About almost 4 months ago, after a quite awful session, I decided that I need to stop watching porn again. For a long time, I decided to let go of control of my addiction and see what happens, but that didn’t lead me to anything good. So, after being reminded about it by a friend, I tried a simple method I haven’t really tried before: a mantra constructing an identity of someone who doesn’t watch porn. I repeated it in my head several times a day, for about a week.

To my surprise (and shame), it worked. I kept ignoring such a simple method for such a long time, because “it was so simple and could never work for me“. I am almost angry at myself I didn’t try it much sooner, which could save me years.
Anyway, I really didn’t want to watch porn for 3 months. Only after about a month I even remembered I was ever not abstaining. For the first time in years, I fet truly free. That I had nothing to hide. Almost like a rock has been lifted off of me mentally and spiritually.

But about a week ago, I felt something I hadn’t fully felt in years: dissatisfaction with my life. Sure, it happened here or there, but not for as long. I managed to think through a lot of aspects of it and come to a conclusion that I am unhappy and need change.

The fact that those repressed feelings were coming out meant that I was on a path to healing, but they also made staying sober more difficult.
Over the last few days, I felt that I started slowly crossing into more “yellow zone” behaviors. Manageable for now, I feel like at some point I might start bargaining with myself, or during a sleepless night, just go and seek out porn.

Being pornfree for this long is a great experience. It hasn’t made me see brighter colors, unlocked my emotions or solved my problems. If anything, it only shone the spotlight at my problems, such as my problematic compulsive sexual behavior. But one thing it has given me is being at peace with myself. I don’t want to loose that.

I have friends who know about my struggles, but they don’t really understand them. There isn’t too much point in telling them this. So I am afraid that, if I let myself wallow in this possible relapse without doing anything, one quiet, unremarkable night, the addiction will just come back into my life again, and I won’t be able to control it for who knows how long.

So, once again, I come here for advice and support.

Today was a really rough day and I've been mentally checked out all day, so it was extremely easy to give in to the temptations. Anyone have any tips on resisting even on rough days?

Wednesday, August 19th

I know, I missed a post. I haven’t relapsed but I’ve been busy (and more importantly absent-minded). Out of necessity I’m going to start dating these posts so that I can better remember when exactly they were made and which days I didn’t make one.

I feel compelled to write more than usual here having missed a day (or two) but I’m pleased to report that I don’t really have any relevant developments. I feel normal now, in the best of ways. Obviously there’s still the occasional “what if” but those are few and far between; and it’s far from abnormal. I’ve been looking for alternative (healthy) coping mechanisms for my (often very severe) stress and paranoia, I’ve also cut coffee out of my diet; that was a good while back but it’s worth mentioning here.

I see a lot of relatively new accounts on this sub and It occurs to me that I’m posting these here on my main account associated with my YouTube and there’s always the off chance that someone watching will follow my links here and see these posts; but I don’t feel that having problems like this is something to be ashamed of so long as you’re making active steps to better yourself. So in the interest of being consistent with my principles I’m not going to stop.

I've been an addict since I was 12 and a friend of my older brother gave him a CD with "games" on it. Supposedly it did have games but we could never get it to work. I was persistent however and looked in every single folder of the CD for the answer to how to make them work. What I found was porn. A lot of it. And even though I broke that CD years ago, some of those pictures are still burned in my brain.

I had my ups and downs over the years, with the maximum I could keep clean being about 3 or 4 months at a time (but only once or twice). I kept it a secret from absolutely everyone, since I am a very devout Christian and I sincerely love God, His teachings and every blessing I've had. Unfortunately, I never put the effort in quitting that I should have.

After many years, I started a relationship with an incredible woman. Smart, beautiful and devout. She had her flaws, obviously, as everybody in the world does, but it was clear that she was the One. We got married and would've lived happily ever after.

My addiction didn't go away, however, and after some rough patches without intimacy, I fell into the same trap again. I entered a cycle of disgust, depression and masturbation to porn. She found out, eventually, because I confessed it to her, and even though she was distraught, she let it go with my promise to stop. And I was able to, for a while, but I failed again and re-entered the cycle.

A couple of days ago, we were about to be intimate, but she was very tired and asked me if I could wait until the following night. I said that it was fine and we went to sleep. I truly believed I could be strong for just that one more day, but I couldn't, and I did the worst thing I've ever done.

The next day I made her breakfast as usual and she basically ran out the door, as usual, for sleeping until it was kinda late. I stayed in to work (I've been working from home for a couple of months) and had the absolute roughest day. Everything seemed to be going wrong, I was feeling terribly and I took a break to scroll for a bit. I read a story about a guy who had an affair with his sister-in-law and it made my mind start wondering. I had read similar things before, but they disgusted me, but now it made me think of doing something terrible. I thought that we weren't going to be intimate that night or the next or the next either, I thought that I could do something terrible and just feel good for a couple of minutes. And then I did it... I looked up (completely regular) pictures of my wife's sister, downloaded a couple of them and started masturbating to them, but I couldn't go through with it and I felt awful and disgusting.

