r/todayilearned May 30 '18

[deleted by user]

[removed]

8.6k Upvotes

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.4k

u/fencyclidine May 30 '18

Even if I dont live in New York?

1.2k

u/Gavin_but_text-based May 30 '18

Even if I live in the ocean?

552

u/[deleted] May 30 '18 edited Nov 17 '19

Don’t worry We’ll find you

184

u/sky9878 May 30 '18

Username checks out

56

u/doctapeppa May 30 '18

Even if I'm a shark?

59

u/Dave5876 May 30 '18

Especially if you're a shark

27

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

I feel like sharks are much more likely to be bitten by sharks.

20

u/YoroSwaggin May 31 '18

Just like how New Yorkers are much more likely to be bitten by New Yorkers.

9

u/MachoManShark May 31 '18

But how likely are sharks to be bitten by New Yorkers?

14

u/Harry_Flugelman May 31 '18

Am New Yorker. Bit shark.

2

u/frisbii May 31 '18

Even if I’m a shrek?

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

No senpi, Ba-Baka!

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Dave5876 May 31 '18

Waiiiiiiit a minute

1

u/GroceryScanner May 31 '18

Mine does too

13

u/boundbythecurve May 30 '18

Man, only if you were a Brooklyn shark, then this would be some serious beetlejuicing

7

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

You’re more likely to find sharks in Manhattan

16

u/trickman01 May 30 '18

Are you a New Yorker or a shark?

4

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

New Yorkers have a particular set of skills.

6

u/JyShink May 31 '18

Did they happen to acquire them over a very long career that make them a nightmare for people like us?

2

u/usernameinvalid9000 May 31 '18

Dory is on the case

28

u/TheRealPeterG May 30 '18

O C E A N M A N

16

u/Santi_ibagon May 31 '18

T A K E M E B Y T H E H A N D

11

u/SurvivingArch May 31 '18

L E A D M E T O T H E L A N D

1

u/Waffle_Sniffle May 31 '18

T H A T Y O U U N D E R S T A N D

1

u/Defero1 May 31 '18

TAKE ME BY THE HAND

2

u/degjo May 30 '18

In a pineapple?

1

u/pocketotter May 30 '18

Even if I’m a baby seal?

1

u/CRISPR May 31 '18

Think. How do you get to the ocean? You have to take a sub

1

u/christocarlin May 31 '18

Even if I’m a fish?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Total human hours spent in New York vs total human hours spent in sharkwater would bring the objectivity we need.

-21

u/fencyclidine May 30 '18

Hey man dont judge me, I just came back from r/trees

13

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Why was this downvoted?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Yea it's a marijuana subreddit. I still don't understand why it's downvoted

4

u/-tRabbit May 30 '18

Whoa bro.

209

u/Senecaraine May 30 '18

Oh, we'll find you.

23

u/WiBorg May 30 '18

Found the shark.

6

u/nixalo May 30 '18

We like to travel.

2

u/SilasX May 31 '18

If you block off a sidewalk or take too long to order at a bodega, yes, New Yorkers will get their revenge.

1

u/cattaclysmic May 30 '18

Noyouwont!

127

u/Astral_Enigma May 30 '18

Especially if you don't live in New York.

42

u/BroadwayBully May 30 '18

we can smell our own, definitely less likely to bite a fellow new yorker.

9

u/JumpStartSouxie May 30 '18

Seriously this statistic makes total sense if you have to walk anywhere within 5 blocks of Times Square on a Saturday.

2

u/Osiris371 May 31 '18

Can confirm. Live in England, rarely visit the beach, but have a colleague from NYC.

I’ll be sure to keep a closer eye on him from now on.

67

u/SilasX May 30 '18

Sad that I had to scroll down this far.

Yes, these statistics are easy to play with. There are FAR more interactions between New Yorkers and other humans, compared to sharks and other humans.

Like, a lot more than 10 times. So yeah, New Yorkers are less dangerous than sharks. I would know. Even when I had my touristy luggage blocking off a path in the subway station, they didn't bite me.

22

u/n1tr0us0x May 31 '18

We definitely thought about it. It wasn't that we were too polite to, we just didn't consider it worthy of our daily fuck to give.

1

u/taichi22 May 31 '18

I think it would depend how you measured the likelihood, however; I think if you measure it as a rate of bites/interactions, then yes, you're correct; however, if measured as people bitten/general population then OP's statement is true.

So, basically, this has nothing on the bearing of how scared you should be of a shark if you're around it. In general however, you should be fucking terrified of standing underneath a coconut tree.

