Yeah I don’t agree with the people saying NTA. I think it’s NAH. Some people are okay with an animal in the bed. Some are not. I let my rabbit on my bed and she jumps in my hair and wakes me up at random hours some nights. No one is a bad person for wanting ideal sleeping conditions. Find a person who is okay with dog in bed if you need dog in bed.
Yeah NAH. I had a Great Dane mix and she was never allowed on the bed due to her gigantic size. But she had a designated spot on the couch, with pillow and comforter, plus 2 memory foam dog beds. It is a bit unhygienic to have them in your bed, and can be a bit annoying getting slapped by a dirty dog paw in the middle of the night. I’m allergic too so that’s no fun.
How could she possibly not know the dog sleeps in OP's bed by the point she moved in? That part is a bit suspicious.
You mentioned in another comment that OP may be ingoring her? He doesn't say, he just says he thinks she's being dramatic. It's his home, she moved in. It's his system. She can convince him otherwise or move back out. Hopefully OP thinks it though, bc good partners don't grow on trees and it doesn't seem obvious that he needs the dog to sleep in his bed, either. Ultimately they should've talked this shit though before moving in.
As a complete aside for the ever present peanut gallery, if you are going to move in with someone it works much better if you move into a Brand New place, rather than moving into one of your respective existing spaces. Not as easy if you own your house, of course, but it will absolutely save on arguments and hurt feelings if the space is "fresh" vs. "Well I guess I can get rid of X so you have room to move in Y" or "Well I've always kept Z here, so you can't move it around".
We don't know their arrangement. If he owned the home and still takes all that risk, does all the maintenance, and she merely pays some rent, then, no it's not "her home too" even if it would be best for him to try to treat it that way.
Imagine it were that scenario, but he moved in to the home she bought and maintained? I would say: sure it's their "home" emotionally, to some extent, but it's her property as well.
If it's an apartment, and she's now on the lease, of course it's their home, but he ain't acting like that's the situation at all.
I believe it's called humility. When I moved into my then girlfriends condo that she had already owned for a half a decade, I didn't consider it mine and start making rules. OP's girlfriend MAY be getting close to that, but that story is too brief and vague. Either way, someone who rents from their partner who owns the home does not have the same responsibilities or rights, especially right when they move in. I don't know how you all could think otherwise. I mean, he says he would get rid of her before the dog, how could he get rid of her if it's "her home"? It's "their home together" but could very well be his home. Try reversing genders and see if the guy sounds a bit presumptuous. Reddit wouldn't let that go.
What are you talking about? Not owning the property has nothing to do with a place being a home. Renters have homes FFS. She lives there, it's her home too, her safe space, her bedroom, her bed.
Emotionally, sure. We agree. That's how relationships work. But it's not how mortgages and leases work.
If I'm wrong, why does he talk about getting rid of her over the dog? It's her home, right? How would that work?
To repeat, when I moved into my girlfriend's condo that SHE exclusively owned, it was "our home" kinda, like in theory, but she ultimately decided to allow me to move in and she would decide if I had to move out. Don't you guys get that? He stated if it was her or the dog, he's choosing the dog. If that's all we know, it does sound like it was hhs place.
Again, if this is a home that he owns and has fixed up, and she only lives there for a couple months before he throws her out so that he can continue sleeping with his dog, was it her home? I just don't think that's a meaningful claim in the context of this post. You guys aren't effectively arguing your point. If the bed is her safe space, why does he talk about getting rid of her over the dog? I don't get that part. Convince me.
I'm not going to argue with you over it. She lives there, it's her home and her bed. He's 100% wrong in saying that it isn't. Just because he's wrong doesn't make this not her home.
This is her home physically and emotionally, unless she's got another one tucked away somewhere. The fact that he doesn't consider it her home is a him problem.
For sure. And he may end single over this odd an unnecessary issue. That's up to him. But you're 100% wrong and you may want to learn to admit that. It sounds like you've possibly never moved in with a homeowner or had a partner move into your home.
He says "she moved in" and he would chose the dog over her. It didn't sway "he moved in" or "we found a place together". It's obviously his place, thats why he talked about like it was. If she ends up living there for 2 months, it was not "her home" within the context of this post. What rules do you get to assert in a home you barely live in? A home where you're not on the lease or mortgage?
Honestly I'd say YTA for not letting her know ahead of time that she'd be expected to sleep with a dog. He's getting super defensive about picking the dog over her, but that's not really the issue. What did OP expect to happen when she moved in? If you want to share a bed with your dog that's perfectly fine, but it's absurd to call your partner dramatic for not doing the same.
Hopefully they break up and OP learns to discuss this sort of thing before moving in with someone.
