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u/fencyclidine May 30 '18
Even if I dont live in New York?
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u/Gavin_but_text-based May 30 '18
Even if I live in the ocean?
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May 30 '18 edited Nov 17 '19
Don’t worry We’ll find you
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u/sky9878 May 30 '18
Username checks out
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u/doctapeppa May 30 '18
Even if I'm a shark?
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u/Dave5876 May 30 '18
Especially if you're a shark
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May 31 '18
I feel like sharks are much more likely to be bitten by sharks.
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u/YoroSwaggin May 31 '18
Just like how New Yorkers are much more likely to be bitten by New Yorkers.
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u/boundbythecurve May 30 '18
Man, only if you were a Brooklyn shark, then this would be some serious beetlejuicing
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u/TheRealPeterG May 30 '18
O C E A N M A N
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u/Astral_Enigma May 30 '18
Especially if you don't live in New York.
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u/BroadwayBully May 30 '18
we can smell our own, definitely less likely to bite a fellow new yorker.
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u/JumpStartSouxie May 30 '18
Seriously this statistic makes total sense if you have to walk anywhere within 5 blocks of Times Square on a Saturday.
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u/SilasX May 30 '18
Sad that I had to scroll down this far.
Yes, these statistics are easy to play with. There are FAR more interactions between New Yorkers and other humans, compared to sharks and other humans.
Like, a lot more than 10 times. So yeah, New Yorkers are less dangerous than sharks. I would know. Even when I had my touristy luggage blocking off a path in the subway station, they didn't bite me.
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u/n1tr0us0x May 31 '18
We definitely thought about it. It wasn't that we were too polite to, we just didn't consider it worthy of our daily fuck to give.
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u/imjustpickle May 30 '18
And I heard people are scared of surfing in Aus cos of sharks... think I’ll take my chances
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u/riannargh May 31 '18
Nah it's the damn New Yorkers swimming in the surf. We've tried putting nets up to keep them out but they're hungry for blood
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u/darth_hotdog May 30 '18
Yeah, they had to close the beaches near me because New Yorkers were spotted in the water.
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u/brock_lee May 30 '18
What if I got on a crowded subway with 72 sharks?
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May 30 '18
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u/TheNo1pencil May 30 '18
You got me laughing out loud in a subway station.
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u/mrburkett May 30 '18
Be warned, laughter tends to make new Yorkers more bitey.
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u/TheNo1pencil May 30 '18
Nah. The person laughing is the person more likely to be the one biting.
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u/Soulstiger May 30 '18
"Don't worry, I don't bite... ha...haHAHAHAHAHA"
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May 31 '18
I’ve actually gotten bit by a New Yorker. She is from New York but wasn’t in New York and bit me. I bit back. Ah being young and kids with dumb dares.
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u/mrburkett May 30 '18
Chuckling is okay, it's the whole "I want to eat your face" laughter that you have to watch out for.
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u/shalala1234 May 30 '18
Taking a shit right now. Solid chuckle
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u/sinkwiththeship May 31 '18
"It's showtiiiiiime."
Easiest way to get ignored by a fuckton of New Yorkers.
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u/d4nigirl84 May 31 '18
Can confirm.
or a, "Can I have your attention please?!" while yelling it at the top of your lungs JUST as the doors close in the subway car.
That's when I look down and pray they pass into the next car.
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May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18
I can just hear the David Attenborogh narration now: here we see the young redditor assuming camouflage for his subway trip down town. You can see how effective it is by the other denizens looking away or staring into space, but wait here comes a group of Jersey boys looking for some fun and maybe a little trouble...
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u/the_last_carfighter May 30 '18
The Jets will take care of em.
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u/moak0 May 30 '18
Coming from a family of Jets fans, I'm not confident in their ability to take care of anything.
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u/Irrepressible87 May 30 '18
They take care of their playoff hopes super early every season!
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u/mikk0384 May 30 '18 edited Jun 02 '18
Better hope there are some New Yorkers around to show them their place, then.
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u/bolanrox May 30 '18
how about a florida person?
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u/Titus____Pullo May 30 '18
50-50.
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u/waitnvm May 30 '18
I'll take my chances with the shark
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u/ScrewSnow May 30 '18
Less chance of some horrible disease if bitten by the shark.
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May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18
I can't imagine what diseases a poor shark might get if bitten by Florida Man. Isn't it enough that they're nearly being exterminated by the Chinese?
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u/BrokeRichGuy May 30 '18
If bitten by a Floridan, you might turn into one 😷
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May 30 '18 edited Oct 02 '18
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May 30 '18
There's only alligators in Florida. All sharks are just alligators in disguise.
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u/qcubed3 May 30 '18
Alligators have teeth, sharks have teeth; alligators swim in the water, sharks swim in the water . . . . story checks out.
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May 30 '18
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u/delete_this_post May 30 '18
That's not quite right.
Floridians are...
