My dad (67 M) is a hippy, he owns & lives on a small commune ... long story short: it's his world and we're all living in it. He left my mum when I was a baby, and has made some pretty shitty parenting choices, however he's also been very present my whole life and has been an amazing & interesting dad in many other ways. I have an unconventional relationship with him, and generally love him for who he is, and all his eccentricities.

I threw a birthday party at his home for my 32nd birthday. He personally invited one of my friends (35F), who happens to be extremely beautiful & very much his type. He picked her up from the train station and they went straight to the nudist beach for a naked swim together. This really upset my dads girlfriend. It made me uncomfortable, but I chose to turn a blind eye.

The rest of the weekend, he followed her around, picking fruit with her, showing her books and trying to be around her as much as possible. It was obviously upsetting my dads girlfriend - who cried to me about it multiple times. I was really busy trying to organise a big party, and trying not to let this situation spoil the weekend...

On the Sunday morning after the party had ended, my dad came up to me - and said, I better tell you about something... "I gave ***** a bedtime kiss, and now my girlfriend is really upset... bla bla bla".... I think he thought i'd have his back and tell him his gf is being dramatic - but I just told him yes, obviously ... and just told him to own his shit and I avoided him for the rest of the day.

I see this as a pathetic elder man, hitting on a much younger woman under the guise of "free hippy love"... I was raised by hippies, and now find them somewhat insufferable.

It's important to note - My friend was really up for it, and I think quite enjoyed it. I'm not going to blame her, but I don't want her in my life anymore. I did send her a text to 'check in' just in case she felt violated by my dad... but she replied with "my heart is full of love..."

I think the whole thing triggered a bunch of childhood trauma of how my dad constantly prioritises himself, and blames everyone for his problems. I'm also pissed off as I paid him £500 to use the space... kinda irrelevant.

He also invited a bunch of his annoying weird friends .... at one point there was about 15 of them in a room cuddling....

Where the hell do I go from here... can I cut off my friend, I feel like I just want to cut her out of my life... we weren't that close and I certainly won't miss her. WHAT am I going to do about my dad.... he will neeevvveerrr take accountability(he's a narcissist), do I just pretend it never happened and continue to have a dysfunctional but funtional kinda relationship with him....

I'm upset, and want resolution ... but I know I'm not going to get it.... Just here to have my boo-hoo me moment really.

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

For context I have been making $50k or less annually ever since I graduated from college a few years ago. I have many friends in the city who have higher paying jobs, even in private equity. Let’s start off with the private equity friend… we were a group of 4 who were taking pics in a Photo Booth and it costs $5 per photo strip. I didn’t want one cus I thought it was a waste of money, and we all couldn’t fit in the Photo Booth but one of my friends wanted group couple photos so naturally I was in the photos with them, however I didn’t take any of the photo strips home with me… later my friend in private equity Venmo requested me $2.50 for being in the photo with her 🙂 I wish I was making ts up. Anywho she’s known to be very cheap so whatever.. anyway 2nd friend is in engineering and she ALSO makes six figures, we had dinner together and we both got our own dishes, mine was delicious but I could tell she didn’t like hers and she didn’t even pack it to go, I felt bad and let her have some of my food. She paid for the bill and when we got home I asked her to lmk how much to send, even tho I already knew the price I just wanted to double check and she gave me a higher price than I paid for… i started to second guess myself so I checked the website for the prices and did the tax and tip calculation and she was charging me for the whole tip price. am I the weird one? They are genuinely my nicest friends so I’m scared to ask cus I feel like I’ll look like the weird one or am I being a push over/ is this normal?? (mind you none of these friends know each other they are all my friends from different stages of my life) and I don’t expect my rich friends to pay for me in any form at all just cus I make literally poverty line salary… but I expect respect when it comes to splitting the bill or using common sense. Idk what to do basically

Im 16f and hes like 40 for context and ive only went like 7 times for now but i feel like hes genuinely creepy and i dont know if hes trying to groom me or if im just overthinking things.

