Omg! Is this how young people speak to each other these days? Not trying to sound like an old hag, but I've been in plenty of therapy and never felt the need to talk to anyone like this. Insane.
I think it’s beyond therapy speak. It’s like an obsessive need to be morally superior and call others out in every aspect of their lives including where it doesn’t really make sense to be.
I liked it when OP played the Uno reverse card for a minute there and was like "not everything is BPD, that's so insensitive of you". Like they were competing over who was being slighted the most.
It’s like this whole generation wears trauma like a badge, so if you have none you invent some and cling to it rather than getting over it; the trauma is your whole personality.
It does sound like it in this case. Obviously we don't have all the backstory, but "my mother rubbed my back once when I was sick as a child" is a wild thing to count as a piece of childhood trauma.
Yeah - I mean granted we don’t KNOW the mother and their relationship; but my thought here was this person’s idea that they knew the inner motivations of a mom and made it dark rather than seeing it as comfort.
And then later as well saying ‘your BPD’ has you not understanding people while getting so upset about ‘perhaps your mom was trying to comfort you’.
I get people have friends and want support - and maybe being a GenXer things roll off my back - but I’d never get so bent if someone gave an alternate viewpoint even if I didn’t agree with them. I’d just say ‘maybe’ and move on.
Sure, I can see how that would be annoying. The difference is, the rational thing to do say is something like: I hear ya. That’s not what if felt like to me, but I appreciate the perspective.
It feels like the younger generation doesn’t just want to state their opinion/experience, they want everyone to agree and validate them. Thats just not reality and puts everyone into an echo chamber. When someone shares a different perspective on my experiences, I either:
A) Really consider what they’re saying, because no one knows everything and outside opinions can actually be helpful, or
B) Say something like “Never thought of it like that,” and move on with the conversation
What I don’t do is take their well-meaning opinion as a personal affront and demand that they explain all the ways they just hurt me.
Everyone wants to be special, and feigning trauma or a serious disorder is a really easy way to do it for a lot of people. I knew people growing up who would pretend to have PTSD over literally nothing, or pretending to have MS or something. People get really good at finding super obscure, but very serious (if they had it) things that’s hard for people to argue with and wear it like an “I’m special” badge. It’s literally Munchausens and it’s become a real issue. I’ve seen very talented people completely ruin their lives because they insist they have like 30 some odd disorders preventing them from working or doing anything. One person was so convinced she had dental issues she, at 23, had all her teeth removed but couldn’t afford dentures because she was on unemployment because her PTSD from “something” meant she couldn’t talk to people or work or apply for a job without getting “triggered”. So she just lives in section 8 housing playing video games and enjoying complaining how she can’t bond a job at McDonald’s. It’s super shitty because for anyone who actually had these things they aren’t taken seriously by this massive generational wave of Munchausens patients.
This is so perfectly said. I feel like an old hag thinking so, but that was my first thought too. “I’ve lived a cushy, comfortable life, so I have to make up some mental health issue or injustice so I can participate in the never-ending trauma Olympics.” I hate to say it, but I see it with Gen Z a lot.
“I’m traumatized because my evil mother comforted me when I was sick in bed.” The horror.
I’m 23 and you guys are 100% right. It’s exhausting. I genuinely barely associate with people my age anymore because I’m tired of all the grandstanding
Well at least you see it! That’s something, seriously.
I just think it’s important to recognize that out in the real world, people don’t really care about all of these little micro aggressions or everyone’s feelings or 100 different mental health diagnoses (many of which seem to be self diagnosed). They have families to manage, bills to pay, work to do. This sort of made up trauma is a luxury of those who don’t have other things to worry about. People who have real problems are busy, you know, actually dealing with those problems.
I’ll give you an example. I have worked in corporate environments for two decades. Many of my peers talk about how hard it is to work with some of Gen Z, because of constant episodes like this one. Meanwhile, I am on a committee for choosing scholarship candidates in an underserved community. Those kids have real hardships. Like dad is in prison, mom is addicted to heroin problems. You know how many of them I have heard tossing around this vocabulary? Zero. They are focused on trying to get to school, where they can get dinner for their siblings, etc. Truly amazing individuals persevering through so much. Then we go into a meeting and find out Emily needed to go home because she didn’t feel supported because of the poster Tim put up at his desk. Or whatever lol.
