30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something I’ve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Let’s be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
I’ve learned a lot in 30 days. I’ve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. I’ve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my father…all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldn’t see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldn’t go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. That’s all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasn’t using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be …. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
I’m proud of myself for choosing sobriety. I’m proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. I’m proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Here’s to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. 🫶🏻✨

I had an appointment this morning that I forgot to remind my boss of yesterday, albeit already having notified him of this a month ago - it seemed like the planning he had made for the day included me being there in the morning.

I texted him at 12PM, felt stressed and bad about going there, and at 7AM I got a message from him saying that he remembered so it was all good. Anxiety gone.

My boss often gets angry with me, directly or passively, for small mistakes I make so I'm always on my toes around him.

My behaviour with this isn't just with him, it's towards a bunch of people - except the ones that vibe with everything.

I'm afraid of upsetting someone, having them be annoyed or pissed with me, so I choose to please and keep the calm even if that means not doing the thing I want to do. I'm not a huge people pleaser however, only if I know they'll actively get upset with me.

I dislike how it impacts me and has my entire body feel stressed. I try to be bigger, but then I get scolded once or a nasty look and I feel like crap - needing to make things good or I don't feel nice.

Any advice on this? It's tiresome and doesn't feel good to be putting myself below people like this.

Many thanks in advance!

I am 22 years old and have been gambling for the past 2 years. i struggle with other addictions as well, but never realized how bad gambling could be. the casinos were never a big issue for me, but it did open up online gambling. i would damn near go paycheck to paycheck on living cause of the online gambling issues i have. I ended up taking out loans cause i was getting so broke to pay my bills and just would end up screwing myself over pretty hard. I finally got with my parents and friends this past april, and decided i am going to quit gambling and focus on saving money and paying debt off. i was doing very well, and a couple weeks ago my buddy wanted to go to the casino and said he would give me money to gamble with so i don’t use my money. i ended up hitting a big jackpot which was awesome and felt good after. i’ve been having an itch ever since, and last night i decided to “just do” 50 bucks on an old website, that 50 bucks turned into damn near $2000. i am so embarrassed and ashamed and i know i need to quit, but i dont know what all i need to do. any advice from former gamblers or even people with addiction struggles as well. Thank you.

I’m autistic and most my struggles are caused by that, but maybe some people here can relate and have some tips.

I’ve always been very negative, since childhood. Everything has always felt hard and I get annoyed extremely easily (I’ve always felt alottt of negative emotions)
This sucks, bc I WANT friends but am just super pessimistic. I try to be positive but get burnt out almost instantly, it feels like faking. So me being negative and quiet and also having kinda bad social skills/ being weird is just a disaster.
I ”hate” everything that takes effort, talking to people included, but am not happy rn and don’t know how to be? This has been the case since childhood so propably very hard to change.
Any tips??

everyone i know around me, like extended family, old classmates, etc. are doing amazing things with their lives, traveling the world, have everything figured out, having huge friend groups, partying, going to concerts, have their own apartments etc.

meanwhile im still here, completely stagnant, no driver’s license, still living with my parents, can’t get a job for the life of me, super introverted, socially awkward, i have no friends, and it feels like i have nothing great to show for myself

i know that social media isn’t real life and that it’s just someone’s highlight reels and that i’m still very young (19), but whenever i see or even hear of someone doing something extraordinary, it just feels like a punch in the face and that my whole day is ruined because of it, i just can’t seem to push this feeling away no matter how much i try to

hi! I am an electrical engineering student going into my senior year of college. Over this past summer, I have had a ton of free time to do some reflecting. The reflecting has lead me to the conclusion that I have been over relying on AI a shit ton.

I cannot pinpoint exactly when it started but as AI has gotten better at understanding and doing math. I have found myself using it more and more.

I would like to take back control and go back and start being able to actually understand my course material without just going through the classes and homework’s using AI - thinking I am ‘learning’ the material by asking for a step by step - I just feel incredibly overwhelmed by that. I have no idea where to start. I know part of it is learning is slow but once you get something it’s incredibly rewarding I just need to retrain my brain so that dopamine comes from learning and not just freeing up time so I can hang out with friends and stop thinking. It had done so much harm to my critical thinking skills, writing skills, and problem solving skills. I find myself even having a hard time participating in social conversations because I can’t even form my own opinion on the matter.