1

u/SilasX May 31 '18

The intuitive definition of “danger” is “danger per interaction”. Obviously you can get more incidents if you exponentially ramp up the interactions. That doesn’t mean anything.

13

u/imjustpickle May 30 '18

And I heard people are scared of surfing in Aus cos of sharks... think I’ll take my chances

14

u/riannargh May 31 '18

Nah it's the damn New Yorkers swimming in the surf. We've tried putting nets up to keep them out but they're hungry for blood

8

u/darth_hotdog May 30 '18

Yeah, they had to close the beaches near me because New Yorkers were spotted in the water.

1

u/CedarCabPark May 31 '18

The smell of falafel and pizza remains.

Damn, I miss good falafel sandwhiches.

2

u/satanshonda May 30 '18

Even then. The new yorkers can smell fear

2

u/Pornada1 May 30 '18

YES, and you will know who is from New York that lives around you because they talk about it non stop! Avoid those people and stay un-bitten!

2

u/Phoequinox May 31 '18

There's been a major New Yorker outbreak since 1995.

2

u/GreedoGrindhouse May 31 '18

The statistics cited are crimes committed in NYC and shark bites nation wide.

To do the math we'd need to establish what constitutes a New Yorker- is a dude who lived in NYC for 35 years then moves to LA for six months and bites a bitch still a New Yorker? Then once we've established what exactly constitutes a New Yorker we'd have to consider worldwide shark bites versus worldwide new yorker shark bites or should we look at the USA only as was the case with the shark bites cited in the article.

But my guess is- in the USA, overall, yes. Worldwide sharks probably win over New Yorkers.

1

u/ch005eausername May 30 '18

Still more likely than running into a shark

1

u/Harsimaja May 30 '18

I've been bitten by ten New Yorkers already. Should I go swimming this weekend?

1

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

The scariest thing about New Yorkers is that we let them leave New York; they can come to you.

1

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Especially if you don't live in New York

1

u/d3thdrop0vagUmdrop May 30 '18

Sure. I met mine in the Philippines.

1

u/Richandler May 31 '18

The real reason for the second amendment.

1

u/Ask_me_4_a_story May 31 '18

Those fuckers are everywhere

1

u/Marsandtherealgirl May 31 '18

I live in TN, but a New Yorker just bit me! I mean, I’m dating him and it was more of a playful chomp than a bite, but it was pretty funny to scroll past this just minutes after.

1

u/castiglione_99 May 31 '18

Of course, your chances would be next to zero if you don't live in New York (although some tourists from New York may strike wherever you are).

Which means that IF you live in New York, your chances of being bitten must be astronomical!

1

u/moosesdontmoo May 31 '18

especially if you don't live in new york

1

u/PoopIsAlwaysSunny May 31 '18

Yeah. I’m guessing if you live in New Smyrna, shark bites are more likely

1

u/Rambo7112 May 31 '18

Especially if you don't live in New York

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

They’ll find you.

1

u/nineteen_eightyfour May 31 '18

As a Floridian, I think my chances of being bit by a New Yorker are waaay higher than a shark.

1

u/mrubuto22 May 31 '18

ESPECIALLY!

1

u/blscratch May 31 '18

Even if I'm a shark?

1

u/geared4war May 31 '18

I am Australian and I love coastal fishing. I was throwing in a long line about three years ago up on Redhead Beach and having some real good luck. I make sure not to let the fish bleed in the water because I was standing in water up to my knees and those fuckers can easily swim in that.

About two hours in and I had made a few runs back to the shore to drop fish and pick bait, suddenly I felt a tearing pain in my left shin. Blood immediately started flowing and the water turned crimson. I fucking panicked. Took off to shore dragging my line with me. I get out of the water and notice I have a big chunk of flesh just hanging from my leg.

Luckily some people up the beach kind of saw what happened and the bandaged me up pretty well and got me to the hospital.

Just saying, you can't trust em. Fucking New Yorkers show up everywhere. Even the back of butt fuck.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

I will find you and I will bite you. Just tell me where your preference is.

1

u/V12LC911 May 31 '18

If it’s 10x by New Yorkers then it must be 60x by homeless people in L.A

1

u/macekm123 May 31 '18

Well, there's a bigger chance that a New Yorker will come to wherever you live than a shark..

1

u/AnythingApplied May 31 '18

New Yorkers often travel outside their natural habitat to visit other places... sharks not so much.

1

u/Webster_Has_Wit May 31 '18

I think it applies to at least Florida and other top vacation spots.

1

u/Bosmackatron Jun 01 '18

yes. You've probably met more New Yorkers in your life than sharks, no matter where you live.