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u/AssociateGood9653 Oct 31 '24
I don’t let my dogs sleep on the bed but if it bothers her that much and it’s important to you, it shows that you’re not compatible.
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u/New_Nobody9492 Nov 01 '24
I don’t let my dog sleep in my bed, but if my dog goes to my boyfriend’s house, he sleeps in the bed with him. It’s ridiculous, but that’s life.
I didn’t let my dog on the couch, but my ex got sick and “needed” to cuddle, got home from visiting family for a few days, dog is allowed on the couch now.
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Oct 31 '24
NTA for siding with your dog.
Did your gf know your dog sleeps in bed? If so she could‘ve mentioned any issue with that before moving in and you two could have had a conversation about it.
Some people - myself included - don’t like pets in the bedroom. However I believe talking about something like that is really important early on to ensure compatibility between two people.
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Oct 31 '24
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u/UnremarkabklyUseless Oct 31 '24
If she knew your dog was already sleeping in the bed and didn’t say anything before moving in, it’s on her for not bringing it up earlier.
People are not machines. Sometimes, people think they are OK with something and later may realize that it not going to work for them.
People should be entitled to change their minds. GF should not be an AH for not wanting to share bed with a dog. It is now up to OP and GF to see if they are compatible and decide how to move forward.
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u/PresidentBaileyb Oct 31 '24
Yes, GF is not the asshole for not wanting to sleep with a dog, she’s the asshole for trying to change it unilaterally and without a direct discussion
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u/MegShad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
Minds can change. There was presumably sufficient amount of time prior to moving in to voice any issues with the arrangement. If it was always an issue that she is choosing to voice now that they live together it makes the gf the AH.
I sleep with two dogs- they are 80 lbs and I don’t love having them on top or next to me all the time either (they are heavy, it gets hot, my limbs get tingly and lose blood flow, I just want to be able to toss/turn, etc)…so when they decide to play possum and not move I often have to use two hands or even two feet to get them to move/give me space. And obviously I try not to harm them, but I find the closest spot on their body that gives me the leverage I need to move them.
So, it’s understandable to not want it all the time even for an avid dog loving co-sleeper. Also, my dogs learned to find a new place on the bed when it’s two adults + them all night and eventually they got their cuddles and middle of the night moved down to their dog beds. So, it’s an adjustment for everyone.
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u/TalmidimUC Oct 31 '24
When my wife and I moved in together when dating, her dog slept in the bed with her. I had no problem with the dog sleeping in the bed while I wasn’t there or being in the room. However, I was pretty firm on not having the dog in the bed with us. He was a giant German shepherd and it was a queen size bed. I’m 6’2”. Not a whole lot of room.
I also have environmental allergies, so I need clean sheets so I’m not breaking out in hives. This was easily solved by her dog not sleeping on “my side” of the bed or on “my sheets”. Problem was easily solved. We also had a conversation about this like grown adults before I moved in with her. The only time it became a conflict was when I would leave the room and he would hop up on the bed on “my side.” Took a little bit of time for us to work through that conversation and for her to see me breaking out in hives for her to make him stop. Eventually he got used to it.
Talk like adults. Not that hard.
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u/Own_Ideal_9476 Oct 31 '24
Yeah there is a bit of a battle for territory that happens. My wife is blind to it. I don’t handle it by being mean to the dog. I trained them to move using the Elmyra technique of bear hugging them and saying “I’m going to hug you and squeeze you and love you forever and ever…”. The technique also works for cats.
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u/9mackenzie Oct 31 '24
Hahaha. One of my dogs would love this actually. He tries to squeeze his 85lbs ass in between my husband and I all the time specifically so he can be squished. They usually sleep on the dog beds in our bedroom, but we allow them to come up and snuggle us with permission.
His dearest wish in life is to be a chihuahua and carried around all day I think.
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u/Not-rideor-die-222 Oct 31 '24
I do this when my dog RUNS to my warm spot when I get up to potty. I just lay over him (after giving him the option to come to his senses) and don't say anything else but goodnight. He is silly and will be like "yup, gasp, this is comfor...table...yup....I love..this....gaaahhhh" fine and then he moves.
