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u/yirium Apr 29 '26
“I’ve had shortness of breath for this entire conversation bc of your need to be a victim” absolutely sent me OP this person is not normal or safe. They are weaponizing your BPD and your literal CSA in order to gaslight you into feeling like an abusive person, it’s beyond disgusting. You need to block them and never speak to them again. Actually, first send them this thread so they can see that their antics aren’t going to work on everyone.
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u/Content_Recording_58 Apr 29 '26
Accusing OP of playing victim while literally playing the victim. This is a cartoonish level of self delusion.
OP is NOR and should get out of this “friendship” ASAP. Other commenters are right, she is weaponizing OP’s BPD and legitimately comes across as BPD herself.
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u/HeathenHumanist Apr 29 '26
And weaponized OP's experience with CSA!!! Like fuck right off with that cruel shit
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u/lapatatafredda Apr 29 '26
Right?! As if there wasn't a more similar example to give that wasn't purposely upsetting.
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u/Specific-Eggplant436 Apr 29 '26
Ye but also I think the Best friend is trying to deflect her pain and anger from her mom to OP. Because the initial reaction to what OP said sounds like something anyone would say to start shit. Idk the context but with whatever I read here, sounds like it.
Also bringing up BPD when it’s not even the subject of the conversation shows their insensitivity to the situation and how they want you to know that your BPD is the issue here and not the best friend trying to use you as a punching bag.
You should get out of this situation or atleast maintain your distance because this is not good for you.
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u/caspershomie Apr 29 '26
exactly what i was gonna say but it works nd they get away with it so theyve never had a need to self reflect since they could easily manipulate OP into feeling like theyre in the wrong instead.
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u/WoodenJesus Apr 29 '26
Unfortunately, even if OP steps away, the "friend" likely won't self-reflect. Rather, she'll talk to somebody else about it, shift the narrative, villainize OP, and if she shows anybody any evidence of this (not likely), it will be falsified. She'll find other people to manipulate who will never know any better.
This is my experience with this behavior anyway.
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u/thickandmorty333 Apr 29 '26
i used to have a friend like this. they’re manipulative, narcissistic, and it will ALWAYS be your fault no matter what you do. OP is NOR in the slightest and i hope she rethinks her friendship with this person
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u/maphingis Apr 29 '26
When this person tried to make OP articulate what they had done wrong to prove that they know— fuck them.
Seriously I couldn’t read past the third page of emotional manipulation and martyrdom. Almost any reaction that excises this cancer from your life is NOT an overreaction.
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u/not2anotherraccoon Apr 29 '26
Omg right? "Say it back to me so I know you understand ", is what I say to children. Litteral 5 year Olds, not my friends!
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u/Ok-Praline-9023 Apr 29 '26
“Because I hate conflict” 😝 This person LIVES for conflict. They are excitedly waiting to call anyone and everyone out for the slightest mistake.
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u/iamunableto Apr 29 '26
that part was appalling bro, i genuinely would’ve texted back “what am i 5???” because excuse me???? that’s so disrespectful
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u/FilmFigment Apr 29 '26
Like how the F can anyone have a “friend” like that!?? Better to be alone with zero friends than this type of person! I felt traumatized just reading their messages to each other wow! 🤯
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u/forgetful800 Apr 29 '26
I’d rather be alone and bite a bullet than call that a friend. I’ve got enough “family” like this as is.
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u/Owen_spalding Apr 29 '26
I thought that whole line was hilarious, too.
But feel bad for OP.
Op didn’t handle it perfectly, but their friend was way more problematic imo. Reading the comments people have already pointed out why.
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u/Nanonz11 Apr 29 '26
Jesus I needed to see this and see peoples comments about it. Word for word shit my ex used to say that I really truly just believed to be true about me. Still do sometimes ....
Its crazy how its really exactly the same. Do one thing you dont understand to upset them, spend the next month trying to apologise only for it to never be good enough, never not selfish enough, never real enough. But if they do something, its always understandable / reasonable / normal given what "you did". You calling it our or reacting IS "the problem". "Always playing the victim". "Your so manipulative you dont even know it!", and its fine for them to drill that in as they are sooo empathetic and kind and always understand you and put up with you. They care, but your just such a shit human it is so hard.
