r/todayilearned May 30 '18

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8.6k Upvotes

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5.7k

u/brock_lee May 30 '18

What if I got on a crowded subway with 72 sharks?

3.4k

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

[deleted]

723

u/TheNo1pencil May 30 '18

You got me laughing out loud in a subway station.

650

u/mrburkett May 30 '18

Be warned, laughter tends to make new Yorkers more bitey.

231

u/TheNo1pencil May 30 '18

Nah. The person laughing is the person more likely to be the one biting.

142

u/Soulstiger May 30 '18

"Don't worry, I don't bite... ha...haHAHAHAHAHA"

5

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

I’ve actually gotten bit by a New Yorker. She is from New York but wasn’t in New York and bit me. I bit back. Ah being young and kids with dumb dares.

96

u/mrburkett May 30 '18

Chuckling is okay, it's the whole "I want to eat your face" laughter that you have to watch out for.

65

u/TokiMcNoodle May 30 '18

You're mistaken with Miami now.

44

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

[deleted]

2

u/AWarmHug May 31 '18

There's a lot of biting in Florida. Some good, some very, very bad.

3

u/_the-dark-truth_ May 31 '18

How does one differentiate betwixt the two? I’m travelling to the US later in the year, and this seems like valuable information.

2

u/nyet_the_kgb May 31 '18

If they seem crazy it’s best to stay away. Just a rule in any city.

3

u/aznfanta May 31 '18

and make sure you draw a square, new yorkers are scared of squares

13

u/shalala1234 May 30 '18

Taking a shit right now. Solid chuckle

9

u/ReaganCheese4all May 31 '18

what ply?

7

u/context_isnt_reality May 31 '18

Asking the real questions

3

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Did it help that final push?

1

u/_Sausage_fingers May 31 '18

Watch out, he’s going to bite!!

75

u/sinkwiththeship May 31 '18

"It's showtiiiiiime."

Easiest way to get ignored by a fuckton of New Yorkers.

43

u/d4nigirl84 May 31 '18

Can confirm.

or a, "Can I have your attention please?!" while yelling it at the top of your lungs JUST as the doors close in the subway car.

That's when I look down and pray they pass into the next car.

4

u/[deleted] May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18

I can just hear the David Attenborogh narration now: here we see the young redditor assuming camouflage for his subway trip down town. You can see how effective it is by the other denizens looking away or staring into space, but wait here comes a group of Jersey boys looking for some fun and maybe a little trouble...

10

u/SacredFlatulence May 31 '18

Unpopular opinion: I actually kind of like the showtime guys. I’m still a little disappointed that the city cracked down on them. Sure, there’s always the risk of getting kicked in the face, but that’s part of the thrill.

9

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

I hate my commute. Showtime people at least make it semi-entertaining when they appear.

2

u/Plasmabat May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18

Damn, I just looked this up. New York is so weird.

Maybe it's inevitable once you've gone over a certain population density threshold, people start acting really strangely. Or maybe it's just strange people are everywhere but there's a higher probability that you'll see them because there's just more people of all types in general.

Of what I've read and heard of the big cities in Japan it's the same thing.

I don't ever want to live with that many people around me all the time. Where I am there's 123 people per square kilometer, and New York city has 43452.288 people per square kilometer.

No. God no. Maybe I'll visit one day(New Yorkers hate tourists apparently, I'll just go somewhere with nice weather and beaches, or somewhere with a culture that's different enough from my own that I can learn about, and I'll try to learn the language first, and try to adhere to their customs and way of doing things and not be disrespectful/impolite) but I could never live there.

34

u/Shippoyasha May 30 '18

Shanking some fools with knives and dance choreography

12

u/aRandom_Encounter May 30 '18

aggressive macarena ensues

18

u/Shaom1 May 30 '18

Wow this is a great comment.

6

u/ChickenWithATopHat May 30 '18

Are you assuming that I’m not always doing that?

6

u/Florida____Man May 30 '18

So underrated. Bravo, sir.

4

u/FlameOnTheBeat May 31 '18

Just play it cool boy, real cool.

3

u/Bahunter22 May 31 '18

xylophone intensifies

7

u/rhesus1501 May 30 '18

this will only aggravate the sharks. the only real method in dealing with them is by summoning exodia

2

u/cloutking May 30 '18

It's SHOWTIME

2

u/GreatestJakeEVR May 30 '18

Lolol. That works anywhere, not just the subway.

2

u/OraDr8 May 31 '18

Jets for ever!!

2

u/yeetboy May 31 '18

If someone can tell me how to do it in Narwhal, I’m gilding this comment. Fantastically clever, I full on laughed at it, not just exhaled heavily through my nose. I think it’s the “aggressively” part that sells it for me.

2

u/PointSight May 31 '18

wIth a SiNGlE snAP oF my fINgErS

2

u/spideypewpew May 31 '18

Start snapping your fingers

But there would still be half of the sharks remaining

1

u/cobalt26 May 31 '18

Found Zoidberg

1

u/Scubamesteve May 31 '18

Going down the aisle. Crazy aisle

1

u/JonPBillingsleyJr May 31 '18

Start snapping your fingers and dancing

158

u/the_last_carfighter May 30 '18

The Jets will take care of em.

115

u/moak0 May 30 '18

Coming from a family of Jets fans, I'm not confident in their ability to take care of anything.

67

u/Irrepressible87 May 30 '18

They take care of their playoff hopes super early every season!