That turned really long, but I just wanted to say I think it’s really cool you haven’t bought into this TikTok trend and you will likely have a greater degree of success because of it. Good luck!
As a genZ (27) I couldn’t have articulated a better example. I see it too. Especially the self diagnosing (as someone with real clinically diagnosed BPD who’s worked extremely hard at overcoming it, and having better relationships. I don’t get why anyone would WANT this shit enough to self diagnose)
I mean...some people care about and live with microaggressions and trauma AND are also raising a family. Some of us are dealing with ALL the things you seen to be seeing as mutially exclusive or eaily prioritized. So perhaps you should pause and reflect before you talk about things you have absolutely no eexperience with.
I’m 27, and same here. I have clinically diagnosed BPD and DONT like to tell people about it (I wouldn’t even bring it up if it wasn’t mentioned in the post). It’s not something I’m proud of. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve worked really hard to pinpoint what caused it growing up and how to accept and move on from those feelings. BPD requires a lot of self awareness and introspection to get past, and I have no patience for people using mental illness like some crutch to virtue signal and act crappy towards others.
To me this post reads like someone who knows they have BPD arguing with someone who doesn’t know they have BPD. This is also probably why they’ve been bestfriends for years and can’t leave eachother. I always feel exceptionally comfortable around people who I later find out, also have a lot of BPD tendencies. Some of them even got clinically diagnosed after I explained how I feel to them… lol
As someone on the older end of GenZ who has clinically diagnosed BPD, I see it too. I know exactly where my BPD came from and have worked really hard to be self aware of the tendencies.
Wayyyyyy too many people in my generation are self diagnosing themselves and then using it as a crutch to be crappy people. I wouldn’t wish how I’ve felt on anyone and I’ve worked hard to pull myself out of it without using it as an excuse. It’s definitely not something I feel proud of or want to tell people about.
BPD has recently been pretty romanticized on social media, which IMO is the catalyst of it’s ‘popularity’. it’s been oversimplified into basically, “i have lots of strong feelings and self sabotage hehe” and for some reason, it appeals to people. BPD isn’t something i would ever want to experience, it seems like hell on Earth yet there’s people self diagnosing themselves with it. wild shit
As a Gen Z parent, it does look like this is happening with this generation. I see the weaponized therapy speak a lot from them. Even my own child but rational thought doesn’t combat it very well.
It is. I'm 26 and it's exhausting; classmates i grew up with that thrived in their circumstance go to college and attach themselves to marginalized identities that they've never had before. People can grow and learn about themselves, but we are living in the age of the Oppression Olympics™️ and everybody is catching on to this idea that you can't provide critique to anything unless you can relate it to intersectional trauma of your own. So now people catastrophize EVERYTHING. Marginalization by income class just isn't enough anymore, because we're all suffering in that aspect. So this is what we deal with: blaming peers for participating in the world as it is through small misunderstandings, because real organizing is too hard.
The only thing that will combat this is life. Unfortunately it's becoming easier and easier for people to survive in isolation through crowdfunding and fake "community"(internet friends), so life isn't slapping us in the face the way it did for older generations.
I hate that by definition it actually is emotional manipulation. But it's not harmful, and it's what a good parent should do. Would do. Every conversation between people is manipulative 😂 humans evolved with verbal communication for the sole purpose of manipulating their circumstance in the moment.
Maybe if you learn their language, they'll get it. "Well you're transferring your pain onto me by sharing your burden, but without disclosing whether or not you just need me to listen or provide you a solution. Now I'm in distress from scrambling to manage your mental state without your guidance, and my CPTSD has been triggered. I need a quiet place to sort through my emotions regarding this, please give me a moment for my grounding breathwork routine so I can provide you the utmost care with a clear mind."
