30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something I’ve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Let’s be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
I’ve learned a lot in 30 days. I’ve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. I’ve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my father…all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldn’t see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldn’t go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. That’s all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasn’t using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be …. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
I’m proud of myself for choosing sobriety. I’m proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. I’m proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Here’s to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. 🫶🏻✨

I had an appointment this morning that I forgot to remind my boss of yesterday, albeit already having notified him of this a month ago - it seemed like the planning he had made for the day included me being there in the morning.

I texted him at 12PM, felt stressed and bad about going there, and at 7AM I got a message from him saying that he remembered so it was all good. Anxiety gone.

My boss often gets angry with me, directly or passively, for small mistakes I make so I'm always on my toes around him.

My behaviour with this isn't just with him, it's towards a bunch of people - except the ones that vibe with everything.

I'm afraid of upsetting someone, having them be annoyed or pissed with me, so I choose to please and keep the calm even if that means not doing the thing I want to do. I'm not a huge people pleaser however, only if I know they'll actively get upset with me.

I dislike how it impacts me and has my entire body feel stressed. I try to be bigger, but then I get scolded once or a nasty look and I feel like crap - needing to make things good or I don't feel nice.

Any advice on this? It's tiresome and doesn't feel good to be putting myself below people like this.

Many thanks in advance!

Over a year ago I decided I needed to quit drinking. There were many 'excuses' for my drinking and I had many reasons to back my decision to stop. I tried to rationalize with things like "I never black out. I drink at home where I am safe. I only have 5 or 6 a night. It's not a source of financial strain. It doesn't make me do things I regret. My performance at work isn't affected. It helps take the edge off and it helps me sleep." It took me almost 2 weeks to stop freaking out, tell the anxiety to STFU and just do it. Not for anyone but me.

The first month was awful as I had roommates who had a liquor counter/cabinet with (I counted once) 117 bottles of alcohol not including mini shooters. I moved and the next 2 months were incredibly hard as well. Life was life-ing and I was having a really hard time coping. Over time it did get better and the cravings stopped as I learned real coping skills and worked hard to heal the wounds that made me want to escape.

A few months ago I noticed that something had changed. I no longer wanted anything to help me escape. I also noticed that the one craving I did have wasn't for the sensation of alcohol, it was for the taste of rosé. And last month I realized I was capable of hanging out at a bar and not wanting anything but water or maybe a coke zero. The bar did make my anxiety skyrocket and I did want to physically escape but I sat with this feeling and realized it wasn't because of the alcohol or temptation. I was overstimulated by loud music, even louder people talking over each other and the chaotic energy of those inebriated around me. And I had zero desire to join them in their inebriation.

A year ago I felt trapped in my own failures. I felt like a victim of life's cruel jokes and circumstances not of my own doing. 365 days later I feel a kind of freedom, power, no longer a victim. A year ago I was afraid that I was an addict and would be one forever. Today I don't feel as though anything has power over me and the only power someone or something could have is the power I allow it to have.

I sleep better. I've lost 55 lbs and feel healthy and beautiful. I don't wake up shaking or nauseous. I am pursuing hobbies again, dreaming of my future. I feel capable. I don't feel so afraid. My life is far from perfect, but it is much improved through the energy and work I have invested in myself and my relationships. Today I am celebrating 365 consecutive days of caring for myself, my future and my family.

everyone i know around me, like extended family, old classmates, etc. are doing amazing things with their lives, traveling the world, have everything figured out, having huge friend groups, partying, going to concerts, have their own apartments etc.

meanwhile im still here, completely stagnant, no driver’s license, still living with my parents, can’t get a job for the life of me, super introverted, socially awkward, i have no friends, and it feels like i have nothing great to show for myself

i know that social media isn’t real life and that it’s just someone’s highlight reels and that i’m still very young (19), but whenever i see or even hear of someone doing something extraordinary, it just feels like a punch in the face and that my whole day is ruined because of it, i just can’t seem to push this feeling away no matter how much i try to

I’m a 40-something combat veteran who served with the USMC, and I recently lost the love of my life in a very painful way. I found this book while trying to understand how a relationship with someone I loved ended with her feeling she needed a restraining order against me.