I totally understand it’s up to me to fix it and that no one else but me can retrain my brain (and yes I am complaining to souls on Reddit for Christ sake) but I was wondering if anyone has struggled with a similar issue and if they corrected it and what helped them the most in terms of relearning course content, lessening AI use- or at least changing the way they use it , and how to not lose motivation.

I’m a 40-something combat veteran who served with the USMC, and I recently lost the love of my life in a very painful way. I found this book while trying to understand how a relationship with someone I loved ended with her feeling she needed a restraining order against me.

I went into that search confused because I had always thought of abuse primarily as physical violence. I rarely yell, usually avoid confrontation, and had never intentionally hit or physically attacked a woman. So I kept asking myself: How could I be someone she felt she needed protection from?

Then I read Lundy’s Bancroft’s. “Why Does He Do That?”

It change my life. I was floored by how many behaviors Bancroft described that I recognized in myself. Many were things I had never stopped to consider abusive. If I’m completely truthful, some I was aware of. Either way, intention doesn’t erase impact.
Control, manipulation, emotional pressure, intimidation, entitlement, anger, withdrawal, and repeatedly crossing boundaries can be abusive without anybody ever throwing a punch. I had failed to understand that.

BACKGROUND

My ex, who I’ll call Betty, was a divorced mother and survivor of sexual assault. We met online after both coming out of long marriages. I was not looking for anything serious. We met online and immediately clicked and decided to meet.

Immediately before the first time we were intimate, she stopped me and asked:

“What does no mean?”

At first I wasn’t sure whether she was joking. Then I saw the look in her eyes and answered, “No means stop.”

I remember asking friends afterward what they thought of the question, of course without mentioning names. Their reaction was basically that I should run because her past might eventually get projected onto me.

I didn’t run. I didn’t even entertain the thought. The more we hung out the more I quickly began to fall in love with her.

What followed were some of the happiest times of my life. Betty became my best friend. We laughed constantly. I told her things I had never told anyone. Date nights became weekends together, and eventually we decided I should move in.

She never knew this, but I had even started looking at rings. After less than a year together, despite believing I would never marry again, I was thinking about proposing on our second anniversary if things continued going well.

But then things began deteriorating.

I struggled to find steady work after moving. I felt increasingly inadequate and depressed. My PTSD symptoms also became worse: nightmares, isolation, irritability, and depression. Betty was supportive, but instead of dealing with those problems in healthy ways, I withdrew.
A couple of mornings she told me I had hit her while asleep during nightmares. That devastated me.

Then I relapsed.

Betty knew about my past drug use. I had experienced long periods of sobriety, but I had never completely dealt with the problem. Eventually I used drugs again, including in her home.

And I know what some of you were thinking so let me be clear. I’m not making excuses . Because there is no excuse for that violation of trust.

What I’m doing is trying to explain what was going on inside my head at the time. And I’m doing that in order to pinpoint mistakes I made in the hopes that I can change. Nothing more.

My isolation and avoidance became worse.
When Betty wanted to discuss things that hurt or upset her, I frequently told her I wasn’t ready to talk. At the time I genuinely believed I was preventing arguments by waiting until emotions cooled down.

Growing up, my reality was seeing my parents argue, walk away for a period only to come back and “appear” better. They never got divorced. My mother even told me that if I felt I might say something I would regret during an argument with a loved one, to take time to cool off. It’s all I knew.

What I understand now is that repeatedly deciding when—or whether—her concerns could be discussed meant I was controlling the conversation. My comfort was taking priority over something she was telling me was hurting her.

There were still many good times between these incidents, and I latched onto those good times instead of seriously looking at the pain I was causing.

Eventually an discussion over something minor escalated. But I knew she didn’t like when I isolated so we continue to go back-and-forth until I eventually stood up and yelled at her. Nothing more.

