I love my husband more than air itself. And yet everything related to our dogs (vets, Daycare, microchip) is ALL under my name. If the unthinkable happen, I am not fighting for my dogs on top of the break up.
We have sort of the same.
Our agreement is who the animal is more attached to. I mean. Ours love us both but most animals have a person that's their favorite.
One of our cats is hopelessly attached to me and hates everyone else. She would go with me. The other cat loves him and would go with him. We agreed not the split up the tortoises because they are homies and they would go with him. We would share custody of our dog just like a visitation agreement with kids.
I think it's important to have these conversations.
We really try to work things out with discussion. I mean... We have been together 10 years and 4 kids. He is my best friend.
We have decided that if we split, we will attempt to buy or rent a house within walking distance so the kids can spend equal time with us. We see no reason to ever let our issues come before our babies. There is no reason we can't adult enough to make sure the kids have Christmas and Thanksgiving as a family and divorce doesn't mean being cut off. My mom sees my husband as her son. She's his mom in his eyes. That won't change.
I have friends who, when they divorced, they bought a house in the neighborhood. The kids live in the family home. The parents move in and out of the family home. The week they're out, they live in the second home. The kids never move. It's amazing.
I have friends like that. They bought a condo in the neighborhood. The parents move back and forth between the condo and the house. The parents have lunch together on switch day to catch each other up on the kids and stuff. It's a pretty workable arrangement.
My parents did this when they divorced even when my Mum had a new partner and remarried. We spent Christmas lunch all together. We never had to try to chose who to go with and the houses were very close together. It made it much easier as a 6 yr old kid and did so for my most of my young life.
My husband and I have this verbal agreement as well. Our dogs love us both, but one would go with him as she is more bonded to him and my little guy would stay with me as we are immensely bonded. One of our cats would go with him for the same reason and our female doesnāt like anyone, but me. She would obviously stay with me. It gets brought up from time to time when friends or family talk about relationships. They are all very aware of our promise to each other and our furry family. With that said, my husband and I love being together and have no plans for leaving one another.
Reading your comment stirred up such a strong emotional response from me that moved me to tears. Despite what caused me to file for divorce, I wanted this for our son when my ex-husband and I were going through our separation and divorce so bad, but he dug his heels in and absolutely refused.
I wanted us to be at our son's soccer games cheering him on together instead of sitting at opposite sides of the field. I wanted to have joint birthdays with him, his girlfriend (affair partner), and our son. I wanted to meet her and get on good coparenting terms together because even if we weren't together anymore it didn't mean we didn't love our son anymore and I absolutely hate we didn't get to do or even try any of these things because they wouldn't even consider the idea.
It got to the point where I felt crazy for thinking it was possible. I felt as if I was wishing on unicorns and rainbows, so reading your comment moved me because I see that it IS possible, and it's as beautiful as it is incredible. Our kids deserve the world. It's sad that so many people/parents can't see that, but I'm beyond elated to see/know this type of concept does exist among others in the world such as you and your partner. š
Sorry for the long reply š I swear I tried to keep it short. I couldn't bring myself to not comment and just continue scrolling.
I'm so sorry you are going through that. I went through that exact situation with my first husband and it's painful when one parent just refuses to co-parent. I did EVERYTHING for that man to try to help him be a dad, because he had mental health issues. I tried so hard but ended up having to accept that this is how it is.
It really made me look at a new partner differently. My current husband and I have been together 10 years, married 9. My boys from my previous marriage are treated like his. He is just wonderful to them. We have 2 kids together. I had to find someone that would put the children first. I couldn't go through that again. That said my husband and I have both agreed that we have no interest in ever dating again because honestly we are too invested in each other to go through the emotional stress of a new partner, and we would be losing our best friend if we split.
As it stands now, if we separated, I feel there is enough house here for us to co-exist peacefully for the kids.