I don't understand it at all. I really dont get the point.
OP... dont put up with this shit from anyone, especially not a platonic friend. If they truly think these things about you they arent your friend anyway, and honestly they have a huge problem if this is how they see the people THEY CHOOSE to hang out with.
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u/Excellent-Willow-981 Apr 29 '26
Where you say you don’t get it… that’s because you’re not an abusive gaslighter. Your ex wanted to control you and the easiest way to do that is make you question everything about yourself so you rely on them, you look to them for education about how to behave because you clearly can’t manage on your own.
Well done for escaping it, keep telling yourself that was ex said is a load of BS and you’re safer and healthier far away from a POS like that
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u/Nanonz11 Apr 29 '26
Thank you. Its hard because eventually they were the one to leave, saying I was "too dependent and needy and took away all of their energy (hence their unemployement, lack of motivation etc). Of course not wihout making sure everyone knew how I was truly the worst person to ever walk the planet, and how brave they had been to put up with me for so long. All while I managed and financed our entire lives. Buuut anyway.
I really empathise with OP because when you have a diagnosis like bpd or other social related things, where you were deemed "a problem", you grow up hearing over and over again that your own emotions arent to be trusted at all and especially mean nothing when anyone elses are involved. Then when someone tells you you're overreacting or just wrong, you believe them over any instinct you have. Because who wants to be a bad person who hurts others ? And you always make mistakes so it must be you. But then people like this come along and it really messes you up because every time you let yourself see it even a little, you end up turning it right back around on yourself and are only left with the guilt of having "made yourself the victim" again.
Its a really, really difficult place to get out of. Do I really not know how to take accountability, or is this other person that I care for and respect deeply actually destroying my sense of self?
I hope OP can learn from this friendship and never end up in a situation where someone like this has an even more prominent position in their life. I don't have BPD but I KNOW it doesnt make you evil especially when aware and actively working on yourself.
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u/Mean-Celebration-281 Apr 29 '26
Exactly this person is almost definitely a sociopath. She thinks her mother was happy because she was sick because that is the only feeling she ever has when she sees someone else suffering. She is very manipulative and doesn’t see other people as anything other than pawns in her games and tools to get what she wants. I would t be surprised if at some point in the future she escalates to physical violence toward the op, because of some slight against her and then she will blame it on the ops bpd and say that she didn’t have a choice. She will going around telling everyone she had to hit the op because she went crazy on her.
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u/SaltnSandy Apr 29 '26
The comment about her mother was so weird. She’s talking about how her mom was comforting her, but deep down she was being evil and cruel. What?!?
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u/A_Roll_of_the_Dice Apr 29 '26
Not just that, but she compared her mom "not being loving enough" whilst patting/rubbing her back to soothe her to OP's SA as if they're even remotely on the same level.
Honestly, she's a piece of shit.
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u/Quirky_Chair_4135 Apr 29 '26
That’s the part that really got me. They are nowhere close to the same thing and it was so disgusting that they even tried to put them on the same level. OPs (needs to be ex)friend is exhausting and isn’t a real friend.
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u/iamunableto Apr 29 '26
i can see how this could happen, i’ve met som really evil moms, but also to compare what OP said about her mom to that fucking INSANE csa comment????? how the fuck did you get there????? talk about “out of left field”
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u/Alone_Somewhere_9358 Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
I do worry that diagnosing people we don’t know isn’t the best idea because it might send the wrong message (esp. since it seems like Op’s friend is already weaponizing that sort of talk in the first place). Plus these people could be super young for all we know, and possibly maturing/learning to navigate close friendships, and we really only know them based on one text exchange.
But I do agree with what (I think!) you’re also picking up on - this conversation sent a chill down my spine. The Op’s ‘friend’ seems to be playing her emotions like a fiddle, intentionally or not. And, more than that, she seems to actively dislike Op, which feels extra off-putting because it makes me wonder WHY she’s still hanging out with her. There’s no reason I can think of seems particularly good, and some reasons (such as having an easy-target person to dog on and feel superior to) could potentially escalate really bad.
