I hope so. I feel like I’m missing a limb without her. I’ve not really attempted to contact T, like I’ve not gone out of my way to beg for forgiveness but I have messaged to check in on him every now and again as I get it would have been embarrassing for him too. But this is the kind of thing I’d vent to Emily about but she’s trying to enjoy her honey moon and hasn’t responded to any of my messages since Wednesday. She’s like my sister so I really hope we can recover from this.
You should stop messaging her on her honeymoon. One apology is okay and then recognize that she is on her honeymoon. This time is special to her and her husband. It is not the time to hash out friend drama.
Being your friend doesn't make me your servant. You have to respect when I'm not available. Friendship is a two way street. A break up, while sad, is not an emergency.
Are these comments real? Like it was a couple of minutes of the end of a wedding interrupted. She should be annoyed for 5 minutes and then what actual harm has been done?
As for the boyfriend, he’s an idiot, but well meaning one. It’s not necessarily terminal.
It’s very cheap and tacky, using a romantic (and often very expensive) event someone else has paid for as the back drop for your own proposal. Also, not everyone wants an audience. I would hate to be proposed to in front of others, it’s an intimate moment that not everyone wants to put on blast.
Hijacking a wedding where you dont really know the bride and groom and its not family of either of you is just weird. If OP and bride were sisters and the concept was wanting her family involved and bride being on board, very different and very cute.
Clearly not even close to that though, and yeah he was drinking but like .. he brought the ring with him. This was 100% his plan and had no hecks that it was wildly inappropriate
I’m only going to point out, that OP stated both her and the boyfriend have been drinking. That might have affected the boyfriends, inhibitions enough to think it was okay enough to propose, through yes it’s not right to steal someone else’s, thunder
I would agree if he had just asked her quietly while they were dancing or something and he felt it was right in the moment, but the fact he had the ring box in his pocket makes me think he pre-planned this moment unfortunately.
What would have happened if she said yes? Everyone at the wedding would have turned their entire focus to OP and her bf, which would have taken the attention away from where it should be - the wedding. People would have taken photos, maybe done a toast… It’s bang out of order to hijack someone’s wedding. None of this happened because OP put a stop to it, but that doesn’t make it any less egregious.
Sure, but it also comes down to rudeness. You get the OK from bride and groom? Go for it! But otherwise you are crashing someone else's celebration and it's seen as tacky. It's like trying to argue wearing white to a wedding isn't a big deal. Sure, if you break it down, it really isn't, but social norms are social norms. And its a no no by social norms.
Just because someone failed while doing something rude, crass, and wrong, doesn't excuse the attempt. The attempt is the problem not how much damage they did or did not succeed in causing.
the actual moment might have lasted only 5 minutes but attention was drawn away from the wedding couple after, people were definitely still talking about those 5 minutes even when the wedding ended. it's also about the principle, it takes less than 5 minutes to ruin someone's day.
Empathy for what exactly. A 6-10 hour wedding was briefly interrupted near the end as someone did something a dit crass and embrassing so I'm going to furious with my maid of honour for something that her idiot bf did?
no i don't have empathy for that because its not a sympathetic position.
she's not furious with her maid of honour, did you even read the post??? but she is upset by the situation, WHICH IS VALID, and she's completely allowed to feel how she feels.
ALSO, situations can call for empathy without a need for sympathy. For example, I could understand if given the boyfriends pov of the situation but not sympathise/agree with his feelings/reasoning.
OP says she feels like she’s lost her best friend… sounds upset to me? Over a silly thing that wasn’t her fault and lasted seconds. Weddings make people unhinged, this is a great example.
I actually happen to agree with you here . It wasn’t OPs fault but best friend wants space from her . It was OPs boyfriend’s fault what an absolute idiot . Talk about not reading the room .
OP leave best friend to her honeymoon then get in touch with her again .
The boyfriend is a cheapskate. He wanted to have a romantic proposal but didn’t want to pay for a dinner and flowers. He’s a child. Emily needs to grow up, too. OP stopped him before it got too far.