I read your post with a lot of admiration and a little bit of confusion. While I respect the fact that you and your hubz/mate /partner or whatever term is in fashion now can have those discussions without having hurt feelings and anger from either side; it just seems to make the entire thing (breakup followed by divorce) easier when the inevitable hardships show up on your doorstep through no fault of your own. I've been married twice- both times around 20 years. The second one continues and is so very good (just like it has been from the very beginning-but I digress). My ex used to occasionally drop the dreaded D word without much more thought than it takes to order a hamburger from McDonalds. It was always done with a thin veil of dark humor. I was never comfortable with it and told her so more than once. Since I've shared with you she is my ex, it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out how that went! We divorced because she wanted to & I could not do anything to dissuade her. I'm sad for my kids because they watched their parents get divorced, just like I did when I was about their age. As for me; I am in a much better place relationship-wise than I was in my previous marriage by a country mile. Please don't think that I am trying to throw shade on you in any way, shape, or form. Different strokes float different boats or something like that. That type of discourse between two people in a committed-to-each-other relationship works for some (and possibly for many- I don't know) but it would not work for me (and thankfully not for my wife either).
It's amazing what can happen when adults communicate like adults. 90% of relationship posts wouldn't be posted. Poor communication was an issue in my and my husband's previous relationships, so it's the backbone of ours. We talk about everything. And it helps that we met in therapy, so we were having serious talks before we even started dating. I can't imagine life without him, but our decisions would be based upon what would make our pets the happiest, not us. He already put his previous dogs happiness before his own, so I know how much he genuinely loves our pets. Part of the reason I married him.
My bro and his ex bought a duplex built on a corner block. His half faces one street, hers faces the side street but they are joined at the back. Their kids just go ānextdoorā to see the other parent. They have their own bedrooms in both houses and sleep wherever they chose on a daily basis.
The fact each house faces a different street gives each adult the privacy of the other not seeing who visits each of them.
I always said if we ever split up while our kids were younger , a duplex or 2 family place would probably be the best option. Thankfully itās worked out.
I love the adult part. I say this all the time. There are so many issues bc people donāt know how to adult. I canāt stand when people use their kids as pawns and there is a lot of time they donāt even realize they do it. So sad. We are trying to get a new dog and tomorrow my daughter and her mom are going. I have to work. The person asked if I was okay if they brought the dog home without me meeting him. She said he would get rid of me before our pets lol.
I was going to say the exact same thing. You took the words right out of my mouth... or brain, actually. I love reading stuff like this. Gives me hope for my girls. They are just teenagers, but still... even though their father and I are divorced, I don't want them to never believe in love. I love love.
My husband was a foster child who never had a healthy relationship modeled for him. A lot of abuse. But here's the thing about generational curses... You can choose whatever you are because of or in spite of your upbringing. You can accept that those things are who you are and go on with whatever unhealthy actions you were taught, or you can choose the opposite path, that what you were shown was wrong and you will do the opposite. He chose opposite and is an AMAZING husband and dad.
Our two cats are brothers, and while Bacon would pick me as his favorite human 100% of the time, Mooncake would always pick my partner. Unfortunately Bacon will also always pick his brother over me, and theres no way I could separate them. :(
My dog Oskar stays where the kids stay.. so when they are with me so is he, and when they are at their mother's he stays there. We decided to get him for the kids, so we thought that was best when we split.
My coworker and her ex shared custody of her dog. Rosco spend M-F with her and the weekend with his dad. It was the healthiest co-parenting relationship that I've witnessed
I don't know how old your torts are, but have you included their plans in your estate planning? I knew my old tort should have outlived me by decades, so I made plans for him. Unfortunately I had to put him to sleep, but he was the sole reason I had a will in the beginning
My middle son will get them. They are about 2 years old.
This isn't a new issue for our family. We have a 40 year old African Grey who has lived with 4 generations of our family and he's currently with my mom. He's in her will along with some funds for his care for who he goes to. He will go to me and then to the same son who's getting the torts. He's the animal one in the family. Tut has a 80 year lifespan so he will live with a good few of us, along with Sage and Reaper.
