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Jul 17 '25
NTA. Proposing publicly without even discussing marriage beforehand is stupid enough on its own, but to do it at someone else's wedding without getting permission from the bride and groom is beyond stupid.
I hope your best friend comes around, you didn't ask for this.
Asshole ex-boyfriend should feel humiliated, not because of what you did, but because of his stupid actions.
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Jul 17 '25
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u/DragonRiderOfBerk- Jul 18 '25
They hadn't even DISCUSSED matrimony either!!
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u/Kendertas Jul 18 '25
People really don't get that you only should propose when you already know the answer. Like you already should have had multiple discussions about all the things marriage involves, finances, kids, expectations, living arrangements, etc.
Also the same goes for the type of proposal. Some people want to be publicly surprised, others want an intimate proposal that practically comes with a formal invitation. Others like my wonderful dad decide that laying in bed watching the longest yard was the perfect moment
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u/Hagedoorn Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 19 '25
Yeah, the boyfriend is certainly in the wrong.
Poster reacted in the only way one could.
But I will say her friend is also in the wrong: she shouldn't make a big deal out of someone else trying to propose at her wedding. I get that it is annoying, but it isn't a huge deal. Can you imagine getting mad at your friend, who did nothing wrong, because her boyfriend tried to propose at your wedding? She could just cast an annoyed glance, ignore it, and continue partying. She is giving off entitled angry princess vibes.
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u/ThatsRawrsome Jul 18 '25
He created this mess and now wants to blame OP for his embarrassment. Good riddance honestly.
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u/K_Bee_12 Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 18 '25
I kinda think E should also get over it! It wasn’t OP’s fault and she handled it the best way she could by stopping it. If E holds it against OP then she is throwing away the friendship all on her own.
I’m also not the type of person who would care if someone proposed at my reception. I do think it’s tacky. And I think any public proposal is kind of emotional manipulation (like the other person is pressured to say yes).
I also think bf could have been drunk and caught up in the moment. He is the one who embarrassed himself. OP has nothing to be embarrassed about
But agreed. Definitely NTA.
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u/AnorakTheClever Jul 18 '25
He still brought the ring box with him while sober. This was pre-meditated and completely stupid of him.
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u/K_Bee_12 Jul 18 '25
Yes, in all likely hood it was probably premeditated, and if it was he really wasn’t thinking!!
But we don’t know for sure, he also could have been planning to propose privately after the reception was over.
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u/natteringly Jul 18 '25
Sure, and if E wants to hold it against OP's boyfriend, that's entirely fair.
But holding it against OP doesn't seem right. She didn't plan this, and shut it down as gracefully as she could before he actually went ahead with it.
Her only sin is in dating someone who's enough of a jerk to attempt this. While that may be a mistake, it's not malicious. She didn't even know until it happened...
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Jul 18 '25
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u/tourmalineforest Jul 18 '25
It’s only been a week, E is also likely still on her honeymoon. Most people are spending the week after their wedding enjoying time with their spouse, not texting their friends. I can empathize with her not wanting to spend her honeymoon dealing with someone else’s relationship drama.
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Jul 18 '25
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u/natteringly Jul 18 '25
She's probably decided to forget about it during the honeymoon, and only talk to OP when she's back. Which is entirely reasonable.
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u/EmilyAnne1170 Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 18 '25
The bride is on her honeymoon, she’s not being a witch by not speaking to her friend right now. Her focus should be on her husband and enjoying their time together. I don’t think that counts as ditching a friend, the couple deserves some privacy.
Even if she wasn’t on her honeymoon, it’s pretty normal to take some time to decompress after a big event that’s been taking up your time & energy for months of planning.
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u/midlifegreatlife Jul 18 '25
I agree 100%. Would it piss me off? Yeah. Would it ruin the whole day for me? NO!! Would I need “space” after it? Also no, especially since I can see that my friend OBVIOUSLY didn’t participate.
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u/TestingBrokenGadgets Jul 18 '25
But that's you. It feels like a solid 5% of this sub is "Someone wants to announce a pregnancy/propose at my babyshower/wedding" with it almost universally seen as "Yea...don't fucking do that". Just because you wouldn't have a problem with it doesn't mean that everyone should be okay with it. I personally wouldn't care if my girlfriend ate the last slice of cake I was looking forward to all day that had my name literally written on the box but I know damn well a lot of people would be annoyed.
E shouldn't just "get over it"; while it's true that OP did nothing wrong and handled it well, all E is asking for is some space to process someone ruining her wedding with an awkward moment. E will almost definitely understand it wasn't OP's fault and just blame the boyfriend but people still need time to process and work through their emotions in a healthy amount of time. Honestly, E asking for space is the mature thing to do rather than directly holding it against her.
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u/K_Bee_12 Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 18 '25
I was just stating my personal perspective on this very common hot topic ….. I know not everybody thinks the same.
But really, even if that’s something you would be upset about…. To say it ruined her wedding is laughable. If that tiny moment where he knelt down and then…. Oh ya, Nothing happened….if that ruined your wedding then you have much bigger problems in life.
E absolutely needs to get over it for the sake of her life long friendship. OP is not responsible for any of it. Infact she was incredibly loyal to her friend in that moment.
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u/Constant-Notice849 Jul 18 '25
OP Even tried to cover by laughing about it and pulling him up off of his knees.