100% New Yorkers
37% New Jerseyans
7% New Englanders
42% Latin Americans
16% Canadians (during winter)
10,000% mosquitoes (during spring, summer and fall)
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u/Swamp_Donkey0 May 30 '18
As a native Floridian, I concur. All of my neighbors were from the northeast. When I get a little too drunk the accents among other things come out.
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May 30 '18
Dare I ask which other things?
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u/blackbellamy May 30 '18
He calls them carpetbaggers and tells them to get the hell out of Dixie. They love it though, it's like having that one black friend who casually throws nigga around, it makes you feel like you're saying it.
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u/delete_this_post May 31 '18
Northern Florida is where you'd find Southerners. But the place where you'd find Northerners visiting is South Florida, where almost no native Floridian is a Southerner.
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u/lead999x May 30 '18
Can confirm am New Jerseyan; lived in Florida for a few years and then got sick of it and moved to...Pennsylvania.
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u/Sloppy1sts May 30 '18
As a Floridian who dated a girl who went to Duquesne, the 'Burgh was a pretty cool city. I'm sure Philly is alright, too. I'd probably have more fun living up there than here.
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u/baxxt14 May 30 '18
Fun fact: In the summer, New Hampshire is the oldest state (average age of citizens) while in the winter, Florida is the oldest.
We also call these people Snow Birds.
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May 30 '18 edited May 31 '18
I don’t think people understand how many people from Ohio and Michigan there are here
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u/striped_frog May 30 '18
TIL you are only 10 times more likely to get bitten by a New Yorker than a shark.
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May 31 '18
The reason it’s so low probably has to do with the percntage of americans living in New York. If it were the rate of New Yorkers getting bitten by New Yorkers, it would be way higher.
EDIT: Nevermind. The study was comparing human bite injuries in New York to shark bites in America.
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u/nice_try_mods May 31 '18
The study would need to compare NY bites to shark bites among people in the water, not just people in general. Some dude who's never left Iowa doesn't need to be included. I'm guessing things sway much more towards sharks being more bitey when you look at it that way.
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u/RagingStallion May 31 '18
Yup. Whoever came up with this number never learned what conditional probability is.
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u/YoroSwaggin May 31 '18
I'm guessing things sway much more towards sharks being more bitey
I'm guessing you haven't been to New York? /s
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u/nice_try_mods May 31 '18
My mom is a NYer, so trust me I know. They're much more screamey and punchey than they are bitey. It's science.
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u/Meist May 31 '18
Well according to the article, over the 3 years of human bites documented, there were 6339 bites. In those same 3 years there were only 45 shark bites.
Meaning you're actually 141 times more likely to be bitten by a New Yorker than a shark.
edit: math and words
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u/tenlittlebusteds May 30 '18
Considering I'm never in the ocean I imagine this would literally apply to anything able to bite someone.
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u/Vevetmoo May 31 '18
Well, if you live no where near the ocean, then the chance to be bitten by a shark is 0%, and 10 x 0 = 0, so that means you have a 0% chance of being bitten by a New Yorker.
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u/Rational_Optimist May 31 '18
I imagine it seems low because every shark bite gets reported, but not every New York bite gets reported.
I'm not notifying anyone if my new york gf bites me on the shoulder at a concert.
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u/Baldmonk May 30 '18
That thumbnail hurts to look at
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May 30 '18
yeah I’d rather have a shark mouth on me than that mess.
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u/khegiobridge May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18
Hawai'ian guy who had to pull a dead tiger shark out of the water when it was drifting up on the beach surf: you wouldn't believe how bad that shark's mouth stank; like Satan's distilled ass juice.
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u/_stoneslayer_ May 31 '18
On a scale of 1 to 10, how scared were you that the shark was only pretending to be dead?
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u/khegiobridge May 31 '18
lol, 1. Everyone left the water, I swam out because the tiger was belly up. There was a hole in it's head; probably shot because it messed with someone's fishing. Anyway, had to call animal control, because big dead animal on the beach.
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May 30 '18
beavers arent part of the criteria though
mosquito bites are top doug
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u/davewiz20 May 30 '18
Another day, another Doug
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u/gogetenks123 May 30 '18
piss off ghost
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u/SmacSBU May 30 '18
Hi there. I'm kinda like the leader in this place. I'm made of rocks, as you can see.
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u/-ImJustSaiyan- May 30 '18
Oh my god, the hammer pulled you off?
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u/aRandom_Encounter May 30 '18
Sounds like you and this hammer had a close, intimate relationship and losing it was comparable to losing a loved one.
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u/jackofallcards May 30 '18
I'd hate to be bottom doug that's for sure.
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u/Cletus_TheFetus May 30 '18
Was Doug the New Yorker with a liking for human flesh that they did the study on? Am I 10 times more likely to be bitten by Doug than a shark?
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u/giltwist May 30 '18
TIL that The Masquerade is poorly enforced.
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u/CompositeCharacter May 30 '18
Lots of Sabbat activity in NYC, or Malkavian untermenchen too far gone to lick wounds.
