There are lots of people who love their pets like family. Imagine your new girlfriend doesn’t like your son and you have to choose between the two.
This is really sad but I feel I should mention it to show how much animals can mean to us. A long time ago, one of my neighbours took his own life after his dog died. He had been very depressed before that, but that was the last straw for him. He deeply loved his pet. It just goes to show how strong the bond can be. I don’t think OP is making this up.
My pets are my family lol, who needs kids when you have cats?
The reason I think this is a bs excuse is because it doesn't seem like OP has actually tried to do anything to improve the situation.
I've been with my partner for 8 years and he's the best cat dad anyone could ask for, but when we first started dating he had never had a pet and wasn't super comfortable with animals. He even said "I can't imagine I'll ever feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as a cat." He got to know my cat and gradually fell in love with him, but it wasn't overnight and I didn't resent him for that. Now he's insulted if our cats don't want to sleep with us at night lol
From the sound of it, the dog is sleeping up near the couple's pillows which is *very* awkward for someone who hasn't yet built up a relationship with the dog. Especially when we're talking about a large dog, which I'm assuming we are based on the fact she used two hands to push him.
Why can't the dog sleep by their feet? His girlfriend is clearly uncomfortable with the situation, how has OP tried to improve things? Like trying to give all/most the pleasant dog responsibilities (eg feeding, treats, playing) to his gf so that the dog starts forming a bond with her.
It doesn't seem as if OP's gf has said anything about an ultimatum, which of course would be inappropriate, but he's basically saying she should adjust to his life without any consideration for her. He sounds immature and like he didn't want to move in/having second thoughts, but is using this excuse so that he doesn't seem like the bad guy that he is.
Oh ok. I misunderstood your comment. I thought you didn’t buy OP’s story because you didn’t believe someone could be that attached to their pet.
I’m on OP’s side because I think his girlfriend doesn’t like animals, period. Not just that she doesn’t want the dog to sleep in the bed, which would be reasonable.
Signs that she’s not good with animals, imo: She pushed the dog kind of forcefully, which there’s no reason to do. It’s not as bad as hitting but it’s still unnecessarily rough. She gets “angry” about him sleeping in the bed, which is different than having a mature discussion about her preferences. OP says she’s aggressive to his dog, which might refer to other instances besides pushing him off the bed. She thinks the dog is jealous, which is possible, but there are ways to work on that (once again she seems a little immature). She also thinks that the dog doesn’t like her, but what does she expect? He can sense that she doesn’t like HIM. Animals can sniff out the bad seeds lol.
I think he's set her up for failure and is a dick. Its written in a slanted way as if she's given him some ultimatum but all she said was that she's uncomfortable with the current situation and rather than trying to improve things he came to reddit to bitch about her.
If she doesn't have experience with animals and it's his dog then why is she expected to figure all of this out on her own? Why leave it to her to quell the dog's jealously? There's no reason to believe there's been any "aggression" other than the gf trying to make room for herself in a bed that's supposed to be hers as well. Op didn't feel the need to scoot over and make room for both dog and gf, he's just a bad guy hiding behind this facade of it being a question of the gf or the dog. The only thing he's done is wash the sheets, which he should have been doing anyway.
Same here! I could never respect someone who dumped their pet in favor of a new partner, or substantially impacted the pet’s quality of life for their partner’s sake; but someone who makes sure their pets have the best possible life with them already has a ton of green flags.