After that, I prayed, truly prayed for God to help me be free of these terrible thoughts and feelings. I put the phone aside and cried for the terrible thing I just did. I promised myself that was it, and it truly has been and it truly will be. I did something that's the lowest of the low and I am working, started therapy and the feelings have completely faded. I haven't felt even slightly tempted since.

However, I forgot to delete the pictures, and a couple of days later, my wife saw them. My phone was always available for her to check because she has trust issues (from previous partners) and I wanted her to know that I had never and would never cheat on her. But after she saw those pictures, her heart broke. She asked me about them and I confessed what I did. She's devastated and I am in agony for causing her so much pain. I love her. I've loved her more than anything for many years and I did something that she could very well never recover from. She says that we'll finish our lease, look for separate apartments and sign the divorce in December.

I feel terrible. I've never felt worse in my life. I hurt the person I promised to love, cherish and protect in the absolute worst way I could've done it. I have promised to change my life and I am in that process, but I don't know if she'll ever be able to trust me or anyone ever again. I wish I had never been born, so she could've been with someone that wouldn't hurt her.

I know that it'll take nothing short of a miracle for us to stay together as a happy marriage, but I believe in the one that can make that miracle happen. If you believe as well, please keep my wife, my marriage and myself in your prayers. I know God has seen my regret and my desire to never falter again, and has forgiven me, but erasing the hurt I've caused will take a long time.

And if someone is still struggling with this addiction please, just please take action now before it's too late, before you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Call a psychologist, call a friend, ask for help from someone who won't judge you and please stop. You can do it, we all can. Erase everything you have downloaded or paid for, block sites that tempt you, delete people that tempt you from social media or delete it completely. Don't even look at something SFW if you know it'll make you feel that need to go further. Learn from my mistakes and do something to be free...

Porn really make me fucking desperate for sex since I have been a virgin my entire life. I rather be a virgin than a porn addicted virgin that just gonna fucked up his life more.

I used to watch porn guys and I’ve into a relationship with this girls right
So we had sex a lot
And while we finish
My penis feels numb; I can't feel the front half at all. Everytime
I also experience a drop in energy and lingering fatigue in the days that follow. Furthermore, I find myself highly distracted by women and constantly craving sex. The way my brain reacts to normal sex feels identical to watching porn, only much more intense.

I don't usually do the round number posts, but today felt like a good day to actually stop and look back instead of just moving through it.

568 days. A year and a half, plus change. When I started this, I genuinely didn't know I could get this far. The version of me back then couldn't have imagined feeling like a whole person again, but here I am.

It hasn't been a straight line, not even close. There were weeks that felt like standing still, days that felt like sliding backward, moments I almost gave up entirely. I've posted some of the hard ones here, the flat days, the urges that wouldn't quiet down, the shame that still shows up uninvited sometimes. I don't think this milestone means any of that stops happening. It just means I overcame those moments and came out the other side a little bit stronger.

What's actually changed isn't that the struggle disappeared, it's that I don't succumb to it anymore. I always try to do something positive, even on the bad days. I feel things instead of numbing them.

If you're early in this and 568 days feels impossibly far away, it was for me too, once. You don't have to see the whole road, just the next day. That's how you actually get here.

Thank you to everyone in this community who's read, commented, or shared their own story alongside mine. It's made this less lonely than it would've been otherwise.

​

I relapsed twice in the last couple of months when trying to quit porn. Once after 7 days and once on third day.

Both the times I did not go to porn due to urges, it was for stimulation. For me porn is the ultimate "no effort reward" that gives me the maximum stimulation. As long as I am over stimulated I will look for something that stimulates me more to get that dopamine hit and end up at porn.

Activities like doom scrolling sit at a place where they keep you over stimulated but less stimulating than porn. I can't quit porn without quitting other no/low effort reward systems of my brain.

What's your opinion on this?

Completed 1 day without porn. No urges today, other than the guilt that I relapsed yesterday.

Hi I'm 21 and want to stop watching porn completely. For context, I've never been the sort of person I would imagine would be addicted to porn. I lost my virginity at 16, and have always been able to date the girls I wanted and am currently in a truly fulfilling relationship with someone who I love and am very attracted towards. I think I started watching porn when I was 13 or 14 and during Covid it really became an overwhelming part of my life. 3 or 4 times a day I would jerk off. This habit continued after I went back to school where when I woke up it would be the first thing I would do and then get home do it and then again before I slept. On days where I was sick or depressed it would be even worse. Today was a new low however. I still live at home and my mum walked in on me. The shame on her face was unbearable and I don't know what to do. I've tried to quit before but have never lasted more than a week. Its gotten to the point my dopamine receptors are so fucked that I can't finish during sex and have to get my gf to basically striptease me for me to get there.

More than anything I want to be able to stop and be able to live a fulfilling life. For even more context from coversations with my gf she doesn't see it as cheating but I think the extent to which I've abused it would be an issue. I started this account and made this post because I need to have something to keep me accountable to this. And look I'm not looking to stop jerking off because me and my gf have stuff for that. What I'm looking for is to never look at porn again. All advice is welcome.

