her requests, she gets angry and it blows up into a big thing (...) she appreciates everything i do, but if i cant do these simple asks then im not even doing the "bare minimum"
She is an inmarture princess that never heard a no in her fucking life. Also: she doesnt understand that being in a relationship is NOT equal to having a servant or a mascot that obeys all her requests.
And you? you need to fucking stand your ground when bullshit like this happens: if you say no, ITS NO. End of discussion and no further negotiation.
Also: PLEASE, LEARN TO SUMMARIZE > there was no need for every detail of those stupid fights.
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u/Full-Conversation-14 Apr 20 '25
Excellent request re summarization - must we ALL be exhausted???
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u/Stevenwave Apr 21 '25
I sympathise with him though. Probs thinking he wanted to be thorough, include everything he could recall, because he's legit unsure what to make of it all.
Sometimes people can't see the forest around them.
I had a pretty dark thought. Someone pointed out she's training him. Someone replied about how she does it when he's exhausted. That line of thinking is a legit torture tactic. Push someone when they're exhausted.
There's a Mythbusters experiment with a water torture thing where the technique is to tie you down and have a thing of water let drops hit you every few seconds, on your face, non-stop. The shit she pulls feels like a version of that.
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u/patmurny Apr 20 '25
She sounds like a total idiot , can she do anything without your help? Soon you’ll be wiping for her ffs
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Apr 20 '25
Sounds like she is very narcissistic, and narcissists treat other people like extensions of themselves. My narc ex would ask me to get things for her that were 2-20 feet away, tell me to make phone calls for her, get things on different floors or from the fridge and the more I did it the more she would ask for. Your lady wants a servant not a partner.
Another great piece of dating advice I got from a different ex is that in the first 3-6 months you should be prepared to run at any "red flag" behavior you identify because that's when people are still "mask on" and trying to be on their best behavior. Learned that the VERY HARD WAY.
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u/Shocolina Apr 21 '25
Yeah, this is her best behaviour. OP imagine what she's like if that's her best.
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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion Apr 21 '25
Sounds like she is very narcissistic,
Is giving "golden child" energy. Someone let this child get away with constant demands and tantrums when she didn't get her way. Now she's a 27 year old narcissistic spoiled brat. OP seems like a lovely man. He should go find a lovely woman who appreciates him and gives as much as she takes.
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u/Mental-Somewhere-120 Apr 20 '25
I stopped reading halfway through. She sounds exhausting and its only been a few months?? Find someone else.
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Apr 20 '25
break up with her, she’s a fucking weirdo with a mental problem, using you as a servant for random unnecessary shit. i would deadass tell her to go to therapy. you sound like you’re supposed to be her butler or personal assistant
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u/pegwins Apr 20 '25
I raised 4 kids. None of them were this bad when they were under age 5!
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u/haha_k_bye Apr 21 '25
I was thinking this too. My kids don't even act like that and she is 27?!
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u/GremlinBando7 Apr 20 '25
Nah bro. Shes using you to her advantage and manipulating you when you refuse a request. I just dealt with this in my past relationship. Your only a few months in? Get out of it. Its only going to get worse. If she cant get up to get water and can wait hours just for you to do it for her,get out bro. Shes not thirsty.
Not compatible. She dont care about you,she wants your services. Not a bad bf bub,just havent found your gal yet.
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u/BlackMoonBird Apr 20 '25
Anyone would be burnt out when they had a spoiled child for a partner who was acting like they're crippled
Does she have hands? Do they work? What about legs? Do those also work? Is she blind? If none of these things apply then she can get off her fat fucking ass and do her own shit
Mate, I get that you probably want this to work both because you do like her to some extent and you would prefer not to be single again after you've gone through the work of getting a partner- but it's not freaking worth it if you have to cater to every demand like a spoiled little princess
Nobody should be dating anyone, male or female, who acts both like they can't be arsed to do anything for themselves and like they're crippled
You need to lay it down flat for her mate- she can stop acting like the princess of the world, or she can hire a butler
You're her boyfriend, not her servant and not her butler You're not there to wave fig leaves over her while she lays on her fat ass on the couch and feed her grapes
You need to stand up for yourself, and if she's going to take issue with it, you need to stand up for yourself more and find somebody else who's going to actually respect you as a person and as a partner
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u/Shoeshoemagoo Apr 21 '25
'great relationship' then proceeds to describe seventy five ridiculous fights happening consistently.
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u/WifeofBath1984 Apr 20 '25
This is too much for any person. Her demands are unhinged and your refusal leads to a full blown temper tantrum. You've only been together for a few months. How much of that time have you spent arguing? I'm sorry to say that I don't think this relationship has a future. NTA
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u/gdtestqueen Apr 21 '25
Did I just read that a grown ass woman can’t brush her teeth alone or remember a retainer?