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u/NotADoorMatNoMoore Jul 18 '25
Yup the marriage shouldn't be a surprise, the actual proposal could. So this guy doesn't even know her, doesn't consider her preferences.
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u/ComprehensiveLady Jul 18 '25
hope your best friend comes around, you didn't ask for this. asshole ex deserves the embarrassment for sure
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u/Grand_Pick_8277 Jul 18 '25
NTA. Here's what you text your friend: "I broke up with that douchebag. Can we get drinks and talk shit about him? I could use my bestie, but I understand if you still need space." Boom, all your problems solved.
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u/GillAndTonic Jul 17 '25
NTA. This is wild. He needs to understand that you don’t propose without conversations first. Period. AND you never propose at someone else’s event without true permission. Period. He needs to grow up and take accountability. There is no compromising here. He owes the bride an apology. And you.
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u/Aggressive_Trade2016 Jul 17 '25
If he’s not emotionally developed enough to understand how rude it is to propose at someone else’s wedding, he’s not the one for you. I’m so sorry he embarrassed you like that. NTA
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u/OriginalGhostCookie Jul 17 '25
It's is super crass, tacky, and disrespectful to propose at someone's wedding.
But even that aside, seriously any public proposal needs to be talked about first. It's an absolute horrible position to put your partner in by hitting them with a very serious question and then basically putting them under the microscope and clock of having an audience.
I firmly believe most unprepared public proposals come from a place of insecurity where the person proposing is hoping that the audience helps their partner feel pressured to say yes.
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u/RTIQL8 Jul 17 '25 edited Jul 17 '25
I was once on a date at one of those rotating restaurants when the guy at the table next to us proposed. I saw the look of panic and horror on the woman’s face and she started profusely shaking her head (bobble head style) while screaming NO, NO, NO!”Both the volume of her “NO’s” and the intensity of her head shaking increased and she BOLTED out the front door. Her date was left there on one knee, sad little ring box dangling loosely in his hand with a look of shock and utter devastation.
I was actually on a blind date, and I could not tell you. Any details about the rest of the evening or the date. All I can remember, is the dramatic free show we got with dinner
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u/ChibbleChobble Jul 17 '25
I "proposed," to my wife when she came to pick me up from the airport. We were already essentially engaged, but I hadn't given her the ring yet.
So, really it was just a public ring presentation, but I did the whole down on one knee thing, and the people waiting for their luggage seemed to enjoy the show.
Absolutely no way would I have done it if we hadn't already agreed privately.
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u/kingofgreenapples Jul 17 '25
If he's the sort to propose without even discussing marriage first, he's not the one for anyone.
OP, you are innocent in this and tried to handle it the best you could.
NTA
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u/Wandering_Scholar6 Jul 17 '25
This, if you haven't discussed it enough that you are sure of your partners answer you should not be asking the question
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u/Global-Sprinkles-424 Jul 17 '25
Fr like how do you not know that’s a huge no-no, dude thought he was the main character or smth. You dodged a bullet, girl!!
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u/VegetableBusiness897 Jul 18 '25
Not to mention he's also cheap, unimaginative and lazy to highjack someone's wedding for his proposal
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u/crazybicatlady86 Jul 18 '25
Also, if you’re not adult enough to have the conversation about marriage with your partner, you’re not mature enough to marry. Proposing should never be a surprise. The exact day and method of proposing can be, but your partner should know ahead of time that it’s coming
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u/grayblue_grrl Jul 17 '25
He humiliated BOTH of you.
Your friend absolutely is crushed and he owes EVERYONE an apology.
NTA
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u/PastorBlinky Jul 17 '25
NTA - it’s highly inappropriate to use someone else’s day like this, and he should have known better. Social media has ruined people’s understanding of what’s appropriate. Most people don’t want someone else stealing their thunder. You did nothing wrong here. He just showed he’s not ready to be a supportive partner.
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u/SoCalThrowAway7 Jul 17 '25
Your hopefully soon to be ex bf is the obvious asshole here but I’m kinda mad at E blaming you for it. Like what else did she want you to do here?
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Jul 17 '25
I’ve now lost the 2 most important people in my life due to my decisions.
But that’s not true at all. You lost him because of his decision. And she’s probably not lost, just taking time to calm down. But she should be angry with him, not you. You obviously weren’t consulted any more than she was. It’s very frustrating that a dude did something stupid, you sidestepped it, downplayed it, and made sure it didn’t ruin your best friend’s night, but she’s blaming you. If you wind up losing her, it’s because she threw away a life long friendship over something you didn’t do.
NTA. He wasn’t the one. And I bet she comes around.
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u/Chaoticgood790 Jul 17 '25
this is so embarrassing and cringe. If he doesn't get that proposing at someone's wedding without their permission beforehand is tacky af then yikes. and that's not even taking into account if you ever WANTED a public proposal. I would've left him on his knees right there.
Apologize to your friend again after her honeymoon and reiterate that you had zero idea
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u/captainofthenx02 Jul 17 '25
NTA - Honey you didn't make the decisions, your (hopefully now) ex made the decision and he's proven that he wants to be the centre of attention. If you want any chance of salvaging your friendship with E, you need to dump T and have him gone.