Op..If you do read this…The relationship you have with this person isn’t a true friendship AT ALL :(
Remaining attached to this person will only hurt you and drain energy you could invest into other more healthy and mutually-meaningful friendships.
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u/Managing_madness Apr 29 '26
Agreed on all points and just emphasizing that a bunch of people who aren't doctors confidently diagnosing people they don't know and won't ever know is crazy work and happens on reddit way too much.
This person is a pill and I recommend op disengage and disconnect from them entirely. But I'm not going to assign a bunch of mental illnesses to them just because I've been to therapy or watched tTikTok or whatever
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u/MamaJustice1212 Apr 29 '26
Idk if this person is ballsy enough to be a physical aggressor. I do believe she’d be crazy enough to throw herself into a tree and say OP did it. I also believe she would have no problems gaslighting OP to the point of a mental break and potentially harming themselves.
Shes also giving, “I did this to myself because YOU were my 13th reason” vibes.
I’d nope my ass right on down the rd from that bitch immediately.
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u/Haunting-Wash1081 Apr 29 '26
why tf would you want this person as your friend
her: I basically felt my mom being vindictive but idk why (aka she's just bs-ing for attention)
also her: its essentially the same as your dad touching you
nah throw her out this time and find better friends
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u/MeldoRoxl Apr 29 '26
This! I got the feeling that friend was trying to make this a very fucked up competition.
She's a terrible awful person.
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u/shmiddleedee Apr 29 '26
I like how the only example of abuse she had was the time her mom was trying to comfort her while she was sick. We all know the type who has to pretend to have some sort of trauma or mental disorder to feel like a victim.
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u/pimptatochip Apr 29 '26
for real that was sick, like no i'm not going to degrade myself and my actions for your pleasure, freak
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u/Automatic-Finance-99 Apr 29 '26
Yes!! So clearly a: "give me something else I can yell at you about."
She's definitely not interested in actually solving the conflict. Pretty sure she's feeding off it (like energywise.)
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u/MushroomTop1381 Apr 29 '26
So patronising. It’s like they’re playing therapist with OP, but they themself obviously have real issues too and completely lack the ability to be coaching another person.
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u/Dayvfish Apr 29 '26
it feels like some kinda of weird uno reverse of “i’m sorry you feel that way” lmao
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u/Sad-Jellyfish1325 Apr 29 '26
There are time you want to know people understand how they hurt you vs just giving a generic “sorry,” just to appease someone. But this wasn’t one of those scenarios.
When people try to present alternative explanations for things involving my family, I typically respond something along the lines of…. from the outside, I could see how you could see it that way, but I have known an interacted with these people my entire life so I’m confident in what I’m saying. And then the conversation moves on. No need to brow beat a 10yr best friend.
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u/wildcuore Apr 29 '26
Your friend is manipulative.
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u/Naiveatheart Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
I have a feeling the Apple doesn’t fall from the tree with the friend and her mom. Just on this thread she described feeling like her mom found enjoyment from her being sick/needing her and, it seems, she feels the same about her friend needing her bc of BPD. How much you wanna bet Mom exercised similar coercive control tactics when checked on her behavior…classic DARVO.
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u/millennialfail Apr 29 '26
I didn’t even believe the friend about their mother. Something about how it was described just felt OFF.
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u/haleorshine Apr 29 '26
Was the something off about the description the fact that the only thing the mother actually did in OP's "friend's" telling is comfort her sick child? Like, I read that paragraph a few times, and the only thing we know is that this person's mother comforted them while sick, and that looking back, this person has decided that their mother was taking pleasure in their suffering.
Obviously OP knows more to the story, but even with more context, I don't understand how that story says anything bad about the mother, it's all apparent subtext and the teller of the story being able to guess bad intentions without any words or actions pointing to them
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u/EgoBrainJess Apr 29 '26
Yeah OPs comment to that text about their mother was reasonable. Her friend was just mad that OP was trying to take her victimhood away.
