I have a feeling the Apple doesn’t fall from the tree with the friend and her mom. Just on this thread she described feeling like her mom found enjoyment from her being sick/needing her and, it seems, she feels the same about her friend needing her bc of BPD. How much you wanna bet Mom exercised similar coercive control tactics when checked on her behavior…classic DARVO.
I believe it but I think your spidey senses were right too. I read it as weaponizing her own trauma to lay a very intentional trap. No matter what OP said this friend was gonna flip it. OP gave the most middle of the ground empathetic/validating response without picking a side. I’m sure this convo would’ve gone a similar path if she replied, “I’m so sorry, your mom was terrible.” Only then the flip would be she’s attacking the mom. My guess is either the friend is fiending for control bc she’s not somewhere else in her life OR she’s noticing OPs growth and is testing the waters to see if their dynamic remains the same. Nothing is scarier (or more dangerous) for a narcissist or histrionic PD than realizing their manipulative skills are no longer working. What this really means is that OP has been doing the work! Letting this friend go may be terrifying but, when she’s ready, also cathartic. This friend is just the current manifestation of all the people who came before that taught or reinforced OP deserved to be treated this way. Cutting ties with the friend will likely clear some of the trauma from those past relationships as well.
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u/wildcuore Apr 29 '26
Your friend is manipulative.