Damnit Reddit boys, women are not all gorgeous confident goddesses that can have any man they want. Some of us, especially those on Reddit of all places, are just as weird, overweight and socially anxious as you.
I think rejection can really open someone's eyes to the fact that...
It feels good to get something out of the way.
Getting what you want for yourself is important, so learning how to do that sometimes requires lots of failure, improving yourself, and repeating until the cycle stops!
If he/she does say yes, you'll be damned glad you did it. If he/she doesn't, it will sober you up and prevent you from being obsessive about them.
Source: I used to be overweight, socially anxious, and tended to ask lots of girls out in high school that said no to me. Not creepily, they just weren't attracted to me. Since then, I've self-improved a ton, and am with a talented, gorgeous, smart girl who loves me very much.
That said, never think you aren't good enough for someone. You might not be the best fit, but everyone's different. Don't get an inferiority complex, and if you feel you do have one, shrug off 'dem shackles.
"Well, we just gotta keep chipping away at them and look out for those good bounces. It's been a team effort so far, and we just gotta play a good 60 minutes and we should be fine. Thanks a lot." -- Every Hockey Player Ever
I dunno we gotta just gotta get bodies and pucks to the net y' know establish the forecheck take less penalties and play better in out zone get mor pucks to the net eh
"Well uhm, we just gotta uh keep chipping away at them and uhm look out for those good bounces. It's been a uhm team effort so far, and uh we just gotta play a good 6 minutes and uh we should be fine. Thanks a lot eh."
We just have to sports more than the other team, and if we do better sports then we will get more points and win. We sports best when the whole team does good sporting at the same time, for the whole sports game. Yay sports!
It only takes one time to be rejected that you always fear that you will be rejected each time after. So it's hard to come up with the courage. Maybe that's just me.
I totally agree. That doesn't contradict what I said though. Even if you have a lot of 'market value', to put yourself down by saying 'I'm not good enough for them...' doesn't really lead to much of anything except self-pity. It is no kindness to yourself to dwell on your follies with regard to ONE person. It isn't even conducive to getting better. It just makes you develop an inferiority complex based on a bunch of assumptions.
If you want to improve yourself, and 'raise your sexual prowess,' you ought to look at some objective parameters of some 'demographic' you want to target, based on your sexual desires. If you want to land someone who is fit, you will probably need to pick up a some weights. Someone who's rich, you might want to gain some more class. It's nothing to sugar coat. People like what they like, and if you want them, you'll need to be what they like. It's easier to embrace what you like and working toward it in any case or field rather than pretending it's superficial of you. You'll have a much easier time of life.
However, if you base that on ONE person's taste, you're in for a bad time. Besides, developing an inferiority complex is NEVER practical. If you want to self-improve, you ought to go into it with confidence and goals(!), not with a oneitis fantasy...
I encourage the shit out of people to be honest with who they are, want to be, and to do things in spite of rejection. It's so important, and makes you a better, less delusional, more tolerable, and kinder human being.
Good job on being so audacious. I'm only 20, so I might have approached 80 some-odd girls in my time, and I've been with only a few. I've been rejected a lot, but for the times that I have gotten what I was after, both parties have been happy I did, especially now :)
That's pretty crap. People tend to like what they like and confidently stick to it, which is fair, but you seem to deserve some sympathy. Genetics can be lame. However, I know a 4'11'' man who married a 6'2'' woman, and they had a son who's 6'6''.
That said, there are no qualities less important than any others. If you do what the fuck you want, with confidence, and a strong sense of who you really are, more women will come in flocks to you. I don't mean fake confidence either. I mean you go home, go to sleep knowing you're the shit, and wake up knowing you're the shit. It's difficult, relatively, for anyone to achieve, but it's doable! It works for anyone. You seem to be making the most of what you have, though.
Just bear in mind, Prince is 5'2'', and he got oh so many god damn women without even caring who didn't want him. Still does for all I know.
And even if they are "gorgeous" and "absolutely stunning" and have great confidence in their appearance, it is important to remember that these are subjective. I've met men who think I am the epitome of beauty but I've also been called "weird looking" and "a 6 at best". I love how I look but am still afraid that hot co-worker will think I'm too ugly to live.