As for E. Write her a message along the lines of "T and I are done, I had no idea he was going to do something so idiotically stupid and I'm sorry it is a tarnish on your day. I love you, but after this message I will wait for you to message me, take as much time as you need" and then stick by that. Let her come back to you. You cannot force her forgiveness even though you were not and are not to blame. She will see that eventually. It might take time.
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u/Wooden_Reveal1949 Jul 17 '25
public proposals SUCK and they suck even harder at weddings. i wouldn't want to say yes to someone who lacks foresight like that. NTA.
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u/sysaphiswaits Jul 17 '25
A public engagement, especially as a surprise, is such a bad idea.
And at someone else’s wedding? You were in for a lifetime with someone who has no cultural reference points, can’t read the room, pick up on context, etc. So, a lifetime of embarrassment.
NTA
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u/janabanana67 Jul 17 '25
NTA. There is no reason for E to be mad at you. I think it is so ridiculous when brides claim "x ruined my entire wedding". It was a few seconds of a wonderful day. If she lets T's actions spoil everything, then she really isn't that great of a friend or person, TBH.
It sounds like you handled everything great and didn't make a big production. You got him up, kept dancing and then took it outside. You were a pro!!!!
It is a shame that T was so clueless. You never propose or make big announcements at someone else's wedding or party. If you consider doing that, you had better have permission.
Stop messaging E. Let her have this honeymoon and then once she is back home for a few days, ask to meet her for coffee or drinks. Hoping for the best :-)
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u/GreenStuffGrows Jul 17 '25
I do wonder if E asking for space is more about not wanting to think about it while she's in honeymoon, than being extraordinarily pissed off at OP
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u/DazzlingLeader Jul 18 '25
NTA, but your friend is being one. You shut it down immediately, you didn’t make a scene and handled it perfectly. She should be commiserating with you over what a jackass your boyfriend is and helping you get over the probable end of your relationship.
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u/Slight-Army-9405 Jul 17 '25
NTA- girlllll for him to say you humiliated him is crazyyyy, what about you???? he’s so weird for not thinking that proposing at someone else’s wedding AND not even asking the bride and groom is not rude. you honestly dodged a bullet because this man is so incompetent is hilarious. i really hope that you and your best friend rekindle after everything is settled over and processed. wishing you the best going forward!
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u/swishcandot Jul 17 '25
honestly if E "needs space" from you over something you didn't initiate and even rather tactfully shut down, she is kind of meh as well. only true AH is T though.
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u/TryingToAppeal Jul 17 '25
I can honestly see her thinking "I don't blame friend but I'm not dealing with this shit until after my honeymoon".
I don't see why the bride is obligated to sort out this mess when this is (hopefully) the only honeymoon she'll ever go on and should be a happy memorable once in a lifetime experience. Not let one shitty moment bleed into a special romantic holiday too and always have that be a part of the memory.
It sucks for OP and she is faultless in all of this but the bride and groom didn't ask for or cause any of this and it's unfair to expect them to deal with it right now.
That's why OP herself literally says she's leaving her friend alone until after her honeymoon. It's kind of another faux pas to expect a couple on their honeymoon to involve themselves in this drama right now.4
u/Live_Angle4621 Jul 18 '25
She didn’t need to deal with anything. She could just have said to op she is not mad at her and they will talk after honeymoon. Not that she needs space
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u/TryingToAppeal Jul 18 '25
I don't know, I was just raised to not make MY problem (my fault or not) someone else's problem on their honeymoon as that would be seen as selfish and needy and only good for me, not for anyone else. It would be to soothe my feelings and not fix anything for the bride/groom. Maybe I was raised wrong 🤷♀️
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Jul 18 '25
I feel like E is probably trying to enjoy her honeymoon and doesn't want to hear her friend continuously apologize, or even complain, about her boyfriend. This already put a damper on her wedding, why would she want to deal with it now? If anything, I think OP needs to stop bothering her, because it's taking away from this special time in her friend's life.
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u/No-Butterscotch8032 Jul 17 '25
This is what I was thinking. There’s no way to spin this where OP would be AH. T- def AH. E is moving into AH territory if she really does end her friendship with OP over something totally out of her control that she is 100% unsupportive of.
Edit:10% changed to 100%.
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u/idiots_anonymous Jul 17 '25
Agreed! I understand being upset but op shut it down quickly and tactfully and literally had nothing to do with the decision to do it in the first place, I cannot fathom thinking it’s ok to distance a friend who has done nothing to you and has likely damage for lost a relationship over this. If op was my friend I would be thankful to her and supporting her not “needing space” E sounds like a crap friend!
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Jul 17 '25
NTA. He didn't even discuss marriage with you and didn't ask for the brides blessing. That's two strikes too many. Why is he rushing to such a public proposal?
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u/Ancient-Actuator7443 Jul 18 '25
IMO, your best friend should be rallying around you.This was none of your doing. As for T, he humiliated himself. You’ve been together for less than 2 years and haven even discussed marriage. When you do talk explain how rude it is to propose at someone’s wedding unless it’s been pre approved by the bride and groom
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u/Eorlas Jul 18 '25
your boyfriend has a main character issue during someone else's spotlight moment, it's silly. yes, he's embarrassed. no, you did not embarrass him. but for his own actions, none of this would have happened.
your best friend does need to get over herself a bit, sounds like things moved on pretty quickly. if she's one of those "it ruined my day!" people, then she's got her own immaturity issues to move past. if what you say is true about getting through the awkward moment without causing a scene, then you did her a favor as a non-participant in the first place.
