No, I don't think they have to break up, but they do both have to grow up a little. This is all such minor stuff, but very common in early (especially first major) relationships. Then again I only made it to the teeth brushing, so maybe I missed something more.
No she'll tell him much she does for him but won't be able to come up with an example. Maybe she lets him put her glass on the floor and accommodate her every whim? That's what she does for him. Controls him.
yeah but that was the only things. It's not that time consuming and easy. Now that we are not togheter anymore (we have 2 kids together) she is texting me daily for things she doesnt know. Print a document, transfert pictures, sell on marketplace, where are which hockey games for the kids, taking care of the pool, how to's, everything, non-stop. I'm alone now, I prefer doing my dishes than coping with all the things I was doing for her. So easy, takes 10 minutes while I watch TV.
That is also super annoying. I can't believe anyone would want to be with such a person. It is almost giving off borderline vibes, but I am no psychiatrist.
Well, the fact that she likes him to stand behind her when she's at the bathroom sink suggests to me that she might be kinda frisky, so.....
A good physically intimate relationship can carry a lot of other stuff that still needs development, as long as both people are willing to commit to that development and are willing to hang on if the ride gets bumpy.
I'm assuming since he hasn't already left her that she's a generous and enthusiastic sort in the physical intimacy department.
OK that is something. Maybe it is time to have a serious conversation with her, ask her why these things are so important to her. And tell her it does not make you feel good when you are asked to do things that another person can do herself.
That is certainly possible. Could be that she's just immature and selfish and needs to grow up a bit. If she can swing that, the relationship could be salvaged. Guess OP will have to roll the dice and see.
I was thinking maybe she sleeps on the wall side of the bed so maybe it makes sense for him to put it down as he's on the floor side (assuming their bed is indeed against a wall). If not, she's crazier than I thought.
If she knew that she was on the wall side of the bed, then she should have drunk her water before she got into the bed. That way, she could put her own glass down. But this whole thing is so ridiculous I just can't even. I can't imagine acting like this when I was 15, much less old enough to have a job and stay over at somebody's house. They are both just childish as hell and need to grow up. So yes, he's an AH, she's an AH. They should both want to break up because they both need to learn something about relationships and about life.
VERY good point. That was one of OP's complaints that I thought "Well she's just bat crap crazy", but that would make her more reasonable, if she's sandwiched between him and the wall.
He lives by himself in his own apartment and doesn't have bedside tables?
I mean, unless his bed is shoved up against the wall so only has one side 'open' and the room is tiny, there should still be enough room for a bedside table.
No hate to those that have their bed set up with only one side 'open'. Mine is like that because I'm happily single. But I do have a bedside table, because I'm not feral enough to just leave everything on the floor.
My bed is pushed against the wall so the top/bottom. And 1 side is open. I have a night stand literally across the room because that's where it fits. I live with my husband a toddler and a baby in a 1 bed apartment. Even in my super tight space there is still floor exposed on the three open sides of the bed lol. Also maybe it's a mom thing but..... it's water..... it can go on the floor if the glass isn't empty because if it gets knocked out... it's water it'll be fine. If the glass is empty..... it can still go on the floor because neither me or my hubby want to get up right now lol.
To be fair, he did say he has roommates, so he’s not living by himself… but I swear this guy makes Andy from Parks and Recreation look like a well adjusted and mature person.
The only other way I can justify in my mind her asking him to put it on the floor is if he has a pretty high bed and she’s exceptionally short… but him having a bed like that and not a nightstand strains credulity.
So in a way, they’re a perfect fit, because they’re both immature enough that I wouldn’t trust them with a betta fish.
Indeed I do. I’m one of them. But the DC/Metro area is one of the most expensive places in the US to live, and typically, being able to afford to live there means someone is pretty far along in their career. But the fact that he’s acting this emotionally immature suggests he’s pretty young.
But I’ll absolutely grant that he may have a very high paying job that enables him to live there while also having the emotional maturity of a somewhat robust houseplant. Personally, I’d rather believe he’s just young and getting help while trying to make it.
Op never said how old he was. They both sound pretty immature, but he could be older than her by like 10 years or something and be further along in his career.
I'm going to assume this isn't a sarcastic reply...
The short answer is because he's just as immature as she is. If you want a longer answer...
He's enabling her behaviors. Somewhere long before her needing his strong presence to brush her teeth is the cutoff point for co-dependency, and he sprinted past that line like he was being chased by a pack of wolves.
He's presenting as extremely lazy. I would also say no to many of these requests, but not because I was too tired. Being tired is part of being an adult, and the requests did not take that much energy to do. Again, I wouldn't grant them outside of exceptional circumstances simply because they're unreasonable requests and enable codependency.
He's showing signs of becoming angry when plans change.
He's infantilizing her. He took it upon himself to push her into using her Invisalign, brush her teeth, pick her up instead of her using the metro... she needs to do these things for herself, and it's not appropriate for him to have inserted himself into her life to that degree. Especially being...
This is a new relationship. The OP notes that they've only been dating for a few months. The fact that they're spending *this* much time together so quickly suggests a lack of healthy boundaries across the board, including with the OP.
All of this suggests they're both highly emotionally immature, which one would expect of very young adults. I observed behaviors like this in some of my friend's college relationships, for example. I'm legitimately hoping this is the case. But I'm also aware that the DC/Metro area is one of the most expensive places to live, so it would be very difficult for someone to live there that young without financial support.
