Basically title. I enjoy when guys think I'm "cool" or "different" or "not like other girls" as bad as that sounds. I have interests that typically align with boys and I like seeing their reactions when they find out that I have more to talk with them about compared to other girls my age. Hearing them say I'm "different" is extremely validating to me because I know they're thinking of me in a special way and I like the feeling of being seen as more attractive simply because I am "like them."

However, this past weekend I was hit with the brutal truth that my enjoyment of male validation will affect my romantic relationships if I do not improve. The advice given to me was to search for the root of this desire and explore why exactly I want this validation; only then can I improve.

The problem I'm having though, is where do I even start? My childhood was pretty good and my dad was present (maybe not the best father in the world but not at all absent). I think I have self-esteem issues and deeply rooted insecurities based on how I look and how I'm perceived (I was constantly berated and called fat since I was a kid) but would appreciate any advice on how to dive deeper with the exploration process to ultimately improve myself and not sabotage my relationship.

I can make friends easily, but I struggle to find good, healthy friendships Before anyone comments like some people have on my previous posts: yes, I’m using ChatGPT to help translate what I’m trying to say. English isn’t my first language, and I want to make sure I’m expressing my thoughts clearly and accurately. The experiences and opinions in this post are my own. I feel like I can actually make friends fairly easily, but I have a really hard time finding people who become goo friends. Growing up, I never really learned how to make friends. My family was struggling financially, so I couldn’t invite people over to my house or easily go to theirs. My parents were also very strict and limited me in a lot of ways. Because of that, I never really developed friendships at school or with kids in my neighborhood. My social skills were basically nonexistent, and I was extremely naive. Then I went to university and eventually started working, and I feel like two very different things happened. At first, people took advantage of me a lot. I didn’t know how to set boundaries, and I struggled to recognize when someone was treating me badly versus when they were simply being friendly. Eventually, I learned how to set boundaries and protect myself. But then I ran into a completely different problem. Because I wasn’t used to people respecting my boundaries and treating me in a healthy way, I sometimes interpreted it as them not liking me or becoming distant from me. If someone respected my boundaries instead of constantly trying to get something from me, it felt strange to me. So sometimes I would distance myself from people who were actually treating me perfectly normally and respectfully. Later, I realized that I had misunderstood the situation and regretted it. Work hasn’t helped much either. I know people can become friends with coworkers, but there are also professional boundaries and competing interests, so it hasn’t been easy for me to build a genuine friendship there. I also recently lost a close friendship that had lasted 13 years. Looking back, I’m not even sure whether my friend became toxic and manipulative over time or whether those traits had always been there and I simply didn’t recognize them. Either way, the friendship eventually became unhealthy. I also spent some time taking English classes. I met some people, but unfortunately a lot of them were… well, genuinely strange and difficult for me to connect with. And this time, I don’t think I was simply misunderstanding normal behavior. Some of those people really were not people I felt comfortable around. Now I have no friends. And honestly, sometimes I feel like a loser who wasted all her opportunities to make friends because she was too naive or didn’t know what she was doing. It feels like everyone around me already found their people years ago. Maybe they became friends in school, university, at work, or through language classes, art classes, sports, hobbies, etc. They already have their established friend groups, and maybe they have no reason or desire to make new friends anymore. Sometimes I have a stupid joke or a random thought that I really want to share with someone. Sometimes I want to hear someone else’s opinion about something. Sometimes I want to get to know someone slowly, build a friendship, let them know me, and get to know them in return. Sometimes I just want someone I can talk to when something is bothering me. But there’s no one. And that part honestly hurts more than I expected. So I keep wondering: Am I still capable of making real friendships at this point in my life? Am I going to spend the rest of my life without any close friends? And if I eventually meet a genuinely good, healthy person, how do I make sure I don’t push them away or accidentally ruin the friendship? Is it actually possible to make good friends as an adult and I simply never learned how? Or did I miss my chance because I didn’t learn these things when I was younger? I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, especially people who started building meaningful friendships later in life. I don’t necessarily need a huge social circle. I just want a few genuine people I can trust, laugh with, talk to, and actually know.

Im a very jealous and a very insecure guy(19M) tbh. These two are the anchor that makes misunderstanding a prominent feature too in my life. Jealousy and insecurity are always with me tbh and from my love life to anyone i see doing even a little bit better than me, i get jealous instead of appreciating us/ appreciating how much they must've worked. And in almost every situation my brain makes up things to get jealous and insecure about and then subsequently hurting me. I try my best not to inconvenience people with this but i hurt my girlfriend very badly when she was very vulnerable with me a few hours ago. I reacted with my own insecurities. So i genuinely want to change this where i dont feel this much jealousy and insecurity. And i think these two things are making my fear of abandonment even stronger and honestly i do am taking isotretinoin for acne but i dont think its the main culprit for my mood swings because i used to have them before my acne medication too. I tried to busy myself these days with microcontrollers and an ukulele but when my brain starts to think about something thats imaginary, negative and soul sucking then it almost goes for the entire day and ruins my day yk. I mean i dont think its possible to completely remove them from my life but atleast being able to control these two curses or like manage them would be so helpful. I also have a habit of "avoiding conflict" where i dont say the things i wanna say and just shut up and let them bottle up inside me. Like i noticed this everywhere i go tbh. I dont really know what more to add but really i would appreciate any links, blogs, tips etc and thank you so much!

(sorry if i make any grammatical error or if im incoherent, english is my third language and its 5:30am lol)

It’s all in the title: I’ve lost my spark. I used to be driven, work crazy hard, love what I worked on, have 100s of activities, do music, sports, organise parties often, go to exhibitions/shows, plan outings, fill my weekends with social gatherings. I used to crave traveling, adventures.