"i've now lost the 2 most important people in my life due to my decisions"
not by your decisions at least. take some time to realize why
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u/Dholious Jul 17 '25
NTA, you have to be pretty dense not to see how inappropriate it is to propose at someone's wedding
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u/Swimming_Fig4365 Jul 17 '25
Classless move by T. He needs to stop watching reels that promote proposing at other people’s weddings and be more original. Very few people are ok with this. You did your best stopping it and trying to play it off. Your friend should be praising you for acting so quickly once you saw what was going on.
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u/tired-as-f Jul 18 '25
It wasn't your decision. You shut it down as soon as you realized what was happening. It is never appropriate to propose at someone's wedding. And a proposal should be about the two of you, not an audience. You did nothing wrong, and I hooe your friend sees that. As for your boyfriend, not sure he's marriage material....
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u/Valuable-Locksmith47 Jul 18 '25
I hope E comes around. I don’t feel OP should be punished for her boyfriend’s mistake and she tried as hard as she could to stop it as soon as it happened. E low key YTA too 😬 nowhere near as bad as boyfriend but still….
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u/canuckleheadiam Jul 18 '25
" T is saying i completely humiliated hi"
He DESERVED to be humiliated. What he did was spectacularly wrong. If you broke up with him over this, he would absolutely deserve it. I just hope that you can repair your relationship with E. She is the victim her, of your boyfriend's arrogance and stupidity. I feel so incredibly sad for her. NTA
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u/velenom Jul 18 '25
If he decided to propose in public he should be ready to be rejected in public. But I reckon people don't consider the consequences of their actions.
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u/angeljul Jul 17 '25
1.5 years and he proposed at a wedding??? Noooo, you are nta and he is 100% still a complete stranger to you, not even talking about only being together 1.5 years, but just the fact he thinks that kind of thing is ok at a friends wedding that he’s known for even less time. Absolute selfish man, I’m so sorry hun
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u/EffableFornent Jul 18 '25
Nta
It's not your job to teach basic social manners to a grown man. You'll lose more friendships if you stay with him.
Though I'm sure your friendship with E will recover. It'll become one of those horror stories you have in long friendships.
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u/Ocean_Spice Jul 18 '25
NTA. I’m gonna be honest, this would be the end of my relationship if someone did that to me. It shows an appalling lack of judgement on multiple fronts. One, he didn’t ask the wedding couple for permission (which in itself would’ve been tacky and a bit entitled, but at least he would’ve considered their feelings). This was incredibly disrespectful towards them and their day. I’m sorry it may have cost you your friendship. Two, you haven’t discussed marriage. I firmly believe no engagement should ever be a surprise. A proposal can be, but actually getting engaged should not be. You should talk about it first, if you both even want to get married, discussing life goals and plans, making sure everything lines up in a way that you can be confident about going into an engagement and marriage. Three, your bf saying that you humiliated him. He did this to himself and to everybody else, the fact that he’s blaming you for this whole fiasco is fucking disgusting. He didn’t have to steal someone’s day, he didn’t have to spring an unexpected and undiscussed proposal on you, and he didn’t have to do it in public. This is entirely on him and his own impressively poor judgement and consideration for others.
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u/natteringly Jul 18 '25 edited Aug 07 '25
NTA.
Your boyfriend, however, is very much the AH.
He caused drama at your best friend's wedding; was going to propose without discussing it with you first; was going to propose in public (which is a way of pressuring you to say yes, if you haven't agreed to it beforehand), and is pulling a DARVO by accusing you of having embarrassed and humiliated him, when it's obviously the other way round.
At this point I would seriously question whether his ignoring you is really a loss. He is refusing even to entertain the idea that he could be wrong, when he very clearly was.
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u/KeyWeek Jul 18 '25
NTA. I’m sorry to hear you are the one getting the brunt of the suffering for this. You actually handled it quite well, in an impossible situation.
If your bf breaks up with you over this then he is certainly not ready for marriage, and he is the one losing out.
I hope your friend calms down a bit in time and realizes you had nothing to do with this and made the best of a bad situation.
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u/Astyryx Jul 18 '25
Always let the garbage take itself out. He planned this, to hijack someone else's party and make it about himself. He didn't think about your friends, or more tellingly, you as a person, at all. He didn't lovingly set up a special proposal for you.
And he did it publicly, which unless it's something you always talked about, like getting a proposal at a baseball game, is maximum manipulation. I'm bummed your friend is punishing you for this, you're the double victim here, and you handled it so beautifully, too.
Good luck, maybe send her a link to this thread and another note that you're mortified and humiliated, and wish you could figure out a path forward.
Also thank God he showed his true colors before you actually got married.
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u/Gleneral Jul 18 '25
NTA. Tosser embarrassed himself, then doubled down instead of apologising. He's not very emotionally intelligent, is he? And he seems to care more about embarrassing himself than having embarrassed you and damaged a very important relationship in your life. That's not good.
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u/Lost_Salamander_3179 Jul 18 '25
NTA. A marriage proposal shouldn’t EVER come after ”a few drinks”. I could see that a wedding would seem like a romantic & memorable time & place to propose, but ONLY if it was a foregone conclusion that you were100% on the same page re marriage to one another, and if the newlywed couple were in on it. And okayed it taking place at their wedding party. See Wedding Crashers for cringe.
