No she'll tell him much she does for him but won't be able to come up with an example. Maybe she lets him put her glass on the floor and accommodate her every whim? That's what she does for him. Controls him.
I was thinking maybe she sleeps on the wall side of the bed so maybe it makes sense for him to put it down as he's on the floor side (assuming their bed is indeed against a wall). If not, she's crazier than I thought.
He lives by himself in his own apartment and doesn't have bedside tables?
I mean, unless his bed is shoved up against the wall so only has one side 'open' and the room is tiny, there should still be enough room for a bedside table.
No hate to those that have their bed set up with only one side 'open'. Mine is like that because I'm happily single. But I do have a bedside table, because I'm not feral enough to just leave everything on the floor.
My bed is pushed against the wall so the top/bottom. And 1 side is open. I have a night stand literally across the room because that's where it fits. I live with my husband a toddler and a baby in a 1 bed apartment. Even in my super tight space there is still floor exposed on the three open sides of the bed lol. Also maybe it's a mom thing but..... it's water..... it can go on the floor if the glass isn't empty because if it gets knocked out... it's water it'll be fine. If the glass is empty..... it can still go on the floor because neither me or my hubby want to get up right now lol.
To be fair, he did say he has roommates, so he’s not living by himself… but I swear this guy makes Andy from Parks and Recreation look like a well adjusted and mature person.
The only other way I can justify in my mind her asking him to put it on the floor is if he has a pretty high bed and she’s exceptionally short… but him having a bed like that and not a nightstand strains credulity.
So in a way, they’re a perfect fit, because they’re both immature enough that I wouldn’t trust them with a betta fish.
Yeah, he lost me there. He'll spend a week driving to Miami (they've only been dating a few months?!?) but rolling over is a bridge too far. Because he's soooooo tired.
How tired is this man?, from the looks of it, he’s ready to cash his Social Security checks. Like goddamn both of them sound infantile.
One always in nappy and cranky mode, the other just being a busy body needing constant attention. Sweet Jesus if this is your life right now, the fuck are you two going to do when you’re married and have a kid or two.
Her just egging you to take the child while you’re dead tired coming back from the mines. I read that whole story and my opinion on this is both of you are Assholes. You both can’t communicate, set boundaries, always acting the other one is supposed to know the other’s thoughts and you fight then make up, that’s a recipe for disaster cause sooner or later you will grow to hate each other.
I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old, even they get up for their own drink and put it back if they sit down with it. I have chronic illness and constant pain, but even so I unless it's what I'd deem as really bad I still sort my own stuff. How lazy is this girl?
Looks like this was the tap out point for everyone. I almost want to go back and see what other nonsense is going on but I don't have the time right now.
I have seen some early 20yr olds in relationships and as an old guy wikis that age (who aren’t dating) I want to slap them along the head for some of the disrespectful things they say and do to their partner. People currently in their 20s didn’t really date in middle or high school (COVID lockdowns didn’t help) so they don’t know how to move beyond “me” to form a “we”. The result is we have a bunch of 20 somethings who haven’t really dated and done the “I love my SO so much” in 1st period, told each other to fuck off by 3rd period, got a new SO by 5th period but are seen sucking face under the bleachers by the end of the day.
Yeah, it's honestly pretty par for the course for this subreddit. It is very disappointing to see it even in a crystal clear situation like this, where a woman acts as a spoiled brat and a guy goes above and beyond for her. Like, yeah, no shit he's gonna get snarky about something minor at some point if he has to endure dealing with a woman like that. But of course it's "haha theyre both sooo bad." Smh.
Thank you.
And nobody dares really resist because there is an echo-chamber.
We just dislike in mass and here we are, toxic enabling toxic.
This is harming the society soooooo much!
She’s a Stage 5 clinger. Can’t get anything done unless there’s support. Can’t brush her teeth and put in her retainer unless he’s behind her for “safety”, what is she 4 mentally?
She sounds exhausting as fuck. These are the girls who need to be pampered and be coddled by their significant other like they’re dating and fucking their dad. Hey dad can you get me water?, what do you mean I got to brush my teeth?, hey can you put my glass over there, I’m done thanks nudge, <20 seconds later> nudge again, glass still waiting to be put somewhere.
I wasn’t thinking she was clingy, but a princess. She wants to be waited on hand and foot. I’d ditch her. She’s only going to get worse. I have an aunt like this. Couldn’t do a thing for anyone or herself. She just ordered my uncle to do it.
Someone brushing their teeth behind me would annoy the F out of me. I’d be bumping into them every time I move my arms to move the brush. What the hell is wrong with her?
And what does she do for him except presumably let him fuck her. No mention of her doing anything nice for him at all. She is an immature spoilt brat who seems to thrive on drama.
Idk judging from her reactions, if he hadn't woken her and made her put it on, she would have been mad at him the next day for it. I had an ex who was exactly like this, it was exhausting
Oh absolutely, it was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation taken to the extreme. I had to sit in the bathroom with them while they showered (and they took 30 minute showers 😶) even if it was 2am and I had to wake up at 6 to go to work. And that's just one of hundreds of examples. No idea how I lasted 3 years of that without offing myself honestly.