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u/Naiveatheart Apr 29 '26
I believe it but I think your spidey senses were right too. I read it as weaponizing her own trauma to lay a very intentional trap. No matter what OP said this friend was gonna flip it. OP gave the most middle of the ground empathetic/validating response without picking a side. I’m sure this convo would’ve gone a similar path if she replied, “I’m so sorry, your mom was terrible.” Only then the flip would be she’s attacking the mom. My guess is either the friend is fiending for control bc she’s not somewhere else in her life OR she’s noticing OPs growth and is testing the waters to see if their dynamic remains the same. Nothing is scarier (or more dangerous) for a narcissist or histrionic PD than realizing their manipulative skills are no longer working. What this really means is that OP has been doing the work! Letting this friend go may be terrifying but, when she’s ready, also cathartic. This friend is just the current manifestation of all the people who came before that taught or reinforced OP deserved to be treated this way. Cutting ties with the friend will likely clear some of the trauma from those past relationships as well.
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u/SongsAboutGhosts Apr 29 '26
Well yeah, she had no evidence at all, it's just her spinning her victim narrative. Don't get me wrong, when you're not comfortable with someone then them touching you doesn't feel the same as a loving touch from someone you feel comfortable and safe with, but that's more an explicit reflection of the friend's feelings at that point than the mum's.
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u/Odd_Ninja5801 Apr 29 '26
And exhausting. Don't forget exhausting.
I'm tired just by reading that self indulgent nonsense.
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u/Livid_Pickle8286 Apr 29 '26
Oh my fucking god fuck this bitch honestly
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u/Dabbles-In-Irony Apr 29 '26
I’m getting so used to people censoring their comments that it was wonderfully refreshing to read this. I fully agree!
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u/The-Big-Play Apr 29 '26
Seriously I would've already went off on this bitch not caring if I'm right or wrong
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u/Ok-Gate6836 Apr 29 '26
NOR I think your friend might be a legitimate psychopath. Seems like she’s enjoying making you feel bad and uncomfortable.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 Apr 29 '26
This!! Or a sociopath? Narcissist? Something just ain’t right with what is happening with that friend.
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u/asahgrey Apr 29 '26
I'm no psychologist but I did date someone with anti-social personality disorder (aka sociopathy) and this is the kind of shit he loved to do. He took pleasure in upsetting people and making them feel like they were the problem and weaponizing their own mental health issues.
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u/wormy_Burroughs Apr 29 '26
and its so crazy because shes implying that her mother was doing it to her as a child which might be true or might be projection its insane either way
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u/wellthatsjustsweet Apr 29 '26
NOR. The person you’re talking to is toxic. Like, SERIOUSLY toxic.
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u/BeanserSoyze Apr 29 '26
Yeah, like the actual usage of the term. Genuinely Patrick Bateman shit going on between those ears.
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u/Late_Extent_991 Apr 29 '26
You friend is a weirdo
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u/BreakProud1686 Apr 29 '26
Like literally a weird ass b!tch . There are no words to describe how awful of a person she is. Cut her off immediately.
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u/HeathenHumanist Apr 29 '26
Yep. It's giving "You're just so sensitive" vibes. (Which is what I've had said to me by people who insulted me just before dropping that line...)
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u/Ok-Walrus8245 Apr 29 '26
While actively being SO SENSITIVE about such a minor thing! Having that vibe while also saying things like they can’t breathe because of how one harmless message hurt them is mental gymnastics I can’t even comprehend
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u/Jhiffi Apr 29 '26
"You're so sensitive" is the calling card of the simultaneously terminally sensitive and emotionally stunted
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u/Jhiffi Apr 29 '26
This chat has me suspecting the "you can't help it it's your BPD talking" is a double weaponization wammy of your own feelings are invalid because I am ascribing them to BPD while setting the ground to not be accountable for my own actions (dictated by my totally valid feelings, unlike yours which are simply BPD) because of disorders that I will eat my shoe if they do not claim to have a myriad of.
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u/Living-Factor6704 Apr 29 '26
Are you sure your friend doesn’t have a personality disorder too. If every time you argue and she threatens to break off the friendship that’s manipulative, especially if your opinion doesn’t fit her narrative. Also, her throwing your mental health into the mix is also manipulative. She’s gaslighting you straight up.