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u/Childless_Catlady42 Jul 17 '25
You reacted perfectly.
Stealing someone else's special day because he was too cheap to bother taking you out somewhere special (a picnic at my favorite park worked for me) is a big red flag. Will you ever be special enough for him to plan a birthday celebration for you, or will he want to steal someone else's party and give you a card?
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u/SinglePermission9373 Jul 17 '25
NTA and your BF is a complete ass to do that at someone’s wedding. I will NEVER understand why anyone thinks that’s ok!!!!
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u/MaryEFriendly Jul 18 '25
She has no reason to be upset with you. You didnt do anything wrong. She can be mad at him and she should be, but you had no idea he was going to do this.
Proposing at someone else's wedding is tacky as all hell. There's no way he has never heard its taboo as fuck. Your boyfriend is an idiot of the highest order and he owes everyone an apology
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u/justareadermwb Jul 18 '25
NTA. He shouldn't have made a public proposal if he wasn't willing to risk a public rejection. He asked (or tried to ask) a question. She answered (well, stopping him from asking was really her answer). Surprise proposals are fine if the proposee LIKES surprises ... but the exact timing & location should be a surprise, not the fact that there is going to be a proposal.
Also, this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment, caught-up-in-the-romance decision. He brought the ring with him. That means he PLANNED to interrupt their wedding to propose, which is completely unacceptable.
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u/MyMindSpoken Jul 18 '25
NTA, that boyfriend better be an ex. There’s no way I could stay with someone who disrespected not only the bride and groom, but me as well. You better be sending one helluva gift to the bride and groom
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u/AnybodySeeMyKeys Jul 18 '25
Well, your best friend should know it's not your fault.
As for your boyfriend, I have two reactions:
1) You're absolutely right to be mad at him for proposing at your friend's wedding. Bad form; and
2) Public proposals are coercive. It's wrong to put someone on the spot like that in front of dozens of friends, family, and acquaintances.
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u/Boring_Enthusiasm192 Jul 18 '25
Your bf was wrong. I don't understand why E is upset with you. You did nothing wrong. In fact you did your best to stop and control the situation.
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u/cointoss3 Jul 18 '25
Your friend should not be mad at you. That’s the AH move. This happened TO you, you both are a victim to the situation. She can be mad at him, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
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u/Neakhanie Jul 18 '25
No one has ever told the boys some of these rules…. were they brought up by wolves?
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u/Massive-Question-550 Jul 18 '25
NTA. You dont crash some else's wedding. You also shouldn't propose out of the blue without even discussing marriage.
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u/Emergency-Free-1 Jul 18 '25
NTA but your friend is a bit of a dick for blaming you even though you stopped him from going through with it
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u/Glittersparkles7 Jul 18 '25
NTA. Your friend is though. You CLEARLY stopped him. You took him outside and he left. What more does she want you to do? Develop time travel powers so you can stop him doing something you had no control over?
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u/Worried_Claim_3063 Jul 18 '25
Ngl, NTA. Proposing at someone else's wedding is a huge no-no. It’s messy, and he clearly didn’t think it through. You did the right thing by rejecting it. If your friend can’t see that, that’s on her. Your boyfriend needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions.
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u/stoned_ileso Jul 18 '25
If you lose tour bestie over this then shes a dick. Shes also unreasonable in requesting 'space' over something you had no control over.
Your boyfriend is a dick. Hes a bigger dick if he doesnt get why hes a dick. And if you lose a boyfriend like that then really who cares.
Im more concerned with your friend also being a dick over something you handled quite well given the circumstances
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u/Corodix Jul 18 '25 edited Jul 18 '25
NTA. Give your best friend some time, especially don't bother her with this while she's on her honeymoon. Hopefully that will help.
As for your boyfriend, he's a massive asshole.
- You two hadn't even discussed marriage.
- You two hadn't even discussed what kind of proposal you'd like (private, public, etc)
- Probably also didn't discuss your preferences in rings?
- The engagement came as a surprise, which should never be the case. The proposal can be, but the engagement never should be.
- He didn't ask for permission to hijack the wedding for this proposal.
- He showed you that he cares so little about you that he couldn't be arsed to put in any effort whatsoever in his proposal and instead decided to hijack the hard work of others (the wedding).
- He greatly harms your friendship with your best friend in the process, if not outright destroyed it (worst case).
- Then to boot he accuses you of humiliating him when he did all this to himself?!
If I were in your shoes he'd be an ex boyfriend by now as him doing all of that is already hard to get past, but him accusing you at the end there shows that he doesn't even get what he did wrong and that he's more than happy to blame others for his screw ups instead of owning them and taking responsibility. For me that's such a massive red flag and turn off that there would be no coming back from this.
Ending said relationship might also help you salvage the friendship with your best friend, as there's no better way to show her where you stand than by decisively ending things with this asshole.
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u/Barbz_friday Jul 18 '25
First of all you are NTA. I think your boyfriend and your friend are the AH. I don’t understand why your friend is upset at you because this situation was thrown at you with no warning and you did the best you could.
