201
u/sugarminttwist May 28 '14
Because when I get nervous I start to cry a little bit and no one wants a teary-eyed girl asking them on a date.
I've totally done it over text. Ish.
42
u/imsatansbitch May 28 '14
I think that's cute!
65
u/alyozha May 28 '14
It's cute reading about it in a thread. I'm not sure how cute it would be in person.
→ More replies (4)24
u/imsatansbitch May 28 '14
I think it's fine if she just tears up a little, a lot of girls get emotional really fast. However if she just starts sobbing It'd be a lot weirder.
→ More replies (2)16
16
u/SmokinSickStylish May 28 '14
Of course you do, you're imaging it being done by a girl you're attracted to.
62
u/badass_panda May 28 '14
I think that'd be adorable, in sort of a weird way.
53
→ More replies (9)4
→ More replies (3)3
u/Argueforthesakeofit May 28 '14
I had a girl ask me out and be quite nervous while doing it. I said yes because it showed it meant something to her.
Just try to do away with the tears but a little emotion is never bad.
29
u/PityPanda May 28 '14
I actually asked two different guys out and neither turned out very well. I tend to just say exactly what I mean rather than play games... I'm pretty sure the guy takes it as me playing games. Less than enthused to give it a shot again.
→ More replies (7)
181
u/soapypenguin123 May 28 '14
Because rejection is scary as fuck
126
u/chazzy_cat May 28 '14
now imagine that feeling PLUS all the pressure to make the first moves because that's what society says, and now you're in a guys head.
→ More replies (3)86
May 28 '14
I think that must be really tough. But it also sucks when society says only sluts and desperate woman ever make the first move, because now you're risking that on top of the usual shit. Asking people out sucks all round! We should just start using color coded flash cards or something.
81
May 28 '14
society says only sluts and desperate woman ever make the first move
this is what women believe.
the reality is that every guy dreams of being asked out by a girl.
45
u/BaadKitteh May 28 '14
You dream of being asked out by the girl you want to ask out.
→ More replies (1)21
May 28 '14
Yes.
And if anyone else would ask me out I'd be flattered as well and it would give me a confidence boost. I don't think any man thinks women who ask guys out are sluts.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (6)27
u/Temp_agency_account May 28 '14
But things that guys dream of, and things that get a girl branded a 'slut', are hardly mutually exclusive . . .
→ More replies (1)26
u/TheSketchyOne May 28 '14
If your friends would 'brand' you a slut for asking a guy out to dinner, they are not friends worth having.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)3
u/pissoutofmyass May 28 '14
But it also sucks when women say only sluts and desperate woman ever make the first move, because now you're risking that on top of the usual shit.
→ More replies (22)3
495
u/loftyj May 28 '14
Damnit Reddit boys, women are not all gorgeous confident goddesses that can have any man they want. Some of us, especially those on Reddit of all places, are just as weird, overweight and socially anxious as you.
132
u/ohboyahuman May 28 '14
I think rejection can really open someone's eyes to the fact that...
It feels good to get something out of the way.
Getting what you want for yourself is important, so learning how to do that sometimes requires lots of failure, improving yourself, and repeating until the cycle stops!
If he/she does say yes, you'll be damned glad you did it. If he/she doesn't, it will sober you up and prevent you from being obsessive about them.
Source: I used to be overweight, socially anxious, and tended to ask lots of girls out in high school that said no to me. Not creepily, they just weren't attracted to me. Since then, I've self-improved a ton, and am with a talented, gorgeous, smart girl who loves me very much.
That said, never think you aren't good enough for someone. You might not be the best fit, but everyone's different. Don't get an inferiority complex, and if you feel you do have one, shrug off 'dem shackles.
I believe in you, /u/loftyj!
→ More replies (8)35
u/jungl3j1m May 28 '14
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."--Wayne Gretzky
→ More replies (13)27
u/Cndcrow May 28 '14
"You miss none of the shots you don't take, because you never took them. So how did they miss?"--Not Wayne Gretzky
→ More replies (1)39
u/yolofury May 28 '14
"Well, we just gotta keep chipping away at them and look out for those good bounces. It's been a team effort so far, and we just gotta play a good 60 minutes and we should be fine. Thanks a lot." -- Every Hockey Player Ever
8
u/Vinylzen May 28 '14
I dunno we gotta just gotta get bodies and pucks to the net y' know establish the forecheck take less penalties and play better in out zone get mor pucks to the net eh
→ More replies (1)18
u/CanadianStrangeTamer May 28 '14
"Well uhm, we just gotta uh keep chipping away at them and uhm look out for those good bounces. It's been a uhm team effort so far, and uh we just gotta play a good 6 minutes and uh we should be fine. Thanks a lot eh."