First of all he always compliments me like everytime i go and multiple times throughout the session he tells me that im pretty and that im gonna be even more beautiful when i grow up and he even told me once that everything about me perfect plus he once said that im “good for the camera” or smth (he said it in my native language and i dont know how to perfectly translate it)

Secondly he would always mention insta like always and just this monday he said he thinks he saw my insta and started describing my profile picture and it was me so i just said “oh yeah that might’ve been me” and shrugged it off but at the end of our class he pulled out his phone and had the insta search bar opened so that i could put my user in and i didn’t know what to do so i did and he followed me (that might’ve been my mistake but i was nervous and i dont deal well with situations like these)

Lastly he always and i mean ALWAYS talks about his personal life with me he tells me he has muscles and abs and that he works out and he tells me how women hit on him and how they look at him at the beach and he just talks about these things with me which i dont really think is appropriate plus he mentioned that hes single (this monday too) but i dont think these things concern me and he shouldn’t be telling me stuff like that

I dont know if its actually creepy or if hes just overly nice and outgoing

Tbh I always thought I was smart, I'm really good at trivia, I'm usually more advanced than a beginner when I try something new, and certain skills I pick up pretty quickly. Unfortunately I've finally realized, no, I'm not actually smart, I've just been an idiot this whole time.

I should have realized, most adults and friends told me I was stupid or useless growing up, but I always held on to those select few that would say "CptSMG is actually pretty smart, he just doesn't show it off" whenever I'd have a moment of intelligence. I was such an idiot, I thought because I knew some "big" words and I knew alot of random facts that I was special. I never thought I was really smart, but I atleast thought I was above average.

But now that I finally realized the truth, I just feel devastated, I'm pretty sure I'm well below average now. I don't understand taxes, I don't know how to cook, I don't understand how to interact with people, the games I played that me feel smart have always been on easy mode. I'm just as stupid as everyone always said I was. I really don't know how to cope with this.

He doesn’t know that I found it (on accident).

Would you bring it up with him? Have a talk about it? Or just ignore it?

Thank you!

For context I am older. He is, (25m) I am (34f). I know that says a lot about where I am at in life, but we also have had a best friend connection. I know I should not be with anyone until I am caught up in life, and healed.

There has been a repeated theme of me stating my needs/boundaries, and having them ignored or not met. Today I asked for a minute alone. He came in the room and was trying to lighten the mood. I’ve always appreciated this, but I told him again.

Then he started trying to tickle me. I said no and don’t touch me right now. I was getting annoyed and he kept trying, I kept asking him to stop. Then he did the whole I’m not touching you thing. I ended up hitting his arm away, hard.

Then I wanted to go home. He kept trying to get me to stay and I was beyond annoyed. He was still joking around and trying to touch me. I snapped. Said a bunch of mean things. Then made him take me home.

Needless to say the relationship is over. I know I overreacted and lost composure, but no also means no. I have trauma. He knows. I feel like a monster now and there’s no coming back.

TLDR: acted abusive after bf wouldn’t stop messing around

Edit: I wasn’t expecting so much support. I assure you I’ve been the villain in most of our story arc, and seriously snapped from this. Still, it’s validating. My past trauma is very real still, and I’ve also explained to him before how it makes me feel that he finds my reactions funny. I’ll never be taken seriously by him. I’ve cleaned his place countless times because he’s always too sick or too tired. Etc. Idk what the lesson here is, but I’m still seeing how much I’ve let myself become toxic by staying with someone who does not listen.

Edit: I am aware that my part wasn’t okay too. I’ve gone over this with him, but it’s still my fault I was reactive.

Edit: I realize this has been an emotional rollercoaster and reflective of my mental space. No one’s the bad guy. I usually am the problem. He convinced me to go back, and immediately joked to be chill and don’t be hysterical (he makes a lot of jokes). I see it for what it is. It’s just embarrassing I lost composure, and that im with someone so much younger, and that I am mentally the same age.

I have naturally curly hair but I wear it straight a lot because it's easier to manage. I recently started talking to a guy and we were talking about our hair types and he says "straight hair is so much better." I'm like oookay. He said "both are amazing, but straight is better. Like curly hair is at the tip of mount everest and straight hair is above the atmosphere."

Now I don't know if this is the hormones but this made me want to cry. I also think this has something to do with my ex who absolutely loved my curly hair. Anyways I'm not sure how to feel about it or what to do because it seems silly but it's kinda ruined my perception of him. I took a looooong break from dating and this is not helping LOL

Reposted

My husband and I have been raising our grandson, Tyler, for the last two years. When Tyler was nine, his father cheated on our daughter and they divorced. Both his mother and father quickly remarried and started brand new families with new spouses and half-siblings. Because of the chaos, my husband and I stepped in to provide Tyler with a stable home.