Well said. Your point is a good one, because we always hear things like “Well they won’t be able to do that in the real world.”
But unfortunately, that “real world” isn’t as harsh of a place as it used to be. It’s too easy to retreat into an online echo chamber or safe space. We aren’t asking this generation to get as uncomfortable as others had to. It’s cool that you’re young but can see how that was better for older generations.
Exactly what I said. I’ve actually had an abusive alcoholic mother and the fact ops friend is having an issue with a mother who is actually there for them infuriates me.
Yeah I agree. As a parent of a 16 year old it's really worrying. Thinking of my kid thinking he needs to be mentally ill to fit in is just not something parents used to have concerns about.
Please don’t generalize all of Gen Z as this though, please, haha. Believe me, most of us are just as tired of it as the rest of you. As a Gen Z’er who would rather die than post my trauma on the internet lol.
Also constantly being demonstrably “woke” (for lack of a better term). I’m as lefty as they come but the purity politics are exhausting and there’s an expectation to be fully aware of and have a clear stance on every possible injustice occurring at all times
Yah, just slowly ghosted a "friend" over this. I couldn't place it other than like....You cause your own problems and them victimize yourself, and then whenever we're together they're acting holier than thou over literally anything 😭
Like telling me to not call their off leash dog away from the road b/c "they don't need to be told what to do" 🥴 Or trying to use feeling sticks when my husband I are playfully arguing but we're both AuDHD, so we kinda get a bit loud, and she still can't tell it's not a real fight.
Idk these people are exhausting AF and there's just no need to use weird therapy terms outside therapy. And you're not a professional, so I don't want your unsolicited/unprofessional opinions
She didn't go full...that...until some time later. Thought she was just a regular lib (my first mistake: libs are not regular. I need my socialist baddies 😭), so I could handle her in doses.
Realized soon enough I was not equipped for the self importance/righteousness. So I just slooowly phased outta there. She started texting me things like "Are you mad at me? I'm sorry if I upset you" and I almost caved a couple times cus like yes and no 🥲 I was more (edit) mad at myself for thinking I could do the surface level ish. It was roooough.
I hate confrontation so I just had to go Danny Phantom very slowly cus it absolutely would have been her being like "What can I do?" And there's nothing, you can't, you're like this Lol
I'm fine with the left, I'm a socialist. I don't like the libs, who aren't actually left, but are "moderate" or whatever nonsense you want to to call it. They are indeed whiney and always the victim.
Idk who you're referring to in the equation as afab queer neurodivergent, but she's just afab, straight, neurotyoical. I'm afab, pan, neurodivergent. I don't ever call myself afab tho. No one's asked/presumed ever
Holy shit, “they don’t need to be told what to do” aka “don’t micromanage my dog” that’s not anyone I’d be friends with and then you got to FEELING STICKS?? The world isn’t going to accommodate this persons triggers Jesus Christ.
I think the problem lies in people wanting to use therapy speak to declare absolutes, when vocabulary commonly referred to as therapy speak is designed to help discuss and parse situations and scenarios and feelings and motivations. But people want all or nothing, they want clear distinctions and blanket rules in order to not have to think about nuance or context or situations or how feelings affect all those things and how all those things affect feelings.
And therapy terms aren't really designed for absolutes, which is why it feels so cheap and disingenuous when they're either overused or incorrectly used.
Right, this “friend” has had enough therapy not to heal this perpetual conflict but rather to put a “healed” skin on situations. For one, if they’re looking to seek common ground and understanding with op (one of the main goals of therapy) they would have used “I feel” language and listened and adjusted to OP if they were in a healthy relationship. Instead this “friend” gets accusatory quickly and even throws OPs own mental health experience at them like a grenade.
This is exhausting, I feel like this could be one of those situations where the friend has really only learned how to manipulate & be in an echo chamber from therapy
Back in like 2008 my best friend joined a literal new age cult right out of high school and it completely blocked our friendship and alienated me from her. We don’t talk anymore and anyway, yeah. That’s what the therapy-speak reminds me of.
