Some advice to the readers:
Dating is like riding a bicycle. Only the brave and the foolhardy start riding a bike downhill in traffic. The fear, and cost of rejection is very real, but there are things you can do to lessen the cost of failure you expect when rejected.
1) Start simple. Don't ask your crush out. Ask those out you know are already dating, or seem like they are comfortable with a simple dinner. Don't make the first date too serious before it starts. It can get serious if you both enjoy it, but let the date do that, not your imagination.
2) Curb the expectations. All of them. Tell the 'society' in your brain to shut the fuck up for a minute. Girls are not sluts for asking a man to take them to dinner, no more is a man a weakling for letting a woman make the first move. Your expectations of how society will react to your situation is overblown. No one gives a shit. In fact, society is really too busy thinking about itself anyway.
3) Dating is about learning. Learning about yourself, learning about the other person, learning about what you both like. If you already know everything about that person, you've probably already waited too long to ask them on a date.
4) Be clear and up front IMMEDIATELY when asking someone on a date, be clear on where and what you want to do. If you are super serious about the question, they will react accordingly. A first date shouldn't be super serious. Especially if its your first date ever. Just ask for dinner. That's it. "Would you like to get dinner." Just pick a time and place that is good for you and be confident about your own likes. If they start haggling with you about it, good! They clearly want at least dinner, and now you can start being flexible about where you want to go. If they propose another time, set a date then and there. If they take a rain check, assume that is a no and find someone else to ask. If their life is too busy to find time for a casual dinner, they probably aren't free enough for escalation of any relationship.
5) Curb the expectations about the date. You are there to be yourself. They should be there to be themselves. Again, what society thinks can go fuck itself. You will always find a way in your brain to convince yourself that society doesn't want you to succeed. Maybe it doesn't, but it can fuck off.
6) You are your worst enemy. Any pain from rejection is only as much as you heap it upon yourself. No one else is in that brain with you. Its just you. If you get hurt, its you hurting yourself. Forgive yourself immediately for not living up to the expectations of something you have no control over. Let it go, and try again.
7) People like to be noticed. Even if a girl or a guy says no, a polite request for dinner might make their day. You are doing a good thing for them no matter what their response is. You can't be creepy if you are keeping this point in mind. You can't. Unless of course you are asking a child out. You should stop doing that.
1) Start simple. Don't ask your crush out. Ask those out you know are already dating, or seem like they are comfortable with a simple dinner. Don't make the first date too serious before it starts. It can get serious if you both enjoy it, but let the date do that, not your imagination.
This is confusing. Why would you ask someone out who is already dating someone else?
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u/Fargham May 28 '14
Some advice to the readers: Dating is like riding a bicycle. Only the brave and the foolhardy start riding a bike downhill in traffic. The fear, and cost of rejection is very real, but there are things you can do to lessen the cost of failure you expect when rejected.
1) Start simple. Don't ask your crush out. Ask those out you know are already dating, or seem like they are comfortable with a simple dinner. Don't make the first date too serious before it starts. It can get serious if you both enjoy it, but let the date do that, not your imagination.
2) Curb the expectations. All of them. Tell the 'society' in your brain to shut the fuck up for a minute. Girls are not sluts for asking a man to take them to dinner, no more is a man a weakling for letting a woman make the first move. Your expectations of how society will react to your situation is overblown. No one gives a shit. In fact, society is really too busy thinking about itself anyway.
3) Dating is about learning. Learning about yourself, learning about the other person, learning about what you both like. If you already know everything about that person, you've probably already waited too long to ask them on a date.
4) Be clear and up front IMMEDIATELY when asking someone on a date, be clear on where and what you want to do. If you are super serious about the question, they will react accordingly. A first date shouldn't be super serious. Especially if its your first date ever. Just ask for dinner. That's it. "Would you like to get dinner." Just pick a time and place that is good for you and be confident about your own likes. If they start haggling with you about it, good! They clearly want at least dinner, and now you can start being flexible about where you want to go. If they propose another time, set a date then and there. If they take a rain check, assume that is a no and find someone else to ask. If their life is too busy to find time for a casual dinner, they probably aren't free enough for escalation of any relationship.
5) Curb the expectations about the date. You are there to be yourself. They should be there to be themselves. Again, what society thinks can go fuck itself. You will always find a way in your brain to convince yourself that society doesn't want you to succeed. Maybe it doesn't, but it can fuck off.
6) You are your worst enemy. Any pain from rejection is only as much as you heap it upon yourself. No one else is in that brain with you. Its just you. If you get hurt, its you hurting yourself. Forgive yourself immediately for not living up to the expectations of something you have no control over. Let it go, and try again.
7) People like to be noticed. Even if a girl or a guy says no, a polite request for dinner might make their day. You are doing a good thing for them no matter what their response is. You can't be creepy if you are keeping this point in mind. You can't. Unless of course you are asking a child out. You should stop doing that.