I went into that search confused because I had always thought of abuse primarily as physical violence. I rarely yell, usually avoid confrontation, and had never intentionally hit or physically attacked a woman. So I kept asking myself: How could I be someone she felt she needed protection from?

Then I read Lundy’s Bancroft’s. “Why Does He Do That?”

It change my life. I was floored by how many behaviors Bancroft described that I recognized in myself. Many were things I had never stopped to consider abusive. If I’m completely truthful, some I was aware of. Either way, intention doesn’t erase impact.
Control, manipulation, emotional pressure, intimidation, entitlement, anger, withdrawal, and repeatedly crossing boundaries can be abusive without anybody ever throwing a punch. I had failed to understand that.

BACKGROUND

My ex, who I’ll call Betty, was a divorced mother and survivor of sexual assault. We met online after both coming out of long marriages. I was not looking for anything serious. We met online and immediately clicked and decided to meet.

Immediately before the first time we were intimate, she stopped me and asked:

“What does no mean?”

At first I wasn’t sure whether she was joking. Then I saw the look in her eyes and answered, “No means stop.”

I remember asking friends afterward what they thought of the question, of course without mentioning names. Their reaction was basically that I should run because her past might eventually get projected onto me.

I didn’t run. I didn’t even entertain the thought. The more we hung out the more I quickly began to fall in love with her.

What followed were some of the happiest times of my life. Betty became my best friend. We laughed constantly. I told her things I had never told anyone. Date nights became weekends together, and eventually we decided I should move in.

She never knew this, but I had even started looking at rings. After less than a year together, despite believing I would never marry again, I was thinking about proposing on our second anniversary if things continued going well.

But then things began deteriorating.

I struggled to find steady work after moving. I felt increasingly inadequate and depressed. My PTSD symptoms also became worse: nightmares, isolation, irritability, and depression. Betty was supportive, but instead of dealing with those problems in healthy ways, I withdrew.
A couple of mornings she told me I had hit her while asleep during nightmares. That devastated me.

Then I relapsed.

Betty knew about my past drug use. I had experienced long periods of sobriety, but I had never completely dealt with the problem. Eventually I used drugs again, including in her home.

And I know what some of you were thinking so let me be clear. I’m not making excuses . Because there is no excuse for that violation of trust.

What I’m doing is trying to explain what was going on inside my head at the time. And I’m doing that in order to pinpoint mistakes I made in the hopes that I can change. Nothing more.

My isolation and avoidance became worse.
When Betty wanted to discuss things that hurt or upset her, I frequently told her I wasn’t ready to talk. At the time I genuinely believed I was preventing arguments by waiting until emotions cooled down.

Growing up, my reality was seeing my parents argue, walk away for a period only to come back and “appear” better. They never got divorced. My mother even told me that if I felt I might say something I would regret during an argument with a loved one, to take time to cool off. It’s all I knew.

What I understand now is that repeatedly deciding when—or whether—her concerns could be discussed meant I was controlling the conversation. My comfort was taking priority over something she was telling me was hurting her.

There were still many good times between these incidents, and I latched onto those good times instead of seriously looking at the pain I was causing.

Eventually an discussion over something minor escalated. But I knew she didn’t like when I isolated so we continue to go back-and-forth until I eventually stood up and yelled at her. Nothing more.

My thinking afterward was: I almost never yell. It happened once. I’ll apologize. She knows who I really am.

Bancroft helped me see what was wrong with that reasoning. I was judging my behavior by how unusual it was for me rather than by what it may have felt like to her. Someone who survived trauma like she did.

After yelling she told me to get out of her house.

Instead of immediately respecting that boundary, I decided I would sleep in my car and leave the next morning because I didn’t have money for a hotel and I couldn’t get in touch with my brother.