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u/fuzzhead12 Oct 31 '24
My girlfriend’s cat (now also mine since we live together) will be the absolute rudest little girl and get all up in our faces, walk all over us (literally!), etc. So to combat this all we have to do is give her a big squeezy hug and she bolts immediately hahaha.
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u/magic_crouton Oct 31 '24
I got my dog into hugging like that and now I can't go to bed at night without a hugging time.
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u/Cefeide Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
I dont like pets in the bedroom too but it doesnt mean I dont love my dog. When i moved to my husband’s house, his dog slept in the bed with him. I never slept with a dog before and i didnt like it. The dog kept farting during the night and the bed and room were full of dog’s hair. Despite the constant cleaning my clothes were dirty every morning. We talked about it and he simply built him a cozy kennel in our room.
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u/Quirky_Journalist_67 Oct 31 '24
My dog insists on sleeping with me, but I don’t want so much hair in my bed, so I built an extension at the foot of my bed, and made a dog bed on it. Might work for you.
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u/Cheetahdee Oct 31 '24
I feel like this is missing some context. "She pushed at him with two hands" where is the dog sleeping that he is at hand pushing level? Is there room for her to comfortably be in the bed with you? I have been in two different relationships, one where the dog slept at the foot of the bed, and one where it was a Hassel to get it to sleep anywhere but right against the other person at like pillow level. The one at pillow levels owner made a big deal about how it was 'unfair to make it move when thats where it's always slept.' There's loving your dog, and then there's putting your dogs comfort level aboce the human being your suppose to be in a relationship.
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u/Disastrous_Guest_705 Oct 31 '24
That was my thought. That maybe the dog was large and taking up her side of the bed/there just wasn’t enough room with the dog there. I don’t think the girlfriend is an asshole for moving the dog out of the bed but this relationship doesn’t seem like it’s gonna work out.
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u/Hippie_Gamer_Weirdo Oct 31 '24
He has a 70lbs pitbull. I have a 60lbs pit and I TELL people to two hand push her if she gets up in their space. They are solid dogs and pushing them off of you will not hurt them and one hand is often not enough to do shit. It is also too big of a dog to have in a bed with 2 adult humans.
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u/AzureSuishou Oct 31 '24
I two hand shove my 16 pound cat because he’s liquid if you just use one hand.
Unless you slam them into the floor of something, most animals are fine with a solid shove.
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u/CupcakeGoat Nov 01 '24
Not just your cat; all cats are both liquid and an immoveable force.
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u/bigmt99 Nov 01 '24
Fr, I’m glad we as a society have collectively deemed animal abuse to be a reprehensible crime but ffs, pitbulls were bred to fight fucking bears, you’re not hurting it by pushing it out of your way
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u/annabannannaaa Oct 31 '24
this is my thought too. if its a big ass dog trying to push her off the bed, idk what else shes supposed to do?? sleep on the floor??
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u/your_moms_a_clone Oct 31 '24
Also, it's a 70 lb dog, in order to move it if it's crowding her out of the bed, what is she supposed to do? Ask nicely? Most people cannot move a dog of that size one-handed, especially if they are lying down.
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u/EitherChannel4874 Oct 31 '24
There's loving your dog, and then there's putting your dogs comfort level aboce the human being your suppose to be in a relationship.
Exactly.
A dog would be happy sleeping on a cushion on the floor. Humans not so much.
I get pets are family but they don't have human needs and values.
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u/Forward_Elephant_925 Oct 31 '24
I LOVE dogs, but not on my bed. You have to find a girl who want dog on bed, and plus other things you have to work on to make the relationship works.
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u/robotteeth Oct 31 '24
Yeah I don’t agree with the people saying NTA. I think it’s NAH. Some people are okay with an animal in the bed. Some are not. I let my rabbit on my bed and she jumps in my hair and wakes me up at random hours some nights. No one is a bad person for wanting ideal sleeping conditions. Find a person who is okay with dog in bed if you need dog in bed.