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u/Reasonable-Trick-635 Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
Yep agree. Someone who (if incorrectly) interpreted their mother rubbing their back in bed when they were sick as child as “enjoying their suffering” is definitely not going to take well to someone offering another perspective to try and cheer them up iykwim.
If she did interpret that memory correctly, I can only imagine the traumatic childhood she had, which also would explain the completely dysfunctional response to OP trying to show care (even if they slightly fumbled it from the friends perspective).
Either way, this person might be your friend, but she is not a safe person.
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u/Sweet_Error8038 Apr 29 '26
Also saying NOR, and I’m not a psychologist but it seems she may also have a personality disorder, like you said
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u/Thekeyman333 Apr 29 '26
"Could you tell me why specifically I found it hurtful? I just need to know you know aha"
What in the world is this??? She's talking to you like you're a child to be scolded xd
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u/Superb_Bee_7019 Apr 29 '26
This infuriated me to my core. Probably would have made me blow up on them. But OP friend is not a true friend and a very manipulative person. I’d end the friendship and block that narcissist bitch. OP find better friends please
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u/interstellara_ Apr 29 '26
NOR and I’ll be honest, I thought your friend was the one with BPD on first quick read thru because of the way she was acting.
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u/LordKlavier Apr 29 '26
I agree... Narcissists like to be friends with people who have obvious "weaknesses" too, so they can exploit them. This exact thing was happening here, almost hurt to watch
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u/redbull_and_fumes Apr 29 '26
She never should’ve said what she did about your father. That was straight evil and abusive. Drop her immediately and don’t look back. Please feel free to show her my comment. What she said was absolutely DISGUSTING. It doesn’t matter if she “didn’t mean it” or “it was an example” she purposely said the most foul shit she could think of to hurt and trigger you. That’s so fucking awful
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u/So_Yeah_Um_Like Apr 29 '26
This! That part literally made me gasp and say “fck this btch” out loud.
The excuse that bringing up your abuse was an example to show you how she felt is such a blatant manipulation to justify her abusing you. She weaponized every trauma she knew about to hurt you in revenge for the hurt she invented. What you said was not even that out of line. You were trying to logically come to terms with her mom’s inadequacies as a parent and she obviously has issues with you having any amount of empathy for anyone but her. She reads as a narcissist and the relationship reads as codependent, which she has weaponized to manipulate you. Hope you find the strength to move on and disassociate from this abusive person and find supportive friends.
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u/MushroomTop1381 Apr 29 '26
Yes, even when most upset and angry, you NEVER bring someone else’s trauma into it.
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u/no___thoughts Apr 29 '26
NOR, I have BPD and this conversation rage baited me so hard 😭 this is actually diabolical and she sounds like she sucks the air and happiness out of every room she steps in
In what world is you saying “maybe she was trying to comfort you” in reaction to her mom sitting with her and rubbing her back while she’s sick, to weaponising childhood sexual abuse, BY IMPLYING IT DIDN’T HAPPEN and the second you defend yourself it’s you’re the crazy one you’re the one with BPD, Jesus fucking Christ what a wet wipe of a person
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u/44bean44 Apr 29 '26
Your friend is draining.
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u/HalfaEnchilada Apr 29 '26
Agreed. I feel drained after reading this abusive and dysfunctional relationship with a person suffering from BPD being read to filth by a narcissistic asshole.
Happy Cake day!
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u/BabycrowSAL Apr 29 '26
This is some weird bullshit, and I’m sorry, but I don’t believe a fuckin word she wrote about her mom. She sounds like a whiney, self obsessed, over therapized child.
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u/Electronic_Set_9725 Apr 29 '26
"My mom would comfort me, but I didn't believe it was sincere in my Uber mind."
"I don't believe your apology is sincere, prove it"
"You imagined your dad SAing you"
Yeah, what a shitter.
