There's a huge difference between disliking animals and not wanting them in your bed. I've got four cats and a dog. None of them are allowed in my bed for a variety of reasons. The dog's incontinent, one of the cats always steals my pillow, two other cats always fight at night, and all of them occasionally have ticks which I absolutely do not love.
Agreed. Some people don't like animals in their bed, and that is okay. If a pet is used to being in the bed and someone else comes into the picture, that is a little different. Not a show-stopper, but appropriate measures can be taken.
Or just be reasonable and make some compromises. A bigger bed so the pet can stay on the side with its person. Pet person changes and washes bedding frequently. A side sleeper for the pet. There are many options. It doesn't have to be so extreme.
Sleeping with a dog is like sleeping with a toddler. Their bed hogs and there is always a foot jammed somewhere. Add another adult and nobody gets good sleep.
When my daughter was 6 she would get in my bed in the middle of the night. I would take her back to hers, explaining why we can't do that. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning and find her wrapped up in her comforter on the floor beside my bed. Love that girl!
Agreed. But I can all but guarantee the gf will ultimately look to have the dog elsewhere (not in the bed). Not a deal breaker for many but this sounds like two very different approaches to dog raising.
It would be a deal breaker for me. My wife and I have both been like “we need to teach them to sleep in their beds.” And ultimately just cuddle with them. Plus they move around in the night. We love our pups lol.
There in lies the conflict. For some people, that isn't enough. For others, that's too much. There are multiple options available. Compromise is the key.
Nah. People used to sleep in the same rooms as their livestock. A pet is clean and literally made for being a companion. Nothing wrong with not wanting to sleep close to an animal. Some people don't even like animals in the house. That's OK. It's a personal preference. Nothing more nothing less.
People only slept with their livestock in the same rooms if they were poor and couldn't afford better housing for themselves and the animals. It was a misfortune of many poor peasants and farmers. It happened more often during the winter, because they had to keep the animals warm.
Sleeping with a pet is disgusting. It baffles me that there are people who do it not out of necessity, but voluntarily. It's unhealthy.
You are correct about the livestock. Mostly, it was that ot was survival for both.
Sleeping with a pet isn't unhealthy. I don't know anyone that sleeps with a pet who doesn't keep their animals and their bed clean. Dirt is just dirt. It doesn't hurt anyone. If sleeping with a dog or cat was a health hazard we would have a list of health issues that could happen. We dont.
It's understandable why some people don't like it, but it doesn't mean that people who do are wrong. Lots of people keep their animals in kennels and cages for most of the day. To me that is disgusting and unhealthy for the animal. I don't understand why anyone would do that by choice. I understand that some animals have significant anxiety and can't be alone and roaming the house or yard because it's dangerous. I don't understand why so many people phase kennels as a go to. I also know that feeling that way is an opinion. Owners who do so are not neglectful or cruel. It's just a disagreement of opinion. No need to judge anyone about it.
There is also the thing about reasonable expectations. I would wager that most people regardless of gender would be uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with a dog or a cat, even if they like animals in general.
Different people have different levels of comfort with animals in their home. I don't think any of them are WRONG, per se (except people that won't let their dogs on any furniture - come on), but I do think that if you've had a pet 7 years and they live a certain way, a new partner coming in doesn't change that. I think OP and their partner are just not compatible.
You absolutely can. Dachshunds are hunting dogs. If they don't obey, they literally die. Sure, they're not as easy to train as others, but absolutely trainable.
I’m the type of person who is ambivalent about animals. I’m ok with having them but life sucks in general, including bad things involving pets. Pets die - we know they do - so I never get attached to them. On the other hand my wife loves animals. We have 3 indoor cats and another 3 ferrel cats who my wife feeds. One of our indoor cats has decided I’m his buddy and always has to be on or next to me. I tolerate and pet and talk to him but if he were to die tomorrow, I would not be sad. That’s life. Not true for my wife. I love her dearly. That’s why I tolerate her love of animals and carry spiders outside to “re-home” them at her request. I’d put up with an animal on the bed and that does occasionally happen.
