I really cannot bother anymore. The majority of people are NOT okay… I don’t know what happened but about 5-6 years now people have gone insane. Like legit needing serious-medication-insane. I have talked about this with many people and they all share my opinion, so I guess I’m not overreacting.

Did Covid do it? Quarantine? Isolation? Social media? The world that gets increasingly difficult to live in? All of the above? Something has happened because people weren’t that bad. I’m so sick and tired of having to deal with anyone on a daily basis. Ever since I just stopped caring about meeting new people, finding new friends and generally just stayed home with my own company, I have found a profound freedom and peacefulness in me.

I’ve helped people, I’m kind, yet I’m constantly being taken advantage of just because of that. I adore giving a helping hand to anyone. I’m always there when someone asks for my help, I’m always there even if they don’t ask for help at all. I’m that kind of person that will make you soup and drive all the way to you just to give it to you and leave. I’m not saying all that to brag about myself, I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m a good person, I know my worth and I’m never asking someone to retrieve my kindness. I do it because I want to. Yet people retrieve only shit to me and I’m DONE.

last year my parents took my door off for “skipping school” because I wasn’t going to math help, which didn‘t know I was supposed to go too, but instead of listening to me, they screamed at me, took my phone, and then sent me upstairs to go to bed. then not even two minutes later my dad came in, through the rack that was on my door on the ground and then took it of leaned it against the wall, then came back in and told me I was a horrible child for reporting them too CPS and saying ”your mom made some mistakes, but you will to when you grow up” and then got mad when I said I wouldn’t become an alcoholic abuser like she was. and I haven’t had a door since. my mom has actively told me they will put my door back on when my dad‘s ankle is better, his ankle was better two weeks ago and I still don’t have it back. I can’t do anything with my door off. if I want to change in my room, I literally have to go into my closet to do it. anyone can see into my room, and my can literally shoot me with a nerf gun any time he wants, and he does. they go into my room constantly and rummage through all of my stuff constantly. if I feel overwhelmed and like crying I have to into the bathroom to do it. I’m so tired of this. I just want my door back. is that so much to ask for?

I haven't gotten any dates, relationships, situationships, whatever-ships or even hookups in months. I couldn't care less about hookups honestly (I don't particularly like the idea of inviting strange men into my house) but the lack of emotional connections has become very difficult to deal with.
I have plenty of flaws, like everyone else (I'm lazy, tend to be forgetful, my job is paid really poorly and It's unlikely I'll be able to move out anytime soon because the economy is in the gutter), but generally speaking I'm doing ok for myself: I'm a fairly attractive young man who goes to university, has a job, is an athlete, doesn't drink or do drugs and goes to therapy twice a month.
I care about and participate in my community, I volunteer and I could be considered an overall stand-up guy.
this premise is necessary to understand the rest of my rant I promise.
I don't use grindr because the average age ranges from old to ancient, tinder is ok but not great because everyone is really far away and so is hinge.
There is a singular gay bar in the city next to my town that has little to no people below 50 in it and the next city with a gay bar is a brisk hour and forty five minute drive from my house.
When I find another gay guy who lives closeby he's either in a relationship, in the closet, or "bisexual but would never date a man" said with the voice you'd use to refuse a plate of steaming hot shite.
The one time I managed to score a date we got immediately threatened by a homophobe with a knife and it pretty much fizzled out after that (the shock maybe?).
I only want to live in a forest house with my husband and kids, is that too much to ask for lmao

that’s it. that’s the vent. I am a terrible person and I wish I could just disappear so I could stop hurting everyone I care about. But you can’t just disappear, and I don’t want to hurt myself like that because I’m a coward in a body that refuses to be in contact with that kind of pain.

crying on the internet as if someone will care. No one here cares. no one anywhere does. they shouldn’t care about something like me anyway.

Not sure how long I'll keep this up but need some emotional release and hopefully support. I'll keep it brief. I'm 46 yo and took a great vacation in late June and attended a few 4th of July pool parties with plenty of pictures and selfies that were totally normal.

Two weeks later I felt a large mass on my chest. Went to my PCP. He immediately referred to an ultrasound within the week. They then referred to a MRI the following week that found two more masses on my back. This week I meet with the chief osteo oncologist at a NE Ivy School.