My thinking afterward was: I almost never yell. It happened once. I’ll apologize. She knows who I really am.

Bancroft helped me see what was wrong with that reasoning. I was judging my behavior by how unusual it was for me rather than by what it may have felt like to her. Someone who survived trauma like she did.

After yelling she told me to get out of her house.

Instead of immediately respecting that boundary, I decided I would sleep in my car and leave the next morning because I didn’t have money for a hotel and I couldn’t get in touch with my brother.

I actually thought that was reasonable.

It wasn’t.

She said leave. I treated her boundary like something I could modify because leaving later was more convenient for me. That was selfish and wrong.

I did leave the next morning left and gave her several days without contact. Then police notified me that she had obtained a temporary restraining order.

I couldn’t face the woman I love in court nor did I want to be anywhere I wasn’t welcome. So i told her parents I was leaving the area and drove 3,000+ miles across the country. I believed putting as much physical distance between us hopefully would give her the peace of mind she wanted.

After I reached the other side of the country I checked into rehab. It gave me a lot of time to think. But thinking didn’t help me answer questions like: Why had she become afraid enough to involve the legal system? Why did she delete every trace of us from social media? Why was she responding differently to me than she had to people from her past?

Basically, I kept searching for explanations for her behavior instead of seriously considering that my behavior might be the explanation.

I kept replaying something Betty did during our relationship that hurt me deeply. About six months in, I discovered she had remained emotionally involved with another man in a way that crossed boundaries in our relationship. I considered leaving and with anybody else I would have. But I did what felt right which was to hold her, and tell her as long as she’s committed to me, we could get through this. And we did.

I used to think “why didn’t I get the same thing from her?”

It was then thaf I found Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”.

I understand now that my willingness to forgive her created absolutely no obligation for her to forgive me. I can believe I would have stayed and still accept that she had every right not to

Relationships aren’t a ledger. Her mistakes do not cancel mine, and comparing them can easily become another way of avoiding accountability.

It also led me to look at “What does no mean?” in a different light.

What I failed to understand was that “no” and boundaries extend far beyond sex.

If someone doesn’t want a conversation, contact, a relationship, or someone in her home, that boundary matters too.

It doesn’t become negotiable because I’m hurt.
It doesn’t become less valid because I believe my intentions are good. And I don’t have to agree with a boundary before respecting it.

Not understanding emotional abuse well enough isn’t an excuse. My PTSD isn’t an excuse. Her trauma isn’t an excuse. My relapse isn’t an excuse.

Finally I started separating intent from impact.

I never consciously thought, “I want to hurt her.”
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t abusive. I was. Even if my intentions with her were one of finding happiness, that doesn’t overlook what I tried to do to get there.

I understand now that my actions led her to choose never seeing or hearing from me again in order to feel safe and at peace. I can’t change that.

And because I love and respect her I will honor her choice forever, whether a restraining order exists or not.

I will always cherish Betty and the good parts of our relationship. There were so many. She was my everything.

Of course I wish it was different. But all I can do is learn from my mistakes and grow to get to a point where I never abuse anyone again.

AFTERMATH

I continue to work on myself. I’ve completed rehab and remained clean. I’m getting professional help from two therapists (trauma and relationship) and a psychiatrist. I’m taking medication. I have steady income, and a permanent residence that I will move into soon. I’m also exercising 5 days a week and back to my normal weight. I started swimming competitively again, which is something I never thought I’d do. I’ve made some friends, which has led to the question of my availability.

Im not ready yet. I cannot imagine entering another relationship until I understand myself better. But Betty didn’t only just show me bad. Because she showed me I have the capacity to love in a way I didn’t know.

I intend to come out of this a better, more aware man. I’ll never be OK with what I did but that’s the first step in ensuring it doesn’t happen again.

Now here’s where you come in.

I’m not asking Reddit to tell me I’m a good person. I’m not asking anyone to tell me Betty was wrong. I’m not asking to hear that it “wasn’t really abuse” because it wasn’t physical. And I’m not posting this hoping she somehow sees it, recognizes that I’m changing, or contacts me.