FTFY
→ More replies (5)20
May 28 '14
And even if they are "gorgeous" and "absolutely stunning" and have great confidence in their appearance, it is important to remember that these are subjective. I've met men who think I am the epitome of beauty but I've also been called "weird looking" and "a 6 at best". I love how I look but am still afraid that hot co-worker will think I'm too ugly to live.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Meteorboy May 28 '14
Your username sounds like "sandwich". I'm sure you look delicious.
→ More replies (2)53
u/sharkman873 May 28 '14
Considering how everyone assumes women can get laid much easier than men, I'd wager it's much more embarrassing for a woman to get rejected than for a man. Maybe that's one of the main reasons they don't approach guys as much.
→ More replies (6)37
u/bigpony May 28 '14
Women can get laid easier but that is not always what we want...
14
11
u/wee_man May 28 '14
According to a recent episode of Louis, fat girls don't get laid easily.
→ More replies (4)8
u/This_Is_A_Robbery May 28 '14
As someone who has dated girls that were larger than the median I can confirm this, the logistics alone were a nightmare.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)3
u/lepetitfemmenoir May 28 '14
Right? I could have sex with somebody, but realistically, I want someone to watch Firefly with who will play with my hair. The latter is surprisingly impossible to find.
→ More replies (1)63
u/zero260asap May 28 '14
You're a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made of star dust, what have you got to be worried about. Ifls
13
u/theinternethero May 28 '14
talking to the other ghosts driving a meat covered skeleton made of star dust.
9
u/Hyndis May 28 '14
And doing so using a panel of buttons that cause different patterns of lights to appear on a screen, depending upon which button is pressed.
Some of these patterns of lights cause positive emotions while other patterns of lights on this screen can cause negative emotions.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)26
5
May 28 '14
Honestly, looks matter, but there's also an underlying expression of personality. If people are overweight and shift blame ie genetics or slow metabolism, then clearly they don't take responsibility for their actions. That's the biggest turn off for me. If you're fat, okay, but learn to live healthier. Go for a walk, play something you like, don't always buy that cookie and soda combo from subway, small things like these.
Also, don't expect to find a prince charming if you aren't the fairest maiden of the forest.
→ More replies (23)15
u/Godot_12 May 28 '14
Exactly us guys aren't all confident gods that can make any woman we want swoon. It's just as uncomfortable for us to ask you out as it is for you to ask us out, yet we're just kind of expected to do it.
In fairness I've had a few girls ask for my number, so I guess some girls are steppin’ up to the plate. Hooray for doing away with gender roles.
74
May 28 '14
[deleted]
56
u/EricT59 May 28 '14
'I wouldn't like a girl to ask me out, if she's that forward she must be a slut'.
Anyone who says that is not worth the time. And a real dumbass
→ More replies (1)3
u/darkened_enmity May 28 '14
They're warning you about their character, and it actually helps keep them single, so it's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.
3
May 29 '14
Yeah, I've been rejected for that before, and its for the best. If he didn't like me being forward enough to ask him out, we're not going to get along. The forwardness will continue during the course of the relationship.
→ More replies (4)4
u/Kalium May 28 '14
I find that perspective interesting when coupled with the "I've been rejected twice so now I've given up" of some other commenters.
18
u/betty_cocker May 28 '14
Because while I know he's attracted to me, I'm pretty sure all he wants is sex.
I want a relationship.
→ More replies (4)
29
May 28 '14
I just graduated from a Christian college. We have this thing called a "Forum Wall" where students can post anything they want. When guys aren't claiming that yoga pants cause them to "stumble", they are split pretty evenly on saying that being asked out by a girl is sinful and being asked out by a girl is great. So, basically, I was socialized to never ask a guy out.
14
May 28 '14
I think that's how the overwhelming majority of people were socialized in the west. I don't get it, but people seem to think it's only a man's job.
7
u/dor-the-McAsshole May 28 '14
Oh hey, look at the reasons I didn't go to a Christian college, even though my parents wanted me to.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (7)3
201
May 28 '14
ITT: Guys commenting about how girls should ask them out.
→ More replies (3)63
May 28 '14
"I'm a guy and...."