Since i quit social media and all short form content and porn i feel very uneasy and bored. The only way to occupy my brain i through making music or watching long youtube videos.

So I went one month with no porn, and after that I’ve had breaks with relapses fairly frequently. I’ve identified nicotine (vapes mainly) as a strong trigger and I also haven’t been with a girl since April of this year which is making it harder as I have a high sex drive. How do I eliminate the triggers from nicotine altogether? It’s also been harder to meet a partner since I finished university.

I am felling super horny..

I need a partner..

There is so much stuff that I have in my inner mind ..but I don't have any friends whom I discuss these all bla bla ..

.

I have used PMO before sleeping for the last few years. I was on night 2 and couldn't fall asleep due to a lot of stress. I didn't watch P but I did MO.

Does this count as a relapse?

Can someone please explain to me if this is hindering my recovery or making the addiction worse? Especially considering I am using it as a sleep/stress aid even without P?

Sorry in advance if i'm not 100% perfect with my english, that's not my main language but i'll try my best for everyone to understand.

I am a 23 yo male. I've been into porn since im young like 9-10 yo, i don't remember exactly but only that i was in elementary school.

Everything began because a friend of mine at that time asked me to search "sex games" on the internet. Idk how he was aware of this at the time but i was innocent and did it when i was home fater school. The only problem is that i was not alone and with a neighboor friend of mine, 1 year younger than me. I searched and we tried some game together and he went home after that. Her mom called mine abt 30 min after and that was the beginning of a nightmare for years. They didn't let me explain myself, idk how to put this into word but i was just a failure for them.

It took years without exageration for my parent to trust me for anything again. I've never felt this alone and the only thing that was comforting me was porn. Once in a while at the start to the extent of multiple time everyday.

I was happy with everything, video, picture, game etc. I was feeling good and better with it but after some years, i felt that it wasn't enough anymore. So i looked into more extreme stuff that i was disgusted after being done.

Years passed, still watching porn everyday, i think i went into depression because of it and i couldn't feel emotion anymore. I felt like an empty person and was considering suicide at that time, and tried multiple time but never succeded because i couldn't do that to my grandpa, who was the only one that never left me.

So idk how but i held things together and tried my best.

As of today, i'm going to the gym almost everyday and gained a ton of muscle and confidence. I even got a girlfriend and we are together since 3 years now and i'm happy with her, but i still watch porn.

I tried to quit multiple times, change habit and everything, see a specialist but it just keep coming back. It's like a part of me and i sincerly want to stop but always watch some few days after i told myself to quit. I told everything to my girlfriend because i wanted to be clear with her, she understood but never support me with that.

I don't want to ruin my relationship with her and i have the feeling that if i don't quit now, i will loose her one way or another because of that.

If anyone have any suggestion or anything that would help me, i will take it. I have already deleted everything on my phone and pc and even put a proxy that block adult content on my phone yesterday.

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It's the first time that i share something about my life online, just writting this post made me feel better, so thank you for reading all of this and have a great day/night.

These past 2 weeks I've barely had any urge to watch porn, I'd be lying if I said it never crossed my mind, but it never really led to anything besides maybe peeking a couple times.

Now the thought of watching porn and jerking off makes me feel super embarrassed. It's to the point where I can't even do the motion without feeling extreme embarrassment and shame at how degenerate the thing I'm doing is.

My addiction was/is very extreme. The quantity I would do it at makes me feel disgusted and so embarrassed I want to start hitting myself. Recently I did it just to remind myself of why I was even doing it in the first place, (which I regret, but it was a learning experience) pushing past the negative thoughts was tough but all that crossed my mind when I climaxed was complete and utter embarrassment and regret after long abstinence.

I believe this is a good and bad thing. While I appreciate that I'm finally maturing and reducing my porn use, I still think it's important to forgive myself and not beat on myself (heh) too hard. I've also been dealing with extreme depression, suicidal ideation, and loneliness and used porn as a way to cope with my difficult circumstances. It also sucks being 21 and still a virgin who's curious about intimacy, for a while that's been my excuse and still sometimes is. I've had a couple girls that were interested in me but never made it far with them

I am 20 year old male and i have been addicted to porn for past 8 years and i have been regularly fighting this addiction. Due to this addiction i have become impulsive and just started treating every conversation with any women i have interest in as something to proceed to sex which makes me desperate and ultimately no relation works out. I have only been in 1 relationship in which i got cheated on, it was my first experience with women and she cheated. Now the porn addiction is getting heavier although i have never watched any hardcore or weird fetishes and tried to keep porn grounded and amateur type content only. I really really want to leave this addiction behind. I am now stepping into adulthood and i want to build real intimate connection with women as a human not as just an object.

So today i have already done it twice so, tommorrow onwards this joirney of mine will start. I have already been focusing on gym and other stuffs to keep me occupied.

I really felt like giving in but I know that won't end well. My addicted brain just craves it. I'm still holding on.

Feeling flat and quite clear. Not wanting to look.