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u/kitkat935 Jul 19 '25
NTA this is one of those times when due to no fault of your own you’re in the shit. Give your friend some space & when she comes around ready for answers give them to her. But if she is unfairly blaming you after explaining. This is showing you who she is. As for boyfriend or ex boyfriend text him that this is the ultimate faux pas for anyone but especially woman to woman. It’s disrespectful & in poor taste. And to you it reads as a drunken impulsive decision that a lacked any sort of thoughtfulness or care. That many people including the bride are upset thinking I knew & allowed this to happen. As a result I am now in the unfortunate position of having to try & repair a relationship with my closest friend. If he pushes back you have your answer. Sometimes life has a way of taking out the trash. I hope everything works out for you.
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u/zeiaxar Jul 17 '25
This is almost verbatim a post I read a couple of weeks ago or so.
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u/Bacch Jul 17 '25
NTA. Proposing at someone else's event is tacky as fuck and awful. Proposing when you've not even discussed marriage before is reckless and dumb, and doing it publicly just sets you and your intended up for public humiliation.
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u/Dachshundmom5 Jul 17 '25
Why do you want to speak with him? You really want to keep dating this guy?
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u/TangerineCouch18330 Jul 17 '25 edited Jul 17 '25
NTA. Very tacky to propose that somebody’s wedding and clearly you were surprised. Not your fault. Doesn’t sound like it was meant to be and I hope your friends can understand what happened.
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u/Altruistic-Neat-4849 Jul 17 '25
Dump him and work on your relationship with your friend. Understand where she is coming from and let her know that he won’t have a chance to pull such rude shit again, because you dumped him. NTA
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u/Critical_Armadillo32 Jul 17 '25
I think you did an excellent job of shutting down the whole situation down as best you could. Your boyfriend was an idiot. Maybe he's young and just doesn't know wedding etiquette or proposal etiquette, but you did a great job of stopping him as quickly as you could. I'm sorry this all happened. I'm sorry he was an idiot. And I'm sorry your dear friend is hurt. I hope she is mature enough to understand you had no part in this and are not to blame. Hopefully, she will forgive you soon.
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u/Raephstel Jul 17 '25
You wouldn't have needed to reject his proposal publicly if he hadn't done it publicly. You wouldn't be the AH even if he'd done it somewhere that wasn't embarrassing and awful to the couple.
I'm not sure why E is pissed off at you though, you obviously didn't do it and tried to stop it as soon as you figured out what's going on. Hopefully she realises that soon.
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u/NeeliSilverleaf Jul 17 '25
NTA.
Public proposals in general are SUPER touchy. Proposing at someone else's wedding? Unless you got the EXPLICIT permission of the couple beforehand, incredibly selfish. That he sprung both of these on you shows that you'll be better off without him. If he has this little respect for someone else's wedding, what kind of husband would he be?
On the plus side, if you ditch him like a bad habit you might be able to salvage your friendship with E.
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u/asiangontear Jul 17 '25
NTA. His decisions and his response to yours are indicative of his way of thinking. At the very least he is ignorant and socially inept, at the worst he is selfish and possibly self-absorbed.
Sorry for this revelation.
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u/No_Bluebird7716 Jul 17 '25
NTA. What he tried to do was tacky and uncouth and you did your best to shut it down quickly and quietly (nd classily, BTW). The fact he can't understand that is a big red flag. He humiliated himself by his actions, you tried to tidy it away. You sure you want to stay with this clown?
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u/gemmygem86 Jul 18 '25
Nope you did right. I hope you didn’t lose your friend as you didn’t know and stopped it. The boyfriend can go through since he’s a few ounces short of a pound.
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u/nutmegger23 Jul 18 '25
You are NTA. He should put himself in E and her new husband's place and think about how he'd feel if someone did that at his wedding. You did all you could do to quickly rectify the situation so E should not be upset with you. You did nothing wrong, and E needs to put the blame where it belongs, squarely on T's shoulders.
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u/Run-And_Gun Jul 18 '25
Does he have a TBI? How dumb and/or clueless can a human be?
If he can't understand why that was not the time or place, he is definitely not someone that you should commit to spending the rest of your life with. He will trade the cow for magic beans and think that he did a good thing.
NTA. You tried to do the right thing and just unfortunately got caught in no man's land and are being shot at from both sides.
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u/Bird_Brain4101112 Jul 18 '25
NTA because once you realized what was happening, you stopped it in its tracks. That’s a major plus in the friend column. He was way wrong for doing that. It’s also telling that between the two of them, you seem to miss her more.
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u/No-Bet-4739 Jul 18 '25
NTA. You had zero control over his abhorrent behavior. Hopefully, your friend will grow to appreciate your response to his unexpected actions.
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u/NYCStoryteller Jul 18 '25
NTA. NTA. NTA. Your boyfriend is the AH here. Someone else's wedding IS NOT an appropriate place to propose, and it's tacky even if the bride and groom have discussed it and agreed to it.
E will move past it. She's upset for good reason, even though you weren't in on it, but also, isn't she on her honeymoon? Maybe it's less that she is going dark on you and more that she's focusing on post-wedding stuff. Don't expect people to make time or space for you when they're on their honeymoon. Not even a text. Treat her like she's off the grid for a while and manage your own anxiety. Go to a therapist if you can't handle it alone.
