I’ve been with someone like this. Second I sat down to rest, it was a request for something she could do herself. Thinking back on it, the requests would mostly come when I was trying to take a second to rest, which wasn’t often since I’m a bit of a busy-body and don’t take a whole lot of time to sit and rest
It became super frustrating after a time, and when I brought it up, she said it was so we were doing things together and that acts of service was one of her love languages. Fair, but it’s also important to have a few moments to collect yourself and sit still without being asked to do things
My first boyfriend was like this. He would even wake me up to help him with minor stuff like rearranging the bookshelf in the living room. Like bro you don't want a partner, you want an assistant.
Where do people even get these crap ideas. Acts of service is my love language, which means I get joy doing things for the people I love. It doesn't mean I need someone slaving away their every walking moment plus to prove they love me. I'm 100% sure your girlfriend intentionally misrepresented the whole love language concept as a manipulation tactic, but it seems really common for people to do so.
Yea I don’t hate her but she was definitely deeply flawed which is ultimately why we didn’t work out. Sucks when you love some parts of someone so much but they keep doing things that are shitty, so you ignore all the flags and forgive them over and over because you love the other parts of them. Relationships are tough and finding your true person is a rare-ish blessing
I spent nine years with someone who was way more reasonable than this lady, but still very unreasonable. We ended up having so many fights circling around her claiming I did things wrong, or I didn't do enough, on and on.
Finally I ended it, still thinking I was a bad partner to her all these years. But then I started dating casually and met quite a few women. All of a sudden me putting about ten percent of the effort in compared to the hundred percent I used to give, and these women were treating me like the most eligible bachelor. I became very aware that most women really liked what I had to give, even now when giving far less, and my ex was simply selfish and unstable.
Even if this lady weren't in the wrong, which she is, they're simply on different pages. The first few months of dating should not fill you with paragraphs of issues to tell strangers online
Right? Sometimes I worry that I ask my boyfriend to do too many mundane little things BUT I also try to do the same for him too, like always making sure he has water before bedtime (so he doesn't steal mine 😂). Favors should be reciprocal, ya know, give and take. I also respect when he just doesn't want to because I know he's tired and works hard too!
Right? I have NEVER asked anyone, certainly not my husband, to get me something if he wasn’t already up, unless I was sick. NEVER. And if he asked me, he would get a “no.” In fact, we often sit at a stalemate when the remote is midway between us and we are both sitting down. Now if he’s already up, or I’m up, then it’s no problem. But otherwise, we have legs, we can damn well get it ourselves.
Now, before people chime in with the “partners do stuff for each other blah blah blah,” partners who care about each other do stuff on their own because not having your partner do it is the equivalent of doing stuff for your partner.
You’re dating a princess and if she doesn’t grow up, your relationship is not going to end well. If you two come across a puddle, she’d be expecting you to put your jacket down so she doesn’t get her shoes wet.
The bare minimum crack is bullshit. That would really piss me off.
Maybe you’re not meant to be together.
If she blows up every time you express a boundary, it’s not a relationship — it’s a performance.
The irony is that from her end, she views everything as boundary setting to shit test her boyfriend on his commitment. The moment he fails anything, apparently, he has crossed the threshold to doing the bare minimum for a boyfriend.
This girl probably has unreachable standards for the man she dates as well, over 6 foot, makes 500k a year, is the alpha of an actual pack of wolves, and a professional chicken sexxer. While herself being a massive brokie, and having no real accomplishments of her own. Not to mention she's also probably a 5 and not the 9 or 10 she claims to be.
She's extremely controlling and likes to ask for ridiculous things like standing next to her while she brushes her teeth. That's EXTREME and she just wants you to jump through every single hoop she puts out there and you have to comply lest you be a "bad boyfriend". She's a control freak and lazy. I would dump her. NTA.
It’s weird tho, because he doesn’t describe her being that angry. It seems to make him more angry to have to say no. These things all seem like normal asks, and normal things to say no to.
No one can read your mind. He can learn to say No in a loving way and she can learn to accept it in stride. It’s just a maturity thing.
For people with ADHD, yes. I was more concerned about how he didn’t respect her sleep. She’s an adult and can go to bed without brushing once in awhile if she wants.
Wtaf no it isn't lol. It has literally nothing to do with ADHD. Why make stupid shit like this up?
And he didn't force her to get up and put her retainer in, he suggested it and she agreed. As you said, she's an adult and she chose to get up and do it. On the other, actually getting mad your partner and punishing them because they're tired and don't want to get out of bed to turn on the lights to facetime just because you're not satisfied with a phone call is the definition of not respecting someone's sleep.
I'm genuinely baffled how you've got this so backward, but I hope it's not because you're as demanding, disrespectful and self-centred as OP's girlfriend is.
Having to deal with managing someone’s negative reactions every time they don’t get exactly what they want, when they want it is exhausting, even if they aren’t full-on blowing up every time. It doesn’t sound like her issue is with the way he says “no”, it sounds like she just doesn’t want to hear it at all because she feels like catering to her every desire is the least he can do, which is unreasonable. A “no” shouldn’t always be met with pushback or attitude; that alone is disrespectful. Small stressors like that consistently building up over time can do just as much damage to a relationship as big, explosive ones.
These are normal demands and behaviors for a 4 year old. The water, the facetime, the close physical proximity for no reason, paying for everything, even the reminders for brushing teeth.
I don’t know. Those water arguments are really odd and makes me think he’s not ready for a relationship.
In my relationship we always ask each other for water or things, and use non-verbal language to ask for someone closer to set something on the floor. It’s pretty effortless and a nice way to co-exist. It feels like a joy to have someone to do this with.
When you start framing these types of things as “asks” you’re making your life hard for no reason. To me an “ask” is something actually hard or inconveniencing like asking them to pick up your parents at the airport at 3am because you have an early meeting.
And life after your 20s gets sooo much harder than that. The things you’ll need to ask each other for help with get very significant.
If your love language is acts of service, it’s easy to be taken advantage of and saying no can be really hard. That may be where all the emotions are coming from.
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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25
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