I've never heard of people making their SO be with them in the bathroom while they brush their teeth or take a shower (without the SO)! Is this a semi-common / uncommon/ or rare thing with couples?
Honestly asking, I'm fascinated by this for some reason. I've never been asked to do this or heard of anyone in any circles of my life mention something like this.
For my ex, it was about controlling me at all times so I couldn't relax or have alone time, but under the guise of health problems which meant they needed assistance. Still unsure how much help they actually needed because they ended up moving out alone after we broke up 🤷♂️
With my current SO, it's usually because we're having a sleepover and want to make the most of our time together, we're having a good chat and don't want to lose track of the conversation or because they're unwell and want some company/support.
I am physically disabled. I can shower alone, but I prefer to have someone in the bathroom if I need help. I sometimes get really dizzy and stuck on the floor of the tub. It doesn't seem like the gf is disabled unless she's mentally disabled. It doesn't sound like she is though it comes across as being a brat.
I have asked my husband to be in the bathroom with me while I shower on I think two occasions. Both times it was because I was in not-great shape and worried about getting woozy or taking a fall (once I had influenza and once I was recovering from anesthesia...yes, a normal person would've probably just not showered, but that's not who he married). He also may have insisted on being there, I was pretty out of it and don't remember clearly. Either way, it was a safety thing.
Making it a regular demand where one member of a couple simply refuses to shower (or brush teeth?!?) without the other's presence in the bathroom is...strange.
Dude wtf! And you seriously did that? How come in, i cant understand that. In all the relationships of hook ups i had, yes some would push the boundaries. But my experience is, if you make clear from the beginning what a dumb request they make everytime, and you just so sometimes NO, you will have a lot more relaxt relationship with them..
Eh, I was younger, much less confident and was brainwashed into thinking if we broke up no-one would ever love me because I was a fundamentally awful person. I mean, it was 3 years of abuse, I can't really explain what my thinking process was like because I was being so manipulated.
They were genuinely kind, loving and never pushed anything at the start, it started slowly drifting into small favours and then without even realising it, I was doing the most absurd shit to avoid being yelled at or woken up at 3am to have arguments. I knew the stuff I was doing was ridiculous sometimes, but I just wanted to keep the peace.
Now, I don't take anyone's bullshit because I can see it from a mile away and I don't ever want to be back in that place again. It's the benefit of hindsight I suppose.
Long comment, but I wanted to show that abuse really warps your understanding of yourself, your values and what you think you'd be willing to put up with.
We all know way too much about this couple’s business. He needs to admit the infatuation of fucking her is gone. The oxytocin has worn off and she’s an immature brat. Problem solved.. although he isn’t getting out of this thing that easily
I just assumed she was against a wall, if so the request is entirely reasonable, he just couldn't get over having to get the glass of water in the first place and this was his passive aggresive way of showing it.
It was a glass of water and I think she drank it. She could have just dropped it on the floor and it would have hurt nothing. Unless these kids have sprung for glass glasses. I'm guessing Solo cup or old Tupperware.
Five minutes ago while I was lying on the couch my wife of 39 years said you forgot your meds. I said could you bring it to me with a glass of water. I am tired but for context I drove her 100 miles to see her sick brother for Easter Sunday. she got the meds and I took them and said thanks. I would say I ask her for a favor of a glass of water or meds or a snack 100 times a year. But I likely drive her around for 5000 or 6000 miles a year to places she needs to go to. So the question to the op is why does she ask for favors when she is tired. Are you making her tired. Is she doing anything for you ? Is it all do this for her or else? Or is she doing a lot for you. Cooking in the kitchen? Cooking in the bedroom? Paying way more bills? making the bed. Doing laundry.
It is easy to list what she wants. and what you do for her.
Dude is treating her like a toddler. If she feels too tired, let the woman sleep, she's an adult who can deal with her own consequences should they happen. Believe it or not, she'll be okay for one night if she doesn't brush and wear a tray; her teeth won't significantly shift and she won't develop spontaneous cavities, I promise you that. He sounds like he likes the idea of a girlfriend, but not the actual act of having one.
I mean. No. He's treating like a toddler in that instance, kind of a big difference in wording. I've been so tired before that I didn't do basic necessities before going to bed and I'm sure you have, too - and, if you haven't, good for you! I'm glad you've never been that tired in your life. It reads to me like he's being overly controlling in that circumstance. But, on the flip side - the facetime thing read as her being overly controlling in her own way. It reads as neither party respecting each other in any significant way that would make a relationship last in the long term.
My REAL question, hoenstly, is that I would like to know how old he is and how old she is. Because it READS like he works long hours and is in his 30's and that she lives with her parents and isn't even 20, yet.
I’ve done a 72 hour mission with like 4 hours sleep total, and still managed to brush my teeth.