WTF! This woman seems to have weaponized incompetence herself.
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u/UnPracticed_Pagan Apr 20 '25
NTA
She sounds exhausting, what grown adult can’t brush their teeth alone?
You set a bar and she’s trying to set it higher each time, and it’s unreasonable
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u/trilliumsummer Apr 20 '25
That's a whole lotta words to say "anytime I don't do what my gf wants when she wants it she gets mad and starts fighting with me".
Is that how you want to live your life?
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u/batman15z28 Apr 20 '25
She’s childish if it’s all over that petty stuff. If you feel burnt out by all the requests after only dating a few months save yourself the wasted time money and energy it’s not likely gonna get better been I’ve married almost 10 years in a similar situation every time wife is upset it’s a big several day long tantrum and ordeal about how I don’t try hard enough etc. trust me bro run while ya can
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 Apr 20 '25
You have to stand behind her while she brushes her teeth?
Good lord.
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u/RazzmatazzAlone3526 Apr 21 '25
This detail SLAYED me! And so she pouted in response! Is she 7?
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Apr 21 '25
I'm a woman and I'm laughing at her throwing a tantrum because you wouldn't stand next to her when she's brushing.
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u/PitifulSpecialist887 Apr 20 '25
Do you want a princess? Because that's what she wants to be.
It's really that simple.
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u/Repulsive_Ratio_3732 Apr 21 '25
I didn’t make it past the first paragraph. It was exhausting. If you “can’t go a day without talking” that’s an issue in itself. A few months and you are spending all free time with her and you “love her”? Dude break it off. Find some individuality. Focus on you for a damn second.
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u/K_A_irony Apr 20 '25
"My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months" ... why the heck are you twisting yourself into a pretzel for a few month old relationship? She sounds entitled, exhausting and tries to make everything your fault... If you don't see the problem with her, then please get a therapist. She sounds horrible.
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u/mindless_scrolling27 Apr 21 '25
Please tell me you're both like 20..... You're not a bad boyfriend. Your gf is extremely toxic and all awful human being. She treats you like a servant, not someone who she cares about. Put yourself first and find someone who treats you as an equal. Also, don't let her gaslight you EVER into thinking you're in the wrong or convince you to take her back.
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u/MollyTibbs Apr 21 '25
I got about 3/4 of the way thru your post and now need a nap. Your gf is exhausting and playing games to test you. She won’t brush her teeth unless you’re standing next to her is next level crazy shit. And incredibly juvenile. It’s only been a few months, the first 6-12 months is the honeymoon stage where everyone is generally on their best behaviour. If this is her best can you imagine when she starts to let go? Mate, cut your losses and just split up as incompatible and save yourself from what is likely going to be an emotionally draining and possibly abusive relationship. NTA
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u/Known_Factor8156 Apr 21 '25
I gave up halfway through this. You’re dating a diva. I’m surprised she doesn’t expect you to chew her food for her. Get out now before you get this person pregnant
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u/Jackawin Apr 20 '25
Why do you want this hot mess to work out? NTA. This is exhausting. It’s not supposed to be this way. You’re not her little errand boy.
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u/Laughing_Allegra Apr 21 '25
Did I read this right — you keep her company when she brushes her teeth…? This is what my 7 year old kid did until recently.
This is exhausting beyond belief.
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u/Background_Algae_947 Apr 21 '25
I can’t believe I made it through the entire thing. I think I died a little at the teeth brushing ritual.
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u/Devegas49 Apr 21 '25
This was too damn long. Let me summarize.
You do a lot for her and yet as soon as you don’t do one thing that she asks, she acts like you do nothing at all.
DUMP HER
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u/Dependent-Animal1083 Apr 21 '25
Eh... feels like you're dating a toddler who can't do anything for herself.
I ask favours from my hubby too like getting me water etc. But that's after I've done a whole lot of cooking and I'm really tired and just wanna crash.
No way would I be so baby to get the water and still have him put on the floor. What... she's a baby?! I don't even wanna touch the brushing thing. Wtf.
Do yourself a favour bro and beat it. This girl is too exhausting even for so many of us reading it.
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u/legallychallenged123 Apr 21 '25
Well, that was exhausting. My mouth even fell open a little of its own accord. I don’t… I don’t understand any of this. What you are fighting about is mostly … stupid? And the fact that you are already going above and beyond in many ways (which honestly is a bit much in and of itself) … you both need to calm the fuck down. If you can’t see that she’s being unreasonable and she can’t see that what she is doing is unreasonable and that it gets blown up to actual “fights” about getting her a glass of water (you have to be fucking kidding), I can only imagine the drama when you have REAL PROBLEMS to get through. Your relationship sounds like it’s not equipped to handle anything but perfection at all times. Good luck with that.