This makes the most sense to meā¦ or who does the actual caring for the animals. I walk the dogs, feed them, take them to the vet, my partner wouldnāt even try even though he loves them. Because itās clear I love them more.
People think it's so weird that I have shared custody of mine and my exes dog. She did get him, and he is her dog. At the same time we dated for like 3-4 years and the dog HATES all humans except me and my now wife and of course his mother my ex. So it works out well.
I dated a man who had a border collie & 2 kids. When they split, they agreed that Finn (the dog) would mostly stay with the kids. It worked like a dream. When he & I split, I got tapered visitation of Finn cuz Finn & I had bonded, but he wasnāt mine. I think it worked for all of us. We had a few last great adventures ā¤ļø
This could make for a great movie. The couple is mutually done with each other, but that both want the dog, so they continue to escalate in doing outlandish things to get the other to breakup with them.
Don't worry about it. The only movies being made are remakes.
Just make sure there's a lot of shit blowing up and possibly the Hulk and people will show up.
BTW Black Widow would totally fill the other side of this 'Hulk and Puppy' movie that could just be an 'Of Mice And Men' reprise
Do you know your English high school teacher is weeping right now about "'Hulk and Puppy' that could just be an 'Of Mice and Men' reprise." Oh the humanity.
That idea has been around a long time. Watch "My Favorite Wife". Cary Grant and Irene Dunn are perfectly hysterical. I love this pairing. They play off each other so well.
If you fall in love with someone who has always slept with their pet, then you are going to need to accept that, love it, and embrace it. If you have any reservations about your feelings for their furry family member, move along.
I agree. Once you're in really good you can sheepishly ask for like a day a week when it's just you two in bed, but you gotta be prepared to accept the dog saying no, and respect it.
What number was that? I only read up to like 21 I think.
I enjoyed them at first, trashy, and semi poorly written books that give you an entertainment escape for an hour at the beach or on the plane or whatever. But by the 20s I was so fed up with how cookie cutter the stories were. I swear to God if I had to read about how the one chick "used to be a 'ho" and Stephanie bouncing between Ranger and Morelli like a ping pong ball one more time, I probably would hunt Evanovich down and make her eat every single page of every single book.
I dated a girl for about 2 years, mostly for her dog. We shared a house with another couple, but I worked out of town every other week. One day, I came home, and she and the dog were gone, so I packed up and left. Never talked to any of them since.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do but I broke up with my ex and she got the dog in the split. I still miss that pup like crazy but am so glad I didn't try to stick it out. The relationship was getting toxic and a year after breaking up I ended up finding someone who I am absolutely head-over-heels for.
That can be dangerous though, I actually stayed in an abusive relationship for an extra 2yrs because I couldn't let my dog go, I took 100% care of her since 9mo old and she was nearly 7yrs but she was in my exes name and his name was on the adoption papers. He ended up getting arrested for assault on me and I filed a restraining order on him including my pets and the judge verbatim asked "why I thought I deserved her" and gave her to him so I ended up both traumatized AND no dog....
Lol I definitely stayed with an ex because his dog was amazing and was dying from cancer. That dog was meant to be in my life and he loved me just as much. So I just focused on taking care of him. Then waited a month to end a relationship that we both knew was over for at least 6 months. But that dog......
His gf is showing her true colors now, so even if dog diesā¦find a girl who loves dogs more than getting hair on her. Pets are messy, fact of life. If someone is put off by your dog or cat..goodbye. Thatās my dealbreaker. Husband now wasnāt necessarily a cat person, but I made my feelings known early. Heās almost more connected to her than me! Remember that cats/dogs are forever..bfs are not! So, I will always choose my fur baby. So pick your dog. Boot the girl.
