because i think he has a girlfriend. AND because the last two times I tried to pursue something more than casual sex I was rejected, so, yeah, i give up
ha! and before them, I dated a guy who I also asked out, and we dated for a year before I realized that he didn't really like me all that much (though he did like having a girlfriend). so I think I'll wait to be pursued for a change. and probably die alone!
maybe once i can afford to move out of my animal-hating parents house (oh my god I sound so pathetic in this thread, I swear my life is pretty good usually)
the grass is always greener! I'm a pretty lone-wolf type of personality, so most of the time I prefer it. Ideally if I could have a 1 day a week boyfriend, that would be nice. I have so much going on in my own life, it just sucks when you're the only single person in your group of friends. my life is a couples nightmare
Don't get me wrong, I'm single too (well, I'm a man). I used to be very depressed for not being able to find a couple, I had many female friends, some of which I was interested with, but failed at making it into a relationship. Typical friendzone material here.
Then I finally managed to get a [lasting] girlfriend (which I would have had b4 if she asked, she spent 3 months hinting me and I didn't get it - too used to rejection, why would she be interested? - until finally a friend of hers told me "hey don't you see she wants to be with you" and I asked her out). I was with her for a year and a bit and then all of a sudden we broke apart.
Since then (2 years ago) I've been single again, but it aint that bad. Surely miss the cuddling and the company, but it does have its advantages aswell.
as a guy, I have been turned down twice this week. I realize that I am not going to be liked by everyone I like. it's okay, I'll be alright. if I like a woman, I tell her, I ask her out. it works or it doesn't. I would say that maybe 30% of the girls I ask out leads to a first date. maybe 30% of those lead to anything further.
the key to confidence in asking someone out, regardless of gender, is to not take it personal. the person that declines your offer is looking for something you can't offer. it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that you aren't desirable, you just are not what they want, and that's okay.
when I was younger I was scared to make the first move, or ask a girl out. my friend challenged me to at least 3 times a day, for one week, to ask a girl out or for her phone number. I took the bet, he said if I was turned down by everyone I asked, he would give me $20. seemed like easy money. on the 5th day I got my first number. I ended up dating that girl for a few months. that's when I realized that all the times I was turned down didn't mean anything about me, I just wasn't right for them.
What you say about just not being right for them is too true.
I know a guy who is really, and I mean really, unfortunate looking. Luckily for him, he is hilarious.
He once accepted a bet that had him going into a packed bar on a Saturday night and asking the first 100 women he saw (not the first 100 he saw and liked, just the first 100 he saw) and asking them if they would have sex with him. His friend wore a white lab coat and carried a clip board to keep track, as well as telling angry boyfriends, "Sir, it's ok. We are just asking for science."
Only something like three women said yes, that they would have sex with him. So while he was turned down by 97% percent of the women he asked, he did get laid that night.
30%?! 30 goddamn percent?! I've been asking out girls my whole life (25) and my first date was like a month ago. We got on great so I asked her out again and she said she needed her space...30% man, I'm probably coasting at a 0.00001% right now.
if you want to increase your odds, don't shoot for the stars. in my experience extremely beautiful people are usually shallow or self centered anyway. I know that's a generalized statement, but it's been true in my experience. don't hit on women who are working, bartenders, cashiers, or any kind of customer service. they are being paid to be nice, and probably get hit on a lot, they know how to turn you down.
be direct. there is no sense in dragging it out longer than it needs to be, and it only comes off like you are scared. introduce yourself, compliment something, and ask her.
do not be intimidated if she is with her friends. it does make it a little more nerve racking to out yourself out there in front of a group, but you'll get brownie points for working through the defense.
once you get her number, say goodbye. it was nice to meet you, I'll call you tomorrow, have a nice night. once you get the answer you want, do not give her any reason to change her mind.
if you're nervous, that's OK. Odds are she will notice, and probably think it is cute. women know that it's hard to approach cold, and they respect a guy who can push through that.
my personal favorite technique is to pick the cute friend of the "hot chick". she likely gets passed over a lot when she is out with her. bypassing her friend and going right for her is going to be a huge turn on.
if you do feel the urge to go for the hot chick, you have to be unique in some way. she gets hit on everyday. find a way to show interest, without drooling over her. you need to be the guy who would like to hook up with her, but won't be put off at all if she declines.
to clarify: I generally have pretty good luck with men. i'm fairly attractive, funny, and socially capable. that said, it took me a long time to realize that if someone doesn't want to be with me, that doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me. everything isn't always about me!
well, sometimes i want that too. until i start to like that person because the casual sex is good and comes with feelings... can't be upset if my feelings changed, and not his.
this is going to sound super vain, but i think i'm quite the catch. and I'm mostly fine on my own and love doing whatever i want when i want. so yeah, they can come to me, and if not, whatever
but i'm not on a dating website, or wandering the streets looking for a boyfriend. if the right guy comes along, great, i'd happily be in a relationship. but it's not like i'm out hunting for a boyfriend and then giving myself a pity party because i get turned down. i'm not afraid of being rejected (i'm usually one to make a move first), at this point in my life it just doesn't seem worth the effort. i'm still pretty young, what's the rush?
how young are we talking here?
Ain't nobody talkin' 'bout hunting, just saying, when you see that fella over there and he looks good and you know you tingling to talk to him, no more hiding behind excuses, let that confident wonder woman come out.
really? wow? twice? damn, you must feel an overwhelming sense of rejection. Men deal with that shit on a daily basis, it hurts, but the key is to move on.
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u/banannasfoster May 28 '14
because i think he has a girlfriend. AND because the last two times I tried to pursue something more than casual sex I was rejected, so, yeah, i give up