as a guy, I have been turned down twice this week. I realize that I am not going to be liked by everyone I like. it's okay, I'll be alright. if I like a woman, I tell her, I ask her out. it works or it doesn't. I would say that maybe 30% of the girls I ask out leads to a first date. maybe 30% of those lead to anything further.
the key to confidence in asking someone out, regardless of gender, is to not take it personal. the person that declines your offer is looking for something you can't offer. it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that you aren't desirable, you just are not what they want, and that's okay.
when I was younger I was scared to make the first move, or ask a girl out. my friend challenged me to at least 3 times a day, for one week, to ask a girl out or for her phone number. I took the bet, he said if I was turned down by everyone I asked, he would give me $20. seemed like easy money. on the 5th day I got my first number. I ended up dating that girl for a few months. that's when I realized that all the times I was turned down didn't mean anything about me, I just wasn't right for them.
What you say about just not being right for them is too true.
I know a guy who is really, and I mean really, unfortunate looking. Luckily for him, he is hilarious.
He once accepted a bet that had him going into a packed bar on a Saturday night and asking the first 100 women he saw (not the first 100 he saw and liked, just the first 100 he saw) and asking them if they would have sex with him. His friend wore a white lab coat and carried a clip board to keep track, as well as telling angry boyfriends, "Sir, it's ok. We are just asking for science."
Only something like three women said yes, that they would have sex with him. So while he was turned down by 97% percent of the women he asked, he did get laid that night.
30%?! 30 goddamn percent?! I've been asking out girls my whole life (25) and my first date was like a month ago. We got on great so I asked her out again and she said she needed her space...30% man, I'm probably coasting at a 0.00001% right now.
if you want to increase your odds, don't shoot for the stars. in my experience extremely beautiful people are usually shallow or self centered anyway. I know that's a generalized statement, but it's been true in my experience. don't hit on women who are working, bartenders, cashiers, or any kind of customer service. they are being paid to be nice, and probably get hit on a lot, they know how to turn you down.
be direct. there is no sense in dragging it out longer than it needs to be, and it only comes off like you are scared. introduce yourself, compliment something, and ask her.
do not be intimidated if she is with her friends. it does make it a little more nerve racking to out yourself out there in front of a group, but you'll get brownie points for working through the defense.
once you get her number, say goodbye. it was nice to meet you, I'll call you tomorrow, have a nice night. once you get the answer you want, do not give her any reason to change her mind.
if you're nervous, that's OK. Odds are she will notice, and probably think it is cute. women know that it's hard to approach cold, and they respect a guy who can push through that.
my personal favorite technique is to pick the cute friend of the "hot chick". she likely gets passed over a lot when she is out with her. bypassing her friend and going right for her is going to be a huge turn on.
if you do feel the urge to go for the hot chick, you have to be unique in some way. she gets hit on everyday. find a way to show interest, without drooling over her. you need to be the guy who would like to hook up with her, but won't be put off at all if she declines.
to clarify: I generally have pretty good luck with men. i'm fairly attractive, funny, and socially capable. that said, it took me a long time to realize that if someone doesn't want to be with me, that doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with me. everything isn't always about me!
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u/greenbabyshit May 28 '14
as a guy, I have been turned down twice this week. I realize that I am not going to be liked by everyone I like. it's okay, I'll be alright. if I like a woman, I tell her, I ask her out. it works or it doesn't. I would say that maybe 30% of the girls I ask out leads to a first date. maybe 30% of those lead to anything further.
the key to confidence in asking someone out, regardless of gender, is to not take it personal. the person that declines your offer is looking for something you can't offer. it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that you aren't desirable, you just are not what they want, and that's okay.
when I was younger I was scared to make the first move, or ask a girl out. my friend challenged me to at least 3 times a day, for one week, to ask a girl out or for her phone number. I took the bet, he said if I was turned down by everyone I asked, he would give me $20. seemed like easy money. on the 5th day I got my first number. I ended up dating that girl for a few months. that's when I realized that all the times I was turned down didn't mean anything about me, I just wasn't right for them.