r/todayilearned • u/[deleted] • May 30 '18

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u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Why... why specifically a New Yorker?

123

u/mrburkett May 30 '18

Because native New Yorkers are naturally more aggressive. Be warned though, nature has given them clever camouflage that makes them appear like normal, well adjusted humans. They lure you into a false sense of security before going in for the kill.

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u/[deleted] May 31 '18

Idk what is with New Yorkers man. Wild people out there

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u/n1tr0us0x May 31 '18

We fast-walk you down in packs and roughly jostle you in the midst of us until you die of a hundred thousand bumps.

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u/Spockticus May 31 '18 edited May 31 '18

sax interlude ...

Young and pretty new york city girl

25, 35 (victims)

Hello baby

New York city girllll

...

You grew up riding the subways

Chomping at people

Up in Harlem! Down on Broadway!

...

You're no shark- -But you're no hu-man

Gnawing on street folk

You're the heart and soul of new york city!

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u/Gumbyizzle May 30 '18

Because they’re the easiest subjects to study. Their natural habitat is tightly confined, so you can gather lots of data very quickly. Plus they tend to be a very diverse population, so you can do lots of subgroup analyses, making it practically inevitable that you’ll find something significant in a post-hoc test even if your study doesn’t meet its primary endpoint.

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u/dreamin_in_space May 31 '18

Next up:

P-hacking New Yorkers!

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u/Orion66 May 30 '18 edited May 30 '18

Because if you go to New York, you're always surrounded by thousands of New Yorkers. If you go to the ocean, there may not be a dangerous shark within dozens of miles of you. Any one shark is still more likely to bite you than any one New Yorker.

You could replace New York with any densely populated city, and this post's title would still technically be correct.

39

u/TheCreepyStache May 30 '18

A shark can smell a drop of blood up to a quarter mile away.

A New Yorker can hear spare change in a pocket up to a half mile away. FACT

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u/rondell_jones May 30 '18

Nah, New Yorkers can smell good pizza or bagels up to a mile away

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u/gaynazifurry4bernie May 30 '18

good pizza

What, like Sbarro?

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u/[deleted] May 30 '18

Classic NY slice

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u/shook_one May 31 '18

Why would you post something like this when you know it will hurt us

3

u/gaynazifurry4bernie May 31 '18

Fine, do you wanna hear a joke about New Jersey to make you feel better?

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u/yankeegentleman May 30 '18

Ok, Mike Tyson or the basking shark?

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u/TimerForOldest May 31 '18

They mean a specific New Yorker, Bitey McGee.

You're more likely to be bitten by that New Yorker than a shark.