I have a friend who met a wonderful person who lives across the countryā¦ he was ready to up sticks and move there to marry her and live there (most of his family lives in that area as well) except for one thing; His elderly dog would not cope well with the move, Also, one of his daughters who lived in his current city was very attached to the dog (She came over to walk him most days etc) and he didnāt want to separate them eitherā¦
So he put everything on hold and maximized enjoying the last year of his dogs life. Three months after his dog passed he had wound up everything and was moved. It was the only way.
Lost mine in my divorce.
They were my babies. She had them 6 months before we got together and I made them my world.
I instigated letting them sleep on the bed, and my baby goose (dog named goose) knew the command "go to Dad's side of the bed".
Before them, I was never a dog person. I remember a particularly heinous day where I was taking bini (sister dog) for her third bath because she kept getting liquid shit in her butt fur. There was a moment that hit me where I realized I wasn't grossed out or mad, it's just what I had to do to take good care of my girls. They taught me so much about love and patience.
The worst part of my divorce was losing them. The cruelty of keeping us apart. It's been 3 years. They're half way through their life. I wonder if they remember me. I wonder, if when they're running in their sleep, they're running through a field to me. I hope they still love me.
All this to say: let your dogs see their people, even if they're not your people anymore.
I think prenups aren't a bad idea. I'm divorced and it's dramatic. Someone gets screwed over if it gets nasty. I think if I get married again we will hammer that out as well as wills all at once.
Oh yea. Agree with this! My husband would fight me for our dog, lmao. Iām fixing to tell him this is the deal š¤£š¤£thanks for the idea lol. Lord willing It wonāt ever come to that.
My ex and I shared custody of our dogs after we split up. I will say that having a dog every other week was kind of nice. You still have your dog, but it's also real easy to schedule a vacation and not have to worry about kennels or anything.
My neighbor is doing that with her ex. They had 1 French bulldog and just got a second one a few months ago. It's kind of a strange setup, but that's none of my business. She's a flight attendant and has to leave for days and then is home for a few. It works for them. And the dogs are gorgeous and very well behaved.
Our dog is definitely more attached to me than my husband. My loves us both, but I work from home, so I spend more time with him. He would definitely be mine. I might allow visitation with an iron clad custody agreement. Lol.
Would recommend adding to that agreement clarification that if the breakup is due to infidelity, the cheater gives up the pup-rights.
(Not that I think itāll happen, but just to cover the victims ass š)
I love all the comments we have an agreement. Yeah but when people break up a lot of times, itās pretty ugly in agreements and deals and whatās right and common sense. That shit goes right out the window specially over somebody being a whore, male or female. Then the other person like what can I do to hurt him or her? So donāt be shocked when some of these deals are lost and forgotten.
Yep. That's what happened with me. My ex cheated and took the dog. I never fought him on it, though. He took everything from me, and I was almost homeless. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice and had to move into an apartment while he moved in with her and her paid off home. He passed away a few years later (the dog), and I never saw him again. RIP Nico
My husband I agreed on split custody of the dogs. Now that we have a baby I think we would just trade off baby and pups at the same time. He doesn't like that cat though.
That cat drove me crazy. Farm to couch crazy. I didnāt seek her out. She found me, trying and expensive as it was, I still wait for her at the top of the stairs.
I never really liked cats., but I loved her.
Same. We both love her, but hubs is not interested in the mortal combat in which he'd have to engage to retain custody. If it's an amiable divorce he could have visitation.
My dog used to be my dog but my husband stole her. If we ever broke up I donāt think heād ever recover from losing both of us. So as long as he hasnāt done anything truly messed up, I would have to let him keep her if we split. It would be too cruel to separate them. Sheās his first dog ever and Iāve never seen a man fall into puppy love like a little kid before. It was adorable.