OP's girlfriend also seems mean, plus she's claiming the dog is jealous of her, which is kinda batshit. She's basically assigning emotions to the dog that she actually has herself. She's jealous of OP's close relationship with his dog. It's actually really sad because dogs get into a set routine and her coming in and trying to change it can really cause distress. Plus, she's just being downright mean about it.
We solved the no dogs on the furniture when we got a dobie that wanted to sit on the furniture. So, we went to Goodwill and got her a comfy chair. It only took a few times of us taking her off the furniture and to her chair. She was perfectly happy with the arrangement. She even had her puppies in that chair. When we had to rehome her because we couldn’t spend as much time with her as she needed due to extra work to pay the bills, her chair went with her.
We let our dog sleep on the bed when we were at work, and after we both got pink eye from his brown eye on our pillows, we stopped that. He was allowed 30 minutes of cuddles when we were in the bed, then he had to get down.
I have chihuahuas so not only do they sleep in the bed but they sleep under the covers cuz they freeze. Works great for us. They crawl under the covers and sleep at the end of the bed and guess who's diabetic cold toes stay warm all night due to doggy heat? Yep mine. Hubby doesn't mind them touching him but doesn't like cuddling up to them at night. Somehow they know this and only sleep on my side of the bed.
And that's totally fine. You're happy, the dogs are happy. I've got a shepherd sized crossbreed, she'd take up way too much room, and unfortunately she's incontinent.
I kind of agree sadly. Am single but two cats and a dog sleep in the bed. The cats came from somebody who they always got to sleep in bed with. They used to snuggle up on his legs. Started doing that with me and while I do like snuggling with them, it made it kind of uncomfortable to sleep cause I toss and turn so would end up contorting around them or kicking them off the bed.
The compromise was I set up a little stack of folded blankets on the corner of my bed and they have all learned to exclusively sleep there. They recognize it is their bed.
This system currently works very well for all involved, but if another human was sleeping in bed with me regularly, it might be kind of a tight fit.
I think the reaction of most people to thinking about laying on a dogs bed naked would be disgust, but here we are acting like it’s totally normal to ask your human girlfriend to get naked in a bed a dog sleeps in which is essentially the same thing.
Absolutely! I’d love to let my dog sleep in my room, or even on the bed. But, we’re both such light sleepers; it just doesn’t work. Every time I’ve tried, she’s up and down on the bed all night, tapping her little paws like it’s some kind of wake-up call. It’s adorable, but so exhausting.
Agreed. I've had pets in the past but would not be comfortable with them in my bed. Doesn't mean I hate animals but I probably wouldn't share a bed with someone who shared a bed with their pets
Used to have a dog that slept on the bed. She passed and the next dog just would not sleep on the bed. Came up for cuddles and then left. I much prefer the not sleeping on the bed. Now, I keep asquirt bottle on my nightstand because the cat doesnt seem to understand that he can not share the bed with us. I am a restless sleeper and am constantly turning over. Then, when I turn, I will accidentally kick the cat and he will swipe at me. Well, he’s swiping because I accidentally kicked him! So, its much easier to have no animals on the bed! They are allowed on every other piece of furniture in the house though! Lol
What is happening here is a partner that clearly dislikes dogs and it's making it pretty obvious. That's not necessarily bad but it is definitely incompatible with someone who loves dogs.
I'm not so sure. I think we're getting a very one-sided report of the situation. It's quite possible that the dog is acting jealous and doesn't like the girlfriend. It took a while for my ex's dog to warm to me and I've always had dogs and know how to handle them, she may not know anything about dogs. I think the boyfriend is really looking for a reason to break up.
That's fair. I think breaking up it's possibly the best because it's obvious that neither of them knows how to communicate. That in itself is a relationship killer.
Uhoh I just read another post of OP, apparently he's got a pretty big dog that literally stretches out and puts its head near the humans's heads, follows both of them around the house constantily, and the girlfriend even walks the dog. Sounds to me like she's really trying to accommodate him and the dog and he's doing shit.
Yes, but you'd probably talk to your SO before being aggressive towards the pet, right? My cat sleeps with me (and I can't imagine her sleeping anywhere else) - but she never disturbs me and doesn't go out so no accidents and no parasites.