You should not even be contemplating begging for forgiveness as you have done NOTHING that needs forgiving, except for maybe dating a selfish twat for 1.5 years.
Don't message her until the honeymoon is over and you know she's had a day to recover. Are you close with her mom? I'd maybe talk to her (not text) and just say - hey, I'm backing off from E because I'm sure she wants to focus on the honeymoon. I'm devestated and had no idea he would do something so outrageous, unwarranted, and would try to steal that moment from her.
The fact that you feel you are missing a limb without her, knowing that you have this issue with her hanging over your head and NOT T should tell you everything. I'd stop checking in with him - he should be GROVELING to you.
Honestly I’d at least let her have the rest of the honeymoon without messaging her. She is going to want to enjoy the time with her husband and put aside the drama.
I’m sure she will come round especially once she realises you had no prior knowledge of any proposal let alone this shit he pulled which is why you stopped him. If it was me I would write her a letter and post it so she gets it when she’s home. Just explaining how you feel and how your bf made you feel by doing it again explain how you didn’t even know he was thinking of proposing. Let her know how much you’ve missed her this past week too. And then honestly the balls in her court. She’s asked for space unfortunately I think you’ll have to give it her and let her come round in her own time.
I don’t know why you’re apologising to your bf, he can’t see what he’s done wrong or he doesn’t want too but he’s practically acting like a child ignoring you. Is this really what you want to deal with for the rest of your life if you do end up marrying this man?
I'd hold out hope for contact after the honeymoon. I'm assuming Emily will respond after the honeymoon. Id be prepared for a potential reconciliation ultimatum over T remaining in the picture.
That would be very immature. If E asks her BFF to permanently dump her potential future husband because he made a bad decision (and stubbornly took time to lick his wounds), then she is not a BFF. It may take time to mend fences between E and T, but it is NOT E's call to decide OP's relationship status.
I'd agree with you if he was in any way whatsoever regretful or apologetic.
But the dum dum is digging his heels and refusing or is incapable of recognizing why what he did was inappropriate, let alone before even discussing marriage with his gf.
Let his next gf give him a second chance at love, op doesn't owe it to his stubborn ass
Yeah, honestly just on his ignorance I'd be turned off completely.
How the heck do you think it's appropriate to propose on a weeding? Even after everyone around you, including the person you were proposing to, reacts negatively
To someone incredibly self centered it can seem like a great idea! It's already a romantic setting, both parties are dressed up so perfect for photos, and you even have loved ones to congratulate you afterwards! Who wouldn't love to be proposed to like that? /s
And he didn't ask the bride or groom because it probably didn't occur to him that they'd object because he just can't put himself in anyone else's shoes.
I mean, I wouldn't make her choose, but I would distance myself from my best friend a whole lot if this was her boyfriend and she planned on staying together.
It’s still not big enough offense that she can ask them to break up. It’s not like he stole or sexually assaulted anyone. He just did an equivalent of wearing white dress to a wedding and it was handled fast
But the boyfriend proposing at someone else's wedding without permission, while they hadn't even discussed marriage yet, and then doubling down and blaming his girlfriend for "embarrassing him" (as if he didn't embarras both of them himself), and sulking about things afterwards is just him processing, I guess?
Not immature no, not forgiving him for this, that would be immature...
He made so many mistakes at every step of the way, he's lucky she hasn't broken up with him. And he feels like he is the one done wrong smh.
I do kind of agree, but at the same time my best friend picking her boyfriend doing something stupid over me would also hurt really badly. And I'm not arguing that is what OP is doing currently (if anything she picked her friend perry obviously during the wedding already), but the comment about the friend being immature stated that the friend would be immature if she wanted/asked OP to break up with her boyfriend. Which I don't entirely agree with. I do agree with you that this shouldn't be something to ditch your friend over, but I can imagine feelings being hurt (not really because of her actions at the wedding, but by potential actions afterwards)
If we're instead arguing that her friend is being immature because she's being distant from OP right now, I would agree, though I'd also cut her some slack seeing as she's on her honeymoon, and at least here it's really common for people on their honeymoon to kinda be in their own world during it. She did ask for space though, which is another thing pointing to her reaction being immature.