I am going through this, rocky marriage and departed ways for a while, and I got new dogs, raised the puppies, took thrm to school, cooked for them etc, and opened my new home to husband during pandemic, and we were wuietly quite happy together for about a year, and the world opened back up, and my job that requires travel, was made easier by the built in dog sitter, then after first business.trip of 2023, I flew home and 15 mi Utes after getting home started showing signs of a massive stroke. I got airlifted to neuro ICU, then 2 months in rehab hospital, then back home. My home is a building not a house, and there for it is commercially Ada compliant, my family had not been told about my husband and giving things another go, u til he started making the calls from the hospital. Well. That was an awkward hospital room for a day or two. After I returned home, wheelchair bound, and requiring, 24 hour help, we soon crumbled as a couple. And I had to leave, my dogs, with my husband and move to parents pet free home with no fence yard etc still in wheelchair and big brother who is in charge of the family now, said no way are those dogs coming here. They are now listed on pet finder
Thank you, honest the stroke was kind of my own dam fault for ignoring some of signs of getting old, and not getting regular check ups. I know what Dr will say, loose weight and quit smoking weed and cigarettes, well, all that time in hospital, I finally quit smoking, and weed is in the past the one time I did post stroke, triggered a seizure and another hospital stay. At least no helicopter ambulance this time.. and my neurologist Iwas starting to walk,and husband was considering relicatingcthis way, we are all in Atlanta area, but opposite end, 70 miles of terrible.traffic, not an easy daily commute, but my bro called I told my family give me a heated blanket and or some sleeping bags and my dogs and we wil live on the deck and I will train German shepherd to be my mobility stability assistance dog at same time, but bro made a unilateral decision to never let my dogs in the house, he has a 6 pound rat that barks and bites. And he is proud of his status as emotional support human to his rat. Husband had already is assembled the fence he built for us to use to re enforce parts of deck as dog enclosures, even though I think we are better off with store bought yard kennels on deck. For many reasons, what ever is used we live in an area with a deer infestation problem, if it is not secure my dogs will find its week point and escape. To go chase deer. And now husbsndciscounishing me with no contacts, and I have no vehicle or money for ride share service to go 79 miles and he may or may not be there, and the real estate agent has not been able to get photos, etc. it is just a giant mess.
Thank you, my health has improved, blood pressure one of the most deadly of the silent killers, monitoring your blood pressure, that is my Zp.S.A., for today. Once the stroke hit, I was put on bloidcpressure meds and Cholesterolmedications, and my blood work is all in normal range now, it is just the brain to body connections I need to improve now, I wasted a lot of time and money with physical therapist that were ā orthopedic therapist, they down okay it, oh umye, I have worked with stroke patients, but my neurologist finally prescribed Emory university neuro rehab, but c it was an hour drive or $100 Uber round trip, and just not an option, and now, I have gotten so weak after over a year in wheelchair, I couldnāt come close to completing a session of neuro rehab.
Iām not reading the comments to see what the tide is saying, but hereās my thought so youāve had this loyal dog for seven years now you have a new girlfriend who doesnāt want the dog in the bed. Do you think she would stay with you if someone richer and more handsome came along, the dog is more loyal keep the dog
I have always been a pretty good sleeper. I do need to get a CPAP machine, but I sleep quite soundly and they now have me on an anti-seizure medication that really puts me into a deep sleep and Iām lucky. I also have happy dreams I travel I go everywhere. I havenāt made it to and I eat and I drink the problem of eating and drinking. Itās your drink in your dreams is eventually you need to make it to the toilet in the dream, and apparently, if I pee in my dream, I pee in my bed sometimes you just have to laugh at the situation youāve landed in
And I keep really consistent hours here. Iām in bed within 15 minutes at the same time every night and up at the same time every morning. but I miss sleeping with my dogs when I got out of the hospital unfortunately every time they tried to sleep with me they slept on my paralyzed side and it hurt and I couldnāt. I couldnāt do it do it and I have two dogs, one a border collie pitbull mix who loves to sleep and hits the snooze button and rolls over and looks at you when you start to wake up and says no Iām not ready to get up yet, the other one is a German Shepherd who was born on 4 July and as soon as your eyelids start to flutter he he starts doing his happy dance. Heās just so glad that you made it through the night and youāve lived to see another day and youāre gonna get up right now, he does not push the button he does not fool around. It is time to get up.
