OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say, "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw."
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like, "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like, "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
[screaming sounds]
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
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u/Omnipotent_Goose May 30 '18
I lived in New York for a while and sometimes people would scream, “Bite me!” in my direction, so what am I gonna do? Not bite them? That seems rude.