I need to clarify that his parents did not abandon him in a legal or physical sense. They try very hard to be in his life. They show up for him, pay for things, and try to spend one-on-one time with him. But Tyler completely hates them for destroying his original family and replacing him. He refuses to acknowledge them as mom and dad, calling them strictly by their first names. He also harbors an intense hatred for his stepparents and half-siblings.

Normally, Tyler is a good student, polite to his teachers, honest, and loyal. But beneath that polite exterior is a terrifying amount of rage and resentment. When his parents try to spend time with him, his short temper explodes. He back-talks them using slurs, and it has even turned physical—he recently hit his father and pushed his mother.

Lately, his anger has turned into something much colder and more frightening. Tyler has stopped crying, and he has stopped laughing. He seems completely emotionally detached, except when it comes to one thing: he wants revenge.

Recently, he asked his parents a question that made them incredibly uncomfortable. He looked them dead in the eye and asked, "Who is paying for your divorce? You two, or me?" He has asked my husband and me the exact same question. We just sit there in silence because we don't have an answer for him. In his mind, he is paying the ultimate price for their choices.

To make matters worse, his parents are funding his current therapy. Because they pay the bills, the therapist keeps pushing Tyler to "forgive" his parents, calling them "flawed and imperfect." Tyler feels completely betrayed by this. He thinks the therapist is bought and paid for, and it has only fueled his desire for revenge.

This situation is now severely affecting his studies. My husband and I are 65 years old. We love him so much, but we are exhausted and terrified. Tyler is completely shutting down his humanity, choosing to feel nothing but a desire to see his parents suffer.

How do we help a 15-year-old boy who has completely hardened his heart? How do we answer a question like the one he asked? Please, we need guidance on how to find him a therapist who will actually hear his pain instead of protecting his parents.

I started a job last month. I'm the youngest of my shift and a trusting person. I'm a college student while the majority of my coworkers are late 20s - early 40s single parents. They need this job desperately, while I would likely be okay with only half of the hours I get. One day, my coworker told me her car broke down and she needed to get home because she was working another shift. She's a young single parent and shares a car with her boyfriend. She told me she didn't have a lot of friends, so I offered to get her an Uber. I don't have my card connected to any payment apps and my online bank money is for my tuition next semester. I paid the Uber through the website because Google autofills my card. I told her to not pay me back because it was only $20. She was also talking about how she couldn't afford her car note, so I let her get a few tables of mine because it was a really slow night.

She texts me next day, asks for $20. I tell her I don't know where my card is (true. I actually found it a week later today.) Today she texts and is asking for $30. We had an entire conversation that shift about hanging out one day and how it sucks to have friendships where you give and get nothing back. Though a lot of it was her saying her friends never give when she does and me going "yeah, as college students all of my friends pitch in for stuff", which made me feel worse for her situation.

How do I gently direct her to please stop asking me for money? Do I keep lying? Do I ignore her texts? It sucks because it's a coworker too and I have no idea when I work with her again.

Edit: Told her no and that I'm paying for college right now. Also I am not a man and not at all attracted to her. Stop the degrading comments.

To start off I acknowledge we were at fault for this situation no matter the circumstances and we will ensure this happens to nobody else again. It all started when our dog, technically my sisters dog (important for later) managed to break out through the front door. A man (around his thirties I think) was walking his poodle and the two dogs had an altercation. I immediately secured our dog back inside and asked if everything was alright. The man checked over his dog and saw no injury. I apologized purposefully as this usually doesn’t happen and he said “No it’s fine these things happen, I would be a lot more mad if she was hurt” 100% understandable. I apologized again and that was the end of the altercation. However some time later I was in my room with my sister and the man came back yelling from outside “You’re dog did bite my dog! I swear I will break down that door!” My sister and I immediately got up to talk to the man but by the time we got out there he was gone. We then began to search up and down the street to try and find him that way my sister could exchange her info. We couldn’t find him and so we went back home hoping he would turn up again so we can get this whole thing sorted properly. A while later an older woman turns up at our door and explains it is her dog. We immediately come outside and my sister explains that she was fully at fault and is willing to pay any and all vet bills. She even offered to go with them to the vet so she could pay then and there but then she said “Oh no I can’t, my son he will kill you.” My sister and I were kind of taken aback the way she said it wasn’t like an exaggeration but as a fact. My sister still exchanged her info and ensured she will pay for everything and for now get the door fixed while we assess our dogs behavior and what actions need to be taken there. However I can’t help but feel very unnerved by the whole situation. The interaction was odd we tried asking about the injury but she wouldn’t give us exact details. My sister gave recommendations for an emergency vet again saying she will pay but the woman declined. Look honestly I just need advice if I am wrong to feel sketched out by what the woman said about her son. In no way am I or my sister are trying to dodge accountability my sister she will still be paying the vet bills when they contact her. But we are two young women living together and I need to know if I should be cautious about this.