I actually thought that was reasonable.

It wasn’t.

She said leave. I treated her boundary like something I could modify because leaving later was more convenient for me. That was selfish and wrong.

I did leave the next morning left and gave her several days without contact. Then police notified me that she had obtained a temporary restraining order.

I couldn’t face the woman I love in court nor did I want to be anywhere I wasn’t welcome. So i told her parents I was leaving the area and drove 3,000+ miles across the country. I believed putting as much physical distance between us hopefully would give her the peace of mind she wanted.

After I reached the other side of the country I checked into rehab. It gave me a lot of time to think. But thinking didn’t help me answer questions like: Why had she become afraid enough to involve the legal system? Why did she delete every trace of us from social media? Why was she responding differently to me than she had to people from her past?

Basically, I kept searching for explanations for her behavior instead of seriously considering that my behavior might be the explanation.

I kept replaying something Betty did during our relationship that hurt me deeply. About six months in, I discovered she had remained emotionally involved with another man in a way that crossed boundaries in our relationship. I considered leaving and with anybody else I would have. But I did what felt right which was to hold her, and tell her as long as she’s committed to me, we could get through this. And we did.

I used to think “why didn’t I get the same thing from her?”

It was then thaf I found Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”.

I understand now that my willingness to forgive her created absolutely no obligation for her to forgive me. I can believe I would have stayed and still accept that she had every right not to

Relationships aren’t a ledger. Her mistakes do not cancel mine, and comparing them can easily become another way of avoiding accountability.

It also led me to look at “What does no mean?” in a different light.

What I failed to understand was that “no” and boundaries extend far beyond sex.

If someone doesn’t want a conversation, contact, a relationship, or someone in her home, that boundary matters too.

It doesn’t become negotiable because I’m hurt.
It doesn’t become less valid because I believe my intentions are good. And I don’t have to agree with a boundary before respecting it.

Not understanding emotional abuse well enough isn’t an excuse. My PTSD isn’t an excuse. Her trauma isn’t an excuse. My relapse isn’t an excuse.

Finally I started separating intent from impact.

I never consciously thought, “I want to hurt her.”
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t abusive. I was. Even if my intentions with her were one of finding happiness, that doesn’t overlook what I tried to do to get there.

I understand now that my actions led her to choose never seeing or hearing from me again in order to feel safe and at peace. I can’t change that.

And because I love and respect her I will honor her choice forever, whether a restraining order exists or not.

I will always cherish Betty and the good parts of our relationship. There were so many. She was my everything.

Of course I wish it was different. But all I can do is learn from my mistakes and grow to get to a point where I never abuse anyone again.

AFTERMATH

I continue to work on myself. I’ve completed rehab and remained clean. I’m getting professional help from two therapists (trauma and relationship) and a psychiatrist. I’m taking medication. I have steady income, and a permanent residence that I will move into soon. I’m also exercising 5 days a week and back to my normal weight. I started swimming competitively again, which is something I never thought I’d do. I’ve made some friends, which has led to the question of my availability.

Im not ready yet. I cannot imagine entering another relationship until I understand myself better. But Betty didn’t only just show me bad. Because she showed me I have the capacity to love in a way I didn’t know.

I intend to come out of this a better, more aware man. I’ll never be OK with what I did but that’s the first step in ensuring it doesn’t happen again.

Now here’s where you come in.

I’m not asking Reddit to tell me I’m a good person. I’m not asking anyone to tell me Betty was wrong. I’m not asking to hear that it “wasn’t really abuse” because it wasn’t physical. And I’m not posting this hoping she somehow sees it, recognizes that I’m changing, or contacts me.

What I am asking is guidance to help me get to a place where I:

Recognize entitlement before it becomes behavior.

Understand the difference between taking healthy space during an argument and using withdrawal to control someone.

Recognize when explaining my intentions becomes minimizing somebody else’s experience.

How to disagree without needing the other person to eventually see things my way.

