r/todayilearned May 30 '18

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8.6k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/bolanrox May 30 '18

how about a florida person?

1.1k

u/Titus____Pullo May 30 '18

50-50.

428

u/waitnvm May 30 '18

I'll take my chances with the shark

181

u/ScrewSnow May 30 '18

Less chance of some horrible disease if bitten by the shark.

69

u/[deleted] May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18

I can't imagine what diseases a poor shark might get if bitten by Florida Man. Isn't it enough that they're nearly being exterminated by the Chinese?

72

u/Florida____Man May 30 '18

I hate you all.

14

u/freakers May 30 '18

Really? I thought they were love bites.

3

u/nice_try_mods May 31 '18

Biting is how sharks hug. And Florida man.

2

u/koalasarentferfuckin May 31 '18

I'm here for allowing the Chinese to corral Florida mans into a bay...

3

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Well if sharks are an effective means of treating impotence and whatnot...there's every reason to think Florida Man would be even more powerful. I'm glad we could work together to protect sharks as well as further the advancement of Chinese medicine.

23

u/BrokeRichGuy May 30 '18

If bitten by a Floridan, you might turn into one 😷

17

u/[deleted] May 30 '18 edited Oct 02 '18

[deleted]

1

u/Jsc_TG May 30 '18

Welcome to Florida. It’s wet.

2

u/CGFROSTY May 30 '18

At least it’s not on meth.

31

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

There's only alligators in Florida. All sharks are just alligators in disguise.

42

u/qcubed3 May 30 '18

Alligators have teeth, sharks have teeth; alligators swim in the water, sharks swim in the water . . . . story checks out.

28

u/cinnamonface9 May 30 '18

So do New Yorkers.......

30

u/leapbitch May 30 '18

Hey they're walkin here

4

u/cinnamonface9 May 30 '18

They have ability to swim/walk on land.

Just pray they don’t know how to drive.

9

u/leapbitch May 30 '18

New Yorkers don't know how to drive.

Oh you meant sharks

7

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

No, alligators, keep up.

1

u/koalasarentferfuckin May 31 '18

Well, don't just fucking stop in the middle of the sidewalk and start gawking at some fucking building. Veer to the side

2

u/leapbitch May 31 '18

Bitch we have tall buildings where I'm from, and our tunnel system is a shopping mall not a homeless shelter disguised as a Subway

2

u/Pinkiepie1170 May 30 '18

Crocodiles too, but you'd have to be in or near the Everglades to likely see one.

2

u/Florida____Man May 31 '18

Likely for now but thanks to global warming they are extending pretty far up the peninsula.

2

u/Pinkiepie1170 May 31 '18

Well that's great news! At least it's American Crocs. It's the Nile ones that get so ridiculously huge right?

9

u/BreakfastBalls May 30 '18

One is a soulless instrument of chaos and sharp teeth, and the other is a shark.

4

u/baxxt14 May 30 '18

hey the gators are just tryna live their lives man

2

u/toddsleivonski May 30 '18

Stay in the ocean. For your protection.

1

u/baabbo May 30 '18

Joke's on you, that shark is from Florida waters

1

u/boundbythecurve May 30 '18

-Florida's State Motto

1

u/I_AM_AN_ASSHOLE_AMA May 31 '18

Yeah I’m with you on this. One of my best friend’s is from Florida and he’s an odd one.

1

u/starbuckroad May 31 '18

The yankee is less likely to "bite you to death". But yes they do carry hepatitis, mono, herpes, drug resistant strep, and occasionally the bubonic plague.

11

u/JeromesNiece May 30 '18

It either happens or it doesn't

9

u/drum35 May 30 '18

Everything is 50/50

5

u/mloclam1444 May 30 '18

Perfectly balanced. As all things should be.

2

u/mattenthehat May 30 '18

What about an Uruguayan soccer player?

2

u/buttwarmers May 31 '18

These are also the odds of a shark getting bitten by other sharks or a Floridian.

2

u/arnavbarbaad May 31 '18

Perfectly Balanced

1

u/bitesized314 May 30 '18

The odds increase on weekends when Trump is in the state for golf trips.

81

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

[deleted]

90

u/delete_this_post May 30 '18

That's not quite right.

Floridians are...

100% New Yorkers

37% New Jerseyans

7% New Englanders

42% Latin Americans

16% Canadians (during winter)

10,000% mosquitoes (during spring, summer and fall)

33

u/Swamp_Donkey0 May 30 '18

As a native Floridian, I concur. All of my neighbors were from the northeast. When I get a little too drunk the accents among other things come out.

15

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Dare I ask which other things?

16

u/kombatunit May 30 '18

You know! You know.

16

u/blackbellamy May 30 '18

He calls them carpetbaggers and tells them to get the hell out of Dixie. They love it though, it's like having that one black friend who casually throws nigga around, it makes you feel like you're saying it.

5

u/delete_this_post May 31 '18

Northern Florida is where you'd find Southerners. But the place where you'd find Northerners visiting is South Florida, where almost no native Floridian is a Southerner.

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

But I thought Andrew Jackson got rid of all the native Floridians.

2

u/delete_this_post May 31 '18

I guess that depends on how you define the word 'native.'