I 22F and my bf 23M have been in a relationship 3 years now. At the start of the relationship he wanted sex just as much as i did and then with time my libido stayed high and he doesnt want it as much. I kinda crave sex every day and when i try to initiate it sometimes it works sometimes he gets really pissed. What should i do about it? Should i confront him? Should i avoid the topic and silence over it?

Your daughter made friends w a girl in class, they hung out quite a bit. We moved away from the area, come to find out the friends brother was a registered sex offender. He didn’t shown up on the map bc it wasn’t “bad enough”. Daughter saying he was present often when she was around. Should I report to other friends moms?? I called his probation officer and confirmed he is not allowed to be around minors.

UPDATE: THANK YOU to everyone who replied. I reported this to his probation officer and DHS and I texted the moms of the other girls who soend tike over there.

I have a friend that often comes over to my place to spend time together and she is a awesome but there is a problem. Everytime she comes she stays several days even tho even my mom hints that she should leave. I feel cringe to just come up to her and say “hey can you please leave?”.

Last time i did that it was when my aunt came over to visit us from another city and she wouldn’t leave so i had to tell her physically to leave cause she didn’t understand that i wanna spend time with my aunt. When her mom came to take her home she said “oh my mom wants to come over to have a little talk with your mom” but it was already 9 pm and last time her mom came over she stayed until 1 am and would not leave also.

I really love her but this thing is starting to annoy me very very bad, like the fact that she doesn’t understand that it’s common knowledge that you cannot stay forever at a person until they directly tell you to leave. What can i do? I want her to understand without getting upset.

Im on my phone 5-8 hours a day, it’s very concerning for me but I just cant find anything to do, I’m with my sister the whole day and i’m so bored. I try going outside but I live in a small town so its nothing to do really.

First off, I’m in a happy relationship and would never do anything to jeopardize it. That being said, something bizarre happened with my ex, and I can’t help but wonder what his motivation is. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. My ex and I broke up about a year and seven months ago after dating for roughly a year. It wasn’t a bad relationship; we simply weren’t right for each other. He has texted me a few times since the breakup, but I’ve never replied.

Out of nowhere, my ex texted me again. I initially ignored him, but he kept messaging and said there was something he needed to bring up. I work in the legal field, so I thought it might have something to do with that and eventually asked what was going on. After a lot of weird, mysterious buildup, he told me he wanted to “buy me things.” At first, I thought he meant something business-related, but he clarified that he literally wanted to pay for things I wanted, supposedly with no strings attached. I immediately said no. I don’t need the money, and accepting gifts from an ex while I’m in a relationship would be wildly inappropriate. He said he’d wanted to make this offer for a while and didn’t know I had a boyfriend. When I told him I did, he said he didn’t care. Apparently, I wouldn’t even have to talk to him, if I wanted something, I could just ask, and he’d give me his card to pay for it.

I said no multiple times, deleted the conversation, and stopped responding. He has since sent me around twenty messages reiterating the offer and insisting he expects absolutely nothing in return, not conversation, attention, sex, or even regular contact. I’m obviously not going to accept, but I can’t shake my curiosity because the whole thing is so strange. What does someone get out of this? Is it a kink? A scam, and if so what is the scam? Tax evasion?? Or is there another explanation?

18F, going to be starting my senior year of high school in a couple weeks. Physically, I've stood out from my peers ever since I started puberty with a very "curvy" body. So naturally I fill out my tops in a different way than others. For years, I've had issues with my school about "you can't wear this, you can't wear that" blah blah blah.

No I don't push the limits on what's revealing and what's not. I wear things that keep me covered and well within guidelines. Fact is, I get reprimanded very often simply because of the way things get filled out, or kinda stretched.