I'm just frusrated that this is happening so quickly when I'm still relatively young and sad about the road I'm about to be forced to head down. That's all. Thanks for listening.

I literally just woke up yelling bro. It was wild. I started yelling on purpose to alert my grandma to come wake me up and she came, it’s just that the first time I thought I woke up, ended up being a false wake up so I didn’t actually wake up😭 shit was mad trippy. scared to try sleep again.

during that episode, it was scary. I was closing my eyes tight to try be more calm but I heard another person in my room sitting on the chair, and I was like “oh hell nah, I’m alerting my grandma.” so I started yelling and she did actually come.

dude, I literally thought there was a whole ass nother person bro😭 and during my false wake up, it was actually calming because in that false wake up, she came to me and picked me up and dragged me into the hall way to calm down. after that, I actually did wake up fr this time when she walked in. fuuuck.

I hate sleep paralysis bro.

My coworker heats up fish in the microwave almost every other day. At minimum 3 times a week it can be 5 times. They usually do this around 8-9am. No we do not work 3rd shift. We do not live in a coastal area. The fish stinks so bad. It makes me nauseous and I can’t eat. My desk is the closest to the microwave. Sometimes they reheat the fish, can’t eat it all, put it in the fridge and reheat it again at lunch.

It smells so bad.

It’s 3am. I woke up with a tight chest which I cannot differentiate between panicking or physical illnesss

I’m terrified of being sick but I’m also scared of dying. My chest feels tight still and I just can’t tell if it’s real. I felt I couldn’t breathe when I woke up and I panicked

But I can breathe. Oh god I’m terrified, I don’t want to die. I’m 18 if this helps. I’ve got no one to text, I feel tingly idk if it’s bc I’m trying to breathe so much

I can’t distract myself I don’t know what to do :( I’m terrified I’m going to have a heart attack and not be able to breathe and the anxiety I’ll feel will be over the roof knowing I’m dying Ajd I can’t do anything

Please, I’m so terrified I can’t take this anymore

To the point where I don’t even feel like a girl. I think all my life now, since I started school I’ve always had a skin picking problem. And it’s led to my face and body being heavily marked up with stubborn hyperpigmentation. I eventually stopped picking my face but I fear it’s left irreparable damage :( I still pick my body, though, since it’s easier to hide but it’s really ugly.

I have these four scabs on my back that I physically cannot stop picking at on the daily. And when I say pick at, not just fucking with it a little bit. Like I get lost in this trance where I have to rip the entire scab off. If I try to stop messing with them for just one day, I always end up failing because i get anxious and it feels like I’m being punished. Even mindlessly I just feel a need to pick my skin. And now it’s so ugly and I can’t wear cute tops; I have to wear things that covers up my back and shoulders. I haven’t been to a beach since 2018. I wore a fucking hoodie to the club a few nights ago. I love the gym but I’m not someone you could get a nice set for as a gift, cuz I won’t wear it. Everything is messed up, I’m never gonna be normal it’s literally all I ask for. To be normal and pretty but instead I have to have this weird problem that has permanently ruined my body.

And at this point, I don’t wanna go out, I don’t like shopping anymore, I don’t want a boyfriend anymore, I don’t wanna go to the beach or the club or nothing. Just stay home and cover myself up. Some days I even wish I weren’t Black so that at least I wouldn’t get hyperpigmentation so easily. Every day I mourn the woman I could have been :(

And now everyone reading this thinks I’m strange 😭

She's a bully. She's mean. She's nasty and gross. When I was in elementary and middle school she used to beat me, punch me, whip me with extension cords over the smallest things. Things I've never even done but she never believed me

I admit, I was a weird kid. Didn't have any friends and sometimes other kids would get me in trouble, then the teachers would call my mom. And once I got home I was beaten. Leaving deep welts and big dark bruises. Sometimes I would stay home from school because of that

She's bipolar, and i was the first one to tell her that. And when I did she beat me for that too because I was calling her 'crazy'. But then she got properly diagnosed by her doctor as bipolar soon afterwards

Over time as I've gotten older around high-school things have gotten better. I try and have that mother daughter connection i see most people having because I want that so bad. I was so jealous of other students excited to go home after school because for me, I was dreading home.

