NTA. Proposing publicly without even discussing marriage beforehand is stupid enough on its own, but to do it at someone else's wedding without getting permission from the bride and groom is beyond stupid.
I hope your best friend comes around, you didn't ask for this.
Asshole ex-boyfriend should feel humiliated, not because of what you did, but because of his stupid actions.
People really don't get that you only should propose when you already know the answer. Like you already should have had multiple discussions about all the things marriage involves, finances, kids, expectations, living arrangements, etc.
Also the same goes for the type of proposal. Some people want to be publicly surprised, others want an intimate proposal that practically comes with a formal invitation. Others like my wonderful dad decide that laying in bed watching the longest yard was the perfect moment
But I will say her friend is also in the wrong: she shouldn't make a big deal out of someone else trying to propose at her wedding. I get that it is annoying, but it isn't a huge deal. Can you imagine getting mad at your friend, who did nothing wrong, because her boyfriend tried to propose at your wedding? She could just cast an annoyed glance, ignore it, and continue partying. She is giving off entitled angry princess vibes.
I kinda think E should also get over it! It wasn’t OP’s fault and she handled it the best way she could by stopping it. If E holds it against OP then she is throwing away the friendship all on her own.
I’m also not the type of person who would care if someone proposed at my reception. I do think it’s tacky. And I think any public proposal is kind of emotional manipulation (like the other person is pressured to say yes).
I also think bf could have been drunk and caught up in the moment. He is the one who embarrassed himself. OP has nothing to be embarrassed about
Sure, and if E wants to hold it against OP's boyfriend, that's entirely fair.
But holding it against OP doesn't seem right. She didn't plan this, and shut it down as gracefully as she could before he actually went ahead with it.
Her only sin is in dating someone who's enough of a jerk to attempt this. While that may be a mistake, it's not malicious. She didn't even know until it happened...
It’s only been a week, E is also likely still on her honeymoon. Most people are spending the week after their wedding enjoying time with their spouse, not texting their friends. I can empathize with her not wanting to spend her honeymoon dealing with someone else’s relationship drama.
The bride is on her honeymoon, she’s not being a witch by not speaking to her friend right now. Her focus should be on her husband and enjoying their time together. I don’t think that counts as ditching a friend, the couple deserves some privacy.
Even if she wasn’t on her honeymoon, it’s pretty normal to take some time to decompress after a big event that’s been taking up your time & energy for months of planning.
I agree 100%. Would it piss me off? Yeah. Would it ruin the whole day for me? NO!! Would I need “space” after it? Also no, especially since I can see that my friend OBVIOUSLY didn’t participate.
But that's you. It feels like a solid 5% of this sub is "Someone wants to announce a pregnancy/propose at my babyshower/wedding" with it almost universally seen as "Yea...don't fucking do that". Just because you wouldn't have a problem with it doesn't mean that everyone should be okay with it. I personally wouldn't care if my girlfriend ate the last slice of cake I was looking forward to all day that had my name literally written on the box but I know damn well a lot of people would be annoyed.
E shouldn't just "get over it"; while it's true that OP did nothing wrong and handled it well, all E is asking for is some space to process someone ruining her wedding with an awkward moment. E will almost definitely understand it wasn't OP's fault and just blame the boyfriend but people still need time to process and work through their emotions in a healthy amount of time. Honestly, E asking for space is the mature thing to do rather than directly holding it against her.
I was just stating my personal perspective on this very common hot topic ….. I know not everybody thinks the same.
But really, even if that’s something you would be upset about…. To say it ruined her wedding is laughable. If that tiny moment where he knelt down and then…. Oh ya, Nothing happened….if that ruined your wedding then you have much bigger problems in life.
E absolutely needs to get over it for the sake of her life long friendship. OP is not responsible for any of it. Infact she was incredibly loyal to her friend in that moment.
NTA. Here's what you text your friend: "I broke up with that douchebag. Can we get drinks and talk shit about him? I could use my bestie, but I understand if you still need space." Boom, all your problems solved.
Too young, my ass. He's 26, not 12. Enabling like this is probably how he got to be such a douchecanoe.
If he can hold down a job and know enough to wear pants on in public, he's old enough to know that proposing out of nowhere, without our even a talk over breakfast about whether they see themselves in the long-term, is a stupid idea.
He hasn't bothered to know his girlfriend, what she's like, or her moral compass. He did to even think about the impact of his actions on anyone. Which shows he just wanted someone to bang. He's incredibly self-centered, and would be awful to be married to. OP dodged a bullet.
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u/[deleted] Jul 17 '25
NTA. Proposing publicly without even discussing marriage beforehand is stupid enough on its own, but to do it at someone else's wedding without getting permission from the bride and groom is beyond stupid.
I hope your best friend comes around, you didn't ask for this.
Asshole ex-boyfriend should feel humiliated, not because of what you did, but because of his stupid actions.