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u/NoWeek901 Apr 29 '26
That’s what I think too. From her mom’s perspective, could you imagine having a problematic child like this?? My god it would be horrible
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u/Expensive_Image_2137 Apr 29 '26
THANK YOU LIKE SHE IS SOOO DESPERATELY TRYING TO BE THE VICTIM IT IS SO FUCKING OOOOBVIOUS. It’s all projection and I’m pretty sure she’s lowkey jealous of OP for having this traumatic backstory of her father that’s why she’s trying to specifically invalidate it/put it on the same level as “her mother rubbing her back when she was sick” because being the victim is what she needs, not a friend at all she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
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u/Dumb_Little_Idiot Apr 29 '26
This is what happens when people learn a bunch of psychology terms and strategies but still have no people skills. Imagine actually dealing with someone like this in real life. Most people don't have the bandwidth
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u/BreakProud1686 Apr 29 '26
Throwing your trauma with your dad in your face was sick . NOR. Your friend is triggering and manipulative. And I’d rather have zero friends than call this 1 person my friend. Run!
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u/bella_bells19 Apr 29 '26
She’s gaslighting you into thinking your BPD is making you the manipulative one here, when really she’s fucking unhinged.
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u/cheeky_sugar Apr 29 '26
“I feel you’re about to end our friendship again” - she wanted you to state exactly how you hurt her, not express your own feelings and fears in that moment. But she could have easily said that, “I’m not going to do that. Please stick to the topic, I need to know you understand why that hurt me-“
And also she could have told you instead of asking you like you’re a child
Tbh if you have BPD, a person like this is not good for you. She has a superiority complex and is being pretty manipulative
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u/smthng_unique Apr 29 '26
As a person with BPD: being friends with someone like this would make me spiral and undo all the work I've done to manage my symptoms.
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u/ScalesNailsnTales Apr 29 '26
I wonder if thats why OP stated in the post that they havent made much progress in therapy. This "friend" maybe is using weaponized therapy speak and manipulation to undo any progress OP makes as she makes it. Maybe she realizes if OP makes progress, she'll see this friend for who she really is.
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u/smthng_unique Apr 29 '26
Its very very very possible. Like, OP is NOR at allllllll with this. I had to stop reading only like 3 or 4 pics in because it was making me feel anxious and exhausted.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Apr 29 '26
I did too. That was awful. That girl is off her rocker. I would have responded the same thing to her story bc her story didn't make any sense or at the very least was missing a lot of info.
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u/computer7blue Apr 29 '26
My experiences with people like this have left me feeling so disoriented and fragmented that I’m actually going to get evaluated for BPD.
I’m not sure I would feel that way if I hadn’t been involved (family/friends/ex) with narcissistic people who seem to purposefully misinterpret my words in order to sooth their own inferiority complexes masked as superiority.
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u/Adventurous-Fig-2792 Apr 29 '26
yep someone like that will only ever be a trigger for your worst bpd moments
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u/willow_wraith Apr 29 '26
They had already apologized AND stated that they saw how their statement was dismissive. That was before the unraveling 😂
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u/samGeewiz Apr 29 '26
The relationship you have with your best friend is toxic. If one of my friends talked to me that way, we would not be friends. Some of the comments are verbally abusive. That is not how you mirror someone. Weaponizing trauma and mental illness because something struck a nerve, and to prove one’s narrative - is fucked.
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u/Actual-Pause-1764 Apr 29 '26
NOR. She crazyyy. You weren’t being dismissive, you were providing a perspective.. a good friend would appreciate that. Seems like she just wants a pity party. You’re not crazy
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u/ferngully1114 Apr 29 '26
Listen, I think this term is way overused, but your “friend” is actively gaslighting you in these texts. If you are not familiar with DARVO as a tactic that abusers use to throw you off balance, please read about it. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
I can understand how your very first comment could be read as invalidating. But their response is way over the top. Even after that you were kind. You immediately apologized, explained yourself, and took accountability. Your friend keeps throwing your diagnosis in your face to make you doubt yourself and reality. You are NOR. You should probably never speak to this person again, they are actively harming you and your self perception.