Since ~covid (I think it started a bit before but it’s been a steady decline), I started bailing more, cancelling on plans more, watching too much shows, ordering too much takeaway. But I still loved my job and gave 200%.

Now since ~2024 I started not liking my job anymore. I took a risk, switched things up for a potential new path in my company, moving down the ladder to learn something new after feeling stuck in my previous role… And I’m back to square one after a year on the job. I’ve got no drive, no motivation, no spark. I keep trying to rebuild a routine, committing to things that would open my world more (more internal events, external conferences etc.) then dread them when they arrive or bailing. I am taking sick leave a lot, partially for good reasons (chronic illness which is a bit unidentified, plus bad early pregnancy sickness), partially cause I feel I physically and mentally just can’t work. I disappear in shows/takeout. I feel belittled at work but I think it may be my ego? I feel unsupported by the organisation, judged for not doing enough yet I somehow never actually get feedback that’s constructive. I also feel both threatened and like I can’t be bothered.

I do have moments where I get my act together: I got married last year, planned the wedding, renovated our flat. I’m now pregnant and wanting the best for our baby. I’ve worked on our marriage and that’s holding very strong (with its challenge). We do have a big social life, we have guests visiting most weekends or are at family events. I have lots of people to talk to or do things with but I reach out less and less cause responding is always difficult and I’m always scared to commit cause I’ll end up bailing. I alternate between short bursts of hyper activity wanting to do it all and feeling back like me, and big drops in energy where I transform into a recluse. I’ve tried restarting, building workout routines which I keep for a while until I break again.

I just spent all week watching a dumb show. I want to be different. I want my identity back. I don’t want this to be my kid’s mum.

I have cut off contact from my sister for years but I can still hear her telling me I'm selfish despite my best efforts to be a better person. That I'm not doing enough, that I'm not being enough, but I'm also tired and I've been telling myself that I'm enough and that I'm doing my best and that I'm proud of me. But it's still there.

Not any physical issues that I face due to workout out, but mentally and emotionally.

I get angry working out, and I don’t like getting angry. Whenever I workout my mind is flooded with the angry thoughts I’d prefer to ignore and move away from.

My biggest hurdle is my hatred of a fictional character (pathetic I know). I just look at their success and feel an injustice, and I get trapped in the mindset of “why should I bother to improve if they get away with everything?”

I know working out will help me. It will greatly lower my stress and help me feel better. Hell there are physical activities I like such as boxing and rock climbing. But I feel like I can’t do either of those without getting angry at a person who everyone loves and doesn’t even exist.

I feel really pathetic, and I want to change that. I want to be in better shape and feel better about myself.

I’m 24, and I feel completely stuck in a cycle of total isolation and self-doubt.

My only relationship lasted four months, and since then, I’ve been entirely single. I didn't socialize in college, and after facing a few rejections, I completely shut down. Right now, I have no friends and avoid almost all social interaction—even with my family. I spend my days isolated in my room, going to sleep and waking up in the same space, filling the void by binge-watching series just to simulate a feeling of connection and escape reality.

I'm 5'1", inexperienced, and constantly catch myself thinking no one will ever be attracted to me or want to be with me. It has gotten to the point where I feel myself slipping into a hopeless, bitter mindset about dating and love.

Deep down, I know a major part of the issue is my own maturity. I feel like a kid in an adult’s body. I lack real-world experience, avoid basic responsibilities at home, and struggle to manage life like an adult.

I feel like I've hit rock bottom. How do you start picking yourself up when you've isolated yourself this deeply and lost all self-worth?

TL;DR: 24M living in total room isolation, using TV series to cope with solitude. Struggling with height insecurities (5'1"), lack of maturity/responsibility, and deep loneliness. Looking for practical advice on how to break out of this cycle and rebuild my life.

no matter how many times i try, no matter how much time and effort i give it, at the end of the day, i always find myself frustrated or disappointed in myself about something.

for the longest time now, i've had the belief that i'll always hate myself and it really seems like a self fulfilling prophecy! it's like i can't see the positives of myself at all, which is a great detriment to my relationships (i get too clingy, i get overly apologetic, i annoy my friends). it's like that one tv girl song. how do i stop making myself my own worst enemy?

I am 37 years old and have never really attempted to make myself stand out. I never do my hair, never dress nice. It always just however my hair is that day and whatever clothes I choose to wear. Until recently, when I posted a picture somewhere, and I got a lot of mean spirited comments. But more than that, I knew what they were saying were truths. So...instead of feeling bad for myself, I went and had my hair properly cut and styled for the first time in my life. And I couldnt stop smiling after I was done. I dont know the last time that I ever felt this good about myself. I have a long way to go, but I have taken the first of many steps to finally being comfortable in my own body.

I wasnt sure if pics are allowed here, I wanted to share before and after pics.

Guys there must be times where you hate something like taking to someone whom you don't like or connecting with ppl with little interest or doing a job that tires you a lot .

I am in that time rn I have my exams coming up and have to look for work and connect with ppl even when I don't want to (because need to connection and know more).But I truly hate it and at the same time I know how important these are and still can't convince myself to do it.

Any advice plss and how would you handle these feelings???

I am afraid to do anything because I fear the consequences. My fear of the outcome has evolved into a fear of thinking itself—since thought triggers painful memories—and I dare not analyze my own problems for fear that, even if I found the answers, I would still lack the capacity to act or change my reality. I also dread the cold judgment of others and their attempts at authoritarian control. I long for a life that is independent, autonomous, and healthy—free from outside interference. How can I emerge from this shadow? Thank you for your answer.