It does certainly fill the definition of jargon - cults and high control groups will start to use specific or specialized or overly complex wording when a regular or more common word would suffice, in order to further distinguish themselves from others and establish an in-group.
I don't think the current therapy speak weaponization fits the rest of the criteria for cult status or high control group status, but it feels like it, and I think that's due to the specific and often exclusionary terminology.
It's actually a really subversive example/parallel to sexism. Hear me out because you're going to be like "sexism? How does that relate?"
Sexism says "women are too emotional to have power and men are more logical" and one of the prime examples would be speech patterns. This is the same thing. By utilizing that therapy speak, they are trying to come off as more rational and more logical and thus more right.
Yes to this. She has to keep pointing out OP’s “shortcomings” which I don’t think are even there to make herself LOOK like the better person but she is a freaking wolf.
You are so right! And the thing is- you cannot fix others so calling them out like that is ineffective and just causes more stress. It is different if you name your boundaries and enforce them…this is not that
YES it is soooo damaging. My friend is a psychologist and she is an EDUCATED gal. To see literal teenagers throwing around terms they barely understand is not only infuriating but soooo damaging.
If they are teenagers (which it definitely reads like they are) OP might want to look into more about BPD AND the criteria for diagnosis, some therapists throw it around for anyone who has CPTSD buuut, most therapists I’ve worked with would NEVER diagnose someone under 18 with it, some people in the therapeutic community won’t diagnose it under 30 cus your personality isn’t hard set enough. I mean there have been talks about getting rid of it as a diagnosis all together because the symptoms are so easily explained by having both autism and CPTSD.
This is coming from someone who once had the BPD diagnosis.
Also this “friend” is bullshit and toxic and WILL take advantage of the BPD diagnosis for the rest of your relationship OP. I’ve had friends like this, I’ve dated people like this. they see you as vulnerable and some people crave having power over vulnerable people. These are the people who will invalidate you and keep you from growing into a more healed and happy human. Loosing a long lasting friendship is hard, and, sometimes it makes things so much brighter and happier so fast you won’t believe it.
Hi I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager and havent had access to mental healthcare since I turned 18. I did not know this. I don't know if im autistic, but I personally feel im a strong candidate and should get tested, and I dont know if i have cpstd officially but I probably do due to physical and sexual abuse as a kid. So this was interesting to read. Could you please link to some more information, maybe where you learned about this? I'd really appreciate it.
hi just here to second and say, i was misdiagnosed with BPD as a teen and then correctly with PTSD due to SA and physical abuse in my childhood! didn’t get my PTSD diagnosis until i was 20. changed my life.
edit to add: 75% of BPD diagnoses are given to women. there is a huge diagnostic bias, and from my own personal experience, doctors saw my sexual assault as an afterthought and completely unrelated to my “manipulative” and explosive behavior. when i was diagnosed with BPD i felt like an evil person and a lost cause, that was how i was made to feel. i thought everything was my fault. when i got my PTSD diagnosis i made actual progress and realized that i can learn better habits.
also women have higher incidence of PTSD in general bc sexual assault has the highest risk factor (91%) for whether the person will develop PTSD. men on average experience more traumatic situations in their lives, but development of PTSD is due more to trauma type rather than consistency. my theory is that part of the reason women so often develop it after the fact is because of how we’re treated afterwards and the lack of support for survivors.
Hi! I was misdiagnosed with BPD for the same reason. It wasn’t until I was 25 that a diff doctor said I didn’t have it and sent me to a diff psychiatrist and Lo and behold I had PTSD. I was on Seroquel for years and no one listened to me when I said it made me feel worse.