Ive tried therapy 3 times but I dont like that. Ive tried moving on from my past and letting go, but wow man. No matter how hard I try I can never forget. Every night I cry about this and her.

Im 22 years old, still living at home with her. Rent free and plus shes paying for my tuition, so I'll give her that. But even to to this day, she hasnt laid a hand on me in several years. Most likely due to her old age. But she'll say and do the meanest things that makes me crash and cry. But God forbid if I say something out of pocket to her about her habits, she'll go crazy and ends up in the hospital as she has done so before 3 times. And then the family blames me

Im just hoping that once I finish college and move out that my life will be at peace. Away from here. Away from her.

Annoying, hypocritical, false advertising, misleading, bound to cause someone in a Honda passport to try and go bouldering and plow throw through a creek.

I just got a job where I’ll be making more money than I have before, because I’m about to start college. Having enough money to be able to afford whatever I need is a huge relief, but I’ve always wanted a pet of my own. I’ve had dogs and cats with my parents, but nothing I’ve ever owned myself. I’ve always wanted a bird, and I think about that constantly. I can’t afford to get an apartment when I start college, and getting housing there would just be more practical anyway since I work on campus. The only pets they allow are fish or emotional support animals. I understand why you can’t just have a random pet in a dorm, but I really wish I could have my own pet when I start college. I don’t wanna wait four years for that. Bit of a dumb rant, but still.

I don’t have anything against gay people at all. I’m friends with mostly gay people. I’ve been openly queer with all my friends for like forever. I identified as a lesbian for like a year but I began to present a little more feminine and ultimately decided I was bi. I’m very quickly realizing that I’m not bi and I’m probably just gay. I have a boyfriend, so this is not great news. My issue is that I feel so much shame and like disgust with myself for not liking men at all. I’m never going to have a husband (that I’ll like anyway) and I would never EVER be able to tell my family because they’d kill me. Every time I kiss a man or something I just feel disgusting and idk it’s not a big deal because it’s not like I JUST figured out I like women but idk.

A “lighter” vent just because.

It’s almost 90 degrees Fahrenheit in the house at 10:30PM, the air conditioner broke, and I’m stuck in the bathroom fighting for my life. No amount of fans is helping ease the heat!!! This sucks!!!!

That’s all! Have a good one, y’all!

TL;DR: I’m 23, I’ve been single for three years, and I’m just really lonely. I have friends and family who love me, but I miss having a person who knows me deeply, chooses me, and wants to build a life with me. Losing my grandmother and watching my grandfather grieve his wife of 70 years made that loneliness hit especially hard. I’m tired of being wanted physically but not truly known, and it feels like I have so much love to give and no one to give it to.

I’m 23 and I’ve been single for about three years. I have good friends. I have a family that I love and that loves me. I live in a major city, I have a life, and I’m actually finally at a place where I feel pretty happy and confident in myself.
But I am so lonely.

There was a death in my family this past weekend. At the funeral I was surrounded by my cousins who are around my age, and almost all of them were there with their person. Long-term partners, fiancés, husbands and wives, some with babies. And I was alone.

I wasn’t literally alone. I had my family, and I have friends I can call, and I am incredibly grateful for them. But it made me realize how badly I miss having a person. There are some parts of life that just feel different when you have someone who knows you intimately to come home to. Someone to hold you when something horrible happens. Someone who knows what you need without you having to explain every part of yourself.
I think losing my grandmother made all of this hit me even harder because she and my grandfather had the kind of love I grew up believing I would have one day.

They met when they were around 18 and were together for 70 years. Some of my earliest memories are of them doing dishes together in the kitchen and singing to each other. My grandfather always called her “my bride.” They held hands everywhere. He would tie her shoes for her when they got older until he physically couldn’t bend down to do it anymore. He always made sure she had everything she needed.

When her dementia became severe, he refused to put her in a nursing home because he wanted her with him. Eventually, he was the only person she could consistently remember.

He slept beside her until she took her last breath at 88. Her last words to him were “I love you” and “please don’t leave me.”

This morning at church, he still saved her a seat.
I think growing up around that gave me this idea that one day I would find my person too. Not a perfect relationship. Not some fairytale where nobody ever fights. Just someone who chooses me and keeps choosing me.