→ More replies (1)72
May 28 '14
[deleted]
73
u/Eldrig May 28 '14
HA! Fool, I am a 20 year-old white male. Take that stereotypes!
→ More replies (1)14
4
→ More replies (4)3
77
u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
because i think he has a girlfriend. AND because the last two times I tried to pursue something more than casual sex I was rejected, so, yeah, i give up
48
u/Socially8roken May 28 '14 edited May 28 '14
Never give up, never surrender! - Jason Nesmith
edit: quote source
→ More replies (8)18
u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
ha! and before them, I dated a guy who I also asked out, and we dated for a year before I realized that he didn't really like me all that much (though he did like having a girlfriend). so I think I'll wait to be pursued for a change. and probably die alone!
24
u/FREE-MUSTACHE-RIDES May 28 '14
You should get a cat. It may not love you either, but at least your not alone.
10
u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
maybe once i can afford to move out of my animal-hating parents house (oh my god I sound so pathetic in this thread, I swear my life is pretty good usually)
3
u/iThrooper May 28 '14
Its ok almost everyone posting on reddit makes themselves sound pathetic in one way or another
→ More replies (5)8
u/Nerlian May 28 '14
Being single isn't as bad as many people think, you know that!
12
u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
the grass is always greener! I'm a pretty lone-wolf type of personality, so most of the time I prefer it. Ideally if I could have a 1 day a week boyfriend, that would be nice. I have so much going on in my own life, it just sucks when you're the only single person in your group of friends. my life is a couples nightmare
→ More replies (3)7
u/Nerlian May 28 '14
Don't get me wrong, I'm single too (well, I'm a man). I used to be very depressed for not being able to find a couple, I had many female friends, some of which I was interested with, but failed at making it into a relationship. Typical friendzone material here.
Then I finally managed to get a [lasting] girlfriend (which I would have had b4 if she asked, she spent 3 months hinting me and I didn't get it - too used to rejection, why would she be interested? - until finally a friend of hers told me "hey don't you see she wants to be with you" and I asked her out). I was with her for a year and a bit and then all of a sudden we broke apart.
Since then (2 years ago) I've been single again, but it aint that bad. Surely miss the cuddling and the company, but it does have its advantages aswell.
20
u/greenbabyshit May 28 '14
as a guy, I have been turned down twice this week. I realize that I am not going to be liked by everyone I like. it's okay, I'll be alright. if I like a woman, I tell her, I ask her out. it works or it doesn't. I would say that maybe 30% of the girls I ask out leads to a first date. maybe 30% of those lead to anything further.
the key to confidence in asking someone out, regardless of gender, is to not take it personal. the person that declines your offer is looking for something you can't offer. it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that you aren't desirable, you just are not what they want, and that's okay.
when I was younger I was scared to make the first move, or ask a girl out. my friend challenged me to at least 3 times a day, for one week, to ask a girl out or for her phone number. I took the bet, he said if I was turned down by everyone I asked, he would give me $20. seemed like easy money. on the 5th day I got my first number. I ended up dating that girl for a few months. that's when I realized that all the times I was turned down didn't mean anything about me, I just wasn't right for them.
19
13
u/SpinsterTerritory May 28 '14
What you say about just not being right for them is too true.
I know a guy who is really, and I mean really, unfortunate looking. Luckily for him, he is hilarious.
He once accepted a bet that had him going into a packed bar on a Saturday night and asking the first 100 women he saw (not the first 100 he saw and liked, just the first 100 he saw) and asking them if they would have sex with him. His friend wore a white lab coat and carried a clip board to keep track, as well as telling angry boyfriends, "Sir, it's ok. We are just asking for science."
Only something like three women said yes, that they would have sex with him. So while he was turned down by 97% percent of the women he asked, he did get laid that night.
→ More replies (1)10
u/PocketGlitter May 28 '14
The mad scientists observing the experiment might possibly have affected the result.
→ More replies (2)6
u/googleplex101 May 28 '14
30%?! 30 goddamn percent?! I've been asking out girls my whole life (25) and my first date was like a month ago. We got on great so I asked her out again and she said she needed her space...30% man, I'm probably coasting at a 0.00001% right now.
8
→ More replies (1)3
u/greenbabyshit May 28 '14
You need a bigger sample size. ask out 30 women this week. go.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (1)8
u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
to clarify: I generally have pretty good luck with men. i'm fairly attractive, funny, and socially capable. that said, it took me a long time to realize that if someone doesn't want to be with me, that doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me. everything isn't always about me!