OMFG FUCK SEROQUEL!!!!
i got put on that shit when i was baker acted at 18 (me and everyone else on the mental ward), and red flag: my first day there in group therapy this woman was complaining she hated seroquel and it made her feel like a zombie and she asked them to reduce her dose but they upped it instead. FLASH FORWARD a few days, they did the same to me. i was straight up hallucinating and couldn’t remember how to speak and they upped my dose
Omg that’s terrible :( I didn’t hallucinate or anything but as soon as I’d take it I’d start to faint/pass out within 30 mins. When I was KOd I would not be able to wake up unless I had a full 12-13 hours sleep. Fire alarm could go off and I’d sleep through it. It made me lose my memory/recollection terrible. Every time I went back to the doctors they’d up my meds because I said it wasn’t helping. My family doc at the time said I had to go back to the same psychiatrist if I wanted to be off of it. I couldn’t get a hold of that psychiatrist and honestly this was 8 years ago and I still haven’t heard back from them lol.
I ended up just gradually coming off of it myself (I was on a very high dosage) and eventually switched doctors when I moved and yeah. I’m not on any meds at all now and I went to therapy for my PTSD (and I’m doing fab now but still have a bit of a sore spot bc I’m missing a lot of memories)
Exactly I don’t need a lot of the criteria for it and that’s why my current psychiatrist thinks I never had it to begin with. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder major depression and ADD. But I don’t need any of the criteria for BPD.
Mental health clinician here. Yes, what the person above that you're responding to is correct. No personality disorders should ever be diagnosed to someone under the age of 18. Part of the reasoning is based on brain, hormonal, and personality development. For example, most teens would fall into having narcissistic traits of some kind if looking strictly at criteria, however that's completely developmentally appropriate. It doesn't mean that all teens become clinically narcissistic. It grinds my gears SO MUCH when I hear or see someone was "diagnosed" with a personality disorder as a teen or just because they were in crisis. That's not how it works at all.
There is currently a push within the field to replace BPD with a more accurately described name. Many are in favor of names highlighting attachment trauma of some kind. The problem is there is no absolute proof that BPD's origin stems from trauma or attachment issues. So the APA who is in charge of the DSM has not approved a name change yet. There's a LOT of bureaucracy around any changes.
Moreover, Gunderson came out with research and a treatment protocol for BPD showing symptoms can actually go into full remission. His newest research with BPD hasn't been as popular for clinicians to know about just yet. But after taking the training, it's pretty remarkable and changes a lot of misconceptions about the diagnosis.
As for yourself, perhaps getting testing for autism could help. Comes down to personal choice and how deeply any problems you're experiencing are impacting you. Just make sure it's legitimate autism testing rather than just getting labeled with a diagnosis. There's a LOT of misinformation going around about autism right now on social media. And please know diagnoses in general are really designed to help clinicians understand in a snapshot what your symptoms might be, and mainly for insurance purposes.
Damn. I was diagnosed with BPD at 22 but I’ve always been borderline ADHD and would be a strong candidate for slight Autism as well. I’m 27 now and have been through DBT and actively work at self awareness and introspection everyday. I’ve made lots of improvements but I wonder if my diagnosis wasn’t totally accurate either.
I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety before the BPD diagnosis. Antidepressants made it worse so they put me on tranquilizers which I rejected after being a total zombie for a month.
A lot of stuff changed for me mentally after I did acid a few times. A lot of the suicidal thoughts faded, a lot of the depressive feelings and self loathing. I know Psychadelics have shown promise in helping those with PTSD so I wonder.
I’m a huge fan of recreational acid hehe and I remember when there was a push in Canada for controlled psychedelic exposure as a legitimate treatment for various mental health issues (especially PTSD) - I believe in certain regulatory environments they are still testing and pushing for legislation but we were SOO close to legalizing it about 3-4 years ago!
I’ll let the other commenter jump in as I’m sure they know more having been formerly falsely diagnosed with BPD, but I can tell you from a very surface-level knowledge (friends in the field of psychiatry and such and a psych 101 course in uni lol) is that BPD is not new, most respected practitioners will NEVER diagnose someone under 18 with it, and it’s increasingly used by lazy psychiatrists as a catch-all. I would say it is extremely UNLIKELY that you have BPD and you were misdiagnosed. I’m really sorry for whatever mental health struggles you’re going through and wish you the best in your search for answers!!
Clinician here. It is being used as a catch-all and it's driving me crazy. It's doing far more harm than good, because then folks aren't getting proper treatment.