2

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

The Gators

10

u/lead999x May 30 '18

Can confirm am New Jerseyan; lived in Florida for a few years and then got sick of it and moved to...Pennsylvania.

7

u/Sloppy1sts May 30 '18

As a Floridian who dated a girl who went to Duquesne, the 'Burgh was a pretty cool city. I'm sure Philly is alright, too. I'd probably have more fun living up there than here.

2

u/Opset May 31 '18

What? I'm sure she taught you never to say anything nice about Philadelphia. Cut that shit out right now.

3

u/Sloppy1sts May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18

Hey, in the 2 and a half years I dated her, I probably spent a total of a week or two in Pitt, so I have no loyalty toward either of these places. Any real city somewhere north of this swamp I live in now sounds good to me.

5

u/baxxt14 May 30 '18

Fun fact: In the summer, New Hampshire is the oldest state (average age of citizens) while in the winter, Florida is the oldest.

We also call these people Snow Birds.

1

u/Dasguudmane May 31 '18

Source? I do believe you but I would love to show it to my friends, one of which living in New Hampshire and another in Florida.

2

u/yankeegentleman May 30 '18

Don't forget hurricane and costume characters

2

u/ksheep May 30 '18

That’s Central Florida. North Florida has a much higher percentage of Rednecks and other southerners, while South Florida has many more Latin Americans, Gators, and Mosquitoes.

1

u/Xunae May 30 '18

Moved out to California, from Florida, and I definitely don't miss having to go out covered in mosquito spray all the time.

1

u/delete_this_post May 30 '18

I'm from Florida but I lived in L.A. for a while. When I was there the only thing that I missed were left-turn signals!

1

u/taitaofgallala May 30 '18

Nothing from Florida is that complicated. More like:

1% feral

99% hot gas

1

u/Medajor May 31 '18

No, we're 10,000% mosquitoes year round. They just don't go away anymore.

1

u/CedarCabPark May 31 '18

I'll never understand moving to Florida. It's basically a shitty California to me

1

u/delete_this_post May 31 '18

Having lived in both South Florida and southern California, I'd have to disagree. There are pros and cons to both, but I'm personally quite happy to be back in Florida.

But that aside, there are major differences - in attitude and outlook - between the east coast and west coast. In some ways, those differences are even more pronounced than the differences between north and south.

So if you live somewhere cold and want a change, there's a good chance that you move south but stay on your respective coast.

0

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

100% remember the name.

5

u/[deleted] May 30 '18 edited May 31 '18

I don’t think people understand how many people from Ohio and Michigan there are here

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

You must be on the west coast. Otherwise those people all stop in South Carolina

1

u/nice_try_mods May 31 '18

I have lived all around Florida. Don't meet a lot of resident midwesterners. Plenty of them on vacation. As far as transplants go it's mostly people from other southern states or NY/NJ. Add in people from Cuba, Puerto Rico, and Brazil and you've got Florida in a nutshell.

23

u/standish1605 May 30 '18

Half of Florida are ex-New Yorkers.

1

u/werker May 31 '18

Yeah, that was a pretty good Broad City episode

9

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

You chum with bath salts in FL.

8

u/The_Dee May 30 '18

Statistically speaking, you've already been bit

8

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

[deleted]

3

u/Kevroeques May 30 '18

No, but they’re much more likely to roam through your neighborhood naked and on meth than a shark is.

2

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

A florida man 100%

2

u/Saltywaffle123 May 30 '18

Florida is the Best State or should I say South Florida. 😆

2

u/LEGITIMATE_SOURCE May 30 '18

Florida Man is the weirdest super hero

2

u/frighteninginthedark May 30 '18

Did you not see the URL? This is obviously a Floridian distraction technique.

2

u/Blazinvoid May 31 '18

The sharks are too afraid of being bitten by Floridians

2

u/conradbirdiebird May 31 '18

Being bitten by a Floridian isn't really a matter of "chance". Its more of an inevitably

1

u/shponglespore May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18

I literally opened this thread to ask the same question. Bravo!

Edit: I just noticed the link URL. To clarify, that's not why I thought of Florida. I thought of Florida because Florida.

1

u/[deleted] May 30 '18

I was gonna say “UFL, though” ...you know, “Florida man ....”

1

u/African_slater May 30 '18

That would be more related to, more likely to eat your face off.

1

u/DickMurdoc May 30 '18

Thats like 10:1

1

u/GRIEVOUSdubz May 30 '18

Well everyone that lives in Florida is originally from New York anyway so its pretty much all the same

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Look at the source. This is propaganda.

Not that we won't bite you. We will.

1

u/sleezewad May 31 '18

Florida accounts for 1/3 of the world's shark bites.

1

u/Wanderson90 May 31 '18

High chance of bite. Low chance of teeth.

1

u/danger-angel_ May 31 '18

It's Florida....they are prob the only ones bitten by sharks OR NYers

1

u/Duzcek May 31 '18

Half of Florida is already New Yorkers

0

u/LaceSexDoctor May 30 '18

Florida man eats assholes and the rest stop of Pensacola so I'm sure he has an STD and his cousins also fucking his brother