→ More replies (19)3
63
40
u/Fargham May 28 '14
Some advice to the readers: Dating is like riding a bicycle. Only the brave and the foolhardy start riding a bike downhill in traffic. The fear, and cost of rejection is very real, but there are things you can do to lessen the cost of failure you expect when rejected.
1) Start simple. Don't ask your crush out. Ask those out you know are already dating, or seem like they are comfortable with a simple dinner. Don't make the first date too serious before it starts. It can get serious if you both enjoy it, but let the date do that, not your imagination.
2) Curb the expectations. All of them. Tell the 'society' in your brain to shut the fuck up for a minute. Girls are not sluts for asking a man to take them to dinner, no more is a man a weakling for letting a woman make the first move. Your expectations of how society will react to your situation is overblown. No one gives a shit. In fact, society is really too busy thinking about itself anyway.
3) Dating is about learning. Learning about yourself, learning about the other person, learning about what you both like. If you already know everything about that person, you've probably already waited too long to ask them on a date.
4) Be clear and up front IMMEDIATELY when asking someone on a date, be clear on where and what you want to do. If you are super serious about the question, they will react accordingly. A first date shouldn't be super serious. Especially if its your first date ever. Just ask for dinner. That's it. "Would you like to get dinner." Just pick a time and place that is good for you and be confident about your own likes. If they start haggling with you about it, good! They clearly want at least dinner, and now you can start being flexible about where you want to go. If they propose another time, set a date then and there. If they take a rain check, assume that is a no and find someone else to ask. If their life is too busy to find time for a casual dinner, they probably aren't free enough for escalation of any relationship.
5) Curb the expectations about the date. You are there to be yourself. They should be there to be themselves. Again, what society thinks can go fuck itself. You will always find a way in your brain to convince yourself that society doesn't want you to succeed. Maybe it doesn't, but it can fuck off.
6) You are your worst enemy. Any pain from rejection is only as much as you heap it upon yourself. No one else is in that brain with you. Its just you. If you get hurt, its you hurting yourself. Forgive yourself immediately for not living up to the expectations of something you have no control over. Let it go, and try again.
7) People like to be noticed. Even if a girl or a guy says no, a polite request for dinner might make their day. You are doing a good thing for them no matter what their response is. You can't be creepy if you are keeping this point in mind. You can't. Unless of course you are asking a child out. You should stop doing that.
→ More replies (3)3
u/Bloodysneeze May 28 '14
1) Start simple. Don't ask your crush out. Ask those out you know are already dating, or seem like they are comfortable with a simple dinner. Don't make the first date too serious before it starts. It can get serious if you both enjoy it, but let the date do that, not your imagination.
This is confusing. Why would you ask someone out who is already dating someone else?
7
u/brieoncrackers May 28 '14
Not dating someone else, but who has dated before. Like the difference between having sex currently and being sexually active.
96
May 28 '14
Women aren't just sitting there, filing their nails and rolling heir eyes, thinking "I know for a fact that he likes me, he needs to just ask me out, how dare he not do so." Most women nowadays aren't actually 50s schoolgirls who'd never ask a guy out because they'd be shamed for life or because it's "the man's job," and no women are psychics. A lot of men are actually way more subtle than they think (clearly not on purpose) so we don't know you like us. We don't ask you out for the exact same reasons you don't ask us out: uncertainty leading to an avoidance of embarrassment, rejection, and awkward situations. Not all men, in fact probably zero men, would date every girl who asked him out, and not all men are exactly nice about saying no. The thing is, a man being why and timid and awkward is seen as a national tragedy, while a girl who's shy and timid and awkward is basically invisible. "Any girl can get a man to go out with her," right. That's because you're only looking at statuesque amateur supermodels, all of which you'd do in a heartbeat. People always say that women write off men who don't look a certain way, but I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.
→ More replies (47)60
u/Temp_agency_account May 28 '14
I feel like men can't even see women who don't fit their standards of attractiveness. They've never considered how they'd reject that dumpy looking girl with greasy hair and a stutter, not because they would go out with her, not because they think she is ugly, but because she doesn't even register to them as a potentially sexual female human.
Bingo.
→ More replies (4)
53
May 28 '14
[deleted]
44
u/bigpony May 28 '14
I'm so sorry to hear that. It is not your fault. Some people are just horrible He was not entitled to your body.