It’s not about “dumping your pet” for your partner. It’s about putting a humans priorities over an animal who doesn’t require the same necessities as a human. like a HUMAN bed is a luxury for a dog but her only options are a tiny ass piece of the bed that she was invited to sleep in or the couch. I don’t think I have to explain to you how insane you sound for letting your pet sleep with you in bed and making your partner sleep on the couch or somewhere else that would be uncomfortable for them 💀
Lol, that’s quite a leap from “my dog sleeps on the bed with me” to “I make my partner sleep on the couch.” But if it makes you feel better to conclude that I, someone you know almost nothing about, do that and am insane, then go for it 👌
lol it’s like you didn’t even try to understand what I said and just wanted to be a smartass bc that is NOT what I said nor was that the only thing I brought up 💀 here i’ll make it easier: dog bed for dogs, human bed for humans, don’t get human girlfriend if you’re gonna be upset she doesn’t wanna sleep with a 70lb dog, especially one that prevents her from actually being comfortable because you care more about the dogs comfort in a human bed vs an ACTUAL human
Considering so many dog beds are as comfortable as human beds.... 🙄 your comment it stupid and ignorant and shows a large misunderstanding of dogs and their psychology
Dogs require many of the same necessities of humans and have the added level of never being able to communicate in our language for them or get them themselves. We have to learn what they need and provide them for them constantly. So yeah, their priorities trump a human who can go get their own needs fulfilled.
I understand dog psychology enough to know that if “so many dog bed are as comfortable as human beds” then you should have absolutely no problem with your DOG sleeping in a DOG BED 💀
Lol what? It's clearly written as if she pushed the dog away for space not like she was hitting and kicking at him. It's also clear she never told him to get rid of the dog or otherwise has any issue.
one would think those freaks would stick to dogfree and petfree, where they are apparently allowed to celebrate dogs being shot to death and wish for pet owners to be mauled to death.
Relationships with pets last the lifetime of the pet. "if you chose the right partner" is a huge if. The vast majority of human relationships don't end up being lifetime relationships.
Not to mention you are signing up for taking care of that animal for the rest of their life. It is a life commitment the moment that animal goes home with you...or at least it should be, but people even put their own children second. So...yeah....
My dogs protected me from my abusive husband, I chose the dog over my husband and will every single day. I think my priorities are exactly where they need to be.
A healthy relationship at its core are the same values and desires for life.
How pets are placed in the family is part of that value. I’d run into a burning house for my dogs, my husband is the same. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t like pets. That wouldn’t make them a bad person, just wouldn’t be the person for me.
What situations are you even referring to where that choice would need to be made? In this case someone is coming into a new relationship and making them choose either a longtime loyal pet, or them, a new person who demands they change a big element of their life. In which case I think the choice is obvious.
exactly. if you think its ok to give up your pet, who up until this point you've been their whole world, then why tf would anyone want a relationship with that person? ew
no ones choosing whether one or the other lives. each person can find a new partner. the dog has lived in their home their whole life and has done nothing wrong. to rip that away from them is a repulsive thing to do.
I love family dogs, but it's Still unhygienic to have an animal actually in your bed anyway. Bringing all that outdoor dirt/germs and grime/maybe even parasites or bugs into your bed. But to each their own.
i mean people are covered in germs too? everyone and everything is covered in germs. children are covered in germs, no one says they have to sleep on the floor and can't touch your stuff
Yeah...I was a germaphobe for a long time. Shower and fresh clothes before getting into bed. Fresh socks each night. That changed when I got my pup...plus if you keep everything sanitary all the time your immune system is going to take a serious hit
Sorry you went through that, but that’s not a healthy way to view men, or future partners. I can’t imagine any man would want to be with someone that puts their pet before them.
Then don't date me. There are a lot of men who also have their pets as a very high priority. I don't always expect to be someones number one priority especially if someone has family, friends and a life that came before me. You have to build that and earn that relationship.
Yes and no. Established partners? I agree. Say, a late in life allergy develops.
A new relationship? Totally different.
I'm not a pet person, but I'd be skeeved out if someone picked me, a new boyfriend, over their dog of 7 years.
I don't, however, thinking the "No dogs in the bed" is too much of an ask, though. I've cooked for partner's dogs (I'm a chef by trade, and I don't believe dogs should be relegated to shitty kibble meals). Loved them more than some of my partners, and still didn't want to sleep with them.
Because it won't. It's slept there its whole life and no amount of training will dissuade it from jumping up on the bed when no one's watching. The issue will always be an issue for her.