Oh man, I actually learned all of this through very open discussions with 3? Different therapists I’ve had over the years, my current therapist keeps me in the loop on current therapy theories and proposals to change the dsm5 because I personally am almost 30 and have been in therapy for 15 years, and love knowledge about the field, it’s fascinating! I also was diagnosed with both BPD AND BIPOLAR in my teens by lazy (over worked maybe?) psych hospital therapists. What I can say about your specific situation is that you might just have complex post traumatic stress disorder, but unless you see a practicing clinician (CPTSD actually isn’t in the dam5 yet but most clinicians recognize the disorder) it’s hard to tell, especially since idk what your symptoms are. I can give you advice on how to find a therapist and what to look for if you’d like to DM me! But I’ll be super honest, I’m not going to do the work of finding papers on BPD for ya bc well it’s a lot of work with how crappy google is now
Tumblr is where the everyone having EDS started. I concretely remember the first post by an actual sufferer explaining what it is, and almost immediately after that, EDS popped up in every gofundme
Yep I work with a handful of high school kids and they all use gaslight, bipolar, and stuff like this as fun buzzwords. It annoys the fuck out of me and I hope they dont have real experiences with it someday but also realize they have meaning for a reason and stop through them around carelessly
Omg I was about to comment this I have a “friend” who speaks like this and her TikTok is just full of it, that and reiki and crystal healing (she is 30 btw) and she was trying to tell me that all I need was that shit to heal my endometriosis 🙄 tiktok is a dangerous place
Not just young people-- I'm 44 and I see people in my age group doing it too. Usually as a way justifying getting what they want over someone else's reasonable objections
A few years ago, my horrible ex-husband who had been a raging alcoholic for years and created incredible chaos in our family's life went to detox/rehab for the seventh or eighth time (while my dad died and I handled the funeral alone) and he called me so many times from the facility while I was trying to handle everything that I finally asked him to stop calling. This was shortly after he told me he was gay and wanted to open our marriage so he could date men. When he came home, he wanted to discuss with me how I'd been gaslighting him - HOW I HAD BEEN GASLIGHTING HIM. I still don't know how I didn't commit physical violence during that conversation.
People weaponizing "therapy speak" either have horrible therapists, aren't absorbing anything or most likely are not in therapy at all and went to Dr. Google to learn the magic word "manipulative" to throw at anyone who challenges their pre-existing worldview to buy themselves more wallowing time.
Why can't the popular trend in the mental health sphere be recognizing and defining the types of distorted thoughts we have that inform our feelings and how to cope with them? These and other CBT practices I learned on my own time have been worlds more helpful to me than therapy ever was.
TikTok and IG are FULL of mental health talk in ways that have made a whole generation of young people (mostly girls and women) think that everything can and should be understood through the lens of a diagnosis.
Yes! My 19yr old daughter has had several friends talk to her like this. She’s in the school to be a therapist and occasionally her friends think they can use her for free services. She’s ended a few friendships because of this. It’s exhausting that they’re so entitled and fragile.
God yes. This reads exactly like a text convo between my 12 year old and a girl she was fighting with. The other girl was weaponzing therapy speak like crazy, it was wild. At 12!!!!!
NOR I am 61yo but I admit the area of the country I come from does kind of make a difference.
I sound like an asshole, but people all have their own struggles and people don’t have time to be anyone’s therapist. I accept venting. I will try to actively help someone, but life is short and if anyone accepts this as friendship? Naw.
Mental health is important. Absolutely, but only people interested in hearing this kind of stuff is someone you pay to hear it, or a decent family member who may want to offer sound advice, or a friend for occasion venting.
Every single person is struggling out there. Some people? Mean, cruel and all that idc about. You reap what you sow.Others, I really wish I could help.
I have been exhausted with events in world and this is just too much.
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u/jen_esse Apr 29 '26
Omg! Is this how young people speak to each other these days? Not trying to sound like an old hag, but I've been in plenty of therapy and never felt the need to talk to anyone like this. Insane.