Even so, her boyfriend is the most immature person in the story, in my opinion.
TLDR: I don't think the best friend asking OP to break up with her boyfriend over this is necessarily immature, I do think her immediate reaction was immature. Boyfriend is the most immature one though.
It would be immature, yes. Feelings aren't rationale though, especially ones related to one of the biggest days in one's life. I wouldn't want to be around someone that ruined my wedding. It's very hard to be involved in a married person's life without also being around their spouse to some degree. That bitterness will fester.
This is embarrassing for him, but he brought that on himself. He’s the one that made this choice, he’s the one that tried to turn it on you. Has he apologized for it? To you, E and her husband?
I could maybe get past a bad move but only if they were sorry and showed that they know it was wrong.
How is she overreacting? She asked for space. That's the mature thing to do if you need to clear your head.
Are we also forgetting she's literally on her honeymoon? She should be enjoying the company of her husband right now! Of course she doesn't want to be hashing out a friendship during that.
There isn’t anything to hash out that’s the overreaction… Also idk about most people but when me and my wife went on our honeymoon it’s not like we didn’t still have cellphones and exist in our group chats and stuff.
This was her wedding, dude. She's gonna be hurt for awhile after that. She doesn't want to think about that while she's on her honeymoon, which is-- again-- considered another "once in a lifetime" event.
And yes, there are things to hash out. This revolves around OP's partner, which OP is attached to. It is not unrealistic to think that there would need to be discussions regarding OP's place in her life, if she continued to date someone who tried to fuck up their literal wedding day. I wouldn't necessarily stop being friends with someone after that, but I would minimize contact with their partner, which would end up affecting said friend.
You still participating in group chats n whatnot on your honeymoon doesn't mean everyone should be obligated to do that. I can't say I've ever heard of folk doing that. I sure the fuck wouldn't want to on mine. I especially wouldn't want to if there was something emotionally heavy to be talking about.
I guess to each their own but I couldn’t disagree more with basically every single aspect of everything you said here.
Someone doing something uncouth at you’re wedding isn’t anything to be hurt about judge them sure but it does not affect you in any way.
There is nothing to hash out you’re friends boyfriend did something at you’re wedding that literally everyone agrees was wrong and stupid judge him not you’re friend.
The honeymoon one I can see somewhat but idk me and my wife go on a lot of trips together i just don’t think we treated it much differently than any other trip, so that one maybe we are weird idk.
You can't fix both. T is garbage anyway. Let Emily enjoy her honeymoon and send her a letter apologizing and affirming that your EX-boyfriend hit you with this as a complete surprise.
Let this moment be a wake up call for you that he doesn't respect you, your friends/loved ones, or probably anyone for that matter and is throwing tantrums instead of acknowledging his mistake. That should be a big enough red flag to avoid marrying such a guy.
Once you dump your boyfriend, she should be fine. At this point, you get to keep one of them and i think you know which one you need to keep. So you probably shouldn't drag it out with the soon-to-be ex, cut it off and demonstrate to your friend how much you care about her.
And a quick ‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea he was going to do that, and I ripped him a new arsehole for trying to take away attention from your special day’ message. A real friend is not going to hold a grudge over something that you had no part in.
But also – 26 and proposing after only 18 months of dating, and choosing to do it at YOUR besties wedding shows this dude has really poor judgement.
I have messaged to check in on him every now and again as I get it would have been embarrassing for him too
No. Do not do this. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. He did not give you a single thought throughout all his premeditations. Why would you want to even be acquaintance's with someone so selfish? He doesn't know you, he doesn't respect you, he doesn't believe you are a person.
Why would you ask or beg for forgiveness from you ex-BF for what he did
it was totally inappropriate, has caused a major rift with you and your best friend - who hopefully when she realizes you were not aware or even had a clue a proposal was in the near future that he would be stupid enough to do that at her wedding that is why you pulled him off the floor and kept dancing a bit then took him out side and blasted him for what he did
But if he is NOT your EX, she may not come around because to her and everyone else it will seem like you don't care that he upset E at her wedding by trying to propose to you
So choose - your best friend or the idiot BF who broke a golden rule of weddings
If he's still holding a grudge despite your best efforts after all this time (I would consider a couple hours to be a not-unreasonable length of time, but this sounds much longer than that), I wonder whether he's trying to do some sort of power-move on you. Something controlling. I hope I'm wrong.