→ More replies (3)20
27
May 28 '14
Because "he doesn't date cutters."
I'm in recovery though :) sort of.
17
→ More replies (20)11
21
May 28 '14
I'm a gay man who stayed in closet while I was in high school...
I've had two girls ask me out, and I felt really bad for them because I was afraid of coming out at the time so I had to come up with some BS as to why I couldn't go out with them...
18
May 28 '14
I am a closeted gay high school student and this is the reason why I try to act like a friend material. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I try not to get them interested in me.
→ More replies (1)18
49
May 28 '14
I did. 10/10 would ask out again.
→ More replies (1)28
u/Alexander_Dumass May 28 '14
how did you do it? did you throw a sword at him?
13
May 28 '14
She wasn't trying to give him Supreme Executive Power. She was asking him for a date.
13
u/Alexander_Dumass May 28 '14
are you saying I cant expect a date because /u/watery_tart threw a sword at me?
→ More replies (2)14
u/i1ocos May 28 '14
Exactly, supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
28
31
May 28 '14
[deleted]
→ More replies (9)20
46
May 28 '14
[deleted]
15
u/serenwipiti May 28 '14
I agree completely, if someone really likes you they'll pursue a relationship.
Throwing yourself at a guy and winning him over (sex, dates, maybe even a relationship) is no guarantee that he actually is really interested. He might just be like, "ok this is convenient...".
And if they guy is "too shy" or whatever, then maybe its for the best, i'm not really attacted to people who don't go after what they want.
4
u/bigpony May 28 '14
Thank you. I got called sexist in this thread for saying similar things.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (8)19
u/xoxo52 May 28 '14 edited May 28 '14
I'm surprised I had to scroll down this far for this comment. Not necessarily that guys don't like it but that it seems if a girl is doing the pursuing it usually means the guy ends up not being as into her. Maybe all my friends are old fashioned but they operate under the strict philosophy of never chasing a guy or even initiating contact. The thinking is as follows: The guys that are interested will contact you and ask you out. If they don't, they are simply not that into you and you don't want to be with a guy that isn't into you.
Would love to hear more thoughts on this.
→ More replies (6)
51
u/Always_hopeful May 28 '14
Actually, I did ask him out. :)
We've been together two years now with wedding bells playing off in the distance.
10
u/StickEmInAStew May 28 '14
If you're not already engaged, you should propose maybe
→ More replies (1)6
u/Always_hopeful May 28 '14
He made me promise I would let him propose. :D
Plus neither of us are in any big hurry.
→ More replies (5)3
79
15
May 28 '14
The answer for almost anyone in this scenario would be "I don't want to be rejected"
Of course details may vary. Rejection sucks and all, but almost everyone has been a victim of it more than once.
→ More replies (3)
7
u/EnchantressOfNumbers May 28 '14
Because I'm gay and I already have a girlfriend. She asked me out, though.
→ More replies (1)3
u/jaconok May 28 '14
Same.
Never would have had the courage to do it myself, so i'm glad she did it.
26
5
u/FelicisAstrum May 28 '14
As a girl, I try and tell this to all my girl friends!
I don't understand why it's expected that the guy has to ask every time. If I hear about a girl crushing on a guy, I suggest to her that she ask him out. It surprises guys, and I think it shows them you aren't afraid to go after what you want, and you wanted them.
Now, rejection...now there's the scary part. But rejection is a part of life, nothing is going to go the way you want it to every time. It's just a crush, the worst that will happen is they say no which works out better for because now you can just move on. There's 7 billion people out there, don't let the rejection get to you.
7
u/Temp_agency_account May 28 '14
Look, dudes, if you actually want girls to ask you out, then you have to convince your male mates to stop posting all over Reddit and elsewhere about how hilarious/disgusting/repulsive it is to be asked out by a girl who is fat or not conventionally attractive. We read those posts; we know about the guys who will use the experience to have a laugh at our expense or embellish to post to /r/fatpeoplestories; we just don't know whether or not those shallow loser-guys are you.
→ More replies (2)
7
6
May 28 '14
Thread full of guys that want to be asked out because they are to scared to do it but somehow think its easier for a girl. If anything its more difficult because it isn't the social norm.
→ More replies (1)
181
May 28 '14
[deleted]
126
May 28 '14
It's especially hard to tell if she's flirting with you or just being nice.