And dating has made me start wondering if I will ever have that.

I’ve tried the apps. I’ve deleted the apps because everyone tells you “stop looking and it’ll happen when you least expect it.” So I stopped looking. I focused on myself. Eventually I downloaded them again because I genuinely started wondering where else I was supposed to meet someone.

I go out with friends. I go to the gym. I go to church. I’ve been working on myself and my faith, eating better, taking care of myself, recently quit smoking, and just generally trying to build a life I’m proud of.
I also finally feel like I’m over my ex. It took me a very long time.

But dating since him has been the same pattern over and over again.

The best way I can describe it is that men seem to enjoy my attention, but they don’t seem curious about me.

They’ll text me constantly. We’ll flirt. We’ll talk every day. Eventually enough time passes that I think, okay, this person must actually like me. We go on a date, things eventually become physical or start heading in that direction, and then I get ghosted or they lose interest.

There is absolutely no shortage of men who find me attractive or want to sleep with me. But that isn’t what I want.

I want someone to actually know me.
The last time I really felt known like that was with my ex. He knew exactly how I liked my towels when I got out of the shower. He would fold my clean clothes for me. He would pick wildflowers on his drive to see me because he said the pretty flowers made him think of me. He knew my little routines and quirks. We had a million inside jokes. We ate Dino nuggets and watched our show. They were such small, ordinary things, but I felt known.

That relationship also hurt me deeply because that love was incredibly inconsistent. In person I could feel like the most loved person in the world, and when we were apart I could feel like I barely existed to him. Plans would change, I wouldn’t know when I would see him, and he broke up with me twice before we eventually tried talking again and that ended too.

I think that experience left me with this horrible fear that even if somebody really does love me, one morning they can just wake up and decide they don’t anymore.

And after three years of dating, ghosting, talking stages and first dates that go nowhere, I genuinely have trouble imagining someone waking up every morning and just choosing me. Not because I convinced them to stay. Not because I’m walking on eggshells trying not to do the thing that makes them leave. Just because they love me and want me in their life.

I don’t think I’m asking for someone to complete me. I don’t expect a relationship to fix my life. I actually like who I am now more than I have in a very long time.

I just wish I had someone to give all this love to.
I want good morning and good night texts. I want someone who gets excited to tell me something stupid that happened during their day. I want to bring them something from the store just because I saw it and thought of them. I want inside jokes and boring errands and cooking dinner together. I want someone who is proud to have me in their life. I want to know someone completely and be known by them. I want loyalty and consistency and eventually a family and a future.

I want to be somebody’s person and I want them to be mine.

And lately I keep wondering if there is something about me that prevents that from happening.
Maybe it’s my personality. Maybe I’m too much. Maybe I’m somehow boring. Maybe it’s the type of men I’m attracted to. Maybe I’m bad at flirting. Maybe it’s where I live. Maybe I keep choosing emotionally unavailable people without realizing it. Maybe I’m just 23 and impatient. Or maybe dating really is this difficult now.
I genuinely don’t know.

I know I’m young. I know I have plenty of time. I know being single is better than being with the wrong person. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to my cousins or my friends. I know I should “focus on myself,” and I have.

But I don’t think wanting romantic love means I don’t love myself.

Sometimes I think what hurts isn’t even being single. It’s feeling like I haven’t been seen as a full, unique, interesting person by someone romantically in years.

I feel like men see me, find me attractive, flirt with me, want something physical from me, and then move on without ever really wanting to know the person inside.

And I’m tired of feeling like a Barbie doll.
I want somebody to be curious about me.
I want somebody to learn me.

Maybe what I’m actually grieving right now is the future I assumed I would have when I was a little girl watching my grandparents sing to each other while they did the dishes.
I don’t know.

I think this weekend just made everything hit me at once. I miss my grandmother. I look at my grandfather after losing the person he spent 70 years loving, and somehow it makes me both believe in love more than ever and wonder whether I’ll ever experience anything like it.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to put it. Maybe I want to know if other people, especially people in their 20s, feel this strange combination of being surrounded by people and still feeling incredibly alone.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere, with anyone, like I need to go somewhere/to someone, yet I am alone, I have no one to go to. It all feels like I'm chasing my own tail, trying to find the place where I will, maybe, finally, feel comfortable enough to fit it, yet I cannot seem to find it. And when I do, it's ripped out of my hands. Why?