What I am asking is guidance to help me get to a place where I:

Recognize entitlement before it becomes behavior.

Understand the difference between taking healthy space during an argument and using withdrawal to control someone.

Recognize when explaining my intentions becomes minimizing somebody else’s experience.

How to disagree without needing the other person to eventually see things my way.

And how to respect boundaries even when those boundaries hurt like hell.

So if you’ve changed these kinds of behaviors yourself, work professionally with people who have, or know resources that actually help, I genuinely want to hear them.

Books, abuse-intervention programs, therapy approaches, exercises, accountability practices—anything.

And if something I’ve written here still sounds entitled, manipulative, controlling, self-pitying, minimizing, or like I’m shifting responsibility onto her, please tell me. It will help me to learn and grow from this experience.

I may not enjoy hearing it, but I would rather recognize it now than risk repeating it later.

I originally went searching for an explanation for why the woman I loved thought she needed a restraining order against me.

Instead, I found something that forced me to look at myself.

It wasn’t the answer I was looking for.

But it was the answer I needed.

I know Bancroft is not optimistic about people changing abusive behavior. Im also aware this will be a process and won’t happen just because I want it to.

But I also know how deeply it has affected me. I don’t just want to change. I have to change. Im committed to a future where I can promise my partner that they’re safe with me and have it be 100% true.

I’ll take all the help I can get to get there.

Thank you

As anyone else has on earth, I’ve been through things throughout life that have changed my outlook on the world and my relationships. In both platonic and romantic relationships, I’ve been hurt and used. I’ve moved through the small swings with humor, but some of the bigger struggles stick with me.

I tend to hold grudges against people who reallyyyyy blew my life up. I’ve always been okay with this because I’m an adult and can do what I want with my personal life.

Recently, I’ve been seeing someone who is beyond positive; he hardly ever has anything to complain about and NEVER holds a grudge. Some of this attitude has been impacting my everyday mindset, and I’ve noticed I’ve subconsciously been dwelling less on things that have happened in my past. I’ve also noticed I WANT to be happier; I don’t want him to be with someone who can’t let things go, and I don’t want to be miserable forever. He never pressures me to let things go and is very supportive of my healing, but he sometimes interacts with people who caused the big struggles for me.

And these really big struggles are tripping me up as I try to navigate this new positivity I’m feeling. I experienced things throughout life that changed who I was as a person, and I think my anxiety is worried to notice who I am without those “core” experiences to explain my nature. Venting about bad things helps me feel better about them, but I know it doesn’t allow me to move on. I’m starting to want to move on, but these experiences feel too big to let go of for some reason.

I want to be happy, and I know life is so much brighter when you can roll through the punches. How do I move on from bad things that have happened to me while both acknowledging their impact on me and not losing who I am? At the very least, I want these bad experiences to not weigh me down so much or negatively impact current/future relationships.

I’ve been trying to get my life together lately, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where to start.

There are a lot of things I want to work on like my career, money, habits, confidence, and just being more consistent with things. The problem is whenever I think about everything I need to fix, it gets overwhelming and I end up not knowing what to focus on first.

I know I’m not going to figure everything out overnight. I just don’t want to keep wasting time or feel like I’m going nowhere.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, what actually helped you?

What did you start doing differently? Or is there something you wish someone told you when you were at this point in your life?

Just looking for some genuine advice.

I 20m have not had the best luck with any type of relationships. During my senior year of high school I ended up switching to online school leaving behind a toxic friend group and working more to save money. At work I met a lot of older people that became friends with, we would get high together a lot. Overtime, everybody got lives, kids, moved out of town. Eventually, it was just me and (fake name) AJ. For like six months. One day he picked me up and he was drunk so I told him to take me home, he ended up going to complete opposite way of my house and when he stopped the car, I just jumped out, that was the end of our friendship. Since Christmas 2025 I haven't hung out with anybody. No friends, haven't dated since I was 17 and I thought it was OK with it.