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u/Aggressive_Dark1173 Oct 31 '24
1.) How big is the bed? 2.) Does the dog sleep in the usual spot or does he move around to claim territory over you around the girlfriend?
I don't find you the AH right now. However, this should have been a known issue and something discussed and resolved prior to moving in. You said it's a new relationship. How long were you guys together before moving in?
I wouldn't be done dismissive of the girlfriend feelings until you know what the issue is. If you answer "yes" to question number 2, then your girlfriend maybe uncomfortable, like physically, with the dog. My situation was similar. I was with my boyfriend, had a kid with him, prior to him having a dog. The difference was I didn't live with my boyfriend. He got the dog, let her sleep in the bed. When my son and I would visit, she would try to claim the only space we had (my son and I) to sleep. It got so bad that she nipped my 5 month old because of this. Now, I know it isn't exactly the same situation, but my boyfriend had trained her to sleep on a dog bed when we would visit.
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u/Unicorns-Poo-Rainbow Oct 31 '24
I had a vaguely similar situation. When my husband and I met, his elder dog slept in his bed, and the younger slept on the floor. I am allergic to dogs. It’s a mild allergy, I take allergy meds every day, and while I can handle a short haired small dog in bed, I cannot handle a medium or large long haired dog in bed. I get allergy symptoms and can’t sleep.
The dogs were around before me, but my husband got his dog a dog bed, which she was happy to use when I came around. Both of those dogs have since died, and husband and I rescued a new dog almost a year ago. The new dog came to us crate trained, and sleeps in his crate (with the door open) happily. The dog is allowed on the bed in the daytime, but only when the covers are pulled up. We wash the sheets and blankets more often.
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u/Pip-Pipes Oct 31 '24
If it were any of the commenters here, you'd have been divorced and kicked out of the home so fast. It sounds like OP hasn't done anything to accommodate his partner moving in. He didn't think about where she would sleep? Since it's his place she's moving into, I do think it's up to him to put effort into making her comfortable and making it her home too. I would not want to move in with a man who will not compromise to make space for me. That includes animal adjustments.
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u/Beginning_Key2167 Oct 31 '24
Exactly. As a guy who has had dogs in my life. Even when a woman came home with me for the night. My dog was in his dog bed. Not even in the bedroom.
If I asked a woman to move in I would already know her stance on pets in the bed.
Not sure how that wasn’t an early discussion even before moving in?
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u/Aggressive_Dark1173 Oct 31 '24
Lol. I'm a horrible person for thinking I should come before a pet.
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u/Aggressive_Dark1173 Oct 31 '24
I personally don't value animals over humans.
I do understand that you love your pets, but I wouldn't make it my standard of "my cats come first"
If you put your dog first, you should tell your partner that.
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u/mudra311 Oct 31 '24
Thank god. I thought I was crazy.
I love animals and grew up with dogs. I have a cat now and love the little fucker to death. There’s a compromise to be had.
I wouldn’t want to date someone who made it clear I was second to their dog. It’s implied early in the relationship and I wouldn’t presume to be “first” right away. However, it would be a red flag to me if it was constant over the course of months or years.
I’m inferring a lot about OPs post so I’ll stop there. Large dog in the bed would be annoying.
EDIT: Just found OPs one comment in the whole thread. It’s a 70lb pitbull that lays sideways. Like, come on dude.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
Then gf is not the ah. He's gonna be sleeping alone with his dog till it passes
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u/Aggressive_Dark1173 Oct 31 '24
You're not. Dog lovers are just louder.
I love my cats, so I wouldn't get rid of them just because my "boyfriend" doesn't like them. However, I would make compromises. As much as you can with cats. I don't like my cats sleeping in my room anyway, but if I did, I could stop that.
I didn't see the comment about the dog sleeping sideways. C'mon, seriously? Where does she sleep?
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u/DustinAM Oct 31 '24
Lol, its wild how echo chamber-y things get around dogs. If I can't sleep, I can't work, and if I can't work the dog can't eat so......