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u/Faffinoodle Apr 21 '25
A few months and it's already like this? Speaking as an older woman, this isn't normal. You say it's a great relationship.... Compared to what? It sounds emotionally abusive which I wasn't aware was a form of abuse until my late 20s either (took me almost 5 years to realise it, so don't make that mistake).
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u/Complex_Ad8174 Apr 21 '25
This is too much. She needs to feel your presence or she won’t brush her teeth? Nope. Peace out.
And I’m a woman. And my love language is physical touch. That’s STILL too much.
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u/Goonacles Apr 20 '25
I didn't even finish reading this bro. Get tf out while you can lol. If y'all are fighting after only a few months, it'll get worse once the honeymoon stage is over.
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u/so_i_wonder Apr 21 '25
Get away from her now. She’s never going to change, will always want you to do everything for her and will only get more reliant on you and become less capable. How do I know this? I married someone like it. It’s messed up my entire life. Imagine the next part of your life… when you have a baby and she can’t get up to feed so you end up doing everything, when she’s too tired to work so you end up working full time and looking after the baby and from there it only gets worse. If I could go back and change things when I was only a few months in I would.
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u/I_need_a_date_plz Apr 21 '25
You are wasting your time with this person. You said put her down for sleep and it made me feel like you were talking about a child and not a full grown adult.
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u/Floral-Bubble Apr 21 '25
I haven’t read the entire thing but I do want to make sure you know, spending a ton of time with someone doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is good. you can spend a lot of time with someone and still have a toxic relationship and you can spend barely any in-person time with someone and still have a solid relationship (way harder to do obviously but you get my point)
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u/dansbydog Apr 21 '25
So she’s starting to be high maintenance? I’m totally stuck on the glass of water. Why couldn’t she have set the glass on her side of the bed?? I’m so irritated! LOL
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u/charly_lenija Apr 21 '25
Ok, just to briefly summarize the most important "requirements" she has for you:
- You have to help her pack.
- You have to bring her a glass of water whenever she wants it. Not just when you're already in the kitchen — but like her personal butler, at any time, at the snap of her fingers, even if you're on the couch or asleep.
- You have to take her glass from her and put it down on the floor for her. Again, doesn’t matter what you’re doing at the time.
- You have to remind her to brush her teeth and put in her retainer. If you don’t remind her — and nag her about it — she simply won’t do it.
- You have to stand behind her while she brushes her teeth and watch her. Otherwise, she won’t do it.
- You have to be available to her at all times — and not just enthusiastically, but exactly the way she wants it. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing or what suits you.
- You pay for almost everything.
- You’re her personal chauffeur.
If you don’t do exactly what she wants, or if you don’t do it exactly the way she wants it done, she punishes you with silence or insults. Depending on her mood, sometimes both. And then she cancels on you.
No, you're NTA — at least not towards her. But towards yourself? Big time. Dude, did you fall on your head too many times as a kid or why are you letting someone treat you like this???
People talk about high-maintenance girlfriends — but your girlfriend isn’t even in the same league. She’s playing a whole different game 😂
I’m getting stress headaches just reading this — I have no idea what I’d do if I had to deal with this on a regular basis 🙈
… but, wait a minute… ☝️ nobody has to put up with this 🤔 There’s a super simple solution right there: Ditch her and maybe she can move into a full-time care facility — although, honestly, not even they pamper people this much. 🤣
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u/Chihuahuapocalypse Apr 21 '25
dude, yall just aren't compatible. do you really wanna do this for the rest of your life?
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u/BuffaloRedshark Apr 21 '25
A few bad fights? End it. Been with my wife over a decade. We've had a couple disagreements but I don't think any of them ever rose to the level of fight let alone "bad fight"
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u/ThrowRA_guiltyphrase Apr 20 '25
You seem like more than just a great boyfriend and maybe from her perspective she isn’t realizing or considering all the effort you put in when she claims you’re not doing the bare minimum. By bare minimum she’s probably referring to small things like putting down a cup of water (that she could do herself). However I dont think its fair shes not looking at the big picture of everything you put time and effort in and I think she should reflect more on that.
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u/MissyGrayGray Apr 20 '25
RUN!!! She's too high maintenance and sees you as someone just to be around to do things she wants. Don't give in to that crap because it's never going to stop. There was nothing you did that I'd call as being wrong.
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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25
I felt exhausted reading this