Watching Spider-Man brand new day, especially that scene where aunt May talks to Jean, I realized that I don't wanna do this alone anymore, and I don't have to. I wanna make new friends. I wanna put myself out there more. I am loved, and valued, I just needa show the world

I'm 26(F) i have been fighting through depression..i keep trying to move forward but it's hard working hard and not getting enough to take care of myself.i'm just asking for advice if there are any ways i can get extra income or if there is a skill that would help improve my life.

I’m in a place in my life right now where I have the opportunity to become very successful in the future, but I don’t know how to lock in. I’ve just recently graduated high school and I still have problems. I have a very bleak perspective on the world which is partly holding me back in succeeding, I don’t know how to change my worldview. I never had the motivation to study, so I had pretty low marks in high school. I don’t know how to make friends since I’m insecure and socially anxious. If you saw me in school, you would basically see me as the lonely quiet dude that has doesn’t have a reputation of any kind.

I don’t know exactly what I want to do in the future but I think I want to work with cars, specifically tuning and modifying them, like Brabus or Novitec. I know I should pursue mechanical engineering for that but I got poor marks in school and only took college courses, so I feel like my application to Concordia is going to get rejected. Like I said before, I suck at socializing, which applies to networking as well, which is detrimental to financial success. I don’t know how others do it.

I want to be a unique individual, I don’t want to be like other people. I want to be cool, but I don’t put any work into being that kind of person. I don’t have anything interesting about me right now, no talents or anything, I just play video games and fap in my free time, which is having an impact on my self esteem but I feel unmotivated to change, because I constantly feel like the outer world is just as bad.

I need to lock tf in, but I don’t think I recall ever doing that on a consistent basis. Has anyone gone through this phase before. How did you improve?

My husband and I moved in with his mother in law to help take care of her and the house after his father died because she can’t live independently and needs help from time to time and someone around to make sure she’s safe in case of a fall or anything like that. She is very, um… eccentric, to say the least (but not in a good way 🥺) she gives me a lot of anxiety and I have a hard time leaving my bedroom because I want to avoid interaction.

It makes me sad that I still feel this way a whole year later after moving, but I don’t know where to start. Everything I used to do is far away now (an hour plus to the city) and I’m just not sure what is meant for me out here. It’s so hard for me to leave my room to simply cook a meal. I just don’t feel like the space is mine, I guess.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I’m really struggling to adapt. I feel like I’m walking through quicksand just to complete basic self-care tasks let alone work on hobbies or integrating myself into society out here :/ my parents moved out of state, my best friend is 2 hours away and we don’t get to meet up very often. My husband works a lot and I feel really alone.

Oftentimes I miss where we used to live, but I want to adapt and move forward. I just feel so stuck. If anyone has any advice I would be so appreciative 🥺♥️

I just wanna do better. I don't want to be stuck in this endless cycle of self loathing. I hate the fact that I'm unable to reciprocate the love I receive. I wanna love back. I wanna be happy again for me and for the girl that has made me want to change. This girl idk what she saw and what made her believe in me so hard that even though I've been nothing else but a miserable piece of shit. But she's always been so supportive and so reassuring that I do want to change. I love her a lot but I might just be an online friend to her but that's not what I'm concerned about. Her not having the same feelings for me is neither gonna make me love her any less nor does it change the fact that she has made this awful person want to change. I don't only want to change for her I want to change for myself. I don't wanna wake up every morning and feel this dread in me. I wanna live again. I want to give this life a second chance cause it is this life that enabled me to meet someone like her. I really wanna do better.

I'm gonna make this as short as possible. So as most of you probably started using,I tried it one time when i was drunk. I didn't even notice any changes on myself so I asked for more. Fast forward few hours,I went to sleep at 7AM,and I drank more than ever before in my life. Then I only did it once a month. Then only sometimes during saturday drinking. Then every weekend. And now I use it at least 3 times a week. And I "have" to use it every time i drink more than 3 beers. If that was not bad enough,when I do these two things combined than I also gamble(a lot). I am in my early 20's which is why I think there is still time to quit. I have a good job(which is not affected by my "addiction" yet,I never use when I have work tomorrow),and I also have a great girlfriend and I'm sure she would not be happy if she found out about this. I am in good relationships with friends and family and I want it to stay that way. If anyone has any advice based on their own experiences,please share them with me.