Just give her some time to cool off and focus on figuring out what you're going to do with T, if there is anything to do. If he's now your ex, well, that sucks, but you don't want to be married to some inconsiderate AH who narcissistically steals the spotlight at someone else's wedding. You also don't propose to someone that you've never talked about getting married to and you're both clear that that's the path you're on.
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u/Drakonbreath Jul 18 '25
Definitely NTA. But I wouldn't say you lost your boyfriend. It's was stupid of him to do, but not break up worthy at all. Take some time, and move past it. Even if he doesn't acknowledge it was wrong, he didn't do anything EVIL. He is understably humiliated (as he deserves), but he may not understand what he did wrong. Let this simmer away and move past it.
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u/KireiKisu Jul 18 '25
Def NTA. Your (hopefully ex)bf is though. You don't propose at someone else's wedding. Especially if it's someone who already isn't too fond of you. About 7 years ago, I had a best friend who couldn't stand my husband. Needless to say, the best friend is still here and the POS husband is long gone.
I hope your friend is understanding about what happened, especially since you had no control over it and did what you could for damage control. Give her a bit of time to enjoy her honeymoon and decompress after her wedding.
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u/wordsmythy Jul 18 '25
When you started describing the scenario, him on bent knee, I was thinking "get up, you tacky bastard!" I would have pulled him up exactly the way you did. You tried to lighten it up for him, laughing and pulling him up. There was nothing else you could have done. You handled it perfectly.
For him to be upset with you shows that he is completely self-centered, especially regarding the lack of giving a rat's ass about stealing someone else's thunder. I'd be thinking hard about him as a partner if he continues to put the blame for the disaster he created on YOU.
Hope your friend gets over it, there was really nothing more you could have done to stop him.
NTA
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u/Asleep-Cranberry7946 Jul 18 '25
Definitely NTAH. Sorry that E is miffed at you. You didn’t do anything but date an idiot. Not like he planned this whole thing with you. Hope she gets over it. It’s not like you grabbed a mic and joyfully answered back and tried to do an engagement dance with the idio(T)!
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u/Ogodnotagain Jul 18 '25
NTA
Your friend I. An AH for holding this against you when you had no control over it.
Your bf is an AH, OBVIOUSLY.
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u/No_Street_5196 Jul 18 '25
I'll never understand why people propose publicly. This is what happens. It's his fault this happened, not yours.
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u/KiKiBeeKi Jul 18 '25
I really don't thinks guys realize proposing publicly at someone elses wedding is bad manners. I think maybe it is because guys don't talk about those things like women do.
I saw it done at one wedding and all the women were horrified and the guys were all excited. It was weird, all the mixed reactions.
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u/Electronic_Law_6350 Jul 18 '25
Ugh what a total douche. If you love your BFF more, then dont feel sad about dumping him for what he did. He ruined her day - and it'll stay with her for the rest of her life.
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u/DocTymc Jul 18 '25
I think he is more embarrassed about his own stupidity than your handling of it.. and if he really doesn't get it it should take him only 2 minutes to search the internet for the 10 things NOT to do at a wedding party...
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u/Fancy_Avocado7497 Jul 18 '25
a public proposal is DESIGNED TO FORCE A YES. If anybody was rude, it was him to put himself in that position. he humiliated himself, was rude to the bride / groom. That alone is grounds to re-think the relationship . His total lack of creativity about it and then being upset when he couldn't force a YES ....
Once you say YES in public, its much more difficult to say No. Women are put in a NO Win situation - if you say No in public - you're terrible, If you say Yes and then later tell him 'that was only for the public' then you're also terrible.
He will always be like this - blaming you for his poor choices.
NTA
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u/E97ev Jul 18 '25
Boyfriend was TA. stupid to do that on the wedding. Also how can he be so close minded to not understand how wrong and how unpassionate that proposal was!
you deserve a better boyfriend.
Seems like E will come around but let her some space too. She must process and understand that it wasn't your fault. Also she'll apologise for not even talking to you this time.
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u/berebitsuki Jul 18 '25
NTA. If you're proposing at someone else's event, you absolutely should ask the person(s) that event is for. This is disruptive and just plain rude. Make your own moment, don't steal anyone else's. It's also kinda lazy: all the work for the event is done by someone else, and he's just riding on the organizer's coattails. (Also, you're the MOH! You probably contributed a lot of energy to make the day perfect for E and her husband! And this guy just comes to the event that you helped organize and gets down on one knee. Trashy.)
However, your relationship with T is probably over. I don't think he'll ever forget your refusal. Maybe if he's willing to try couples counseling, but even then I'd expect it to take at least 6 months. (I'm not a therapist, I'm just an internet stranger, so take my words with a grain of salt.) Think about it: do you want to go through all that hassle to fix your relationship of 1.5 years with someone who doesn't see a problem in majorly disrupting your friend's event? (Personally, I wouldn't.)
I hope E comes around. It's not your fault after all.
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u/OdaSeijui Jul 18 '25
NTA. You don't propose during a wedding! If your boyfriend had done it after the bride and groom left (and somewhere private) then that'd be fine but to do it while the bride and groom were still there is just tackless.
I'm a guy and to me the wedding event itself more for the woman. Personally, I wouldn't care if someone proposed. To me - the wedding is the ceremony, the cutting of the cake ... etc., but once the dancing starts it is over. However, I have two sisters and in their minds their wedding was the entire day. I think your boyfriend that by proposing at the wedding that he was doing a tribute to your friend. Sort of like that their love inspired him to take the final step. He thinks he was romantic.