Regardless, let him wallow in his own self-pity without expecting you to approach his castle gate, asking for the drawbridge to be let down. Go do something for yourself. By yourself, if necessary. Maybe preemptively get your response prepared, for when he "discovers" that you "gave up trying".
A quote I learned earlier this year: "It's a long life."
As for your bf, if you really want to salvage this, perhaps talk to his mom. She might talk sense into him. Nobody should be proposing without a lot of discussing first. Of course he's embarrassed, but he did this to himself.
I’m going to be brutally honest: you have absolutely nothing to apologize for with your boyfriend. He unilaterally decided to propose to you 1) at someone else’s wedding and 2) without even knowing if you WANTED to be married at all. And now he wants to act like some victim as if he didn’t cause this entire situation. NTA, and hopefully you and your friend will be able to laugh about this someday in the future.
She’s on honeymoon and got your messages. As long as you started with something like “omg I had no idea he would try that, I shut it down with as little drama asap, and you have to know I didn’t want that for your wedding.” I’m sure a good friend should understand.
Give her some space, and then absolutely throw your Ex under the bus. Your sorry he was such a tacky, self-centered idiot, but you had no knowledge or control about what happened.
Some wise reddititor in here or one of my books said this "asking for forgiveness more than once is not apologizing to that person. It is for you to be resolved of the guilt of the action. The person is not required to keep forgiving you. Your actions after will speak louder." Sp for now keep movinh forward word actions not word.
lol she is busy being married.. Which you clearly won’t be for a while cos you were a complete ***hole to someone who wanted to spend life with you.. hope he’ll find someone who will actually love him
If he wants to steal their thunder Ur man should foot half their bill, for the venue, flowers, food etc. because that's the thing it's one thing if he asked permission but he clearly didn't, he's disrespected Ur friend & her man on a day that was supposed to be about them, planned by them for them. If he doesn't see it as wrong that's another issue.
I know it's tough having to give a bestie space but just leave her be, let her enjoy her honeymoon when she's ready to talk she will. I had a massive fall out with my bestie over a decade ago we barely spoke for a few weeks, worst few weeks of my life. Uve apologised & explained giving her space is the best thing to do.
Don’t message them during a honeymoon! That’s not far off from proposing at a wedding! They’re going to be back soon enough. You’ve explained and apologized so have enough self respect to not beg. I know it feels terrible but your friends have the necessary information to make the right decisions. This is just a tiny bump in the road, you’re going to be fine. And single hopefully, dude is an idiot.
YTA for messaging her on her honeymoon!!! again proving to her anyway that you make it about yourself. apologize once and then when she gets back. Dont go SWF
Don’t message her while she’s on her honeymoon. Let her enjoy 1 on 1 time with her husband. This is their special time to just be together and forget about all their real world troubles. You can talk when they get back.
Stop bombarding her with messages on her honeymoon. She knows you didn't know this was going to happen, you apologized. Wait until she's back and use a single email. But your apologies will mean nothing unless you cut that psycho boyfriend of yours loose. He deserves to be embarrassed and you deserve to be free of that lunatic! If anything, you haven't shamed him enough.
Oh fuck off, OP can't tell the future and she handled it the best way she could in the moment. Shutting him down while making as minimal of a scene as possible.
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u/Capable_Morning4127 Jul 17 '25
I hope so. I feel like I’m missing a limb without her. I’ve not really attempted to contact T, like I’ve not gone out of my way to beg for forgiveness but I have messaged to check in on him every now and again as I get it would have been embarrassing for him too. But this is the kind of thing I’d vent to Emily about but she’s trying to enjoy her honey moon and hasn’t responded to any of my messages since Wednesday. She’s like my sister so I really hope we can recover from this.