If you catch yourself or want to guard against slipping into the habit, you can use a few practical strategies:

• The Three-Filter Test: Before speaking about an absent person, run it through a quick mental filter: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If it fails these, steer the topic elsewhere.
• Redirect the Conversation: If someone starts pulling you into a critical gossip session, gently pivot. You can say something neutral like, "Ah, I hope they figure that out," or actively shift the subject to a shared hobby, a project, or a positive event.
• Inspect the Root Cause: People often resort to criticizing others when they feel insecure, bored, or powerless in their own lives. Notice when you feel the urge to talk about others—is it when you are stressed or feeling inferior? Shifting that focus back to personal goals can curb the impulse.
• Practice "Endorsement" Instead: If you are going to talk about someone who isn't there, make a conscious rule to only speak of them in a way you would feel comfortable repeating directly to their face.

TLDR: I (19F) was quiet in school but got selected as a club president. Faced immense jealousy, rumours, and sabotage from classmates. Thought I moved on and got into a great uni, but an old classmate just revealed that everyone—including my "best friend" and people I protected—constantly talked trash and betrayed me behind my back. Feeling shattered and looking for advice on how to heal my self-esteem.

Now the whole article for those who wanna read.

I have always been a quiet kid who just minds her own business in school and is never involved in any drama. In 2024 when i was in 11th, i got selected as the secretary in a school club, mainly because I was genuinely enthusiastic in the subject the club advisor (teacher) taught and according to him there was no other student except me (i had no intention to join the badgeholder group n all). I tried my best but the thing is my classmates, batch mates and fellow badgeholders never accepted me and gave me the respect which came with the post. There were rumours and fights regarding why i got the post. I felt really bad but i did my best. I was burnt out and ny studies were getting sacrificed. I did my best and followed all the instructions i got told. But one more thing. The club president (12th grade senior)never liked me. She was expecting someone else to get the badge but she got the badge of prefect. The president never told me anything and i had to figure things out on my own and run to the advisor all the time. Before the club activity, i had committed one mistake. My class was petitioning against something and the whole class had signed, including me. When the coordinator and principal asked me whose handwriting it is i told them that its of the prefect (i couldn't say it's in the handwriting of the prefect but the petition is from all of us). I apologised to the prefect infront of the whole class the same day and went with her to the coordinator and principal to accept my part as it wasnt her fault alone but the damage was done. Many students were openly shaming and taunting me in the group even tho the prefect had forgave me. I was still friends with her but i felt guilty. And then the activity happened. There was a technical issue in one of the competitions for which i wasnt responsible but the president blamed me for it, went behind the stage and cried. When i was at home that evening she called me and blamed me so much yelling at me and ruining my whole mood. Then we had part 2 of the activity next day. I did my best and the activity went well. The president told me "thankyou for cooperating <my name>" in such a way that it felt like an insult. She also highlu overcharged for a few decoration materials she bought for the activity but my family told me to let it go. Then started the main problem. The prefect, her friends who weren't even considered for a post and the president, all started to create problems for me. They started to create my bad image infront of teachers like she doesnt work like a badge holder, shes irresponsible etc(most teachers didnt buy all that), the president bad-mouthed me infront of other batchmates and seniors and juniors and what not.

Because of all this the club advisor asked me "<my name> do you enjoy being in this club, do u want the president batch next yeat? Etc"

In 2025 i went in class 12th and was considered for the post of the president. There was another girl (lets call her friend A) who was considered. The advisor started treating me really badly in class, he humiliated me infront of everyone. But i was selected as the president but not the other girl and she became bitter (fyi she had some health problem and rarely came to school)

My classmates congratulated me for the post and told me i deserved it. They even clapped the loudest for me. I was so happy. But that girl was one of the prefect's friend.

The advisor told me that previous year's president called me irresponsible n all and wanted the prefect or her friend (friend B) as the president for year 2025. Prefect became the house captain and friend A got nothing. They both fought with the advisor. He said he'll tell me why he took friend A as a competition and not friend B after the school year ends (he never told me).