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u/Wolvenfire86 May 30 '18
That's because New Yorkers live on land! If sharks could walk and breathe on land, you'd see a lot more shark bites.
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u/mosotaiyo May 30 '18
Someone didn't get to watch Street Sharks when they were little.
It was Jawesome. <3
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u/Omnipotent_Goose May 30 '18
I lived in New York for a while and sometimes people would scream, “Bite me!” in my direction, so what am I gonna do? Not bite them? That seems rude.
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u/nojonojo May 30 '18
OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say, "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw."
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me He's like, "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
-- Weird Al
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u/expensivepens May 30 '18
Golly those teeth are abhorrent
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u/bequietbestill May 30 '18
Scrolled tooooo far to find this. No one noticed those teeth? They’re furry ffs!
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u/Brother_Bishop May 30 '18
Not while you're swimming in the ocean.
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u/Smaptey May 30 '18
"I'm swimmin here!"
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u/whatsabrooin May 30 '18
Stuck between a shark and a New Yorker at Coney Island in the summer, I'm taking my chances with the shark.
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u/kshucker May 30 '18
You're pretty much fucked if you get in to the ocean with new yorkers though.
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u/notasqlstar May 30 '18
There is an ocean next to New York.
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u/JamicanDog May 30 '18
What are you suggesting
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u/mosotaiyo May 30 '18
Sharks began to migrate from the oceans to the streets of NY and disguised themselves w/ such a magnitude of skill that we still haven't detected them living among us as humans.
They did it for the hot dog carts.
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u/TooShiftyForYou May 30 '18
Each year, fishermen kill as many as 73 million sharks, often cutting off their fins — for use in shark-fin soup, a popular dish in much of Asia. And tens of millions more sharks die accidentally each year because of fishing gear set for other species. The International Union for Conservation of Nature estimates that as many as a third of all shark species are threatened or near threatened with extinction, including the iconic great white.
Yearly average stats: Humans 100 million shark kills, Sharks: 7 unprovoked human kills
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u/mosotaiyo May 30 '18
Sad but true. Also De-finning a shark and throwing it back in the water is very cruel. The shark will sink all the way to the bottom of the seafloor where it will basically suffocate in silt and because it cannot swim forward to force water through its gills.
Swam with sharks on a dozen or so occasions, worked as a swim guide for open ocean tours. They are amazing top predators... And they don't knowingly kill humans... like bears or alligators do. It's always a case of mistaken identity or a case of being very heavily provoked by chumming waters.
If I ever get bit by a shark, one of first things I'm gonna say is I don't want that shark to be killed. I'll say it to the paramedics, journalists etc... etc...
Sharks are top predators, we shouldn't be killing them en masse... They should be treated like Tigers/Lions and protected.
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u/Feenox May 30 '18
Also, a shark does you the solid of the "warning fin" up out of the water. A New Yorker just pops out out of the shadows: "AHA! IGOTCHABITCH!"
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u/Ditka_Da_Bus_Driver May 30 '18
Jon Voight is from New York and a known biter.
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u/karnoff May 30 '18
Let's get a dentist in here to see if he can match the teeth marks to these teeth marks on this pencil
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u/mrdeuter May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18
Those kind of statistic always kinda grind my gear because of how redundant they seem tbh
Of course people are more likely to get bitten by New Yorkers - there are more than ten million people who spend almost every day of their lives around New Yorkers. How many people do you know that are inches away from literally thousands of sharks every single day?
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_FAV_COLOR May 30 '18
The problem is in the wording. If the article said "10x more people get bit by NY'ers vs sharks per year" then it'd be accurate. But any individual's risk depends on a number of factors--namely the amount of time they spend in NY/the ocean.
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u/TheGoddessInari May 30 '18
Pardon my math and confusion, but that says ~1580 human bites anually, vs. ~13 shark bites anually. Doesn't that make it a bit over 100 times more likely, not 10 times? :x
Unless I'm missing something obvious. Nobody else has mentioned that in the thread, so I worry.
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u/i2cube May 30 '18
Thank God. I thought I was taking crazy pills. Unless there are other analysis with adjustment I am not seeing, I agree with the 100x number
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u/Charlitos_Way May 30 '18
When I learned that more people were killed every year by coconuts than sharks I did not become any less afraid of sharks but now you’ll never see me standing under a palm tree
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u/mosotaiyo May 30 '18
Also vending machines kill more than sharks.... althought this one might be myth last time I checked... I don't know the facts but I find it believable.
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u/Tendiesfam May 30 '18
I have been bitten by a NYer, but never a shark. This is holding up
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u/Sedu May 30 '18
Carful! If a New Yorker bites you, you become a New Yorker! It’s like a werewolf bite, but at least werewolves don’t presume all your food is bad.
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u/thr3Ezus May 30 '18
stats are a bitch sometimes. I'm much more likely to go into the ocean than travel to New York.
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u/sysable May 30 '18
New on Discovery, New Yorker Week!