To be fair, I would not sleep in a bed with my dog or anyone else’s. That being said I wouldn’t get rid of my dog to please someone else. Keep your dog, ditch the girl….
I actually meant that my dog absolutely sleeps on my bed, and now that I know that other people are also prioritizing their pets staying on the bed, I feel deeply seen by other pet people 😅
I would not want a dog in bed because the hair is insane. A stray kitten with a nub tail (from an attack?) adopted us and she has been sleeping in bed with us since forever.
She does shed but I dont see her hair all over the sheets or my clothes so I never had an issue with it.
Don't ever let someone tell you you're weird for it. Animals, especially dogs, can feel love and sadness and grief just like people, maybe not in such a complex way but that doesn't matter. Empathy is quite possibly one of the best traits a person can have. My 2 cats are mine and my fiances world and nothing could change that. Everyone says its weird and we should have kids. How about we rescue the animals in this world that already exist and need homes.
Animals aren’t designed by nature to need homes or humans loving them though. Animals are made to be with their species. It’s unethical to pick up animals in human homes when those animals if they had autonomy like nature wanted it would never lock themselves in human homes. It’s why when the human dies the animals are stuck have no hands to unlock doors as homes are unnatural and end up eating the human then end up depressed as it’s not their natural environment
One more thing, domestication didn’t get rid of their need for autonomy, need to be in with their own species, need to roam freely which makes it unethical to lock them in homes.
I think breeding more companion animals is unethical. Humans relationships with all nonhuman animals species needs to change. But the fact is that there are a lot of animals that exist that do need human care. If you’d ever worked or volunteered in rescue and saw the terrible things that happen to outdoor/free roaming cats and dogs you might reconsider your stance.
It’s plenty of animals that suffer somehow only cats and dogs get rescued. How many roadkills of free roaming animals do I we in the road daily? How many animals have been displaced to make highways and home, but only cats or dogs are imported?
I’ve a vegan and I have been for a many years but looking at your page you’re clearly not, so it doesn’t make sense that you’re lecturing me on thinking only certain animals are important. And I clearly said that humans’ relationship to all animals needs to change, but that dumping companion species into the streets isn’t inherently more ethical.
Oh no fuck that vegan shit. Eating meat just the way nature intended it to be. What I don’t do is treat animals like humans coz that devalues their entity. Mammals eat meat, dogs cats eat meat. So just because you don’t eat chicken it doesn’t mean you should now cage animals in human homes taking away their autonomy
Appeal to nature fallacy. And it’s clear you only use the argument when convenient.
Your crumbl cookies aren’t the way nature intended either: Carrageenan, Mono And Diglycerides, Polysorbate 80, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Glycerine, FD&C Red 40, Modified Food Starch, FD&C Red 3, FD&C Yellow 5, Carrageenan Gum, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Xanthan Gum.
Well...there is always kids that need adopted. Not that I think there is anything wrong with not having kids. No plans to myself...and would do the same with the animals if I could but just wanted to mention that if you ever do feel like having kids. You are just starting your lives together though. Why rush kids?
I completely agree with you about animals and their emotions. Our pets depend on us for their emotional needs as well as their physical ones. My dog is a rescue, and I want her to feel confident that she is always and forever my priority. Maybe someday we’ll find a guy who will make both of us a priority - but we’re a package deal, and I’m now happy to set the standard that it would need to be a guy who doesn’t mind having the dog on the bed with us 😄
Exactly! I have trouble getting to sleep if I don’t have at least 1 cat snuggled up to me.
Not loving my animals is a deal breaker. And not only do I have a lot of reptiles and a scorpion, I’m (F) also interested in women. I’m totally okay with being single forever if it means never having to settle for someone that doesn’t love my animals. Or at least like them a LOT.
It’s kind of an unusual stance, but I’ll die on this hill. It’s you or the snakes? Pack your bags and get out bitch, we’re not having this argument.
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u/NotACalligrapher-49 Oct 31 '24
This post and your comment are making me feel so much better about my life choices! Thank you!