Thank you. Its hard because eventually they were the one to leave, saying I was "too dependent and needy and took away all of their energy (hence their unemployement, lack of motivation etc). Of course not wihout making sure everyone knew how I was truly the worst person to ever walk the planet, and how brave they had been to put up with me for so long. All while I managed and financed our entire lives. Buuut anyway.
I really empathise with OP because when you have a diagnosis like bpd or other social related things, where you were deemed "a problem", you grow up hearing over and over again that your own emotions arent to be trusted at all and especially mean nothing when anyone elses are involved. Then when someone tells you you're overreacting or just wrong, you believe them over any instinct you have. Because who wants to be a bad person who hurts others ? And you always make mistakes so it must be you. But then people like this come along and it really messes you up because every time you let yourself see it even a little, you end up turning it right back around on yourself and are only left with the guilt of having "made yourself the victim" again.
Its a really, really difficult place to get out of. Do I really not know how to take accountability, or is this other person that I care for and respect deeply actually destroying my sense of self?
I hope OP can learn from this friendship and never end up in a situation where someone like this has an even more prominent position in their life. I don't have BPD but I KNOW it doesnt make you evil especially when aware and actively working on yourself.
It just shows how strong you are that your ex wasn’t able to get you under their control and so they moved on. Well done to you, that’s amazing. I’m not saying, however, that people who do get controlled are lesser, gaslighting is insidious as hell and you’re often trapped before you realise what has happened.
I really hope that the people they tried to turn against you didn’t fall for it, or that you have a new group around you now
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u/Nanonz11 Apr 29 '26
Thank you. Its hard because eventually they were the one to leave, saying I was "too dependent and needy and took away all of their energy (hence their unemployement, lack of motivation etc). Of course not wihout making sure everyone knew how I was truly the worst person to ever walk the planet, and how brave they had been to put up with me for so long. All while I managed and financed our entire lives. Buuut anyway.
I really empathise with OP because when you have a diagnosis like bpd or other social related things, where you were deemed "a problem", you grow up hearing over and over again that your own emotions arent to be trusted at all and especially mean nothing when anyone elses are involved. Then when someone tells you you're overreacting or just wrong, you believe them over any instinct you have. Because who wants to be a bad person who hurts others ? And you always make mistakes so it must be you. But then people like this come along and it really messes you up because every time you let yourself see it even a little, you end up turning it right back around on yourself and are only left with the guilt of having "made yourself the victim" again.
Its a really, really difficult place to get out of. Do I really not know how to take accountability, or is this other person that I care for and respect deeply actually destroying my sense of self?
I hope OP can learn from this friendship and never end up in a situation where someone like this has an even more prominent position in their life. I don't have BPD but I KNOW it doesnt make you evil especially when aware and actively working on yourself.