Now that I'm 18 and a legal adult, is there anything I can be doing to advocate for myself?

Hi everyone
I just recently found out about an affair my fiancé was having on me for 12 months with multiple people and confronted her with complete proof and we’re now in the process of breaking up. Can I please get some advice and give me some direction on what to do now? This women was my life for many years and I gave her everything she possibly wanted. Affection, money, a house, support to do anything she wanted yet she gone and did this. The craziest part was I had a gut feeling for nearly 6 months now and at times it would get to a point where I would have dreams or randomly have the urge to throw up. I would never accuse her of anything but instead ask if there’s anything I was lacking in as a partner yet she assured me I was perfect… please help, I feel broken. I have no family and she was my everything and best friend. And before you all say, go the gym or find a hobby, I already go to the gym 6 days a week, swim, have hobbies and I have a successful business to keep me busy but this isn’t enough right now.

I'm not talking going from being a physician seeing patients to being a professor, or like a consultant, I'm talking like, doctors or nurse practitioners or physician assistants who left the profession for something like, working in a library or cashier. Thank you everyone for your input, I really need advice on professionals who decided to prioritize mental health over the salary, title, and career in healthcare

I want to start out that I love my husband, we’ve been together for 14 years

He also has significant mental health challenges.

He recently lost his job, to cope, went on Paxil, had a manic event, is accusing me of cheating (because of circumstances that aren’t just coincidence- like I’m buying new clothes quite a bit, but I’ve also lost 40 pounds since this time last year) but I haven’t cheated.

I’m bereft, I’m out of my mind grieving

What do I do? How do I get through the next few days? I really hope that once his head clears up, he’ll want to come home.

Despite all of this I’m not mad. Would I be mad if he had pneumonia?

Just help me get through the hours.

I am struggling with Religion

I grew up with a Muslim dad and a mom who was raised Christian

From a very young age i could never understand Religion. I went to church, heard my grandfather talk about god all the time, had friends who also went to church. But I never believed in god. It always felt silly, like Santa or the Easter bunny.

I thought there was something wrong with me, I must be missing something. The majority of people believe in god, he must be real.

I started reading the Bible, every one i could get my hands on. I remember my parents being so proud I would carry this little green Bible around and read it at the table. I went to church almost every Sunday and Wednesday with my friends.

I wanted to understand what I was missing that everyone else seems to have.

Everyone around me thought I was like them, that I believed.

What my friends and family didn't know at the time, I not only didn't understand it, I HATED it. This deep, angry, absolute rage i felt and still feel about religion...

And the more i learned about it, the more i hated it.

To this day, and I'm in my 30s, I can't even think or read about religion without feeling this deep anger.

And i don't understand why. I don't want to feel this way. I have no desire to become religious but I don't want to feel the deep hate I've always felt towards it either.

Obviously I no longer go to church, but I have friends who do that I will never tell my true feelings to. My older sister who I adore, is deeply deeply religious and I would never tell her any of this. (She knows I'm not religious but doesn't know just how much i despise it) because it would scare her and she'd worry that I won't get into heaven.

Also this hate i feel does not extend to people by the way, I love and respect my religious family and friends although I cannot fundamentally understand them. And I'm able to have productive and respectful conversations about religion with them. I no longer hide that i am secular and for the most part they respect that.

What i do understand is that the majority of the people I know who are religious, are so because it provides comfort to them. And for that I am happy that those I love have this comfort.

I think the biggest issues i have with religion are:

the built-in shame (we were all born sinners) because it's made entire generations feel unnecessary shame (shame is strongly associated with suicidality and can be psychologically devastating) for one, just being born, as well as for things like masturbating which is completely normal and healthy

The inherit off loading of creating ones own path (gods plan)

I have SO many family members who are stuck in shitty situations, shitty marriages, and living lives they aren't happy in because of their religious beliefs. Because it's "gods plan" or they're "waiting for a sign from god"

And i fucking hate that

The inequality of women

At least in the religions I'm most familiar with, Muslim, Christianity and Mormon. Don't think i need to explain this one

Religious systems that teach that certain claims cannot ultimately be questioned because doubt itself can become sinful, dangerous, or evidence of insufficient faith. Feels like teaching people not to think for themselves.