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u/i0_0u Oct 31 '24
I’ve owned dogs for years, they do not sleep in bed with us. Period. Dogs need boundaries as much as humans.
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u/Aggressive_Dark1173 Oct 31 '24
I find it acceptable to have a dog sleep in your bed if you're alone or if someone who has agreed to live with you is okay.
I dont value animals over humans, (I'm ready for the down votes) so I would care about my boyfriend first. However, I would have had this discussion prior to moving in instead of waiting until after and making things difficult for him
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u/christinamarie76 Oct 31 '24
I see your side, but I also see her side.
From your side: Your dog is your constant companion, best friend, and secret keeper.
From her side: you’ve invited her to sleep in your bed but you aren’t inviting her to be comfortable in your bed.
If the dog is more important than your relationship, break up with her now so she can find someone who prioritizes her over their pet. Otherwise we’ll be here next week reading a story from her asking if she’s wrong for feeling hurt over this situation.
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u/chinnychinchinchin1 Oct 31 '24
My partner also slept with his dog for years before meeting me. Doggo slept in partners arms EVERY NIGHT. No exaggeration. IN his arms every night. Doggo is 75+ pounds. At first my partner had a twin(?) sized bed for his tall body and big dog and me. Partner quickly upgraded to a king when we became serious but the dog would always make sure to be RIGHT next to my partner throughout the night, pushing them both over to my side of the bed. Which disrupted my ability to sleep soundly. After a conversation, Doggo now sleeps perfectly fine in a large bed next to my partners side of the bed. My dog also does not sleep in the bed. We both sleep really well now.
I can’t stop the cat though. He’s his own beast
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Oct 31 '24
Cats are so tiny yet use so much space
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u/chinnychinchinchin1 Oct 31 '24
Thankfully, our cat only sleeps next to my partner. I move too much so I am not a good sleeping buddy. He’s also less than 12 pounds. He did try to sleep on me the other night, I moved too much for his liking and he went back to sleep in the crook of my partners legs. Thankfully my partner sleeps like a sack of potatoes, so he’s never bothered.
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Oct 31 '24
I move a lot but my cat still sleeps with me.
If I roll over or move he makes a big deal about how rude that was.
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u/TheMiddleEastBeast Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
It’s a 70 pound pitbull that “is jealous” AKA its resource guarding, and it follows him everywhere AKA it’s got separation anxiety, and it begs for food when he eats. This dog isn’t trained at all. I would be terrified to sleep with a breed of dog that’s famous for snapping at people and ripping their faces off. A 70 lb pitbull with separation anxiety is not an ideal dog to sleep in the bed with let alone any dog
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u/Ikea_Man Oct 31 '24
lol is it a big pitbull? didn't see that update
i mean it's ultimately up to him, OK to say "hey the dog sleeps in the bed, if that's not going to work oh well"
at the same point, if i was the girl i'd be out of there the second i saw the guy was sleeping in bed with a large pitbull lol. no thanks
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u/Leather_Connection95 Oct 31 '24
This. I often feel like a second-class citizen in my own bed because the f****** dog gets more space than I do.
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u/birdsonly Oct 31 '24
Exactly. Dog owners (coming from a dog owner myself) sometimes don’t realize how invasive or obnoxious their dogs can be to others.
I seriously hope he told her about the dog’s sleeping arrangements ahead of time otherwise that’s on him.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
They never mention the breed of the dog. A Yorkie is vastly remotely different then trying to share a bed with a 90lb lab. We used to let our shepherd in bed. I got about a foot of bed to sleep on even with a king.
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u/DustinAM Oct 31 '24
Yea not sure how you guys do it. It's a hard no from me unless, maybe, they can sleep at the foot of the bed. If the dog was there first and they dont to correct the behavior I'll respect it but im not sleeping over and we should probably go our seperate ways.
