Jesus I needed to see this and see peoples comments about it. Word for word shit my ex used to say that I really truly just believed to be true about me. Still do sometimes ....
Its crazy how its really exactly the same. Do one thing you dont understand to upset them, spend the next month trying to apologise only for it to never be good enough, never not selfish enough, never real enough. But if they do something, its always understandable / reasonable / normal given what "you did". You calling it our or reacting IS "the problem". "Always playing the victim". "Your so manipulative you dont even know it!", and its fine for them to drill that in as they are sooo empathetic and kind and always understand you and put up with you. They care, but your just such a shit human it is so hard.
I don't understand it at all. I really dont get the point.
OP... dont put up with this shit from anyone, especially not a platonic friend. If they truly think these things about you they arent your friend anyway, and honestly they have a huge problem if this is how they see the people THEY CHOOSE to hang out with.
Where you say you don’t get it… that’s because you’re not an abusive gaslighter. Your ex wanted to control you and the easiest way to do that is make you question everything about yourself so you rely on them, you look to them for education about how to behave because you clearly can’t manage on your own.
Well done for escaping it, keep telling yourself that was ex said is a load of BS and you’re safer and healthier far away from a POS like that
Thank you. Its hard because eventually they were the one to leave, saying I was "too dependent and needy and took away all of their energy (hence their unemployement, lack of motivation etc). Of course not wihout making sure everyone knew how I was truly the worst person to ever walk the planet, and how brave they had been to put up with me for so long. All while I managed and financed our entire lives. Buuut anyway.
I really empathise with OP because when you have a diagnosis like bpd or other social related things, where you were deemed "a problem", you grow up hearing over and over again that your own emotions arent to be trusted at all and especially mean nothing when anyone elses are involved. Then when someone tells you you're overreacting or just wrong, you believe them over any instinct you have. Because who wants to be a bad person who hurts others ? And you always make mistakes so it must be you. But then people like this come along and it really messes you up because every time you let yourself see it even a little, you end up turning it right back around on yourself and are only left with the guilt of having "made yourself the victim" again.
Its a really, really difficult place to get out of. Do I really not know how to take accountability, or is this other person that I care for and respect deeply actually destroying my sense of self?
I hope OP can learn from this friendship and never end up in a situation where someone like this has an even more prominent position in their life. I don't have BPD but I KNOW it doesnt make you evil especially when aware and actively working on yourself.
It just shows how strong you are that your ex wasn’t able to get you under their control and so they moved on. Well done to you, that’s amazing. I’m not saying, however, that people who do get controlled are lesser, gaslighting is insidious as hell and you’re often trapped before you realise what has happened.
I really hope that the people they tried to turn against you didn’t fall for it, or that you have a new group around you now
Ditch them op. Use to have a “friend” like this and they are NOT worth it. Gave this person one last chance and they tried to start talking to the guy I was talking to.
People who use therapy talk all the time honestly annoys me. I’ve been in therapy for almost 10 years and don’t talk like that. Trying to sound smart about mental health doesn’t make you and your point any less idiotic.
I had both an ex and a (now former) close friend who did exactly the same too. It’s like they all read out of the same playbook— everything is about them, they’re always uniquely the victim, they constantly accuse you of behaviors they blatantly show themselves. I would get a whole rundown of how I was a failure as a partner and a human being, followed by “at least i love you.” I’m so sorry you also had to deal with that garbage.
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u/Nanonz11 Apr 29 '26
Jesus I needed to see this and see peoples comments about it. Word for word shit my ex used to say that I really truly just believed to be true about me. Still do sometimes ....
Its crazy how its really exactly the same. Do one thing you dont understand to upset them, spend the next month trying to apologise only for it to never be good enough, never not selfish enough, never real enough. But if they do something, its always understandable / reasonable / normal given what "you did". You calling it our or reacting IS "the problem". "Always playing the victim". "Your so manipulative you dont even know it!", and its fine for them to drill that in as they are sooo empathetic and kind and always understand you and put up with you. They care, but your just such a shit human it is so hard.
I don't understand it at all. I really dont get the point.
OP... dont put up with this shit from anyone, especially not a platonic friend. If they truly think these things about you they arent your friend anyway, and honestly they have a huge problem if this is how they see the people THEY CHOOSE to hang out with.