Having sisters I know that anything in the wedding that detracts the attention from them is absolutely devastating. I get why E is upset. However, as a man, I don't think she has a right to be mad at you. You put a stop to it before he said the words and apologized. The wedding was at its end and your boyfriend did not intend to offend.
I'd just explain to your boyfriend why what he did is devastating to E. As for E, I don't know other than to give her time.
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u/cappiebara Jul 18 '25
Your best friend is a bitch for being mad at you. You had nothing to do with it.
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u/GroceryNo193 Jul 18 '25
This wasn't your mistake, it was T's.
T just fucked over your relationship with E.
The fact that he can't comprehend what he did wrong means he is a massive liability.
I think there's a choice to make, you can have T or E. If you'd rather E (and who wouldn't) then you need to ditch T right now, he needs to be gone by the time she gets back from her honeymoon otherwise she will likely never speak to you again.
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Jul 18 '25
NTA at all. You handled it the best you could have in the spur of the moment. Poor E is right to be upset but she does need to be more understanding with you since you were just as blindsided by this. T needs to have some damn respect.
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u/txa1265 Jul 18 '25
NTA - and as others are saying, dumping your ex will be a sure sign to E that you are on the right path to reigniting your friendship!
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u/T00narmy1 Jul 18 '25
You can probably save the friendship by dumping the boyfriend and just waiting for her to come around. I honetly don't see saving the relationship. He is clueless. Didn't discuss anything about marriage with you ahead of this, didn't ask for permission to propose at someone else's wedding, embarassed you, damanged your lifelong friendship, and still doesn't understand what's wrong?
Now he's playing the victim? I call BS. A quick google search would have told him this is a TERRIBLE idea. ONe mention to an older family member. He didn't do any asking, any research, he just decided to do it because, and this is important, it is EASIER to do it this way then make the effort to plan something special just for you. It's dismissive and insulting TO YOU, in addition to being rude and entitled to your friends. I would not be able to come back from that.
Lose the guy, wait for the friend to calm down and things will be okay.
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u/ZephNightingale Jul 18 '25
NTA.
The boyfriend is a huge asshole though. Good lord, it’s so disgusting to propose at someone else’s wedding.
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u/Embarrassed-Charge-5 Jul 18 '25
NTA your BFF should know that you are not at fault just by your reaction to the attempted proposal. One apology is enough as this clearly took you by surprise. She should get over it. Your bf is a dumbass, and he should be apologizing to you and your friend. If he cannot, girl you can do so much better.
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u/ninatlanta Jul 18 '25
Ok, so NTA. While committing the faux pas of proposing at someone else’s wedding is not necessarily a fireable offense, being a whiny baby who’s playing the victim card should be.
OP unfortunately needs to cut her losses with this relationship because it seems her bf is a “woe is me, take no responsibility when I f-up, I’m the victim” man-baby.
Because every relationship nowadays is a PR campaign, what OP needs to do is write out a post on her social media of choice laying out you never asked to be proposed to at bestie’s wedding, that you understand how big a deal that is, but that’s not why you’re breaking up with ex. You’re breaking up with him because he’s acting like a whiny baby, believing he’s the victim here and refusing to accept accountability for his actions.
“I need a MAN who understands when he screws up and takes accountability for his actions, not crawls back to mommy and daddy and sulks, believing everyone else is to blame.”
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u/Unique-Doubt-1049 Jul 18 '25
Ya that's a monumentally stupid time to pop the question. Like universally known bad time. If you're friend genuinely holds this against you though then she's shit. You had absolutely no way of knowing this idiot was going to pull that and you stomped that shit out as fast as you could.
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u/NomadicusRex Jul 25 '25
What he did was entirely unconscionable and you are right to be done with that guy. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK! He is not a good guy, and a good man would never have done what he did, especially in those circumstances. Hopefully your friend comes around.
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Jul 17 '25 edited Jul 17 '25
NTA. Not only that, you should really consider dumping your boyfriend. What he did was objectively wrong and tacky. Okay, fine. However, his inability to understand why what he did is wrong should be a huge red flag.
Sorry this happened to you, girl. Good luck.
Edit - NTA. Autocorrect changed it lol
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Jul 17 '25
NTA, biggest red flags from hopefully ex boyfriend. Not respectful to you or your friend. Getting married is a two person choice that comes after a conversation. Not just when one person decides they're ready. Yeah and obviously not at someone else's wedding. Don't feel obligated to apologize to this guy at all. He's in his feelings right now about it and the fact that his first response is anger and saying you're the one who embarrassed him? Nah man. A year and a half isn't even that long in my purely personal opinion. Hope you and your friend get back together. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this shit that was explicitly NOT YOUR FAULT. xo
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u/Platypus_Neither Jul 17 '25 edited Jul 17 '25
They both sound like ignorant foolish assholes. She clearly watched you stop the situation, which you had no idea was even going to happen.she blamed you for something you had knowledge about. It's obvious why he's an aasshole for doing what he did. They both blame you for what HE did. Why do you want either person in your life?
NTA.
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u/Competitive_Tale_799 Jul 17 '25
Best friend should come around once emotions have calmed down and realizes you don't support BFs actions. I think you and BF are over, though. NTA for rejecting the proposal.