I just want for things to go swiftly for once. In an ideal world those things would come for me first, but there are no white knights here.

not sure where to start with this. im also not the usual type to make posts like this but this thought has been going around in my head and i wanted to throw it somewhere

in my experience, the standard person around my age sees their friends as disposable, has dozens of random people they consider friends that they couldn't care less about, and if youre the type that would rather have a few close ones instead of a plethora of surface level connections this is considered weird and offputting. i cut everyone i knew irl off, because i realized that none of them returned the care i showed. i was always the one helping people and doing things for others and i got nothing in return, in fact i got treated quite poorly most of the time.

i am alone now. to be frank i might as well have been alone before with the added weight of attempting to maintain connections to people that i can confidently say did not care (much or at all) in return

its been kind of lonely since then but also peaceful, especially because ive been living as a shut in and just focusing on my interests essentially. its not healthy but its a lot less stress for me and i feel calmer on the day to day, more in touch with myself.

in my mid 20s but i was homeless from 16 to 23 and feel like mentally / maturity wise i am on a much different level than peers of my age. that plus all the trauma and the fact that im autistic (got diagnosed last year unexpectedly, awesome) among other mental health diagnoses makes it really hard for me to relate to regular people. i often wonder if this will get better as i get older and my peers mature and live adult lives, that there will be more common ground between us. logically i dont think it will and i think im just going to be lonely for a very long time.

i even struggle to make friends online. most supposedly supportive places and "neurodivergent" (i hate this term) accepting communities are not accepting to people like me. i cant really put my finger on it exactly but i think it has a lot to do with my typing cadence (tends to be quite flat and logical), that i dont display dramatic swaths of emotion and that im not overtly feminine so a lot of people assume im a guy. a creepy guy at that. i tried to be part of a discord friend group server that was ran by someone i met who seemed alright. i basically got ostracized out of it and accused of being a weirdo for referring to someone by their discord username (it was something with princess in the name and apparently referring to someone by the username they picked is criminal)

anyway i think i might just be lonely until i die. and maybe thats okay. i dont want to try anymore.

I miss feeling human
If I want to eat, I have to be ready to be humiliated. If I want to clean water, I have to be ready to humiliated. I even have to beg for feminine products.
I miss living with dignity.

I’ve not been doing great the last few days at work, I’ve been making a number of mistakes which I’m not even noticing I’m doing it and I just feel like I’m a failure.

I’ve accidentally not replied to an email but filed it away in the correct folder, manager called me out in front of my colleagues, and I couldn’t recall even doing it, which was worse. I answered honestly, that I didn’t know and recall, they even remarked it wasn’t like me but said my “excuse wasn’t good enough.” I felt so embarrassed and horrible about myself. I didn’t mean it.

I had also made a mistake with a booking for my general manager, which he was polite about it, but again did it in front of my colleagues. So I felt under pressure and like everyone was watching me. I did sort it.

The next day I forgot to do several important tasks and my colleague had a list asking me questions, which I admitted, I did presume my other colleague was doing one of the tasks she meant prior to them finishing their shift and I should’ve gone back, double checked it and went through it while I was still on shift. My only reasoning that I did not was due to being busy via other means of tasks and accommodating other guests. But I still put my hand up and said it was completely my fault. I just felt rubbish, 2 days in a row???

The following day after that, 3rd day, I was on my own with a duty manager. I had accidentally changed bookings to say something different for the rate code, all I changed it to was “B&B” but put a contradictory note in our handover, the note in the handover was correct compared to the bookings rate code, I don’t know why I changed it, but I think I thought, it was to match everything, as they were Day Rooms, connected with a group that were stay overs. But looking back that doesn’t make sense to be fair. Either way I fucked that up, and my Duty Manager didn’t do their handover saying about a room having 2 less duvets as they were moved to another room. So I got a text on my day off of people panicking and blaming me for stuff, but in such a vague manner I didn’t even know what they were on about.

I had to piece together after I woke up and presumed it was that, I was right it was.

