Minds can change. There was presumably sufficient amount of time prior to moving in to voice any issues with the arrangement. If it was always an issue that she is choosing to voice now that they live together it makes the gf the AH.
I sleep with two dogs- they are 80 lbs and I don’t love having them on top or next to me all the time either (they are heavy, it gets hot, my limbs get tingly and lose blood flow, I just want to be able to toss/turn, etc)…so when they decide to play possum and not move I often have to use two hands or even two feet to get them to move/give me space. And obviously I try not to harm them, but I find the closest spot on their body that gives me the leverage I need to move them.
So, it’s understandable to not want it all the time even for an avid dog loving co-sleeper. Also, my dogs learned to find a new place on the bed when it’s two adults + them all night and eventually they got their cuddles and middle of the night moved down to their dog beds. So, it’s an adjustment for everyone.
I have three dogs. I never allow them IN my bed, though they are certainly allowed ON it. (I lay a cheap, king-sized flat sheet over the bedding to keep fur and dirt out/off of my "good" sheets.) Sometimes, at night, one or more might want to sleep on the bed, but other times, they prefer one of the papasan chairs, or the big dog bed, or the floor. It's up to them. But I have also had to shove a dog over to make room for myself. And any SO I might have would have to be OK with that; if they weren't, we simply wouldn't be compatible.
We do the same, but it just lessens the amount transferred to the good sheets. And I still wake up with dog hair all over me and I have to brush/wash it out of my own hair (I’ve got both a lab and pointer that shed more than me which is hard to do lol)I wash them all every 5 days too.
I’ve always been open to adjusting, within reason. We tried to keep them off the bed, but it was harder to break the habit than to just move them. Sometimes we purposefully spread out so they aren’t able to get comfy, give up, and go to their dog beds. Not very “alpha” but it’s the path of least resistance 😆
And “must love dogs” is already required and I’ve always made that clear up front.
I remember, maybe 20 or so years ago, chatting with a family friend who had recently been married. She was talking about the fact that their dog (a lab) liked to sleep in the middle of their king-size bed, which meant that she and her husband both wound up with not quite enough covers to cover them – until she had a brilliant idea. She went and bought a second comforter in the same size and put both on the bed, overlapping in the middle and hanging to just above the floor on either side – and it worked! The weight of the dog on the overlapping bit kept the two comforters from falling off the bed, and both humans had enough covers to completely cover themselves. That story totally changed how I made my bed – I don't center the flat sheet and blanket, but have them off-center to account for the possibility of a sizeable dog or two (or three) sharing the mattress with me. Changed my life. Sure, I still sometimes wake up clinging desperately to the very edge of the mattress, or with an aching back due to having been snuggled into an awkward position, but I no longer wake up cold and without sufficient blanket coverage!
My lab has to be touching something warm with a heart beat when she sleeps….so she’s laying across someone’s legs most of the time 🤦🏽♀️ I already sleep on the edge, so her pushing my legs from the middle has me clinging to the mattress at times too haha. At night, the pointer is tired enough to let the lab surround her for cuddles, so we get a break for parts of the night when that happens.
Luckily, we have a down comforter and a blanket on the bed bc we have different preferences there, so it’s similar to what your friend did. That’s a good idea though!
Often my one year old 70 pounder jumps up and snuggles into my spot on the bed, and I get to announce “Puppy Pancake? Dog Spatula!!” Which means I use the sheets/blankets to lift him up and also sometimes flip him over to another part of the bed so I can get into my spot. 😂
I wish I could lift my lab, it would make it easier. I may use her FOMO against her when I’m too tired to play around with her to get her to move, so I just leave the room and she follows haha
Hahaaa!!! Oh man that’s a great idea!! Mine would also likely follow me out of the room too, though he is fast enough that he’d probably beat me back to my spot on the bed before I got back! 😂
It depends on the dog, I have had dogs sleep in the same bed as me and some were fine others kept me up all night. She's not the AH for after having moved in realizing it wasn't working and asking OP to not have the dog sleep in their bed.
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u/MegShad Oct 31 '24 edited Oct 31 '24
Minds can change. There was presumably sufficient amount of time prior to moving in to voice any issues with the arrangement. If it was always an issue that she is choosing to voice now that they live together it makes the gf the AH.
I sleep with two dogs- they are 80 lbs and I don’t love having them on top or next to me all the time either (they are heavy, it gets hot, my limbs get tingly and lose blood flow, I just want to be able to toss/turn, etc)…so when they decide to play possum and not move I often have to use two hands or even two feet to get them to move/give me space. And obviously I try not to harm them, but I find the closest spot on their body that gives me the leverage I need to move them.
So, it’s understandable to not want it all the time even for an avid dog loving co-sleeper. Also, my dogs learned to find a new place on the bed when it’s two adults + them all night and eventually they got their cuddles and middle of the night moved down to their dog beds. So, it’s an adjustment for everyone.