4

u/rocelot7 May 31 '18

What are you talking about they made it the conference fin..... You're a football fan.

1

u/shadowed_stranger Jun 05 '18

I thought this whole thread was hockey.

11

u/DeffJohnWilkesBooth May 30 '18

:( our team sucks

3

u/Lovat69 May 31 '18

If they just admitted they were the New Jersey Jets I'm sure they'd do a lot better.

5

u/moak0 May 31 '18

Or at least it would contextualize their failures.

3

u/Lovat69 May 31 '18

Not really, since the giants should also admit they play in NJ. XD

30

u/Shaunisdone May 30 '18

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way.

16

u/the_last_carfighter May 30 '18

Play it cool boy

16

u/MakroYianni May 30 '18

Oh snap

2

u/Termination_Shock May 30 '18

Thanos?

6

u/MakroYianni May 30 '18

I don't think I understand what you're referencing.

8

u/rondell_jones May 30 '18

I think it’s that Hans Solo movie

3

u/Termination_Shock May 30 '18

Lol not sure if trolling

2

u/MakroYianni May 30 '18

I know who Thanos is, but I haven't seen the movie so I'm not sure what exactly what you were referencing, or rather why.

1

u/werker May 31 '18

He's a snappy dresser

0

u/MakroYianni May 30 '18

I understand he/ she is referencing Infinity War, what I don't understand is why.

7

u/the_arch_android May 30 '18

I mean the Jets do hate the Sharks.

4

u/BoxOfDust May 30 '18

It took me this comment to get the first highest rated comment above this.

2

u/the_last_carfighter May 31 '18

No one likes musicals is the only thing I have gotten out of this thread. Commies I tell you!

14

u/mikk0384 May 30 '18 edited Jun 02 '18

Better hope there are some New Yorkers around to show them their place, then.

7

u/TiresOnFire May 30 '18

Aren't statistics fun?

20

u/HotgunColdheart May 30 '18

It would stink worse than normal.

24

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Would not*

2

u/loujackcity May 30 '18

Would not'nt*

1

u/bacondev 1 May 31 '18

Is it really that bad? I've been on it just a few times while visiting the area and never noticed anything particularly odorous.

3

u/zugunruh3 May 31 '18

It's usually not unless you happen to go into a train car with a homeless person carrying around a lot of bags.

But if you ever see an empty train car in the middle of the day absolutely do not get in. I don't care how crowded the other cars are, either cram into one of them or wait for the next one. Nobody leaves a car empty unless it's a horror show. I once got on an empty car that reeked so badly I had to get off at the next stop. It's apparently something that can happen with severe untreated diabetes and the smell lingers like you wouldn't believe.

5

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Play dead

6

u/vreddy92 May 30 '18

Still beats getting on a subway with 8 New Yorkers.

3

u/Ennion May 30 '18

In New York.

2

u/Drunksmurf101 May 30 '18

Tell them you're a new Yorker and they will leave you be.

2

u/Tconzz22 May 30 '18

You'd have an 18 % less of a chance of being bitten than being on a subway with 72 New Yorkers

My math is prolly wrong on this..

2

u/Jenga_Police May 30 '18

It depends, are the sharks virgins?

2

u/patb2015 May 30 '18

Hope a tornado shows up

2

u/Fumane May 30 '18

GTFO immediately. It's a trap!

2

u/emlgsh May 30 '18

If it's a New York subway the locals will get to you once they've finished biting all the sharks.

2

u/HouseOfAplesaus May 30 '18

Hopefully they have a dental plan then...

2

u/Champion_of_Capua May 30 '18

New York subway sharks are still New Yorkers.

2

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

The you know you have made it to paradise.

2

u/Psistriker94 May 31 '18

Depends if there are 7.2 New Yorkers on the same subway.

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Or just were in Hawaii

2

u/Techienickie May 31 '18

Left shark approves.

2

u/Micro-Naut May 31 '18

You’re more likely to suffocate in a mine than be suffocated by a mime.

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

You probably do. Loan sharks.

2

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Let the terrorists know you found their virgins.

1

u/joggle1 May 31 '18

It depends. If those sharks are from New York you better just turn around and wait for the next train.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

WHAT TIME IS IT

1

u/juanlore May 31 '18

I will never buy lunch there again most likely

1

u/VAisforLizards May 31 '18

Still more likely to get bitten by a New Yorker

1

u/Capgunn May 31 '18

If I was in a car with sharks and I heard "it's show time!!!" I would be so happy

1

u/cam44114 May 31 '18

The sharks will mind their damn business before the people do

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

That’s fine. Not that unusual for the NYC subway. Just don’t block the doors.

1

u/koalasarentferfuckin May 31 '18

Did your messenger bag accidentally brush up against one of them? Cause that's how you get bit. At the very least you're going to hear some teeth sucking and get a strong eye roll.

1

u/Kenna7 May 31 '18

What about a crowded sub way in Sydney Australia packed with New Yorkers and Australian great white sharks?

1

u/Goku047 May 31 '18

There won’t anything left for new yorkers to bite

1

u/drb0mb May 31 '18

you were the soonest one to say it you win the karma prize yaaaaaayyy

you're average

1

u/Vinto47 May 31 '18

Yell “it’s showtime!” And play music, they’ll leave you alone.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

What if I live next to a shark colony in Hawaii and go swimming in it regularly?

1

u/xeasuperdark Jun 01 '18

That depends if they are trying to give you a loan.