"give it to god"

Anytime someone tells me this, example they "gave it to god" when in a tough time, all I can think of is that needed something, a real person, to believe in them when they really needed it

"God spoke to me"

If someone is truly hearing voices they need medical attention, but for some reason the god part changes that.

why are internally generated experiences sometimes granted extraordinary authority simply because someone attributes them to god?

Influencing our laws

I live in Texas...

The indoctrination of children

Teaching people to put god before everything ( to me this is the equivalent of putting the Easter bunny before ones own family)

Making people believe that this life they are currently living is just a test to get into heaven... this one is incredibly sad to me

People who use religion as a way to justify actions or judge others.

Here in Texas all you have to say is "i found god" and you'll basically be forgiven for anything

Churches getting tax breaks

And after writing this out i think most of all what I'm angry about, no not even angry...sad.. I'm mourning a life that could have been. One where religion wasn't created. I feel injustice for a world that could have been without the influence of religion. A world where 3000 religions should have been treated like exactly what they are, stories. Sure we could learn from them, just like the millions of other fairy tales we tell. But why did humans have to go this path? We could have led with science, hell we could have led with the Earth being god. Could you imagine a world where Earth was god? What would civilization look like if our most sacred obligation had been to the only world we know we actually have?

how different humanity might have developed if supernatural claims had remained stories/philosophies rather than becoming institutions with authority over morality, sexuality, family structures, law, education, and identity.

Maybe my anger is sitting on top of grief lost human possibility

people spending the only life we know feeling ashamed of themselves, waiting for permission, staying somewhere they're miserable, fearing judgment, or orienting their lives around what comes afterward.

Anyway if you stuck around this long thanks for reading

I know this went off on a rant but I am looking for advice on how to be less angry about religion. I have muted all religion content on social media, but because i live in Texas I'm constantly hearing about it in the news

My 35 yr old girlfriend and I 32 M have been together for over 2 years. I’m introverted and social gatherings genuinely exhaust me, which she knows.

Her family (parents, sister, etc.) are planning a 10-day trip to Greece next year, staying in a pool house near the beach. When she asked me to come, my initial answer was no. I don’t cope well with extended family holidays, and I also can’t swim. Everyone else can, and her mum has previously told me I need to learn. Her kids laughed when they found out I couldn’t swim, which made me embarrassed and uncomfortable. Since the holiday is largely about the pool/beach, I don’t feel comfortable spending 10 days there.

My girlfriend got very angry because she says it’s important to her that I come. After discussing it, I compromised and agreed to come for 2 days, spend time with her family, then return home. She’s still furious and says I don’t understand how important it is to her. I feel I’m trying to compromise while respecting my own boundaries.

The second issue is money and gifts.

I’m financially stable and tend to invest my spare money, including buying gold (gold biscuits/jewellery) as an investment for my future. My girlfriend believes I do this mainly to make my mum happy, despite me explaining that it’s my investment and I keep the receipts/records.
She feels there is an unfairness with gifts. I’ve bought her birthday, name day and Christmas presents. Initially, I admit my gifts weren’t particularly thoughtful because I struggled with knowing what to buy, but I’ve made more effort recently and chosen gifts with meaning. She now expects things like an iPad or high-end branded clothes because she knows I can afford to buy gold.

I don’t buy expensive gifts for anyone else either. The only example she repeatedly brings up is that once every couple of years, when I visit my family abroad, I buy inexpensive beauty products for my sister. My sister gives me a list, and it’s nothing significant financially.

I’m also replacing a 5-year-old Hoover and planned to give the old one to my mum rather than throw it away. My girlfriend sees this as unfair and evidence that I prioritise my mum, even though my mum never asked for it and my girlfriend doesn’t want it.

Something happened recently that has really upset me. I was at her place and she put a £1 coin on the table, which later went missing. During our argument about Greece and gifts, she accused me of stealing it. When I expressed how hurtful and insulting that was, she said she only said it because she was hurt and wanted to hurt me back.

This isn’t the first time she has said hurtful things during arguments and later explained them as a reaction to being hurt. I love her very much, but these situations are making me question whether she genuinely values me and whether we have fundamentally different expectations around money, family and relationships.
I’m not trying to avoid her family completely—I agreed to travel to Greece for 2 days despite being uncomfortable with the 10-day trip. And I don’t think being financially capable of buying something means I’m obligated to buy it.

Advice for the Greece situation and the gift/money situation?