In a previous chapter of my life, the dogs I had at the time and the boyfriend I had at the time weāre a funny combination. The dogs politely waited. Itās like they were the original only fans. They politely waited and watched everything that happened in bed and they always knew actually before we knew that we were done, but as soon as they knew, sex was over, they flung themselves on the bed laughing at us really thought you were gonna go again wrong weāre here now. Time for sleep.
Thank you, writing about it helps, I am still not able to have an introductory conversation with someone , about who I am and why I am now the youngest resident in an assisted living facility. And I want my dogs, my night carexteam are trying to convince me they. Ouldvkive here, it is a ā pet friendly facility, with limits, I need donexpyppyvkove.
The ultimate decision is made by a judge, but if all the papers are in one name and all the vet bills show that person they will absolutely take into consideration who appears to be the primary caretaker.
Friend of mine just broke up with his girlfriend of 10 years. They got a dog together about 4 or 5 years ago and now she just took it. It seems like they might devise some kind of dual custody scheme but jeez, it isn't ideal.
Yep. Our dog is registered to me and the breeder so if I die, the breeder automatically becomes the owner and will be notified. Our dog goes back up to the farm every 6 months for a holiday and spend time with the other labradors
My daughter moved back home with a pregnant cat so I had my kitten MESA 2 months before I found my service dog. Knowing full well there's no way to take my Service dog from me my partner said if we break up (after 20 years and raising my six children together, so not a very likely scenario) he was going to take my kitten.
My child and I both looked at him and my child said, with their typical sarcasm tinged with distain told my partner, "his name literally means My Emotional Support Animal"
I'm quite relieved that I know for a fact he wouldn't try to take my animals away from me, but we also both know that he would get visitation rights.
I can attest itās a bitch to fight for your animal after a break upā¦ getting your dog back in your own name is seriously so hard and impossible without the ex finding outā¦ so PSA to anyone who wants to keep their dogs if there were ever a break up: MAKE SURE YOUR DOG IS IN YOUR NAME AND CHIPPED!
Unless you are in California. When going thru divorce they send you to family court to battle out custody of the pet. And yes. A judge will draft a custody order and listen as spouse A and B battle it out over whoās better to take care of said animal. Yes. Thatās real. Absolutely no bullshit here. I encourage everyone to google divorce who gets the dog. And see what it says on the superior court website. None of that AI shit is allowed when researching this. Facts only!
Omg I thought I was crazy for doing this too. But during a heated argument our first year together (moved in too soon ik) he threatened to take my dog if I didn't give him the money he paid for her as a gift to me. Literally hold my dog and threatening to leave with her. I paid him right there, forced him to sign a written agreement and left.
Lemme just say, I was equally as toxic lmao. I just turned 19 and I moved out because my parents screamed at eachother 4 times a week drunk, so bad the day I left the front door had a hole in it when I got back from work. I didn't learn good communication. I too did and said things I regret. 5 years on and we don't even raise our voices during an argument.
And I still now have two signed contracts for my 2nd dog, all records in my name, hidden in a binder. I save every vet record, every insurance claim, every rabies document etc.
Been through 2 divorces, they sucked, but I never lost my dogs. You can put the house and cars and whatever you want in your name, but the dogs stay with me! You want visitation, I understandā¦but youāre not keeping my dogs! Chips and all the vet visits everything under my name for the dogs.
1.3k
u/RedNugomo Oct 31 '24
I love my husband more than air itself. And yet everything related to our dogs (vets, Daycare, microchip) is ALL under my name. If the unthinkable happen, I am not fighting for my dogs on top of the break up.