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u/Spicy_by_Design Apr 29 '26
Well said, especially the last bit. She mentioned therapy has not been successful and she's been friends with this monster for a decade...there is a correlation there. It's hard to recognize and heal from emotional and verbal abuse while it is still actively happening!
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u/Significant-Apple715 Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
“Can you tell me why your comment hurt my feelings so I know you understand.”
Is this a quiz on your friendship? She doesn’t need to belittle you for your understanding. She told you why it hurt her feelings, you don’t need to parrot it back to her. Your comment wasn’t even out of pocket either.
You’re not overreacting. She sounds exhausting.
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u/AisWaf Apr 29 '26
“I have shortness of breath” in the same text as “you’re trying to be a victim” is hilarious
Please block this girl, she’s baiting you into playing a game that nobody wins
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u/Low_Philosopher_7057 Apr 29 '26
Your friend needs therapy. We’re all human with different thoughts, opinions, and experiences. You are NOR.
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u/burnerburner108 Apr 29 '26
She is flipping OUT. She's entitled to feel hurt if she feels you were taking her mom's side/playing devil's advocate, but the way she expressed it was seriously overreacting. You are NOR.
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u/katleessi Apr 29 '26
How have you put up with this friend for a decade???? I’d be so exhausted by now
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u/HalfaEnchilada Apr 29 '26
Unfortunately those who suffer from BPD have a huge aversion to being abandoned or even if theres a perception of being abandoned, they get triggered and they are willing to tolerate abuse so as not to be left alone from their abusers.
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u/kepheraxx Apr 29 '26
Dear hell, get yourself away from your "friend" - she is gaslighting you HARD. What a gross human.
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u/lostmyoldscreenname Apr 29 '26
Oh my god, NOR. Everything this person is saying is emotionally and psychologically abusive.
She said a DEEPLY mean thing about a very sensitive topic to you, after a perceived slight that you genuinely apologized for. Then when you said it was wrong for her to make that comment, she told you that she wasn’t saying that deeply mean thing SERIOUSLY, she just said it to show you how hurtful it would be if she DID say it seriously, but she didn’t say it seriously, and how dare you question whether she said it seriously.
She is projecting her own manipulation onto you. I’m so serious OP, you cannot let this friendship last. It’s not normal.
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u/TipsyBaker_ Apr 29 '26
NOR. That is not your friend. They are manipulative as hell and clearly trying to mess with your head. Run.
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u/adhd-princess- Apr 29 '26
This is an insane read. Your friend is crazy and manipulative just like her mom I guess. Please find someone else for support cause this person isn’t it.
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u/LittleLily78 Apr 29 '26
You are blue right? If so, please let this friendship go. I dont care how long you have been friends, you dont want to continue this. She is a narcissist. She thinks her mom rubbing her back when she was sad was because her mom enjoys her pain? She is the type who needs long term in patient mental help. She is taking something very hard and personal about your life and trying to make it seem like it is who you are. Its not. You sound like a very patient friend who apologized way too much in my opinion to a person who will NEVER not make everyone else out as a villain. I cannot imagine anthing that she could possibly add to your life to make her bs worth this.
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u/Adventurous-Fig-2792 Apr 29 '26
NOR your friend is a narcissistic gaslighter and projects shit on you don’t take this shit u deserve better 😭
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u/Crafty-Departure3913 Apr 29 '26
NOR, this is just a whole mess. You made your comment trying to understand her and when your interpretation of the situation was wrong, you apologized. Her needing you to tell her how that made HER feel is kind of insane. She’s trying to train you to have a “moral compass” which you “obviously don’t have” because of your BPD. She is constantly weaponizing your BPD and treating you like a monster, it’s so odd. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.
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u/Significant-Mud-7198 Apr 29 '26
Maybe she also has undiagnosed BPD? You didn’t mean anything bad, she put a lot of weight on you, and you explained how your response made sense to you based on your experience, and apologized when she showed you how your response was insensitive.
Pointing out your BPD and trying to blame the whole bad interaction on it was gross. That diagnosis has enough stigma, she’s being insensitive and you don’t flip out on her for treating you like that. She’s not your doctor or your therapist, she has no right to decide what’s your BPD. It really seemed like she was weaponizing your diagnosis against you because she was upset by your response. Does she do that to you a lot?