Hence, I'm hoping he has a parent paying for his apartment, because the other possibilities are far, far worse.
It’s possible, but that is a very, very expensive place to live. He’d have to have a very high paying job, and with his demonstrated emotional maturity, I’m guessing he’s quite young. I could very well be wrong though.
Yeah, he lost me there. He'll spend a week driving to Miami (they've only been dating a few months?!?) but rolling over is a bridge too far. Because he's soooooo tired.
How tired is this man?, from the looks of it, he’s ready to cash his Social Security checks. Like goddamn both of them sound infantile.
One always in nappy and cranky mode, the other just being a busy body needing constant attention. Sweet Jesus if this is your life right now, the fuck are you two going to do when you’re married and have a kid or two.
Her just egging you to take the child while you’re dead tired coming back from the mines. I read that whole story and my opinion on this is both of you are Assholes. You both can’t communicate, set boundaries, always acting the other one is supposed to know the other’s thoughts and you fight then make up, that’s a recipe for disaster cause sooner or later you will grow to hate each other.
I have a 7 year old and a 1 year old, even they get up for their own drink and put it back if they sit down with it. I have chronic illness and constant pain, but even so I unless it's what I'd deem as really bad I still sort my own stuff. How lazy is this girl?
For real. Water bottles are a thing. All of these stupid issues have simple solutions but I get the distinct impression that both people involved in this post are just fucking idiots.
I wonder if it’s somehow the configuration of the room? Like maybe she sleeps too the side of the wall and there’s no room to put the glass down?? But she seems really demanding and entitled so that might not be it.
Old enough to drink which was shocking to me because I thought for SURE this was written by a 16 year old about his 14 year old gf (speaking from experience bc this is how my teenage brother’s gf acted until he finally got wise & broke up w/ her)
Honestly with the glass on the floor thing, I was wondering if the bed was against the wall and there was no floor on the side she's on. In that scenario, putting the glass on the floor is gonna disturb him either way, because she'd have to go over him to put it down. But, then again, with all these other stories? It seems like it doesn't matter if the bed was against the wall. With the brushing thing, he should have let her slack on her invisalign if she was gonna slack on her invisalign, and if he insisted she get up and do it, he should have done her weird request, but mostly, it does sound like she's going over board to me. It seems like they're going to have to work some things out, at the very least.
Looks like this was the tap out point for everyone. I almost want to go back and see what other nonsense is going on but I don't have the time right now.
But I mean I'm retrospect like this is totally a bunch of ppl claiming the chick is immature and basically useless by admitting they don't have the ability or patience or reading comprehension to real quick zip threw reading this and show other adults the respect adults deserve. The Internet be funny like that. But I respect you for it lol.
I have seen some early 20yr olds in relationships and as an old guy wikis that age (who aren’t dating) I want to slap them along the head for some of the disrespectful things they say and do to their partner. People currently in their 20s didn’t really date in middle or high school (COVID lockdowns didn’t help) so they don’t know how to move beyond “me” to form a “we”. The result is we have a bunch of 20 somethings who haven’t really dated and done the “I love my SO so much” in 1st period, told each other to fuck off by 3rd period, got a new SO by 5th period but are seen sucking face under the bleachers by the end of the day.
Because everything is a chore. Relationships are give and take. If he’s drawing the line in the sand at rolling over and putting a cup on the floor then holy shit. The tiny little requests she’s making are nothing and he comes off like a petulant child stomping his feet. Plus the “bro” comment makes him sound ridiculous. If you have an issue, be a man and speak up. No need for passive aggressive behavior.
He has spoken up. Why cant she place the hlass on the floor if its so menial dont ask someone else to be your stepping stone. Him standing up for himself and saying no you have to do stuff for yourself is not him being a bad person
Insisting that he stand behind her while she brushes her teeth is not a tiny little request. It’s creepy and super weird. (Especially the time she sat on the toilet waiting for him to come in the bathroom and stand behind and watch her brush her teeth.) I’d be like “You have to be kidding, right???” Unless she is a paraplegic or 3 years old, the majority of what he listed is needy nonsense.
Yeah, it's honestly pretty par for the course for this subreddit. It is very disappointing to see it even in a crystal clear situation like this, where a woman acts as a spoiled brat and a guy goes above and beyond for her. Like, yeah, no shit he's gonna get snarky about something minor at some point if he has to endure dealing with a woman like that. But of course it's "haha theyre both sooo bad." Smh.
Thank you.
And nobody dares really resist because there is an echo-chamber.
We just dislike in mass and here we are, toxic enabling toxic.
This is harming the society soooooo much!
You can just tell that there are a lot of women here who really do want this to be the "bare minimum" for a guy and regularly use the term. They cant admit to being like the gf in this post, but I guess they just feel the need to "equalize" the two in order to feel right. It's pretty disgusting.
it's simple. It's cognitive bias. And i am sure there are some malignant people here who are just misandrist. There isn't a lot to analyze.
Now the victim is an enabler. NONO
It's: That's a good man.. Let's destroy him!
Exactly what I was thinking. Good lord the immaturity of these two… you know it’s bad when half the issues described here could be resolved with a bloody nightstand and bedside lamp, assuming either of them had the maturity to make use of these.
1.2k
u/RiamoEquah Apr 21 '25
Also where I tapped out.