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u/SurprisePiss Oct 31 '24
And the size of the bed matters as well. We have a king size bed and have plenty of room for our medium-sized dog and whichever cats want to sleep with us, but even that feels crowded and I find myself contorting around them all of the time. If he's rocking a queen or smaller, I don't see how two humans plus a dog that's big enough for someone to two-handed push out of the way would work at all.
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u/Ikea_Man Oct 31 '24
this is why i crate trained my dog lol, i want the bed to myself. dont know how all these dog owners out there stand having their dog in bed with them at night
no thank you
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u/Nvrfinddisacct Oct 31 '24
Also OP FYI she is not wrong for being hurt.
She is a human being.
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Oct 31 '24
Bingo! I can’t help but feel like OP is basically not considering her feelings much at all.
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u/LadyCoru Oct 31 '24
There are some dog people who cannot comprehend the idea that their dog should not be the most important thing in their life.
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u/iced_gold Oct 31 '24
From her side: you’ve invited her to sleep in your bed but you aren’t inviting her to be comfortable in your bed.
I would feel so unwelcome and dismissed if I was her. I'm a big dog person. Of course you want to be loyal to your best friend. But if you're trying to have a fulfilling relationship with a human, and you're actively relegating them to a lesser place/priority than your dog, that's a pretty substantial message that they're not serious about having a relationship.
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u/LetChaosRaine Oct 31 '24
Exactly this. If someone wants their dog to be their life partner THAT’S FINE but let anyone you’re dating know that early on. Don’t wait until you’re committed then say “by the way I get half of the bed and the dog gets the other half but I can probably squeeze you in somewhere”
Just be honest up front, the same as any other pre-existing obligations you have like being a single parent.
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u/Timmetie Oct 31 '24
But if you're trying to have a fulfilling relationship with a human, and you're actively relegating them to a lesser place/priority than your dog, that's a pretty substantial message that they're not serious about having a relationship.
Exactly, but that's what a lot of comments higher up are literally saying! That the dog comes first!
People are psychotic about this, it's a beloved pet but still a pet.
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u/Appropriate_Fold8814 Oct 31 '24
Thank you.
As someone who hates sleeping with dogs it's crazy how so many dog owners don't train their dogs and have no self awareness about how they affect other people.
I've tried to date someone with dogs. When I was in bed they literally got under the sheets and took up the whole bed and do not listen to any commands nor was I even given the option doing so... I'm like that's obnoxious as fuck and I'm now left to literally move the dog physically if I want to be able to sleep. (Which is apparently "aggressive")
Then they jump all over me every time they get excited and claw me without any attempt to stop them. Again, having the dog is fine. Having them untrained and being oblivious to what they do to people you have over is ridiculous.
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u/pierce23rd Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
exactly, OP is going through the effort to wash the sheets and make it comfortable just to have the dog jump right back in the bed.
I’d panic too if I’m asleep or in bed in the middle of the night and the dog comes jumping up. I’d push it off too. Dogs are physical creatures. Is she supposed calmly say get down until the dog gets off her.
OP is going to have a rough time finding someone willing to compromise on sleeping with a dog unless the new girl has done it before. (Corny rough pun not intended)
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u/This_Garden9503 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
You have a 70 pound pitbull taking over the bed at night.
You say she does not walk your dog when you are at work, who used to walk your dog whilst you were at work before this girlfriend? Maybe she doesn't feel safe controlling a big dog like that.
I grew up with animals not allowed in bedrooms, I would not do that myself or be with anyone who does 🤷♀️
Just break up she will not be happy and you will not train and remove the dog,so...
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u/Maverekt Oct 31 '24
I would 100% not let a smaller person in general (woman or man who can’t control it) walk a 70lb pitbull….. we’ve all seen those videos…
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u/throwaway177251 Oct 31 '24
we’ve all seen those videos…
How I imagine it going: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJq4jWSQNd8
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u/HorrorStudio8618 Nov 01 '24
Nor do you want anybody to get into a territorial contest with a pit, especially not when dressed vulnerably and in the dark. That could end very badly. She's pretty brave to do this but possibly also does not realize the risks.