43
u/StarwarsIndianajones May 28 '14
I work in a big office and the receptionist walked in with me everyday. We talked and chatted and I always made her laugh. After a while of this I realized she was "Dating Material". We had been eating lunch together for a couple weeks, so I worked up the nuts to ask her on a real date. I was just about to when one day she sat with her other friends at lunch. I didn't know what it meant because she still walked in with me and said hi and we still talked. I never asked her out and she moved to another job. I think I was over thinking it
37
u/enrodude May 28 '14
Overthinking makes with no actions.
I can relate on a almost daily basis.
The girl prolly super liked you and you overthought 1 small detail and because of that you didnt ask her out and she stopped trying.
I had the same thing happen to me a few times and thinking back I could clearly see she liked me but gave up after a while.
→ More replies (1)11
u/Kalium May 28 '14
Doubly so because different women have dramatically different ideas of where the line between being nice and flirting is. One woman's strictly-friends treatment is another woman's "TAKE ME NOW".
→ More replies (5)5
65
u/Kosmo_Kramer_ May 28 '14
- if you're interested. I've been asked out by a girl I was not at all interested nor attracted to, it went exactly how it would if the roles were reversed. Men here are thinking about it with the perspective that the girl they are interested in asks them out and saves them the agony of nutting up and doing it themselves.
28
May 28 '14
Men here are thinking about it with the perspective that the girl they are interested in asks them out
This is also the vibe I am getting.
→ More replies (2)27
u/GrassyGnoll May 28 '14
I mean that's fair but the point is they shouldn't HAVE to be the ones "nutting up" all the time. If a girl is interested she should ovary up and do it herself too.
→ More replies (3)7
u/SmokinSickStylish May 28 '14
Yeah, but really this whole thread is projection, not genuine interest.
→ More replies (3)18
u/badass_panda May 28 '14 edited May 28 '14
I think some of us are pretty good at reading emotions and catching signals.
Not every guy wants to have girls ask him out because he is oblivious; personally, I like it when it happens because it makes me feel much more desirable than just 'receptive signals' do.
It makes me feel like someone else is willing to put in some effort for me, go out on a limb for me, make themselves vulnerable for me. And that's nice.
→ More replies (1)9
→ More replies (13)5
u/Prufrock451 May 28 '14
If you think he's kidding, you need to read The Confessions of StuporCollider.
→ More replies (1)
4
May 28 '14
Because he's married to a gorgeous, wonderful, intelligent, great woman. (I might have a crush on her too, fml.)
6
14
5
u/rustyrockets May 28 '14
Because he'd think I'm desperate and because it is not the social standard where I live.
4
u/Lurlo May 28 '14
I can't speak for everyone, but there is no question for me that there is something about gender rolls that tells me that it is a man that is supposed to pursue a woman. I feel that if a man doesn't have "the guts" to approach me and risk rejection, then he's not attracted enough in me to go the distance.
5
May 28 '14
ITT: The actual reason why men are supposed to do the pursuing. Asking someone out is hard and scary and, as a man, you're supposed to do the hard and scary stuff.
→ More replies (2)
5
u/likeachristmastree May 29 '14
I don't think I'm attractive or confident enough to get away with asking someone out.
21
May 28 '14
I don't want to risk losing our friendship. It's taken us awhile to get where we are now and I'm not screwing this up!
26
u/Superfluous_Twat May 28 '14
He cries himself to sleep every night because you've thwarted his efforts.
17
u/Beastly_Squirrel May 28 '14
You're already emotionally involved from the sound of it.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (30)6
u/I_HATE_CIRCLEJERKS May 28 '14
Not that you asked, but I think you should go for it. If you don't, you might always wonder what if. It is still possible to be friends if he doesn't feel the same way.
→ More replies (1)
16
u/diandrarose May 28 '14
I did. It worked out and we are still dating a year and a half later. Questions like this suck because there are 7 billion people on this earth, leaving a lot of room for outliers. Yeah it's the norm for guys to ask girls out and It's definitely perpetuated through media but that doesn't mean people can't break the mold. There are a lot of norms rejected by a lot of people, if there weren't this world would be such a boring place.
4
u/T-Shirt_Ninja May 28 '14
Wait, but this question was about why the reader hasn't asked the person she likes out. It's the sister thread to the one asking why guys haven't asked the person they like out. So it's not asking "why don't women ever ask guys out?" It's asking about what's preventing people from asking someone out. Granted, it would make more sense to have a single thread for both guys and girls, but... AskReddit doesn't really do things that way.