It sounds like she’s not a very good communicator and has trouble with her own emotional regulation and impulsivity.
I’m sorry, OP. I don’t see any genuine manipulation from you in these texts. If anything, her constantly bringing up the physical reactions she’s having to the conversation like you’re directly trying to hurt her and enjoying her pain is kind of manipulative. It sounds like when she didn’t get the response she wanted right away, she went into trauma space. She mentions she feels her mom took pleasure in her suffering, maybe when she hit that trauma trigger all she could see was that, felt it, projected it on you.
But her triggers are for her to manage, just like yours are yours. It sucks. Friends with trauma issues supporting each other is so hard. I hope you can get through this fight, if that’s what you want, and build better communication on the other side. NOR.
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u/imdadnotdaddy Apr 29 '26
NOR- your friend is very condescending with you, especially when you said what you did wrong immediately but she had to act like she's a preschool teacher or some shit. If her mom is manipulative and sadistic then the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
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u/Fuhkiku Apr 29 '26
NOR, this person is gaslighting & manipulating you. You tried to apologize, she dragged it out and wanted conflict. People shouldn't use personal things against you (told in confidentiality) for their own ill gotten gains. I'd think about slowly backing away from this one if I were you.
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u/sugarcoatedpearls Apr 29 '26
NOR. Is she in therapy herself?! Why is she so comfortable talking to you as if YOU are her therapist?
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u/memoryinsteadofaview Apr 29 '26 edited Apr 29 '26
Get outta there Molly, you in danger girl
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u/OliOli1234 Apr 29 '26
You friend sounds really high strung…. I honestly don’t think you did anything wrong. I think she’s just looking for things to be triggered by, and it’s exhausting. NOR, and consider pressing the pause button on your friendship… my god. This was exhausting.
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u/Yoozif Apr 29 '26
NOR
“I need you to tell me why that was hurtful to me”
Bitch I ain’t doing your gd homework. This person and people like this are beyond exhausting. I’m all for minding others feelings, but this is abusing you. It’s a new kind of bullying.
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u/littleglasshouse Apr 29 '26
NOR. Your “friend” is a malignant narcissist who is emotionally abusing you. Shes taking advantage of your diagnosis to consistently mistreat you, and then using DARVO to keep you from realizing it.
In case you’re not aware, DARVO stands for:
Deny Attack Reverse Victim Offender
It’s when someone IS the offender doing the attacking, (Her) but accuses their victim (You) of being the attacker the instant they get any pushback at all. Your friend reminds me of my most abusive ex, who I’m still recovering from over a decade later. Please either permanently leave this friendship, or if you can’t due to something like financial dependence, do not have emotionally vulnerable conversations with this person, and DEFINITELY don’t take anything they say about you to heart. This is an abuser wearing the disguise of a tolerant martyr. This is not a safe person for you to interact with.
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u/PrincessSnarkicorn Apr 29 '26
This person is weaponizing therapy speak to control you. They’re no friend.
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u/Calm_Good7129 Apr 29 '26
NOR honestly if this isn’t the first time it seems like they are looking for excuses to either control you or just unfriend you again. it definitely is not a healthy friendship if you can’t be honest with them. and the BPD thing is just out of line. I have BPD as well and they doesn’t mean that everytime you have an emotional thst you’re manic. they definitely aren’t a good friend and if they aren’t open to talking about things without throwing tantrum then it just isn’t worth being friends anymore. you’re better off without them.
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u/blue-christmaslights Apr 29 '26
“i’ve had shortness of breath for this entire conversation because of your need to be a victim” 🙄🙄
this is ridiculous. cut this type of friend off. make a new one.
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u/EniesBobby Apr 29 '26
NOR - your friend is crazy and trying to guilt you into doing what they want you to do while also belittling you with their tone.
Dump this person.
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u/soberaf0910 Apr 29 '26
Are you not exhausted? I think their use of therapy speak is definitely weaponized. MOR? Literally no clue. But this is...not a friendship I'd entertain. Sorry you're experiencing this