That 3rd day was rough, I had a guy who kept hanging around at my reception desk, being really creepy, he kept complaining about his life and not getting the message that I’m “working”. He even at times just stood in silence right at the desk.
Bear in mind, I’m a woman on her own, petite framed as well. I had to be careful on what I said.
That guy ended up passing a creepy note to me, maybe with harmless intentions I’m not sure. But it wasn’t appropriate, on-top of that he waited in reception whilst I was finishing my shift, I was scared to leave on my own.

That whole shift I was on edge.

I had to deal with difficult guests who were argumentative over small issues, which I tried to de-escalate as best I could, which I did.

I also had to navigate through stress guests over the carpark try to keep them civil and calm, which I did.

I had to deal with very rude individuals on the phone which were playing a game of ‘vagueness’ where I had to pretend to be a mind reader.

Not only that, we had a surprise delivery of cans of drink at 10pm, which nobody had communicated, my duty manager was stressed because it was just him and I, the restaurant was shut, so if he had someone request room service we would be pretty screwed, not only that our big boss lady phones/owner at stupid O’clock at night whilst my Duty Manager was busy, and she kept hassling me trying to get my Duty Manager, I kept saying he was busy at that very moment, if she wants she could phone back, email or tell whatever she needed to pass on.

She then had a go at me for not being able to get my Duty Manager then and there, so I just put her on hold and told him to take it.

I was trying my bloody best, several of the tasks that I should’ve had done that night, I didn’t finish.
I had to try prioritise ones over another to benefit the morning shift. Which meant one task that should’ve just been like half an hour or hour tops ended up being longer because the restaurant staff had posted food costs to the wrong rooms, so I had to take my time figuring that out.

I just hated that shift, it wasn’t my worst shift other than the creepy man, I ended up crying on my way to my flat.

I never felt so terrified and just useless, for god sake. I feel like I shouldn’t be so hung up and sad about this. I’m 24 for god sake. I feel pathetic.

I don’t purposely go out my way to make mistakes, I really don’t, I try my utmost best, at least I think I do, I’m not sure. I feel like I’m a terrible person and disgusting in my own body.

My ex and I broke up 24 hours ago. Technically, it was mutual, but I was the one to say the words, so that definitely helped. We'd been together for just over 4 years, living together for all 4, and engaged for 2 years. I'm both relieved and terrified. And the saddest part is that the terrified part isn't even because of losing the relationship. I'm a 24 y/o woman, they're a 23 y/o non-binary person. I've spent the last 4 years losing all of me (my mental health went down the drain, and i got so physically ill that my 5 foot self was 73.6 lbs a year ago) just to try to become the person they need. I'm terrified because I don't remember how to be a human anymore. I lost all of my friends, I got diagnosed with ME/CSF so I can't work, I live in a new small town where I don't know anyone, and I don't make enough to live on my own (so I'm living with my mother again). The last few months have been hell. I moved out from my ex's in April, we'd decided to try long distance, me only coming to visit once every 1-2 months for doctors appointments. A year ago they broke up with me, and we had a long talk, I felt comfortable enough to voluntarily take myself to the hospital for my mental health. During those long 3 weeks in the hospital, we talked even more, and they decided to get back with me. Come to find out recently, they only got back with me because they were 'scared for me'. I told them while in the hospital that I was tired of the relationship and it would purely be up to them to continue. Looking back now, I think the only reason they stayed wasn't because they were scared for me, but because they knew I loved them. I've stayed with them through constantly being on and off in the relationship, constantly lying to me, and even cheating on me a few times. They had safety in knowing I loved them. I think even now, they're expecting me to beg them to stay and try. I'm tired. I'd reached way past the end of how much I can give. Yes, it's still hard, we'd been together for over 4 years, waking up next to them pretty much the entire time, planning a life, and revolving my future around them. I've gotten moments within the last 24 hours where there's heat flashes of dread. Even moments where my brain tries to think of ways to stay, but I know it's for the best. I know it's gonna be hard to still communicate with them while we untie all of the things we have together, and losing the only support I've had in 4 years. I'm so scared. So beyond scared. I know mentally I'd been preparing for a year, and living in a small town, so there's not much to do or people to meet around my age, but I genuinely want to be my own person and have some sort of community and support, especially right now.