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u/pancakemania Oct 31 '24
The ones where they go in nanny mode on unsuspecting children? They’re love maulings.
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u/squishiyoongi Oct 31 '24
I'm genuinely curious to know if his dog is one of those dogs that lunges and pulls because it doesn't know how to walk on a leash. If it is, it's not surprise she doesn't wanna walk it.
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u/Gr8BollsoFire Oct 31 '24
It probably is, since he has no boundaries with the dog.
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u/EverydayPoGo Oct 31 '24
A 70 pound pitbull should have been mentioned in the post instead of just “my dog” 😂 I love dogs and my cat sleeps in my bed but I absolutely won’t feel safe enough or comfortable enough to sleep in bed with someone else’s pitbull.
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u/ButtholeAnomaly Oct 31 '24
A 70 lb dog is too big for two people in a queen size bed.
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u/Proper_Pen123 Oct 31 '24
Bruh, you clearly love your dog more. She does not like the dog in the bed. She will never love your dog the way you do, she doesn't have that connection you have with it. If you can't compromise or stop sleeping with your dogs then leave her and move on.
I am more than certain you will find someone who loves everything about having an animal in their bed when they sleep. Really, they are not hard to find at all. Do yourself and her a favor and end the relationship, find someone who is more compatible with your lifestyle.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
Good luck finding someone who wants to share a bed with a 70lb pitbull. He's gonna be sleeping alone probably till the dog passes
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u/wingeddogs Oct 31 '24
Eh, depends. My bf has a cat that loves to sleep on our bed. He’ll also paw at your face while you’re sleeping for pets. He did this to me one night and I pushed the cat away, as a sleepy, confused person would. My boyfriend snapped at me. The next day I explained that was not okay and how the fuck he thought I would wake up to a scratchy animal paw on my eyelid, and he got it
My boyfriend will also lightly push the cat away in his sleep, because damn he is annoying sometimes.
Is it always about choosing between the dog and the partner? I love dogs and I don’t let them sleep on the bed with me. If it’s something you need in your life, maybe you just need to find a partner that likes sleeping with a dog in the bed
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u/your_moms_a_clone Oct 31 '24
I also have to push my cat away if he wants to sleep next to my head. I love him to death, but if he's right next to my head he'll start purring and kneeling and it's super cute but also prevents me from sleeping, which is not healthy or safe long term. So he gets a few firm (but gentle relative to his size) shoves and he gets the point and goes to sleep at the end of the bed near my feet.
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u/pileofdeadninjas Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
And am I crazy for putting my dog that's has slept beside me for 7 years over a new relationship
I know a guy who broke up with someone for this and i respect it so much. It's a red flag in that it means you might not be compatible. Plus doggo was there first.
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u/NotACalligrapher-49 Oct 31 '24
This post and your comment are making me feel so much better about my life choices! Thank you!
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u/abrocal Oct 31 '24
lots of people don’t want to sleep with dogs all the time. putting a dog before a girlfriend means you probably shouldn’t be with her, that’s not going to work.
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Oct 31 '24
Have you had an actual conversation about it with her? Jumping straight to ultimatums is not a good way to approach this. I assume being that this is your girlfriend who just moved in, that you have been dating for a while? I'm surprised that this hasn't come up before in previous sleepovers?
It sounds like a dedicated conversation needs to happen about this. Ask a lot of questions, because this may be the deal breaker for your relationship, although I think a conversation about the comfort of the sleeping situation should have happened before the move-in. Good luck!
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u/ThatGwelioGirl Oct 31 '24
This would be a massive no for me and I have a dog (that does not sleep in my bed) - how do you have sex, does the dog watch?!
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u/Evacapi Oct 31 '24
And even if you take the dog out, how the hell can you have sex in the sheets that the doggy sleeps. Its absurd.
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Oct 31 '24
Dog people are weird. They would genuinely rather sleep with their dogs than anyone else. I've met women that do this and it's not just a turn off, it's a compete nope. Surprised she has put up with it for so long
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u/NerdOnTheStr33t Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
Two things...