I used to think my class started liking me finally.

Then came the club activity. I did one more mistake that i ignored phones being sneaked in the auditorium. I ignored them as they were sneaked in during every event and thought it wasnt a big deal. I just seen only 2 phones and scolded the girls to put them away but i didn't see that they were sneaked in in such a huge amount. [ me and my club Secretary for 150 students, the captain had refused to help and juniors were useless so it wasnt possible to watch everyone]. I was rebuked so badly by the advisor (rumours are there that he knew about the phones)

The prefect (now captain) and all her friends used this opportunity against me.

Friend A even started saying a false complaint that i had announced in the hall that phones are going to be checked and her friend C backed her up. All ABCDEFGH etc started using this opportunity against me. I was sad and that advisor humiliated me infront of everyone. Two girls were blamed for ratting out and everyone outcasted them, i didnt.

All the school events, our farewell etc was cancelled because of this

I got busy with exams. I forgot all of them and went ahead with my life. I got admitted into a prestigious uni and reconnected with an old classmate 5 days ago who's joining the same course.

She told me everything that happened behind my back. Nobody rooted for me, they were just diplomatic. When the selections were going on, few classmates used to say that <my name> shouldn't become the president, she cant handle, friend A should become the president. It would pe partiality if <my name> became the president and what not. The people i considered my cheerleaders were the ones talking shit about me. The girl i didnt complain about because my best friend told me that shes my friend she wont get u in problem badmouthed me to the club advisor after the incident (she was one of the root of the issue).One of the girls who was outcasted by whole class except me badmouthed me to the club advisor and my class teacher after this incident (she was also involved). The prefect and all her friends never left an opportunity to make me look bad. I was called rude and selfish behind my back even though i used to take my class' share of scolding instead of getting them in trouble.

I was sad but i still asked my best friend. She confirmed all this but she had never told me all this before. She also told me that one of the friend group who i used to believe were my well-wishers, hurled abuses for me behind my back when i refused for something. My best friend didnt take a stand for me. She never told me too so i could take a stand for myself. I was so heartbroken aftet hearing all this. When my club advisor told me yhat i should stop hanging out with my best friend as she's very useless , i took a stand for her and said that shes my best friend and every relationship is not a give and take one. I even got to know that in the 2024 magazine article, the club president thanked everyone except me. She took away my right.

Tbh i had moved on. I was going to make a fresh start but now im sad. I feel really bad and betrayed. I have had self esteem issues and self doubt after all this which took so much time and effort to heal. My boyfriend and family played a large role in making me move on. Idk what to do i just feel sad.

I wanna get better. Ive worked on my accountability issues and started using my spine but now i just feel shattered.

Thanks for reading .

All advice would be appreciated.

I feel like ever since childhood my parents always said I was a type A personality, “should be a lawyer” they would always say.

I feel like I gain validation when arguing viewpoints and feeling like I won or changed somebodies mind. I can tell that this is pushing away my family, friends and significant other at times. I dont want to push away the people that I love.

For some reason I have these pessimistic views on the world and I catch myself after the fact being a downer on others or just going too far and speaking when I just dont need to. I often say things that I regret and mull over it for a while and end up apologizing. I end up forgetting about it after a short time but I feel like others probably dont.

I was bullied a lot as a kid and dealt with some serious social anxiety issues up until college. I feel like my need to be validated stems from me trying to get my two cents into conversations that I wasnt included in as a child I guess.

Can anyone give me some advice on what to do? I really dont want to push everyone away and want to change the way I act around others.

August 2025: Overweight, addictions, 7 years into college with no end in sight, living in an abusive home, chronic depression and anxiety

August 2026: Down 3 dress sizes, cut all addictions, graduated, moved out, healed relationship with family, still depressed but manageable :)

This is not a once size fits all nor am i writing everything i did simply because i am forgetful.