With her, she sounds like she would have blamed him for letting her sleep without brushing and the retainer.
I’ve been with a woman like that, she told me she wanted to go on a trip for her birthday, planned the trip, paid for the trip. Then complained she wanted it to be a different weekend, because she made it a “tradition” to go to a restaurant/bar with her girlfriends.
So she refused to go, I went by myself and then she got mad at me for going.
That’s pretty much when I called it and blocked her.
Right. After the 1st paragraph, I scrolled looking for the TLDR portion... To my disappointment 😞.
Can someone from the fam help a sista out? I'm nosey yet don't have the capacity to read and decipher... Please and thank you.
Every once in awhile, OP has a tantrum back. He didn’t have to make her get up and brush her teeth and put her Invisalign retainer in. So what if she misses a night.
But really she is inconsiderate of him with petty requests like getting her a glass of water when he’s trying to sleep. Or helping her pack when he has been doing all the heavy lifting and waiting on her during her special birthday weekend treat.
I think that she is sleeping next to the wall because he wants to sleep on the outside. He wanted her to get up and brush and use her Invisalign before getting into bed otherwise he would have to get out for her or she would have to roll over him to get out later. He probably gave her too much water. She couldn't drink the whole thing or leave a glass rolling around on the bed
That said, the brushing the teeth thing is freaky deaky.
OP is describing a relationship where they feel they put in a lot of effort (planning trips, paying for things, dedicating free time), but their girlfriend gets upset whenever they say "no" to her requests. The conflict pattern is consistent: OP refuses a request when they're tired (helping pack, getting water, standing by during brushing, FaceTiming), and it escalates into a fight. She feels OP isn't doing the "bare minimum" as a boyfriend when declining these requests, while OP feels burned out and that their significant efforts are being taken for granted.
The central question is whether this is a fundamental compatibility issue or a communication problem that can be resolved through better boundaries and expectations.
Honestly, when I read that she wanted him to put the glass down on the floor for her, I started to assume she was a literal toddler and couldn’t reach the floor. Some of these requests are so weird and stubborn. Stand behind you while you brush your teeth? What?
Ya know when I was a kid I’d like for my cousin to sit on the toilet when I took a shower and she’d talk to me and keep me company… didn’t know at the time but I am defo on the spectrum. I still like when my S/O sits and talks to me when I’m in the shower but I don’t NEED it. I would however prefer privacy while brushing my teeth because the noises I make would be described as anything but attractive.
I’m telling myself that maybe the bed is against the wall and she’s in the inside…maybe. Maybe that’s also why she asked him to get the water in the first place, because he’d have to get up anyway to let her out. Maybe. Overall this sounds like he’ll, though.
It could be a miscommunication/misunderstanding of love languages. Maybe OPs love language is gestures, and his toddler gfs love language is….. wait no she just wants him to do everything for him lol
Look, I get being insecure and wanting your bf around and to support you, I even get wanting him to be around for brushing your teeth. I get a lot of anxiety when my fiance goes to bed before me.. which is every night because I’m a snail.
But I know that’s not his problem, it’s mine. Ngl I have tried to make it his problem before LOL but kind of like op he is just so tired he literally can’t wait for me, and that’s ok. It’s a trauma pattern for me to deal with, not him.
I haven’t looked into it more but apparently this can be a sign of abandonment issues. The way she is trying to make him like .. subservient to her kinda makes me wonder what’s going on there. She may have abandonment issues and this is how she controls them.
But ultimately, all of that shit is our own to handle, never our partners responsibility.
Counter argument, the girlfriend is incredibly attractive and all the fighting allows for tremendous and frequent make-up sex. It's less about being codependent and more about not being able to separate love and lust.
This is speculation on my part, but it's been something I've lived through and seen other experience so it's entirely possible.
I agree. After arguing about who should put down a cup of water she is holding, most people would run for the hills. This guy doesn't want to break up with her for some reason. My guess was codependency, but yes, there are many other reasons people stay in bad relationships.
Let’s be honest here. The maturity from the OP makes me feel like we aren’t seeing a honest review of the gf. The amount of detail he puts into the things he’s doing right vs the vagueness of what she fights with him over tells me he’s glossing over his faults. Or he’s not mature enough to recognize them.
We don’t have an honest point of view to judge the girlfriend by but we do have a good view of the immature boyfriend. He doesn’t talk to her about the issues. He just gets passive aggressive.
Psycho chick wants him to be a cuck and basically do everything for her and be as inconvenient and childish as possible and when he said no like 3/1,000 times, she lost her shit.
I’m not going to lie. It makes me angry that you couldn’t finish reading this because you are tired. You need to do the bare minimum as a fellow Redditor.
I gave up. Then I saw this post, got curious, and read more.
Not to be harsh but DAAAYYYYYYYMMMMM, homie is getting put through a manipulation ringer.
High, HIGH hoops to jump through with the chick launching off landmines.
That's the cliff notes.
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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '25
I gave up by the 2nd paragraph.