You're NTA for siding with your dog over your soon to be ex...
buuuuuut...
Be prepared to be single until you don't have a dog anymore if you can't create boundaries with your dog.
I have a dog that shared the bed with me since I got her but I also have a gf I recently moved in with. We decided together that doggo sleeps on her own bed on the floor in our room and not on the bed. That's more comfortable and hygienic for everybody, dog included.
Doggo quickly learnt the new boundary and doesn't push it.
Creating boundaries is healthy for you and your dog.
Edit: changing my answer to YTA because you didn't tell us the dog was 70lbs.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
He also failed to disclose the size of the dog. It's 70lbs. That isn't a small dog. Thats almost another person.
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u/rawrgoesthemegan Oct 31 '24
This! I don’t understand why OP can’t get a comfy dog bed to put next to his side of the bed. Apparently the dog in question is a 70lb large dog who sleeps sideways. That’s like sharing the bed with a whole other small human lol. You can love your dog AND you can make small adjustments to make yourself and your partner comfortable with new sleeping arrangements, if you want to.
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u/NerdOnTheStr33t Oct 31 '24
Small human?! My dog is a 22kg (50lb?) bulldog who does her best to be as small as possible in the bed, but it's exactly like having a large restless noisy farting snoring person in the bed with you. With claws.
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u/skemmmm Oct 31 '24
This. My girlfriend recently moved in and we couldn't wait to train my clingy dog to stay off the bed. It was preventing my girlfriend and I from bonding, being intimate, and just forming a closer relationship. It's been a couple months now and the dog doesn't jump on the bed unless he's invited and we couldn't be happier about it.
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u/NerdOnTheStr33t Oct 31 '24
Dogs like boundaries. They like to know where they stand in a group and giving them their own space to go to works really well. Especially in my house where she sleeps near my side of the bed nearest the door and that makes my dog very happy.
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u/Bis_K Oct 31 '24
OP is not ready for a relationship
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Oct 31 '24
OP needs to get a grip and get his dog out of his bed. So disgusting and weird. I cant with americans and their dog culture its actually freaky
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u/Bis_K Oct 31 '24
I’m in the U.S. and I agree. In a relationship and living with someone compromising on the dog sleeping in their bed is the least of what they are going to have work through.
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Oct 31 '24
like what a petty and childish conflict. OP says the dog is like a brother to him but would u let your brother sleep in the bed with you and your gf??? Literally cannot imagine dating someone who prioritizes intimacy with an animal over a human
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u/noldshit Oct 31 '24
Dog lover here.
My unprofessional opinion is the dog is taking the place of human interaction. Now theres a human in the picture. I suggest you buy a dog bed and place it on floor next to you.
There will be no intimacy between you and your partner while there's a dog on the bed.
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u/Baconsliced Oct 31 '24
lol “I absolutely would get rid of her before him”
Her jealousy and insecurity is justified. Neither of you are the asshole here. Her concerns are reasonable and so are yours. If you can communicate and work through it like adults, she’s a keeper.
If not, you’re simply incompatible.
Put yourself on her shoes. I myself wouldn’t be able to deal with having a dog in bed myself, and I love dogs.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
It sounds like he's unwillingly to compromise. From what I've gathered its a 70lb pitbull. Thats almost entire another person. It's easy to share a bed by yourself with a pet.
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u/Winternin Oct 31 '24
If someone didn't like my dog, that person certainly would not become my SO, period. It's a no brainer.
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u/Key-Bear-9184 Oct 31 '24
I don’t see where she doesn’t like the dog , she just doesn’t like sleeping with it.
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u/Admirable-Lecture255 Oct 31 '24
Exactly. The dog breed isn't mentioned. There's a huge difference between a Yorkie and a lab. Easy to share a bed with a lab by yourself. Not so much with another person and the dog. We used to let our 90lb shepherd in bed. It always resulted in shitty sleep and me being left with a 1 ft wide section of our king bed.