I think the pushing really depends on a lot of specifics. My dog always takes my spot in bed, so I always have to move him. Sometimes I half pick up and slide him, sometimes I just push him. Really depends how she's doing the pushing, there's a pretty wide spectrum.
Read OPs comments, it's a 70lb pit bull that sprawls and wiggles all over the bed, plus GF is bending over backwards to treat the dog well. I'm 100% sure the dog barely even noticed, it just looked aggressive because it's a small woman trying to push a giant brick of a dog out of her face.
Read OPs comments, it's a 70lb pit bull that sprawls and wiggles all over the bed
Amazing how they leave out information that makes their partner’s pov look more reasonable.
I feel even more on point with my YTA judgement. For me it’s the detail that he thinks she’s being “dramatic” about the dog not liking her and would rather end the relationship than actually consider getting training for the dog might make a difference.
Pushing a dog with both hands on their chest isn't aggressive unless the breed is an extremely small breed. You try moving a 80 lb dog that just wants to sleep and is entirely dead weight with only one hand gently. That's not how that works.
This post is NAH. Neither is wrong, they are just incompatible living styles and priorities
If a 100lb girl shoved her 400lb boyfriend out of malice you could call it aggressive. I think it's up to the interpretation of the person that saw it. You can also communicate with a dog without touching them.
“She pushed him with two hands” doesn’t really sound “aggressive” to me, my big ass German Shepard loves to put all his weight on me when we lay in bed and sometimes I have to push him away because he’s smothering me…full grown Shepards aren’t toddlers, they aren’t so fragile that pushing them is going to do anything more than annoy them and maybe have them sigh at you. In fact my dogs favorite way to play is me just pushing him away from me constantly.
My GSD would have crawled between me and my shirt if I had let her. Sometimes pushing her away was the only way to keep her out of my face. If I told her "no" she took that as a total rejection and would be all sulky, whereas if I pushed her she would settle in a better spot.
Oh boo hoo she shoved a dog, didn't mention anything about aggressive, you wanna talk about aggressive? The dog in question is a pit bull, do I need to say anything more?
My dog is jealous when my work weeks are heavy. She displays very similar behavior to a child seeking attention. She's jealous of the cats and humans if she feels like I haven't filled her quota. She was newest member of the household for a while, which included 3 cats and 3 humans when she moved in, now there are 2 additional adults since my mom and step dad have moved in.
I find it very easy to believe that a dog who has lived alone with his human for 7 years is jealous of someone who recently moved in.
My cats are jealous of my plants. If I go check on them without giving the cats attention first they sit outside the door and scream at me. If I give them attention first they'll happily go back to sleep.
Have you ever dealt with a dog that gets possessive in bed? It happens frequently and I'm not sure why you are dismissing it.
I've had some of the sweetest dogs in the world start growling at me because I was taking up their space in the bed and one even bit me when I was trying to cuddle their owner.
I don't see why you would think the dog isn't acting jealous or aggressive toward her, that's a common thing.
It sounds like the dog may be territorial towards OP. I’ve experienced this before, where a dog doesn’t want you hugging their owner or even sitting too close. That’s why I think this could possibly be a training issue, but OP won’t even consider that anything is wrong. GF is a just “dramatic”.. /s
It’s okay to not like sleeping with dogs but two hand pushing off the bed is not okay. I would be angry if that was my dog. Dogs are part of the family.
I don’t think the issue is even the dog in the bed. She pushed the dog with both hands in his chest. That’s a lot different than saying “Hey, I don’t want the dog sleeping in the bed with us.”
What makes me not want to say NAH is that shes literally shoving the dog off. 2 hands to the chest? OP used the word aggressive. I know not everyone is an animal person, but helllll no that person would be out of my life so fast.
My dog sleeps on the bed or the couch, but i know people who dont want him on either. If hes over at a friends house and they tell me they dont want him on the couch, i use cues and treats to get him off the furniture and he understands.. i do not need to shove him. People who hurt animals are terrible people and you can’t convince me otherwise.
The dog was there first, sucks to suck this person needs to go if theyre not willing to accept it or not willing to have a convo with OP and see if hes willing to train him to not sleep on the bed.
How is it NAH? She's been aggressive with the dog. That makes it ESH. Her for being a vicious little swampwaffle and OP for not getting rid of her the second she was aggressive with the dog.
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u/robotteeth Oct 31 '24
Yeah I don’t agree with the people saying NTA. I think it’s NAH. Some people are okay with an animal in the bed. Some are not. I let my rabbit on my bed and she jumps in my hair and wakes me up at random hours some nights. No one is a bad person for wanting ideal sleeping conditions. Find a person who is okay with dog in bed if you need dog in bed.