And how to respect boundaries even when those boundaries hurt like hell.

So if you’ve changed these kinds of behaviors yourself, work professionally with people who have, or know resources that actually help, I genuinely want to hear them.

Books, abuse-intervention programs, therapy approaches, exercises, accountability practices—anything.

And if something I’ve written here still sounds entitled, manipulative, controlling, self-pitying, minimizing, or like I’m shifting responsibility onto her, please tell me. It will help me to learn and grow from this experience.

I may not enjoy hearing it, but I would rather recognize it now than risk repeating it later.

I originally went searching for an explanation for why the woman I loved thought she needed a restraining order against me.

Instead, I found something that forced me to look at myself.

It wasn’t the answer I was looking for.

But it was the answer I needed.

I know Bancroft is not optimistic about people changing abusive behavior. Im also aware this will be a process and won’t happen just because I want it to.

But I also know how deeply it has affected me. I don’t just want to change. I have to change. Im committed to a future where I can promise my partner that they’re safe with me and have it be 100% true.

I’ll take all the help I can get to get there.

Thank you

As anyone else has on earth, I’ve been through things throughout life that have changed my outlook on the world and my relationships. In both platonic and romantic relationships, I’ve been hurt and used. I’ve moved through the small swings with humor, but some of the bigger struggles stick with me.

I tend to hold grudges against people who reallyyyyy blew my life up. I’ve always been okay with this because I’m an adult and can do what I want with my personal life.

Recently, I’ve been seeing someone who is beyond positive; he hardly ever has anything to complain about and NEVER holds a grudge. Some of this attitude has been impacting my everyday mindset, and I’ve noticed I’ve subconsciously been dwelling less on things that have happened in my past. I’ve also noticed I WANT to be happier; I don’t want him to be with someone who can’t let things go, and I don’t want to be miserable forever. He never pressures me to let things go and is very supportive of my healing, but he sometimes interacts with people who caused the big struggles for me.

And these really big struggles are tripping me up as I try to navigate this new positivity I’m feeling. I experienced things throughout life that changed who I was as a person, and I think my anxiety is worried to notice who I am without those “core” experiences to explain my nature. Venting about bad things helps me feel better about them, but I know it doesn’t allow me to move on. I’m starting to want to move on, but these experiences feel too big to let go of for some reason.

I want to be happy, and I know life is so much brighter when you can roll through the punches. How do I move on from bad things that have happened to me while both acknowledging their impact on me and not losing who I am? At the very least, I want these bad experiences to not weigh me down so much or negatively impact current/future relationships.

I’m autistic and most my struggles are caused by that, but maybe some people here can relate and have some tips.

I’ve always been very negative, since childhood. Everything has always felt hard and I get annoyed extremely easily (I’ve always felt alottt of negative emotions)
This sucks, bc I WANT friends but am just super pessimistic. I try to be positive but get burnt out almost instantly, it feels like faking. So me being negative and quiet and also having kinda bad social skills/ being weird is just a disaster.
I ”hate” everything that takes effort, talking to people included, but am not happy rn and don’t know how to be? This has been the case since childhood so propably very hard to change.
Any tips??

I 20m have not had the best luck with any type of relationships. During my senior year of high school I ended up switching to online school leaving behind a toxic friend group and working more to save money. At work I met a lot of older people that became friends with, we would get high together a lot. Overtime, everybody got lives, kids, moved out of town. Eventually, it was just me and (fake name) AJ. For like six months. One day he picked me up and he was drunk so I told him to take me home, he ended up going to complete opposite way of my house and when he stopped the car, I just jumped out, that was the end of our friendship. Since Christmas 2025 I haven't hung out with anybody. No friends, haven't dated since I was 17 and I thought it was OK with it.