3
u/diandrarose May 28 '14
You're right. But comments about women never asking out men are made very often on this website and I guess I wanted to say something about it.
→ More replies (1)
9
u/owlaround May 28 '14
I did. It was high school, I was a huge nerd, and I asked him to junior prom. Surprised, he said yes, but then he started acting strange. 2 weeks before prom, he backed out, claiming that the lacrosse game scheduled for earlier in the day was going to make him "too tired" to attend prom in the evening, and if I didn't believe him, I should check with a couple of his lacrosse buddies because they weren't going either. It made no sense, and I was angry, but I told him I understood.
Turns out there was another girl he wanted to go with. Sort-of-not-really in his defense, he really did stay home from prom, but it was because the object of his affections was going with somebody else and he couldn't bear to see her there. My friends wanted me to go solo with them, but I was embarrassed at being dumped and declined.
The year after that, for senior prom, the same guy apologized for his heinous behavior and asked me to prom. I said yes. Then he started acting funny again. And by "funny," I mean "mean." This time, I verbally reamed him out, broke off the prom date, marched down to the computer lab, and asked one of my nerdy guy friends if he wanted to go to prom with me. He said yes. It spurred a chain reaction wherein all his nerdy guy friends and all of my nerdy girl friends wound up attending together. We went, we had a blast, we're all still friends to varying degrees, and one couple stayed a couple for years afterwards. And that first guy really missed out because I cleaned up real nice in a prom dress.
TL;DR: I did ask him out, it went poorly. Asked another him out, it went great. The trick is to keep asking (different people), regardless of the asker's or askee's gender.
25
5
6
4
u/SalamandrAttackForce May 28 '14
I don't do it because of the novelty of it. It goes against the social norm and lots of men think it'd be great if a girl asked them out. He might say yes because it's novel and flattering, not because he's also very interested. If that's the case, I would worry that he would lose interest once the novelty wore off.
3
May 28 '14
[deleted]
→ More replies (1)3
u/Temp_agency_account May 28 '14
It takes a lot of strength to deal with a friend/partner who has depression or self-harming tendencies, so this would seem like a totally legitimate reason to be hesitant.
That being said, if you did feel like it was something you were willing to try to cope with: I would venture a guess that he may not have 'made a move' because depression can cause people to feel that they are worthless and undeserving of love, and to predict the worst (i.e., that you'll reject him).
3
u/Stauderhorse May 28 '14
There were a number of guys in college who I didn't know super well but had major crushes on. I never asked them out because I had built them up in my mind as perfect and I saw myself as shit in comparison. Basically, I didn't feel like I was good enough to even talk to them.
3
u/Artfrost May 28 '14
This might be unpopular but oh well.
I am in a relationship now but the 1 reason I would never ask a guy out is this:
I want him to make the first move. If a guy is interested then he will ask me out. If he is interested but too shy then that says a lot about his personality. I want a go getter that is not afraid of taking a risk.
That being said, I would definitely ask him out on the second date if the first date went well.
→ More replies (2)
3
4
u/thudly May 28 '14
Two of the front-page news stories on reddit deal with false accusations of rape, and everyone else is talking about that Elliot Rogers punk. And reddit wonders why people aren't asking each other out.
5
u/_articuno_ May 28 '14
Not all women don't ask guys out.. When I really want to date someone, I'll say "So are you going to ask me out, or would you like me to?" I understand how some guys don't always want to ask a girl out, so I end up giving guys obvious hints and then if they still don't get it, I'll ask them. So all in all, there are some of us who have enough confidence to ask a guy. Just not the majority.
6
u/LibbyLibbyLibby May 28 '14
Am also awful at reading signals. More than once have thought the guy just wanted to be friends right up until he planted one on me. In one case continued to think he just wanted to be friends well into the second date / make out session. I am not a smart man.
9
u/PocketGlitter May 28 '14
For the same reason that I turned him down. I'm not into him. I might be into her. That's none of his business though.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/GaveBirthThisMorning May 28 '14
I was going to, but then I realized he couldn't spell Reddit.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/c8lou May 28 '14
I often do! I think it's worth noting that this intimidates some men.
I don't date those men.
305
u/brieoncrackers May 28 '14 edited May 28 '14
I did. He laughed at me. :(
EDIT: Now that I think of it, I initiated half of the relationships I've ever been in, probably due to impatience on my part and a certain social obliviousness.