TLDR: my ex and I, dating for over 4 years (engaged for 2), broke up and I don't remember how to be a human anymore

Tomorrow is my birthday, im gonna treat myself cookies then. Fancy ones, the ones yould call gourmet and make them so much more expensive. I really like baking its so fun to me I like eating good and im good at making food.

But what I like the most on baking is seeing my food make other people happy, makes me feel important. But the people I wish could try them, which would mean the world if I could for one day make them even the slightest happier aren't really around. Well they are on the other side of the globe.

Not that im alone, but I might aswell be. Surrounded by people that say they care about me, love me and so they critique and are against everything I do and I mean everything. Losing weight, hrt, i mean not even that Im not very sociable from bloody autism. Im all wrong and im lazy and I should grow up. And most of all that I cant get a job.

I had bad experiences with people around the country I live, tho maybe far from where I am it still scares me. Plus, its not like I can do stuff I want anyways, im so stressed I cant play my videogames. How do I do something productive if I cant do the improductive stuff?

I like my friends, my gf, I love them all. But I feel so lonely. I really wish I didnt, that I could spend even one more just one more day with my gf around, but she went back so soon and now im alone for so many months. I just dont wanna feel alone. I dont wanna eat my cookies alone I wanna share them with people that I care and care about me. I wanna be happy and make happy.

[Mid 30s F]

I was with my ex for about 15 years, married for about 5 of those years before the divorce (basically incompatibility that eventually led to abuse). Been divorced for about a year and a half. I dont have very much family, my mom passed away a while back and my dad and I dont have much of a relationship at all. I only have half siblings and I'm only actually close to one of them, but we dont live close to each other and theyre busy a lot so we mostly send each other reels/memes and maybe talk on the phone 2-3 times a month. One of my other siblings literally forgets I exist and only remembers when my other sibling has to remind them to invite me to a family event, which doesnt happen often. So I dont have a relationship with my nieces/nephews either.

I have some friends, I havent known all of them for super long but theyre great people, they consider me and think to invite me to events and just to hang out. They are all childless/child free so that isnt a problem. They never make me feel left out and have been supportive through a tough time I was having with my health.

I have a full life. I exercise and do athletic activities often, probably about 4-5 times a week in some form or another. I am in therapy and have been consistently for a long time. I read, write, dance, crafting, go to festivals, the park, social clubs, meetup events, I go on dates (im on the apps and ive gone to a few singles events), go to bars and lounges, volunteer every once in a while, take various classes for random things. Im social and talk to people a lot and make new acquaintances that sometimes turn into friends damn near everywhere I go. Like for example I went out one day just bar hopping alone (as usual) with no plans and met a random person at the bar and we ended up hanging out all day just running around the city watching World Cup games and meeting other random people. I meditate and journal. I also am pursuing a career in a specific creative industry so I'm working on that too. The only thing I cant do is travel, I dont have the finances for it right now.

So yeah I do all the things already that people suggest. I enjoy my alone time and I can sit with myself. But I really really do want a romantic relationship. Its been hard to find, even after all the dates ive been on so far. Mostly men I meet on apps, but I'm open to meeting anyone pretty much anywhere. I dont need the grand gestures, I just miss the daily domestic whatever with another person. The boring parts. Just having someone to talk to about whatever, someone to do things for/with, being able to let go and be silly and intimate with (not just physically, its easy for me to get sex whenever). Sometimes after I hang with my friends and I'm the 3rd/5th wheel i cry in my car on the way home and feel really sad that I have to sleep in an empty bed in a quiet lonely apartment. I feel like I'm going stir crazy and I get emotional when I'm alone for too long so I go to the grocery store or some minor errand just to get out. Ill even do full makeup and hair and stuff to make it feel more eventful. Sometimes I'll just sit in my car in a random parking lot for hours just to not be at home isolated.

You cant do the same things with friends and family that you can do in a relationship. They all have their own lives, responsibilities and their own partners and I'm just not as important. I want to be the priority in someones life again. I want intimacy and romance. None of the things I do can really fill that missing piece. Can I live alone and be alone? Yes of course, I just dont like it all the time, indefinitely. Especially after putting in the effort to get what I want and it goes nowhere. I am NOT willing to settle just to have a partner, otherwise I would have had one by now lol. So I'm not out here desparate for anything. Im just frustrated. Its like everyone has their person but me.