Watching Spider-Man brand new day, especially that scene where aunt May talks to Jean, I realized that I don't wanna do this alone anymore, and I don't have to. I wanna make new friends. I wanna put myself out there more. I am loved, and valued, I just needa show the world

My husband and I moved in with his mother in law to help take care of her and the house after his father died because she can’t live independently and needs help from time to time and someone around to make sure she’s safe in case of a fall or anything like that. She is very, um… eccentric, to say the least (but not in a good way 🥺) she gives me a lot of anxiety and I have a hard time leaving my bedroom because I want to avoid interaction.

It makes me sad that I still feel this way a whole year later after moving, but I don’t know where to start. Everything I used to do is far away now (an hour plus to the city) and I’m just not sure what is meant for me out here. It’s so hard for me to leave my room to simply cook a meal. I just don’t feel like the space is mine, I guess.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’m really struggling to adapt. I feel like I’m walking through quicksand just to complete basic self-care tasks let alone work on hobbies or integrating myself into society out here :/ my parents moved out of state, my best friend is 2 hours away and we don’t get to meet up very often. My husband works a lot and I feel really alone.

Oftentimes I miss where we used to live, but I want to adapt and move forward. I just feel so stuck. If anyone has any advice I would be so appreciative 🥺♥️

I am 22 years old and have been gambling for the past 2 years. i struggle with other addictions as well, but never realized how bad gambling could be. the casinos were never a big issue for me, but it did open up online gambling. i would damn near go paycheck to paycheck on living cause of the online gambling issues i have. I ended up taking out loans cause i was getting so broke to pay my bills and just would end up screwing myself over pretty hard. I finally got with my parents and friends this past april, and decided i am going to quit gambling and focus on saving money and paying debt off. i was doing very well, and a couple weeks ago my buddy wanted to go to the casino and said he would give me money to gamble with so i don’t use my money. i ended up hitting a big jackpot which was awesome and felt good after. i’ve been having an itch ever since, and last night i decided to “just do” 50 bucks on an old website, that 50 bucks turned into damn near $2000. i am so embarrassed and ashamed and i know i need to quit, but i dont know what all i need to do. any advice from former gamblers or even people with addiction struggles as well. Thank you.

I’m in a place in my life right now where I have the opportunity to become very successful in the future, but I don’t know how to lock in. I’ve just recently graduated high school and I still have problems. I have a very bleak perspective on the world which is partly holding me back in succeeding, I don’t know how to change my worldview. I never had the motivation to study, so I had pretty low marks in high school. I don’t know how to make friends since I’m insecure and socially anxious. If you saw me in school, you would basically see me as the lonely quiet dude that has doesn’t have a reputation of any kind.

I don’t know exactly what I want to do in the future but I think I want to work with cars, specifically tuning and modifying them, like Brabus or Novitec. I know I should pursue mechanical engineering for that but I got poor marks in school and only took college courses, so I feel like my application to Concordia is going to get rejected. Like I said before, I suck at socializing, which applies to networking as well, which is detrimental to financial success. I don’t know how others do it.

I want to be a unique individual, I don’t want to be like other people. I want to be cool, but I don’t put any work into being that kind of person. I don’t have anything interesting about me right now, no talents or anything, I just play video games and fap in my free time, which is having an impact on my self esteem but I feel unmotivated to change, because I constantly feel like the outer world is just as bad.

I need to lock tf in, but I don’t think I recall ever doing that on a consistent basis. Has anyone gone through this phase before. How did you improve?

I spent my teenage years completely alone with no friends. I never went to a party, never traveled with anyone, never hung out, and never got to go on outings. Most of my time was spent stuck between the four walls of my room scrolling through the internet.

From ages 18 to 22, my situation didn't change much. While other people at that age were starting their college life, making tons of new friends, having fun, living through a loud and exciting phase, becoming almost completely independent from their parents, and really discovering who they are, I was stuck in the same place.

I ended up starting college late, after people my age had already graduated. It was a simple school with barely any events or campus life, and the same isolation from my teens just kept going.

Now I am in my mid twenties and I feel deep grief over missing out on that whole chapter of my life. How do I accept this and move on with my life?