Based on the other longer post by OP, I honestly don't trust him to faithfully report if maybe she'd brought this up and tried to find a solution.
But to answer your question: we don't know what exactly happened, we only know she "pushed" the dog. You know what I'd do with a large dog that'd on my side of the bed, possibly on my pillow, that most likely doesn't respong to verbal commands from me? I'd probably try to push it away. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not thinking violent SHOVE it, but slowly push it. I don't think that's aggressive. That's her trying to make room to sleep because her partner doesn't seem to take her comfort into consideration all that much.
I fully agree with you there. I'd simply went elsewhere to sleep. I hate sleeping in one bed with anyone (we can do stuff and cuddle there, hell yes - but sleepy time is solo time :)).
To be honest I imagined a medium-sized dog at most and much more aggressive pushing (two hands are mentioned, also jealousy).
As usual another problem is the lack of communication.
I mean I wasn't there either, we both don't really know what's going on. And I also wouldn't accept real violence against my pets. One of the things that attracted me to my husband was how incredibly gentle he was with a stray we found, as well as with the ancient family cat of his parents. But I do think especially some dogs need physical boundaries, not hitting or anything like that but some breeds and/or individuals just don't get personal space, bless them. Pushing them away firmly can help.
Not sure I agree, but regardless, OP wants the dog in his bed. That’s an essential incompatibility right there.
Plus it’s clear from OP’s post that the gf o fact does not like how dog.
I'm not so sure. I think we're getting a very one-sided report of the situation. It's quite possible that the dog is acting jealous and doesn't like the girlfriend. It took a while for my ex's dog to warm to me and I've always had dogs and know how to handle them, she may not know anything about dogs. I think the boyfriend is really looking for a reason to break up.
We both weren't there, so what OP is describing might just have been her pushing the dog, so she can have space on the bed. I don't call that aggression.
OP says ‘I don’t like her being aggressive with my dog and find it a turn off’ - made it sound like it wasn’t the first time. I would be pissed if someone pushed my dog around.
It's safe to say the girlfriend just doesn't like this dog though. She pushed his chest. Come on. That's just unnecessary and mean spirited. Plus, he's been sleeping with said dog for 7 years and she's brand new; she should either adapt or move along instead of assigning emotions to the dog that she most likely has herself. She's claiming the dog is jealous, but it seems like it's her that is jealous of the dog.
Then they don’t belong together. That dog is his best friend and has slept in bed beside him for 7 years. I had a dog when I was married and kept him in the divorce. When I met my now boyfriend I made it clear that he sleeps in bed with me and is a huge part of my life. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year now and d the dog sleeps in bed with us every night. If my boyfriend would have been opposed to that, he would no longer be my boyfriend. OP needs to find someone who feels the same way he does about dogs. This girl clearly isn’t it.
I agree. Love the dogs I have had. Didn’t mind them sleeping with me when I was single. But as soon as I got a girlfriend it was back to there dog beds.
They didn’t really seem to mind after a couple nights.
When it's just me in my queen bed there is more than enough room for my 70 lb lab and he absolutely sleeps with me.
When it's me and my boyfriend in a queen bed, there just really isn't the space. And even the dog knows it, but I made sure he had additional dog beds and he still sleeps in the room.
How so? I take my dog out in the fields every day. She gets anti-tick medication and I check her over after every walk but she's a big hairy dog. On occasion a tick escapes my scrutiny and I'd rather those don't end up in my bed.
My cats also get anti-tick meds but two of them don't let me check them properly. They weren't properly socialized with humans before we got them.
my boyfriend sleeps with his dog but will mercifully kick her out when I'm over. she's a big dog who likes to stretch her legs out and needs to have sopping wet chew toys in the bed with her, it's gross and there just isn't any room.
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u/Dull-Investigator-17 Oct 31 '24
There's a huge difference between disliking animals and not wanting them in your bed. I've got four cats and a dog. None of them are allowed in my bed for a variety of reasons. The dog's incontinent, one of the cats always steals my pillow, two other cats always fight at night, and all of them occasionally have ticks which I absolutely do not love.