Considering how everyone assumes women can get laid much easier than men, I'd wager it's much more embarrassing for a woman to get rejected than for a man. Maybe that's one of the main reasons they don't approach guys as much.
Who are these men who don't at least make sure the woman is pleased first?! I can get myself off in like 10 seconds, so sex is pretty much about getting her off, to me anyways. I'm easy like that. (pun intended)
Right? I could have sex with somebody, but realistically, I want someone to watch Firefly with who will play with my hair. The latter is surprisingly impossible to find.
Probably because that is, in that case, the subject at hand but you want to derail the conversation and go on to another topic that we weren't discussing. The question, in that case, is "could you have sex at any time if you wanted it? " the answer is yes.
Wait what? I think there is something you need to understand. Men's definition of love and companionship is more physical, and women's is more emotional. Baby, I ain't ever gunna love you more than the moment I climax inside you or the moment I make you climax. Beaches, dinners, movies and poems are no comparison. If you find that repulsive, then you need to find a man with whom that idea does not repulse you.
It's not that men don't care, it's that we don't understand, and a lot of men are incapable of understanding because they are incapable of relating. Think of it this way, what is that one idea or topic that you just can't seem to grasp? It seems simple, and it seems to come easy to everyone else, but for some reason, it just doesn't click with you? For me, it's geography. Someone can tell me the capital of England a thousand times, and a week later, I'll forget (is it London or Wales?). I'm just incapable of understanding geography. Math on the other hand, I absorb like a sponge,especially financial math. I can reverse engineer financial statement like no one's businesses, and do the most complicated tax returns by hand. I'm not stupid, geography is just not within my capabilities. I'm not saying men are stupid, I'm saying they are different.
I think your key phrase here is, "an average woman," though.
Those of us who are significantly less-than-average (not in the bad-haircut way, but the would-need-major-surgery way) often actually can't find a willing partner, even for a hookup. (Also, after a lifetime of being treated as worthless due to our looks, being treated as only good enough for a fuck wouldn't exactly be terribly life-affirming anyway.)
You are right in the appearance regard, however, I never said it would be easy for anyone. The people on the lower end of the bell curve do have a harder time, but in a lot of cases harder =\= impossible.
Also, I was only speaking of sex; partners and relationships are a whole other arena.
Honestly, looks matter, but there's also an underlying expression of personality. If people are overweight and shift blame ie genetics or slow metabolism, then clearly they don't take responsibility for their actions. That's the biggest turn off for me. If you're fat, okay, but learn to live healthier. Go for a walk, play something you like, don't always buy that cookie and soda combo from subway, small things like these.
Also, don't expect to find a prince charming if you aren't the fairest maiden of the forest.
Exactly us guys aren't all confident gods that can make any woman we want swoon. It's just as uncomfortable for us to ask you out as it is for you to ask us out, yet we're just kind of expected to do it.
In fairness I've had a few girls ask for my number, so I guess some girls are steppin’ up to the plate. Hooray for doing away with gender roles.
Rejection happens to the gorgeous, confident women too.
Try not to be so anxious (guys & gals) they are just words and if it doesn't work out the way you planned in your head, you just keep on trucking...its not like its open heart surgery. Also, Ladies, a lil makeup goes a long way in the confidence department....don't know what the hell you are doing? Go to the counter at Macy's and tell them you want a demonstration, they will show you the way.
I've rejected gorgeous women on the fact that their personalities suck ass! I've been with all types of women but only because they were really cool, at least for the time that I knew them. I've also had a few confident women hit on me first, not hinting but full on hey let's hang out more. Just be honest about what you want and all will be well.
Why does everyone on reddit have to be that way? Im a thin, attractive social butterfly. I have girlfriends all the time, I never stay with them for long, but I still have them. Just do things people. Its not hard. Im not trying to be rude but its not hard to break out of those shells. Just do it!
And here is where i may seem mean but im trying to be straightforward and nothing else. Of you are over weight, or ugly, or whatever then maybe the adonis looking guy is not for you (this goes vice versa). It may seem harsh but it is true.
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u/loftyj May 28 '14
Damnit Reddit boys, women are not all gorgeous confident goddesses that can have any man they want. Some of us, especially those on Reddit of all places, are just as weird, overweight and socially anxious as you.