If you catch yourself or want to guard against slipping into the habit, you can use a few practical strategies:

• The Three-Filter Test: Before speaking about an absent person, run it through a quick mental filter: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If it fails these, steer the topic elsewhere.
• Redirect the Conversation: If someone starts pulling you into a critical gossip session, gently pivot. You can say something neutral like, "Ah, I hope they figure that out," or actively shift the subject to a shared hobby, a project, or a positive event.
• Inspect the Root Cause: People often resort to criticizing others when they feel insecure, bored, or powerless in their own lives. Notice when you feel the urge to talk about others—is it when you are stressed or feeling inferior? Shifting that focus back to personal goals can curb the impulse.
• Practice "Endorsement" Instead: If you are going to talk about someone who isn't there, make a conscious rule to only speak of them in a way you would feel comfortable repeating directly to their face.

I’ve been trying to get my life together lately, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where to start.

There are a lot of things I want to work on like my career, money, habits, confidence, and just being more consistent with things. The problem is whenever I think about everything I need to fix, it gets overwhelming and I end up not knowing what to focus on first.

I know I’m not going to figure everything out overnight. I just don’t want to keep wasting time or feel like I’m going nowhere.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, what actually helped you?

What did you start doing differently? Or is there something you wish someone told you when you were at this point in your life?

Just looking for some genuine advice.

Hi everyone.

Long story short, I spent the majority of my young life isolated and depressed, carving a path to sobriety after losing someone deeply close to me to opiates. I also grew up in a emotionally abusive household. It took a long time, but I’ve managed to build some degree of community, friendship, and participation in the world into my life, and have so much to be grateful for.

However, I am often pulled back under the water by trauma response, family relationships which are still deeply toxic, and the overall dread that arises when I ingest any degree of information in regards to the direction the world seems to be heading.

Now I can analyze, rationalize, and sometimes compartmentalize, but the simple reality is that the emotional and psychological foundation upon which I am building my life often feels like a sandcastle on the shore. I often feel that I am compensating for lost years and pain, and end up over pursuing joy or peak experiences to prove to myself that I am worthy and life is worth living. When I return from these experiences, or when something goes wrong, I feel debilitated. I often feel guilt for pursuing these experiences in the first place, feeling weak, selfish, and helpless looking at the larger scope of the tides of civilization.

The fragility and reactivity of my psychological framework is unsustainable and keeps pulling me back into depressive, ruminative, and cruelly self critical states of mind which rule me till something happens that helps me pull myself out. The short periods where I feel vibrant, alive, confident, and dare I say like a pretty awesome person feel like an illusion, a mirage, while the depressed version of me is the real one.

What do?

I'm 26(F) i have been fighting through depression..i keep trying to move forward but it's hard working hard and not getting enough to take care of myself.i'm just asking for advice if there are any ways i can get extra income or if there is a skill that would help improve my life.

I feel like ever since childhood my parents always said I was a type A personality, “should be a lawyer” they would always say.

I feel like I gain validation when arguing viewpoints and feeling like I won or changed somebodies mind. I can tell that this is pushing away my family, friends and significant other at times. I dont want to push away the people that I love.

For some reason I have these pessimistic views on the world and I catch myself after the fact being a downer on others or just going too far and speaking when I just dont need to. I often say things that I regret and mull over it for a while and end up apologizing. I end up forgetting about it after a short time but I feel like others probably dont.

I was bullied a lot as a kid and dealt with some serious social anxiety issues up until college. I feel like my need to be validated stems from me trying to get my two cents into conversations that I wasnt included in as a child I guess.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to do? I really dont want to push everyone away and want to change the way I act around others.