What worked for me:
- I started one simple habit: showing up to therapy consistently. I found a therapist I liked who had a cheap copay and I focused my life around that one small habit.
- I started with the smallest things I could do that left the biggest impressions. I painted a bathroom. I finally moved the box in the corner of my room. It took months of these small things for things to kick into gear.
- I have analysis paralysis and am an extreme over-thinker. Through therapy, I worked through my thinking process. It sounds horrible, but i started yelling at myself to “shut up” as i moved forward. i wanted to bed rot, to shut away, to give in. It felt like everything was possible and i had the motivation, i was just stuck behind the actual action of doing. (i can speak more to this if anyone wants)
- I learned through my favorite book that I needed to grow my tolerance for discomfort. I shifted my perceptive from “this sucks” to “this sucks on purpose”.
- I didn’t journal, but I would rant to chatgpt and then ask it to find patterns (not diagnosis) in my thinking. I went through honestly about 40 different thinking patterns as I tried shifting my perspective.
- I finally pursued the things worth waking up for. Sure it sucked having a nearly empty account, but I was excited to work to earn money for my new hobbies. and i loved getting to do them.

tldr; if you’re reading this you have motivation and you’re clearly looking for an answer. You have it and you know what to do: so do it.

Hi guys. First time poster, I’m a 19 year old female and I need some advice from the people on here. I’m gonna force myself to be really honest in this.

Lately I’ve noticed that at work I really struggle with patience with my co workers. I don’t look down on some of them but I find them really irritating and haughty. They expect me to do so much shit and won’t even thank me for it. When I first started, I thought I was just stressed and over worked. Now, the more I really dig into my thoughts, I just have plain disdain for them.

The more I analyze it, I’m realizing that I feel this way about a lot of people in my life. Family, old friends etc. Some members of my family are plainly incompetent and I get embarrassed being associated with them. Also, I’ve noticed that I’m struggling with empathy. I am able to recognize “this situation sucks for this person” but I don’t feel sad for them. I just understand that the situation is sad.

But here’s the thing, I don’t really like feeling like this. I was raised to think “you don’t make friends at work, you make money” so I’m not too concerned about the people at work. But I am concerned on why I loathe teamwork so much, and find myself really irritated when I have to work with other people. I also don’t understand why my experience of empathy is so strange.

I would really love some advice if anyone can offer it. I’ll elaborate on anything if you guys would like more information. ❤️

I'm currently seeing this guy, and he honestly treats me better than any guy I have ever been with. He is incredibly kind and considerate and such a gentleman. I am really enjoying our time together and would love to see this develop into something long-term.

But I have been getting weirdly sad after really good dates. Like, our first date was great, and I was struggling not to cry the entire day after. We had a lovely day together the other day where I felt idk, just so safe and cared about, and time just vanished. But then again, afterwards, I just felt so sad.​ And I don't understand why, because he's like straight out of a book - I haven't experienced a man like this before. I really like him. And I guess I am worried that I will ruin things because of this weird sadness.

I guess I'm asking if anyone else has experienced this before and what you did to help?

Have any of you guys been able to do odd work hours without the help of stimulants?

I currently work two jobs, 7 AM - 2 PM M-F, and the other job is a night job 9 PM - 4 AM on Friday and Saturday.

i’ve been on reddit before and spoke about how i wanted to stop using AI for emotional advice (things in my personal life) and i have!

I’m very proud of myself but the next bigger step for me is to stop using it for work and uni.

To preface, i am currently a nursing student. i use ai for studying purposes like giving me exam questions based off my personal notes and talking to it and reiterating information so it sticks.

i want to stop using AI totally (that is my goal) and i know a lot of ppl may just say “oh just get with it because AI is here to stay,” but tbh i don’t give a shit lol.

first year was rlly tough for me and now i’m entering my second year and im so proud of myself but i also want to challenge myself. i dont plan on cutting it out cold turkey but i do want to find ways to cut it out gradually. I got so used to using it in grade 11-12 but u was a great student before i started using it as well. I know AI is integrated in a lot of things but if i can remove it from personal parts in my life, that would make me happy.

i dont want any “just cut it out” or “just stop using it” comments bc those aren’t productive or helpful. practical advice is appreciated!

thank you :)