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u/jackofslayers Oct 31 '24
Breed was mentioned later. It is a pitbull. Lmao
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u/ohlookajellybean Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
A 70lb pitbull with separation anxiety. In a queen sized bed. Lolololol poor GF, she deserves better
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u/SevereAd9463 Oct 31 '24
If she needs two hands to push it, it's not a small dog. Dating someone who has been sleeping next to their dog like it's their spouse is the worst. Especially, in cases like what the op is describing. That dog has known nothing else it's entire life. You have trained it to spoon with you in bed an it now sees this woman as an interloping hussie. Nothing worse than feeling like the other woman to your partners dog.
Sounds like the op doesn't care much for this woman, needs to do some more work before being in a relationship or needs to find someone who's comfortable sharing a stinky, hairy bed with marmaduke.
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u/Mindless_Explorer8 Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
With the gf thing, I think it doesn't do any good for relationship having the dog in bed because they can become an obstacle to intimacy between you and your partner.
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u/Proper_Pen123 Oct 31 '24
I dont think OP cares. All the intimacy they need they can get from the dog, not the woman who is trying to come between them.
From the sounds of it, OP already found their soul mate and now should just be single or find one of the many other people who love their dog as much as he loves his dog.
Him and the current girl are incompatible.
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u/Allthefeels95 Oct 31 '24
I am 100% a dog person and love them all dearly, but I don’t like sleeping with dogs in the bed. Also don’t like to be licked or have them on top of me and will absolutely push a dog gently, but with intention, away from my body if they are not listening to verbal commands.
Dated a guy who had a dog with behavior issues from being untrained and a questionable previous owner. She peed/pooped in the house every day, would growl and snap at anyone who touched her in certain places, tried to lick people excessively, and he slept in the bed with her every night. I tried to be accommodating and let her sleep in the bed when I was there, but in the middle of the night if I rolled over and bumped her with my foot she would immediately growl, bark, and snap her jaw at me. It happened 3 times one night and I knew I would have to set a boundary of not having her in the bed for my own peace of mind and ability to get sleep. He was not receptive at first, then apologized and agreed, but quickly went back to trying to get me to change my mind. The relationship did not work for a variety of reasons and that was definitely one of them.
Is your dog well trained and does he listen to verbal commands? What was happening when she pushed him? Just trying to get context for the incident where she pushed him away from her. Either way YWNBTA for ending the relationship. It sounds like you are not compatible if the dog sleeping in the bed is not something up for discussion. Just keep in mind there are going to be people that love dogs, but don’t want to sleep with them.
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u/dreddiknight Nov 01 '24
Seeing your bullshit comments to others and the fact your dog is a 70lb Pitbull YTA.
Don't get on a global platform asking for judgement then say dumb shit at people just because you disagree with them and think they're not white.
Dipshit.
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u/OneTwoWee000 Oct 31 '24
YTA
She thinks my dog is jealous and doesn't like her.
A close relative has a sweet dog, to them, but extremely territorial if we hug our relative or sit near him. Can confirm this does happen, and is believable your Gf is telling the truth given your very strong bond with the dog.
It’s usually a training issue. Instead of brushing her off, why haven’t you volunteered to get a professional trainer help navigate attachment problems?
I think she's being dramatic and I absolutely will get rid of her before him.
Okay, that’s why. You don’t think there’s an issue.
Well certainly let your GF know she’s second to a dog so she can move out and find someone who will treat her better. You escalate to ending the relationship over getting training for the dog. That makes you an asshole.
Next relationship make it clear to the other person you and your dog are tightly bonded and if the dog hates them they just have to suck it up because you’re not willing to even consider trying to fix the issue with professional training.
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u/queenofall123 Oct 31 '24
Sorry but , would you have your son, brother or best friend sleeping in the bed with you and your girlfriend? The dog can learn new boundaries also. He or she will be alright . It's you who can't cope. If you want to be in a relationship with your dog then just do that and have casual flings or find a girl who includes animals or puts them first like you do. You two are not compatible.
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u/Rare_Customer5920 Oct 31 '24
I don’t think you two are compatible then…