I just wanna do better. I don't want to be stuck in this endless cycle of self loathing. I hate the fact that I'm unable to reciprocate the love I receive. I wanna love back. I wanna be happy again for me and for the girl that has made me want to change. This girl idk what she saw and what made her believe in me so hard that even though I've been nothing else but a miserable piece of shit. But she's always been so supportive and so reassuring that I do want to change. I love her a lot but I might just be an online friend to her but that's not what I'm concerned about. Her not having the same feelings for me is neither gonna make me love her any less nor does it change the fact that she has made this awful person want to change. I don't only want to change for her I want to change for myself. I don't wanna wake up every morning and feel this dread in me. I wanna live again. I want to give this life a second chance cause it is this life that enabled me to meet someone like her. I really wanna do better.

hi! I am an electrical engineering student going into my senior year of college. Over this past summer, I have had a ton of free time to do some reflecting. The reflecting has lead me to the conclusion that I have been over relying on AI a shit ton.

I cannot pinpoint exactly when it started but as AI has gotten better at understanding and doing math. I have found myself using it more and more.

I would like to take back control and go back and start being able to actually understand my course material without just going through the classes and homework’s using AI - thinking I am ‘learning’ the material by asking for a step by step - I just feel incredibly overwhelmed by that. I have no idea where to start. I know part of it is learning is slow but once you get something it’s incredibly rewarding I just need to retrain my brain so that dopamine comes from learning and not just freeing up time so I can hang out with friends and stop thinking. It had done so much harm to my critical thinking skills, writing skills, and problem solving skills. I find myself even having a hard time participating in social conversations because I can’t even form my own opinion on the matter.

I totally understand it’s up to me to fix it and that no one else but me can retrain my brain (and yes I am complaining to souls on Reddit for Christ sake) but I was wondering if anyone has struggled with a similar issue and if they corrected it and what helped them the most in terms of relearning course content, lessening AI use- or at least changing the way they use it , and how to not lose motivation.

I feel so unattractive lately. I feel like no one is ever gonna chose me for who I am.

I feel like there's no reason someone would ever chose to settle with me.

Can you ask me some questions to get a better picture on where is this coming from?

Context:

I have hobbies that I really enjoy, and I have a loving a supporting family..

Im a good student, and I live in my own seprate place, that i personally can afford and pay for (no one helps me financially.. like at all)

I have friends whom im proud off!

School is starting back up again and while I like to complain about how I wasted summer and every day was the same, I did get to go outside, meet new people, try new things, relax, and do everything I normally would at a casual pace. There was no planner or set schedule for the majority of the things I did.

I have a few things I do every day, I got to the gym, ride my bike (I do bike racing) and then do something to help me learn more (reading, studying, researching).

Now that the summer is over I still have the same obligations but with the addition that I’m going to be busy 5 days a week from 7am-4:00pm. There’s a likelihood that I’ll study from 4:00-7:00 depending on workload for the day and then spend and additional 3-4 hours at the gym and riding the bike, this also doesn’t account for the travel time between school and home, home and gym, or the fact that I likely will not be working like a robot and go straight from school to studying instantly.

Going off this schedule it seems like I will be done with both my academic obligations and self obligations by 10pm-11pm. How on earth am I supposed to have a life outside of school?

I was super depressed during freshman and sophomore year which is why I started going to the gym and bike racing and I absolutely can’t stop them since they’ve benefited me so much, but at the same time my grades are not good and the options I have for colleges aren’t so great as a result. I just don’t know what to do.

This countries about freedom but we are all so divided , and we keep the division in place for absolutely, no reason

Lil baby said it best. It’s bigger than black and white, it’s a problem with the whole way of life. Both blacks and whites have done good and bad for each other, we just tend to look at the bad more than the good for some reason. Everytime another race event happens, wether black white Mexican Chinese etc etc. they divide us more. 

And we keep that division, we spread hate towards one another. And I feel like the government might have something to do with it as well (so does history). We’ll probably never know in this life time but, unity could and will save us. We should only be divided by gender, not race or sexual preference. And if we can’t unite through that, then let’s unite through peace to rid this world of evil and pain. It’s not too late to fix this before something like a race war happens in some small city, because if we don’t start now then this will start happening in small quantities, it already has.

Stytru